最丑的孩子
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever en."
一位女士抱着她的宝宝上公交车，司机看到后说：“额，那是我这辈子见过的最丑的小孩。”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
女士走到车厢后面坐下，感到很愤怒。她对旁边的男士说：“司机刚刚羞辱了我。”男士回应说：“你快上去斥责他。去吧，我替你抱着你的猴子。”
【注释】
1. fume - to be angry about something 发怒，生气
常用介词搭配：fume at/over/about
例如：fume about what he said 对他所说的话感到生气
2. tell somebody off 斥责，责骂
tell somebody off for doing something 因为某人做某事而责骂他/她
例如：The boss is always telling me off for being late, even though he is late every day! 我的老板总拿迟到的事斥责我，即便他自己天天迟到！
跟狗比聪明
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.
某人去朋友家拜访，发现朋友竟然在跟自家的狗下象棋，大为错愕。
He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
他旁观了一会儿，当时就震惊了。
卢映雪
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever en."
“我简直不敢相信！”他大叫，“我从没见过那么聪明的狗！”
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
“哪里聪明了，”朋友回答，“五局中我赢了三局呢！”
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NOTES:
1. in astonishment 惊讶地
His mouth dropped to the floor in astonishment.惊讶得嘴都掉地上了
to one's astonishment 表示“使某人惊讶的是……”：
To my astonishment, the man lifted the rock effortlessly. 使我吃惊的是，那汉子毫不费劲地把石块举了起来。罗汉功
2. I can hardly/barely believe my eyes! = I can't believe my eyes! = I can't believe what I saw! 我简直不敢相信自己的眼睛！
3. three games out of five 五局中的三局
out of 可以表示“部分”，又如：
This is but one instance out of many. 那不过是众多例子中的一个。
nine times out of ten 则是一个习语，表示“十之八九，几乎总是”，例：
He talks about you nine times out of ten when we have a chat. 每次我们闲聊他几乎都谈及你
我们分享一切
An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries.
一对老夫妇在汉堡王餐厅吃饭，他们小心翼翼地将汉堡和薯条分成两份。
A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.
一个卡车司机非常同情他们，就提议想给老太太单独点一份。
"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."
“没关系的。”老先生说，“我们分享一切。”
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite.
几分钟后，卡车司机注意到老太太还没动口吃一点东西。
"I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists.
他再次对老先生说，“我真的不介意请您妻子吃一顿……”
"She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."
“她会吃的，”老先生向他保证，“我们分享一切。”
Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"
司机不太相信，恳求老太太，“你为什么不吃一点？”
The wife snaps, "Becau I'm waiting for the teeth!"
老太太咂咂嘴，“我在等他的假牙。”
砂锅
【注释】
1. take pity on 怜悯，同情，例：take pity on the weak 怜惜弱者
2. 一起来学习一下convince这个词：
a. 使相信，使确信
convince sb. of sth. 例：The officials were eager to convince us of the safety of the nuclear reactors. 官员们急切想要让我们相信核反应堆是安全的。
b. 说服（某人做某事）= persuade
convince sb. to do sth.
达的组词
例：I've been trying to convince Jean to come with me. 我一直在尝试说服Jean和我一起去。
冰箱里的储蓄罐萨尔瓦多达利
My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.
我表妹总是从她哥哥的小猪扑满里“借钱”，她哥哥对此事感到很愤怒。
One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.
一天，表妹四处寻找，最后竟然在冰箱里发现了扑满。
Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."
扑满里有张纸条：“亲爱的妹妹，我希望你能够理解，我的资产现在已被冻结。”
【注释】
1. piggy bank （猪形）储蓄罐，（猪形）扑满，也可以叫做money box或者penny bank。过去的piggy bank大多是小猪形状，而现在则是多种多样的。
2. drive sb. crazy 使某人发疯，把某人逼疯。另外drive sb. mad和drive sb. nuts也是同样的意思，例如：Traffic jams drive me nuts.（交通堵塞使我发疯。）
3. of all places/things/people 主要用于口语中，表达对于某件事竟会涉及到某地/某物/某人的惊讶之情。例如：And now she's chon to live in Alaska, of all places!（而现在她竟然选择定居在阿拉斯加！）
保证没走错
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of ats and goes out into the foyer.
在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。
A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:
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几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的那位男士道：
"Excu me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"社会实践论文3000字
“对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的脚吗？”
"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."
“是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。”
"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."
“噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。”
NOTES:
1. to be on the safe side 为了安全起见
例：Just to be on the safe side, we have to leave as soon as possible 为了慎重起见，我们必须尽快地离开这里。
