李岑老师点评2008年北京市高考英语作文(含范文)

更新时间:2023-05-18 21:42:17 阅读: 评论:0

李岑老师点评2008年北京市高考英语作文(含范文)
第一节 情景作文 (20分)
假设你是红星中学高三一班的学生李华,为校刊英语园地写一篇题为“Our Spring Outing” 的英文稿件。 请根据以下四幅图的先后顺序,叙述上周你们班从准备春游到春游结束的完整过程。
注意:  词数不少于60。 提示词: 游乐园  amument park      垃圾箱  bin
考生的写作任务是“记叙”春游的全过程。其实,“记叙”就是“讲故事”。讲故事,就必须交代“时间(when)”、“地点(where)”、“人物(who)”。题目交代了春游时间是“上周(last week)”,因此本文的动词应该是“过去时态”。考生接下来要交代“地点(where)”和“人物(who)”。地点显然是山里。人物是全班同学(class members)。试题已经提示“春游”的英文表达即“spring outing”,因而减轻了考生的心理负担。spring可以和名词搭配,如“春花= spring flowers”。
先看第一幅图:班上开会讨论春游方案(the class members meet to discuss the spring outing plan)。挺多地方可去(a lot of interesting places for our spring outing)。同学们各自发表意见(put forward suggestions for spring outing),讲了三个去处,分别是“去游乐场(go to an amument park)”,“去公园划船(go boating on the lake in a public park)”和“山间漫步(walk in the mountains)”。最终,大伙选择去 walk in the mountains。尺度直播
接下来,看第二幅图,该图要求考生描述“爬山”的场景:一大早(in the early morning),我们就去爬山,呼吸新鲜的空气(walk in the mountains to enjoy the fresh mountain air)。
接着看第三幅图,该图要求考生描述“爬山”时碰到的情况:到了山上(at the hilltop),大伙发现(we make an unexpected find)有很多垃圾(there is rubbish left around everywhere),如香蕉皮、空瓶子、面包屑等(banana skins, empty bottles and food waste)。为了保持环境整洁(to keep this site beautiful),大伙一齐捡垃圾(collect rubbish)。
最后是第四副图,该图表明春游以倾倒分类垃圾告终:下山时(come down the mountains),见一对可回收垃圾箱和不可回收垃圾箱(there are two bins; one of them is ud for recyclable waste and the other for non-recyclable)。于是将山上垃圾分成两堆(sort the rubbish out into two piles),分别扔进垃圾箱(put sth. in each bin)。请同学注意each的用法:each表示“每一个”,后面必须跟单数。
整理四副图的文字,经过时态调整、句型安排后,有如下9句话组成的范文:
①I am Li Hua in Grade One, Senior Three.  ②Last week, the class members met to discuss the spring outing plan.  ③We put forward suggestions for spring outing, such as going to an amument park, going boating on the lake in a public park, or walking in the
体操比赛作文mountains.  ④In the end, we cho to walk in the mountains.  ⑤Next day, we walked in the mountains to enjoy the fresh mountain air.  ⑥When we were at the hilltop, we made an unexpected find: there was rubbish left around everywhere, such as banana skins, empty bottles, and food waste.  ⑦To keep this site beautiful, we started to collect rubbish.  ⑧Coming down the mountains, we found two bins.  ⑨One of them was ud for recyclable waste and the other for non-recyclable; thus, we sorted the rubbish out into two piles and put them in each bin.                 
                                                    (约140字)
注:
第⑥句展示了“冒号(:)”的用法,请注意模仿。我再造个例句:
There is no point in worrying: bad things are sure to happen.
第⑨句展示了“分号(;)”的用法,请同学模仿。我再造个例句:财务管理专业就业方向
All the years Tom has been working hard; hence, it is clear that he derves rich rewards.
  rich rewards:丰厚回报
gets函数
第⑧句的coming down the mountains是分词结构,相当于when we came down the mountains四年级下册英语书单词
同学切记,你们在高考英语作文时要“刻意”展示写作基本功:比如自如使用标点符号;灵活运用如“分词结构”等语法现象。
第二节 开放作文  (15分)
请根据下面提示,写一篇短文。词数不少于50。
In an English speech competition, you are asked to describe the following picture and explain to the judges how you understand it.
“开放作文”的命题方式是让考生根据一幅图画,在描述图画信息之余,发挥自己的想象,展开简单的议论。北京市的“开放作文”和全国硕士研究生入学考试的英语作文有点像。现在,北京市“开放作文”倾向于“就图论事”,和04年的“续写型开放作文”有很大差异。
首先提醒同学:不要花太多时间挖掘图画深意!英语作文不看重你的思想厚度,而看重你的语言质量。
开放作文有明显的套路可循。“开放作文”只要求你做两件事情,一件是描述图画(describe the following picture),另一件是阐述你对图画的看法(explain how you understand it)。相应地,你只需要写两个段落,一段是“描述段”,另一段是“议论段”。
首先,我要告诉大家,“议论”段的首句有个固定的句式,即:In my opinion, the picture is meaningful and wonderful as well.
接着,我们谈谈“描述段”的写法。第一句可以使用如下句式: In the picture, there is… … “描述段”的功能就是传达图画中的信息,向读者交代图画内容,所以必能使用“there be”句型。另外,“描述段”的另一个功用即:为第二段的议论埋下伏笔。
接下来写“议论段”。该段首句是套话,为了多凑些字数。貌似强大
如何发议论呢?所谓议论,就是根据图画信息,表达你的看法、感想。同学不必过深地挖掘图画信息,你只需用简单的英文,表达平易的道理。换句话说,只要你能用正确的英文表达你的感想,便赢得了胜利。基层人民法院
比如,看完这幅图画,我就想到:面露得意之色的圆规(a pair of compass)仅仅原地
打转,裹足不前(go around in a circle)。而铅笔奋力前行(puts its efforts into drawing a long line),进取精神可嘉。我们应该学习铅笔的进取精神(follow the pencil in working hard)。成功路漫漫,他人业已上路(have taken the road),我们也不可蹉跎岁月(stay behind to have an easy life)。总之,铅笔告诉我们如何过得充实(how to lead a full life)
想到这里,便可写出“描述段”和“议论段”:
In the picture, there is a pair of compass and a hard-working pencil.  The compass go around in a circle.  As a result, the compass stay behind the pencil which puts his efforts into drawing a long line.  The long line is the pencil’s road to success.
In my opinion, the picture is meaningful and wonderful as well.  The picture shows that we should follow the pencil in working hard.  There is a long road to success; we should not stay behind to have an easy life when the others have taken the road.  Therefore, the hard-working pencil is a good example of how to lead a full life. 
(约110字)
一句话的事儿
注:
为了在第二段抒发议论,我在第一段埋设伏笔(如使用a hard-working pencil, go around in a circle, stay behind, put his efforts into, road to success等词语,这些词语在第二段亦有所体现)。“埋伏笔”是写好开放作文的必备武器。
另外,第二段第②句是主题句(The picture shows…),最后一句是由therefore引导的结论句。
我在这篇开放作文中,“刻意”展示了写作基本功:比如使用“分号”和“定语从句”。

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