最受读者欢迎的英语笑话汇总

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话汇总

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话汇总

笑话是指以一句短语或一个小故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑，或是产生幽默感，另外一个行动（动作）型的笑话是以动作影响人的视觉及观感，而感到好笑。以下是收集整理的最受读者欢迎的英语笑话作文，希望能够帮助到大家。

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话1

The doctor lives downstairs医生住在楼下

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you ud about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

它们是从美国直接带来的

Not long after an old Chine woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to e if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

He is really somebody他真是一个大人物

My uncle has 1000 men under him.

He is really somebody. What does he do?

A maintenance man in a cemetery.

我叔叔下面有1000个人。

他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

墓地守墓人。

请把胡子还给我

A man who sold brooms went into a barber’s shop to get shaved. The barber brought one of his brooms. After he had shaved him, he asked for the price of the brooms.

“Two pence,” said the man.

“No, no,” said the barber. “I will give you a penny, and if you don’t think that is enough, you may take your broom back!”

The man took it and asked what he had to pay his shave.

“A penny,” said the barber.

“I will give you a half penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.”

一个卖扫帚的人去理发店修面。理发师从他那里买了一把扫帚。当理发师给他修面后，问一下他扫帚的价格。

买扫帚的人说：“两个便士。”

“不，不。”理发师说：“ 我只出一个便士，如果你认为不够的话，可以把扫帚拿回去。”

卖扫帚的人拿回了扫帚，随后问修面要付多少钱。

“一便士。”理发师说。

卖扫帚的人说：“我给你半个便士，如果不够的话，请把我的胡子还给我。”

相亲

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had cretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excu to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

和盲约对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地!”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”

Boss's idea

When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

Becau the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job mylf.

Pleasantly surprid by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themlves first."

由于我的打印机不能打印出清晰的字来，我就打电话给维修部。电话是一位非常和蔼的男人接的，他说我的打印机也许只是需要清理一下。

他还说，如果让维修部清理的话要交50英镑的清理费，让我最好看看使用手册自己试着清理。

当时我真的被他的话感动了，就问他：“你们老板知道你这样拒绝生意么?”

“事实上，这就是我们老板的主意，”雇员答道：“因为如果我们让用户先自行修理打印机的话就能挣更多的钱。”

Talking on the Telephone

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

"You talk to people on the telephone and don't e them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.

The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't e him. He is listening though."

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗?”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”

就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么?”

The Name of a Poet

Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being ud in some schools today. It works like this, she said. Suppo you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns, for instance. She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman, a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns! I e what you mean, said the class know it all. But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?

我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。这个系统是这样的，她说，假定你要记住一个诗人的名字，例如，要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯，让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象，燃烧着的警察。明白吗?警察燃烧! 我明白你的意思，班上的万事通说，但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢?

谁欠谁钱

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loo and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation.

律师的狗，没有拴而到处闲逛，它来到一家肉店，偷走了一块 烤肉。店主来到律师的办公室，问道“如果一条没栓的狗从我的商店里偷了块肉，我有权利从狗的主人那里要回损失吗?律师答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50美元，你的狗没栓而且今天从我的店里头了块肉”，律师什么都没说，马上给他写了一张支票。一些天后，店主打开邮箱，发现一封来自律师的信，信上写 道：咨询费250美元。

a King from a Knave

George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit, Horne Tooke,whether he could play cards.Your Majesty, replied Tooke, I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from a Knave.

乔治三世问一度大名鼎鼎的才子霍恩·***克，会不会玩纸牌。陛下，***克回答说：在玩纸牌方面，我只不过是幼儿园的水平。我甚至分不清国王和无赖。

婚礼上有长官在

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.""But ,officer, I ….""I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky becau the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.""Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."

大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。“保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。“但是，警察，我……”。“我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。”“你确定”在牢房里的.这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

Goethe's ToleranceGoe

the was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, I'll never make way for a fool. But I will, with that Goethe retreated aside.

一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的一条狭窄小道上散步，碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道：我从来不给傻瓜让路。 可我给，说完歌德退到了一边。

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话2

Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.

三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。

Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.

它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。

The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."

于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“你回家去取伞吧。”

The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."

最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

"We won't," the other two promid.

“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。

Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."

两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”

Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."

正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话3

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why u my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”

“天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧?”

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话4

Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Obrvers waited for mayhem to ensue.

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"

The store on the left raid bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".

中间战术

三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。

右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。

Very Plead to Meet You

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of cour met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for veral months.

Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."

"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."

"I‘m very plead to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"

在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在***营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大***营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括***官和士兵。

一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了***官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。

后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个***官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。

琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望***官汉弗雷斯。”

“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。

“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”

“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”

Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the cond one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.

Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"

Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

George said, "Plea put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"

***营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”

比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。

乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。

这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”

比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。

乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。

“你还要什么?”比尔问。

乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprid.

"How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

大五个月

第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参***，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以***医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。

可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个***医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。

“你多大了?”***医问。

“十八，长官。”约翰说。

“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”

约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”

West Point

My father, brother and I visited West Point to e a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly presd uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would po for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to po for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he misd by not coming to West Point."

父亲、哥哥和我到西点***校去观看一场陆***与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出***姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点***校来学习会得到什么。”

一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点***校错过了什么。”

Prent for Girlfriend

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a prent for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.

The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can u it again."

送给女友的礼物

在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。

那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话5

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.

一个被告卷入了一桩牵涉大笔资金的诉讼案，他去找他的律师。

A:If I lo this ca, I'll be ruined.

如果我输了这场官司，我就完了。

B:It's in the judge's hand now.

这事掌握在法官的手上。

A:Would it help if I nt the judge a box of cigars?

如果我给法官送一箱雪茄，会不会起点作用?

B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.

哦.不会的!这位法官很固执，非常注意职业道德。这种花招只会让他对你产生偏见，他甚至会认为你蔑视法庭。事实上，你甚至都不用对他微笑。

With in the cour of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,

最后，法官作了一个有利于被告的判决，当被告离开法院时。

A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.

谢谢你关于雪茄的忠告，这很管用。

B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd nt them.

如果你送了的话，我肯定会输掉这场官司。

A:But did nd them.

但是我的确送了。

B:What? You did?!

什么?你送了?!

A:Yes.That's how we won the ca.

对，这就是我们会赢这场官司的原因。

B:I don't understand.

我不明白。

A:It's easy.I nt the cigars to the judge,but enclod the plaintiff's business card.

这很简单，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一张名片。

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话6

On my first day of class at my university I took a front-row at in my literature cour.

大学的第一天，文学课我坐在了前排。

The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choo.

教授告诉我们这学期必须得读五本书，他提供我们可供选择的作者名单。

Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."

随后他缓步走上讲台，拿出课本，“贝克、布莱克、布鲁斯、卡特、库克…”

I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."

为了写下所有的名字，我不得不疯狂的作着记录。这时有人轻轻的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的学生悄悄告诉我：“他在点名呢。”

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话7

Do You Know My Work?

One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their nigh clothes. Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.

“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don’t think of money when they’re afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find.No one will be poorer becau I took them.” “You don’t know my work，” said the other. “What is your work?” “I’m a policeman.

“Oh!” cried the first man. He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work?”“No，”said the policeman. “I’m a writer. I’m always telling stories about things that never happened.”

你知道我是干什么的吗?

一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来，趣味英语：笑话三则。 两个人站在外面，看着大火。

“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。” “你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。 “你是干什么的?”

“我是警察。”

“噢!”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的?”“不知道。”警察说。 “我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”

Who is the laziest

Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?

Jack:I don`t know ,father.

Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?

Jack:Our teacher ,father.

谁是最懒惰的

爸爸：杰克，我今天已经和你的老师谈过了，现在我想问你，谁是你们班上最懒的人?

杰克：我不知道，爸爸

爸爸：你再好好想想，当别的同学都在读书写字的时候，谁楞在那儿仅仅是看着其他人?

杰克：是我们的老师，爸爸

What Is a Traitor?

Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics?”

Father(a veteran politician)：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.”

Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?”

Father：“A convert，my son.”

什么叫叛徒?

有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫***治叛徒?”

父亲(一位老资格的***治家)：“叛徒指的是离开我们***而加入到另一个***的人，中小学英语《趣味英语：笑话三则》。”

有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的***而加入到我们***的人又叫什么呢?”

父亲：“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话8

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collaps. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"

两个猎人在森林里打猎，突然一人晕倒了。他的呼吸停止，眼神呆滞。另外一个人掏出手机，拨打911。

“我想我的朋友死了！”他喊道，“我该怎么办？”

接线员说：“请冷静。首先，请确认他是否真的死了。”接着一阵沉寂，然后是一声***响。回到电话中，猎人接着说：“好了，然后呢？”

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话9

A small boy and his father were having a walk in the country when it suddenly began to rain very hard． They did not have their umbrella with them， and there was nowhere to hide from the rain， so they were soon very wet， and the small boy did not feel very happy． For a long time while they were walking home through the rain， the boy was thinking． Then at last he turned to his father and said to him，“Why does it rain， Father？ It isn't very nice， is it？” “No， it isn't very nice， but it's very uful，Tom，”answered his father．“It rains to make the fruit and the vegetables grow for us， and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep．” Tom thought about this for a few conds， and then he said，“Then，why does it rain on the road too， Father？”

一个小男孩和他的父亲正在乡间行走，突然下起了大雨。 他们没带伞，加上四下无处可以躲雨，所以很快他们浑身上下被淋湿了，小男孩感到很不好受。 他们在雨中朝家走去，有好一会儿，那个男孩一直在思索着什么。后来终于他朝父亲转过脸去，问他说：“爸爸，为什么天会下雨呢？下雨可不太好，是吧？” “是呀，下雨是不太好，可是下雨也有很多有益的地方，汤姆。”父亲回答说。“老天爷下雨促使了为我们所食用的水果和蔬菜的生长，同样也促使牛羊所吃的青草的生长。” 汤姆对父亲的这番话想了一会，然后说：“那么，父亲，老天爷为什么还要把雨下在路上呢？”

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话10

What Are The Two Words？A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter．“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me．I wish you would promi me never to u two words．One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’．Would you promi me that？ “Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl．“What are the two words？”

一个非常高贵的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。“我亲爱的，”老夫人说：“我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词。一个是‘讨厌的’，另一个是‘极好的’。你能答应我吗？” “噢，当然，奶奶。”女孩说：“是哪两个词？”

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话11

A School-report The father was reading the school-report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful as he read: "English, poor, French, weak, mathematics, mathematics, Fair," and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad. "Wall, Dad." Said the son, "it is not as good as it might be, but have you en that?" And he pointed to the next line, which read: "Health excellent."

学期总结 父亲正在读儿子刚刚交给他的学期总结，他的儿子满怀希望的看着他，而他则生气的读着学期总结："英语,差;法语,中;数学,良."然后,他厌恶地看着那个正在抖动着身子的小子."恩,老爸."儿子说:"那没有达到本来应该达到的优秀水平，不过你没看到那儿?"他指着下一行，读到："健康状况，优秀。" 鲜艳)

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话12

who want to go to heaven

The preacher was vexed becau a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the rmon.

As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the rmon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, plea ri." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be ated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All tho who want to be with the devil, plea ri."

Awaking with a start , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。

一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来!”

打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话13

The Choice of Word选词

One day, John was back home after work. He found that his wife was shaking their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the baby many times. John felt very happy becau he thought his wife cho the word "Dady" to teach their baby.

During one night veral weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His wife said to him, "Darling, she is calling you." Then she turned to sleep.

一天下班回家，约翰发现妻子在摇半岁的女儿，嘴里反复念道：“爸-爸。”约翰心里感到美滋滋的，他的妻子选择了“爸爸”这个词首先教孩子。

几周后的一天夜里，约翰和妻子被一阵哭声惊醒了，“爸-爸!”“她在叫你，亲爱的。”妻子说，然后翻身竟自睡了。

最受读者欢迎的英语笑话14

Dumas仲马

One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas，the greatFrench novelist，with his ancestry. “Why，” snarled the fellow，“you are a quadroon;yourfather was a mulatto，and your grandfather was a negro.” “Yes，” roared Dumas，“and，if you wish to know'mygreatgrandfather was a monkey. In fact， my pedigree beganwhere yours terminates.”

有一天，一个人在嘲弄法国大小说家亚历山大·仲马，讥笑他的祖先。 那家伙厉声说：“唔，你是四分之一黑白混血儿，你父亲是黑白混血儿，而你的祖父是个黑人。” “是的，”仲马大声回敬：“还有呢，如果你想知道的话， 我的曾祖父是一只猴子。其实我的血统起始于你的血统终止的地方。”