chubby bunny

Trusting Mr Wrong.

我遭遇了渣男。

I was 27 when I fell in love, hard, for the first time. I’ve never been in a relationship before. I was always the ‘nerd’ with her no buried in the middle of a book. Then this guy at work started courting me (in the Philippines, we still do courtship). He swept me off my feet and after 4 months we were officially together. After another 2 months I lost my virginity to him.

我27岁的时候第一次坠入了爱河。我以前从没谈过恋爱。我一直是个埋头看书的书呆子。然后有个同事开始向我求爱(在菲律宾，我们现在还有“求爱”这一环节)。他让我神魂颠倒，四个月后我们正式在一起了。又过了两个月，我把第一次给了他。

He never once ud a condom becau he doesn’t like the feeling so it was up to me to manage not getting pregnant the natural way. I never thought of getting some form of protection for mylf when there are already so many options from pills to injectables. Then one night, I KNEW it was not safe if we do it becau the risk is too high. But he begged me and I gave in. And I was right. First week of August 2014, I took my first ever pregnancy test and with trembling fingers, found out I’m pregnant.

他从未使用过避孕套，因为他不喜欢这种感觉，所以避孕的任务就落到我头上。从药片到注射，已经有这么多的选择了，我从来没有想过要为自己提供某种形式的保护。然后有一天晚上，我明知道这样做是不安全的，因为风险太高了。但他求我了，我让步了。我的感觉是对的。2014年8月的第一周，我做了第一次验孕，手指颤抖着，我发现自己怀孕了。

I called him and told him the news. He said he’s happy and I was relieved. Somehow we’ll weather this, I thought to mylf. Throughout my first trimester, it was just a roller coaster. One time he suggested abortion. I asked him why he would suggest that? He said it ems I’m not ready to be a mother. And I thought: Really, asshat? You’re the one who has become non-existent and unsupportive. Just becau I’m crying all the time becau of hormones it means I don’t want to be or am not ready to be a mother? I ignored that red flag. I ignored a lot of things.

我打电话告诉他这个消息。他说他很高兴，我也松了一口气。无论如何我们会挺过去的，我心想。整个前三个月，我的生活就像坐过山车一样。有一次他建议堕胎。我问他为什么这么说?他说我还没准备好当妈妈。我想:真的吗，混蛋?你是那个对我来说已经不存在的、不支持我的人。就因为我一直因为荷尔蒙变化而哭泣就意味着我不想或者还没准备好当妈妈吗?我当时忽略了那个危险信号。我忽略了很多事情。

At 37 weeks, I went into labor. I called him and told him this. He won’t believe me and thought it’s not possible to go into labor before 40 weeks! What a douche! He won’t come and take me to the hospital. I was embarrasd that I had to call my mom and she had to travel 2 hours just to pick me up. After 16 gruelling hours, my daughter was born via C-ction. I remember exactly when the doctor placed her on my chest right after she was taken out of me (I was fully awake, felt my belly being wn back together! Yikes!). The doctors all exclaimed that she has a beautiful no. They called it matangos which means she has a more western no than most babies. One doctor even looked at my face to e if she got the no from me.

37周时，我开始分娩。我打电话告诉他了。他不相信我，认为不可能在40周之前分娩!这个臭流氓!他不会来送我去医院的。我不得不打电话给我妈妈，她不得不花两个小时来接我，这让我很尴尬。经过16个小时的煎熬，我的女儿通过剖腹产出生了。我清楚地记得医生把她放在我的胸部，就在她被取出我的身体之后(我完全清醒，感觉到我的腹部被缝合在一起!)天呀! !)医生们都说她的鼻子很漂亮。他们叫它matangos，意思是相对其他很多宝宝来说她的鼻子更像西方人。

We stayed in the hospital for 3 days but the biological father never came. He had so many excus. After that I went home with my parents. He visited only twice, first when my daughter was a month old and cond when she was two months old. Despite all, I stayed connected with him and tried to understand all his excus. He never provided for us, after 2.5 months I went directly back to work. I traveled 5 hours a day. I got home at 10pm and many nights I never slept becau she was a difficult baby. She cried constantly and woke up every 2 hours until she was 8 months old. I gained a lot of weight, I stopped taking care of mylf. Many times I wanted to die, while holding her and trying to stop her from crying at night. Every day was a struggle. And I had no one beside me to comfort me.

我们在医院呆了3天，但孩子的生父一直没有来。他有很多借口。之后我和父母一起回家。他只来过两次，第一次是我女儿一个月大的时候，第二次是她两个月大的时候。尽管如此，我还是和他保持联系，并试图理解他所有的借口。两个半月后，我直接回去工作了。我每天通勤5个小时，晚上10点才到家，很多个晚上我都睡不着，因为她是个难缠的孩子。她不停地哭，每两个小时醒来一次，直到8个月大。我胖了很多，不再关注自己。很多个夜里，当我抱着她，试着不让她在夜里哭的时候，我都想死。每一天都是一场挣扎。我身边没有人安慰我。

After 2 years of waiting for Mr Wrong, I decided I derve better. My daughter derves better. We don’t need baggage, we don’t need him in our lives. So I cut him off, stopped communicating. And today it’s been almost a year and I’ve proven that he never really cared enough for us - he never reached out once even though he knows where we are.

在等了那个负心汉两年之后，我决定我应该得到更好的。我女儿应该过得更好。我们不需要包袱，我们的生活也不需要他。所以我和他断了联系，不再沟通。现在已经快一年了，我证明了他从来没有真正关心过我们——即使他知道我们在哪里，他也从来没有联系过我们。

My last words to him, nt through a text message: I forgive you. Thank you for my Hannah. (I named my daughter Hannah which means grace in Hebrew.. her other name Freyja is more suitable for her though he he)

我给他的最后一句话是一条短信：我原谅你。谢谢你给我的汉娜。(我给女儿起名叫汉娜，希伯来语是“恩典”的意思。她的另一个名字Freyja（弗雷娅，司爱与美的女神）更适合她，不过呵呵了。)

And we’ve never looked back since then.

从那以后，我们再也没有回头找过他。

Hannah Freyja at 2 months old. Chubby bunny!Hannah Freyja两个月大。胖胖的小兔子!

June 2018; on our way to the playground2018年6月;在我们去操场的路上

She’s now 3 going on 30. I swear every day she surpris me. She is precocious, very active, very sociable and loves singing just like her mom. She brings joy to all our lives - especially her MommyLa (my mom) and DaddyLo (my dad) and Nanay (my grandma).

她现在3岁，我快30岁了。我发誓她每天都给我惊喜。她很早熟，很活跃，很善于交际，和她妈妈一样喜欢唱歌。她给我们所有人的生活都带来了快乐——尤其是她的姥姥(我妈妈)、姥爷(我爸爸)和奶奶(我的祖母)。

No matter how many times I look back, I can never regret trusting Mr Wrong. If it weren’t for that biggest mistake, I wouldn’t have my greatest blessing. My daughter turned my life around. She inspires me everyday to be the best version of mylf, to be patient, to be kind, to be positive even when things look so bleak. I can’t wait to e what we will accomplish together.

不管我回首多少次，我都不会后悔相信了那个错的人。如果不是因为那个最大的错误，我也不会得到我最大的祝福。我女儿改变了我的人生。她每天都激励我做最好的自己，要有耐心，要善良，即使事情看起来很惨淡也要积极向上。我迫不及待地想看到我们一起将会取得什么样的成就。

2018年7月;在我们惯常的摔跤比赛中她打败了我之后

2020年1月

She has started school and loves to draw photos and give them as gifts to everyone. She’s a 100% extrovert and full of energy.

她开始上学了，喜欢画画，并把它们作为礼物送给每个人。她是一个百分之百外向且充满活力的人。

That’s my grandma at the back who adores her great-granddaughter so so much.

坐在后面的是我奶奶她非常非常喜欢她的曾孙女。