HappyEndings（每周翻译3）
作者：玛格丽特 翻译：提壶的胖⼦
John and Mary meet.
What happens next?
If you want a happy ending, try Acielab>april的音标
约翰和玛丽相遇了，接下来会有什么事情发⽣呢？如果你期待⼀个完美结局，试读⼀下A中的故事吧！
A.
John and Mary fall in love and get married. They both have worthwhile and remunerative（报酬丰厚） jobs which they find stimulating and challenging. They buy a charming hou. Real estate values go up. Eventually, when they can afford live-in help, they have two children, to whom they are devoted. The children turn out well. John and Mary have a stimulating and challenging x life and worthwhile friends. They go on fun vacations together. They retire. They both have hobbies which they find stimulating and challenging. Eventually they die. This is the end of the story.
约翰和玛丽相爱了，他们⾛⼊了婚姻的殿堂。两个都有让⾃⼰充满动⼒，极富挑战⽽且收⼊可观⼜⼗分体⾯的⼯作。他们⼀起度假，⼀起退休。他们都有能让⾃⼰满⼼欢愉的追求。后来他们过世了，⼀切就这样结束了。
B.
Mary falls in love with John but John doesn't fall in love with Mary. He merely us her body for lfish pleasure and ego gratification of a tepid kind. He comes to her apartment twice a week and she cooks him dinner, you'll notice that he doesn't even consider her worth the price of a dinner out, and after he's eaten dinner he fucks her and after that he falls asleep, while she does the dishes so he won't think she's untidy, having all tho dirty dishes lying around, and puts on fresh lipstick so
she'll look good when he wakes up, but when he wakes up he doesn't even notice, he puts on his socks and his shorts and his pants and his shirt and his tie and his shoes, the rever order from the one in which he took them off. He doesn't take off Mary's clothes, she takes them off herlf, she acts as if she's dying for it every time, not becau she likes x exactly, she doesn't, but she wants John to think she does becau if they do it often enough surely he'll get ud to her, he'll come to depend on her and they will get married, but John goes out the door with hardly so much as a good-night and three days
later he turns up at six o'clock and they do the whole thing over again.
玛丽单恋着约翰。⽽约翰只是利⽤她的⾁体填补⾃⼰内⼼的空虚。他每周去她家⾥两次，她为他下厨做饭，可他却觉得她那样廉价。吃过饭后两个⼈⽚刻缠绵之后约翰就沉沉睡去。⽽那时的玛丽打扫好⼀切，涂好⼝红尽量让⾃⼰不失精致。可约翰醒来的时毫⽆次序地穿着搭配，连⾃⼰都不曾察觉。穿好⾐服后，他没再褪去玛丽的⾐衫，玛丽⾃⼰脱掉了，她尽情展现⾃⼰的魅⼒，却不是因为真的陶醉其中。她只是希望约翰这样觉得，她试图让约翰上瘾，让他欲罢不能，之后换来⼀段完满的婚姻。可⼀夜春宵后约翰疲惫不堪径直⾛出门去，三天过后约翰照旧早起，他们还是重复着那天的⼀切。
Mary gets run-down. Crying is bad for your face, everyone knows that and so does Mary but she can't stop. People at work notice. Her friends tell her John is a rat, a pig, a dog, he isn't good enough for her, but she can't believe it. Inside John, she thinks, is another John, who is much nicer. This other John will emerge like a butterfly from a cocoon, a Jack from a box, a pit from a prune, if the first John is only squeezed enough.
玛丽已经⼼⼒憔悴。哭多了就不美了这事⼉⼤家都懂，可玛丽已经控制不住了。⼯作中的朋友发现了她，她朋友说约翰简直猪狗不如，他根本不值得她伤⼼流泪，可她就是不信。她脑海⾥的约翰⼀直都是另⼀个完美⽆缺的影⼦罢了。她以为如果那个约翰浪够了就会破茧成蝶宛如上天的馈赠。（胖⼦：我有点⽣⽓，把我提溜的⽔壶给我，我砸死这个王⼋羔⼦。）
One evening John complains about the food. He has never complained about her food before. Mary is hurt.
⼀天晚上约翰开始吐槽玛丽做的饭菜难吃，可之前他从没这么觉得过。这让玛丽倍感难过。
Her friends tell her they've en him in a restaurant with another woman, who name is Madge. It's not even Madge that finally gets to Mary: it's the restaurant. John has never taken Mary to a restaurant. Mary collects all the sleeping pills and aspirins she can find, and takes them and a half a bottle of sherry. You can e what kind of a woman she is by the fact that it's not even whiskey. She leaves a note for John. She hopes he'll discover her and get her to the hospital in time and repent and then they can get married, but this fails to happen and she dies.
John marries Madge and everything continues as in A.
英文版电影她的朋友告诉他之前看见约翰和另⼀个叫玛奇⼉⼥⼈⼀起进进出出。那天⼊睡前玛丽喝了⼀瓶雪莉酒，⾥⾯掺着各种她能找到的药⽚。这个潦倒的⼥⼈不靠酒精作⽤根本⽆法⾯对⼀切。她给约翰留了字条，她希望约翰能发现这⼀切及时送她去医院，然后他可以回⼼转意，之后他们可以顺利结婚。但这⼀切只是空想，她死了。
约翰娶了玛奇⼉，像故事⼀⾥⼀样过上了幸福的⽣活。
C.
John, who is an older man, falls in love with Mary, and Mary, who is only twenty-two, feels sorry for him becau he's worried about his hair falling out. She sleeps with him even though she's not in love with him. She met him at work. She's in love with someone called James, who is twenty-two also and not yet ready to ttle down.
约翰是个⽼头他爱上了年轻的玛丽，他特别担⼼有天头发掉光。她陪他⼊睡尽管不是处于真⼼。他们是在⼯作中认识的。她深爱着詹姆斯，可年轻的他还是漂泊不定。
John on the contrary ttled down long ago: this is what is bothering him. John has a steady, respectable job and is getting ahead in his field, but Mary isn't impresd by him, she's impresd by James, who has a motorcycle and a fabulous record collection. But James is often away on his motorcycle, being free. Freedom isn't the same for girls, so in the meantime Mary spends Thursday evenings with John. Thursdays are the only days John can get away.crowd
摩登英语约翰则不同，他已经定居多年，⽽这也恰恰是他⽆聊的原因。约翰有很稳定很体⾯的⼯作并且是他⼯作领域的杰出者。可是玛丽并不怎么欣赏他，她只爱慕骑着摩托车热爱收藏唱⽚的詹姆斯。詹姆斯却是个彻头彻尾的⾃由主义者。⾃由就意味着没有固定的⼥朋友，所以玛丽只在周四晚上与詹姆斯相会。
周四是唯⼀约翰不在家的⽇⼦。
John is married to a woman called Madge and they have two children, a charming hou which they bought just before the real estate values went up, and hobbies which they find stimulating and challenging, when they have the time. John tells Mary how important she is to him, but of cour he can't leave his wife becau a commitment is a commitment. He goes on about this more than is necessary and Mary finds it boring, but older men can keep it up longer so on the whole she has a fairly good time.
约翰已经和叫玛奇⼉的⼥⼈结婚了还有两个孩⼦和⼀栋很棒的房⼦，他很明智在房价上涨前买了它这会⼉已经增值了。他有空就去⼲点⼉喜欢的事情让⾃⼰充实起来。约翰对玛丽表明了⾃⼰对她深沉的爱，但你知道的他没法离婚，因为誓⾔终归不可背弃。他已经太多次重复这些话，玛丽已经司空见惯甚⾄可以说是⼼⽣厌倦了。约翰这个⽼头⼦还是乐此不疲地吸嗜她的青春。
2018专四答案One day James breezes in on his motorcycle with some top-grade California hybrid and James and Mary get higher than you'd believe possible and they climb into bed. Everything becomes very underwater, but along comes John, who has a key to Mary's apartment. He finds them stoned and entwined. He's hardly in any position to be jealous, considering Madge, but nevertheless he's overco
me with despair. Finally he's middle-aged, in two years he'll be as bald as an egg and he can't stand it. He purchas a handgun, saying he needs it for target practice-- this is the thin part of the plot, but it can be dealt with later--and shoots the two of them and himlf.
⼀天詹姆斯骑着摩托载着玛丽和⼀辆加州顶级豪车并⾏，你根本⽆法想象他俩玩⼉的有多么疯狂。⼀切正在潜移默化地进⾏约翰突然打开了玛丽家的门。他看到了床上正发⽣的⼀切。他根本没什么嫉妒的理由，想想马琦⼉，他还是很绝望。他不再年轻了，过不上两年⾃⼰就会变成站都站不稳不稳的秃头亮蛋。他掏出了⼿枪，这会⼉他需要⼀个靶⼦，这两只靴⼦看着不错，⼜或者是他⾃⼰。(这情节或许太过悲情了，但稍后会被处理的不赖）
Madge, after a suitable period of mourning, marries an understanding man called Fred and everything continues as in A, but
under different names.
玛奇⼉度过了沉痛的阶段后，找了⼀个懂她的叫斐登的男⼈，他们和故事⼀中的那对⼉⼀样幸福。
D.
Fred and Madge have no problems. They get along exceptionally well and are good at working out a
ny little difficulties that
may ari. But their charming hou is by the ashore and one day a giant tidal wave approaches. Real estate values go down. The rest of the story is about what caud the tidal wave and how they escape from it. They do, though thousands drown, but Fred and Madge are virtuous and grateful, and continue as in A.
t fire to the rain歌词斐登和瑪奇⼉从来没有⽭盾。他们相处融洽，很会解决稀碎的⼩问题。可他们的房⼦在海滩旁边，有天巨浪突然涌来。整个庄园都被淹没了。我们略过海浪是怎么产⽣的，他们是怎么逃离的。那之后，有⼏千⼈遇难，斐登和瑪奇⼉很幸运他们活了下来，并⼀直幸福的⽣活着。
E.
Yes, but Fred has a bad heart. The rest of the story is about how kind and understanding they both are until Fred dies. Then Madge devotes herlf to charity work until the end of A. If you like, it can be "Madge," "cancer," "guilty and confud," and "bird watching."
是的，斐登⼼脏不好，我们不过多陈述斐登从⽣到死的⼀切。斐登过世之后玛奇⼉⼀直在做慈善，直到过世。如果你希望，你可以成为任何⾓⾊，做任何事。
F
If you think this is all too bourgeois（中产阶级）, make John a revolutionary and Mary a counterespionage agent and e how far that gets you. Remember, this is Canada. You'll still end up with A, though in between you may get a lustful brawling saga of passionate involvement, a chronicle of our times, sort of.
或许你觉得这⼀切太过平凡，把约翰设定为政府领导，玛丽变成间谍，你⼜能让这个故事进⾏多久？请记得，这就是加拿⼤，你的结局还是会像故事⼀中的⼀样，那怕中间有多少骇⼈听闻，富有传奇⾊彩的故事，结局都⼀样。
You'll have to face it, the endings are the same however you slice it. Don't be deluded by any other endings, they're all fake, either deliberately fake, with malicious（怀有恶意的） intent to deceive, or just motivated by excessive optimism if not by downright ntimentality（多愁善感的）.
你不得不去⾯对，这⼲涩暗淡的结局。不要被别⼈的结局所欺骗，那些都是假象，全是骗⼈的，不是过于美好，就是⽆痛呻吟。
消防工程师前景
The only authentic ending is the one provided here:
真正的结局只有⼀个：
John and Mary die. John and Mary die. John and Mary die.
intotal就是死亡
So much for endings. Beginnings are always more fun. True connoisurs, however, are known to favor the stretch in between, since it's the hardest to do anything with.
太多种结局了。所有开始都描绘得过于好。擦亮双眼看透⼀切，才是最难的。
That's about all that can be said for plots, which anyway are just one thing after another, a what and a what and a what.四级考试时间几点到几点
我要诉说的⼀切就是这样，事情总是接连不断的发⽣，别再追问是什么。
Now try How and Why.
现在或许该想想怎么解决，为什么发⽣。
