我只希望朱莉贝克能离我远点
All I ever wanted was for Juli Baker to leave me alone.
故事始于一年级暑假 1957年的夏天
It all began in the summer of 1957, before the start of cond grade.
我们到家啦Here we are.
你们觉得这里怎么样? 我挺喜欢的
What do you guys think? I like this place.
很赞呢 我的房间是什么颜色?
It's cool. Uh, what color is my room?
别急嘛Just you wait.
咱们进去瞧瞧 嘿 布莱斯
Let's e what's inside. Hey, come on, buddy Bryce.
过来给我搭把手搬东西
Why don't, uh, you and I go help unload the van
让姑娘们去整理厨房吧
and the womenfolk here can get in the kitchen and start tting up.
好的 老爸
Okay, Dad.
于我而言 这意味着我从此步入了
For me, it was the beginning of what would be
长达五年的不安与逃避生涯
more than half a decade of strategic avoidance and social discomfort.
嗨 我是朱莉贝克 喂喂喂 你干嘛呢?
Hi, I'm Juli Baker. Hey, hey, what are you doing?
要我帮忙吗?
Don't you want some help?
不必了 那里面都是贵重物品
No. There's some valuable things in there.
那我就搬这个吧 不用了
How about this one? No, no, no.
赶紧回家吧 你妈妈没准在找你呢
Run home. Your mother's probably wondering where you are.
没关系 我妈妈知道我在哪 她同意我过来
Oh, no, my mom knows where I am. She said it's fine.
显然这姑娘也太不识趣了
It didn't take long to realize this girl could not take a hint.
咱们仨在这儿有点挤吧 不要紧啊
It's crowded in here with three people. I don't mind.
毫无自知之明 我们一起推吧?
Of any kind. You wanna push this one together?
布莱斯 你妈妈还等着你去帮忙吧?
Bryce, isn't it time for you to go help your mother?
是啊是啊Oh, yeah.
我真是拿她没辙
I mean, nothing would stop her.
我终于忍无可忍 这时候诡异的事情却发生了
I was about to tell her to get lost when the weirdest thing happened.
我真是难以置信
I couldn't believe it.
我居然会牵着陌生女孩的手
There I was holding hands with this strange girl.
我咋就惹上了这种麻烦? 你好呀
How did I get into this mess? Well, hello.
看来你已经认识我儿子了
I e you've met my son
我不得不使出7岁男生仅有的气概
Finally, I did the only manly thing available when you're 7 years old.
然而 还有一大串的麻烦等着我
However, my troubles were far from over.
就在我走进叶尔森老师的教室时
The minute I walked into Miss Yelson's classroom
布莱斯? 你也在这啊
Bryce? You're here.
很显然 it was clear:
即使在学校 也无法逃脱她的魔掌
School would not be a sanctuary.
嘿 布莱斯 你女朋友呢?
Hey, Bryce, where's your girlfriend?
枉我一世英名啊
I was branded for life.
嘿 布莱斯 你咋不向她求婚呢?
Hey, Bryce, why don't you ask her to marry you?
布莱斯和朱莉爬上树梢
Bryce and Juli sitting in a tree
卿卿我我甜如蜜
K-l-S-S-l-N-G
搬来镇上的第一年简直就是场灾难
My first year in town was a disaster.
瞧那小两口呀
Look at them.
接下来的三年也不尽如人意
And the next three weren't much better.
就这么捱到了六年级 我总算不再坐以待毙
But finally, in the sixth grade, I took action.
想到了一个大狠招
I hatched the plan.
雪利Sherry.
雪利 等一下
Sherry, wait up.
嗨 布莱斯
Hi, Bryce. Heh.
我向雪利斯道尔斯展开攻势
I asked out Sherry Stalls.
我想问你愿不愿意...
I was wondering if you wanted to go
这个招数的绝妙之处在于
To full appreciate the brilliance of this plan
雪利斯道尔斯是朱莉的眼中钉
you have to understand that Juli hated Sherry Stalls
但我始终想不通其中的缘由
though I never understood why.
雪利长发飘飘 为人和善
Sherry was nice, friendly and she had a lot of hair.
我妈之前一直不让我打耳洞 后来我拼命求她
At first, my mother wouldn't let me get my ears pierced, but I begged
我原本一心指望 只要和雪利吃吃饭
The idea was that Sherry would eat with me
散散步 就能让朱莉知难而退
maybe we'd walk around together, and hopefully Juli would lo interest.
她还是不允许我16岁前打耳洞
But I still can't get the hoops till I'm 16.
太可惜了
Oh, that's a shame.
米娜妮也想打耳洞
So Melanie wanted to get her ears pierced,
但她老妈也不是省油的灯
but of cour her mother said no.
她就在家大发雷霆
So she threw a fit
把约翰尼马蒂斯的精选辑给砸了
and smashed her Johnny Mathis Greatest Hits album
结果就被禁足了
and she got grounded,
连我的睡衣派对都来不了
so now she can't come to my pajama sleepover party.
事情进展相当顺利
Things were unfolding quite nicely.
你的科学实验打算怎么做?
What are you doing for your science project?
直到我所谓的挚友加利特埃恩德
That is, until my suppod best friend, Garrett Einbinder
开始打起了雪利的主意
took an interest in Sherry himlf.
我想展示各种护发素
I was thinking of showing how split ends react
如何修复头发分叉
with different hair conditioners.
太棒了
That's fascinating.
俗话说得好 重色必轻友 加利特这个叛徒
Loyalty gave way to desire and Garrett, the turncoat
向雪利全盘托出我的计划
told Sherry what I was up to.
混蛋Jerk.
她自然很是生气
She didn't take it well.
至于朱莉
Word got back to Juli,
她自然又开始对我故技重施
and pretty soon she started up with the goo-goo eyes again.
而且还变本加厉
Only this time it was wor.
居然开始嗅我
She started sniffing me.
你没听错 她居然用鼻子嗅我
That's right, sniffing me.
搞什么飞机啊?
What was that all about?
我只能期望来年能摆脱魔掌
My only consolation was that next year would be different.
但愿升入初中后
Junior high, bigger school.
不用再和她同班
Maybe we'd be in different class
