我只希望X莉"贝克能离我远点All I ever 婚礼主持词
wanted was for Juli Baker to leave me alone.
故事始于一年级暑假年的夏天It all began in the summer of , before the start of cond grade.
我们到家啦Here we are.
你们觉得这里怎么样"
我挺喜欢的What do you guys think"
I like this place.
很赞呢我的房间是什么颜色"
It's cool.
Uh, what color is my room"
别急嘛Just you wait.
咱们进去瞧瞧嘿布莱斯Let's e what's inside.
Hey, e on, buddy Bryce.
过来给我搭把手搬东西Why don't, uh, you and I go help unload the van让姑娘们去整理厨房吧and the womenfolk here can get in the kitchen and start tting up空碗
.
好的老爸Okay, Dad.
于我而言这意味着我从此步入了For me, it was the beginning of what would be长达五年的不安与逃避生涯more than half a decade of strategic avoidance and social disfort.
嗨我是X莉"贝克喂喂喂你干嘛呢"
Hi, I'm Juli Baker.
Hey, hey, what are you doing"
要我帮助吗"
Don't you want some help"
不必了那里面都是贵重物品No.
There's some valuable things in there.
那我就搬这个吧不用了How about this one"
No, no, no.
赶紧回家吧你妈妈没准在找你呢Run home.
Your mother's probably wondering where you are.
没关系我妈妈知道我在哪她同意我过来Oh, no, my mom knows where I am.
She said it's fine.
显然这姑娘也太不识趣了It didn't take long to realize this girl could not take a hint.
咱们仨在这儿有点挤吧不要紧啊It's crowded in here with three people.
I don't mind.
毫无自知之明我们一起推吧"
Of any kind.
You wanna pu杭州普陀山
sh this one together"
布莱斯你妈妈还等着你去帮助吧"
Bryce, isn't it time for you to go help your mother"
是啊是啊Oh, yeah.
我真是拿她没辙I mean, nothing would stop her.
我终于忍无可忍这时候诡异的事情却发生了I was about to tell her to get lost when the weirdest thing happened. 我真是难以置信I couldn't believe it.
我居然会牵着陌生女孩的手There I was holding hands with this strange girl.
我咋就惹上了这种麻烦"
你好呀How did I get into this mess"
Well, hello.
看来你已经认识我儿子了I e you've met my son我不得不使出岁男生仅有的气概Finally, I did the only manly thing available when you're years old.
然而还有一大串的麻烦等着我However, my troubles were far from over.
就在我走进叶尔森教师的教室时The minute I walked into Miss Yelson's classroom布莱斯"
你也在这啊Bryce"
You're here.
很显然it was clear：即使在学校也无法逃脱她的魔掌School would not be a sanctuary.
嘿布莱斯你女朋友呢"
Hey, Bryce, where's your girlfriend"
枉我一世英名啊I was branded for life.
嘿布莱斯你咋不向她求婚呢"
Hey, Bryce, why don't you ask her to marry you"
布莱斯和X莉爬上树梢Bryce and Juli sitting in a tree卿卿我我甜如蜜K-l-S-S-l-N-G搬来镇上的第一年简直就是场灾难My first year in town was a disaster.
瞧那小两口呀Look at them.
接下来的三年也不尽如人意And the next three weren't much better.
就这么捱到了六年级我总算不再坐以待毙But finally, in the sixth grade, I took action.
想到了一个大狠招I hatched the plan.
雪利Sherry.
雪利等一下Sherry, wait up.
嗨布莱斯Hi, Bryce.
Heh.
我向雪利"斯道尔斯展开攻势I asked out Sherry Stalls.
我想问你愿不愿意.
.
.
I was wondering if you wanted to go这个招数的绝妙之处在于To full appreciate the brilliance of this plan雪利"斯道尔斯是X莉的眼中钉you have to understand that Juli hated Sherry Stalls但我始终想不通其中的缘由though I never understood why.
雪利长发飘飘为人和蔼Sherry was nice, friendly and she had a lot of hair.
我妈之前一直不让我打耳洞后来我拼命求她At first, my mother wouldn't let me get my ears pierced, but I begged我原本一心指望只要和雪利吃吃饭The idea was that Sherry would eat with me散散步就能让X莉知难而退maybe we'd walk around together, and hopefully Juli would lo interest.
她还是不允许我岁前打耳洞But I still can't get the hoops till I'm .
太可惜了Oh, that's a shame.
米娜妮也想打耳洞So Melanie wanted to get hercp是什么的简称
ears pierced，但她老妈也不是省油的灯but of cour her mother said no.
她就在家大发雷霆 So she threw a fit 把约翰尼"马蒂斯的精选辑给砸了and smashed her Johnny Mathis Greatest Hits album结果就被禁足了and she got grounded，连我的睡衣派对都来不了so now she can't e to my pajama sleepover party.
事情进展相当顺利Things were unfolding quite nicely.
你的科学实验打算怎么做"
What are you doing for your science project"
直到我所谓的挚友加利特"埃恩德That is, until my suppod best friend, Garrett Einbinder开场打起了雪利的主意took an interest in Sherry himlf.
我想展示珠海九洲岛
各种护发素I was thinking of showing how split ends react 如何修复头发分叉with different hair conditioners.
太棒了That's fascinating.
俗话说得好重色必轻友加利特这个叛徒Loyalty gave way to desire and Garrett, the turncoat向雪利全盘托出我的方案told Sherry what I was up to.
混蛋Jerk.
她自然很是生气She didn't take it well.
至于X莉Word got back to Juli, 她自然又开场对我故技重施and pretty soon she started up with the goo-goo eyes again.
而且还变本加厉Only this time it was wor.
居然开场嗅我She started sniff斗破苍穹剧情
ing me.
你没听错她居然用鼻子嗅我That's right, sniffing me.
搞什么飞机啊"
What was that all about"
我只能期望来年能摆脱魔掌My only consolation was that next year would be different.
但愿升入初中后Junior high, bigger school.
不用再和她同班 Maybe we'd be in different class 彻底完毕我的噩梦and it would finally, finally be over.
见到布莱斯"罗斯基的第一眼我便怦然心动了The first day I met Bryce Loski, I flipped.
他的双眸让我如痴如醉It was tho eyes, something in tho dazzling eyes.
我们一起推吧"
You wanna push this one together"
那时候他们刚搬到我家隔壁His family had just moved into the neighborhood我过去帮他们搬东西and I'd gone over to help them.
我在车里刚呆了分钟 I'd been in the van all of two minutes 他老爸就让她去帮他妈妈when his dad nt him off to help his mom.
我知道他并不想离开I could e he didn't wanna go.
于是我追上前去 So I chad after him to e 问他能不能先玩一会再进屋if we could play a little before he got trapped inside.
接着他便用力握着我的手The next thing I know, he's holding my hand与我深情凝视and looking right into my eyes.
那一刹那我的心停顿了跳动My heart stopped.
这一刻到来了吗"
Was this it"
是时候迎来我的初吻了吗"
Would this be my first kiss"
没想到他妈妈却出来了你好呀But then his mother came out.
Well, hello.
他感到无比羞愧脸都红了And he was so embarrasd, his cheeks turned pletely red.
那晚我躺在床上不停梦想初吻的场景I went to bed that night thinking of the kiss that might have been.
我知道他对我动心了 I mean, it was clear he had feelings for me, 只是怯于表达爱意but he was just too shy to show them.
妈妈说过男孩子都会这样My mother said boys were like that.
我决定帮他克制心中的恐惧 So I decided to help him out.
布莱斯"
你也在这啊Bryce"
You're here.
我会竭尽所能帮他彻底释放自我I would give him plenty of opportunity to get over his shyness.
六年级那年我学着有所收敛By the sixth grade, I'd learned to control mylf.
没想到半路却杀出个雪利"斯道尔斯Then Sherry Stalls entered the picture.
雪利"斯道尔斯就是一人尽可夫的长舌妇Sherry Stalls was nothing but a whiny, gossipy, backstabbing flirt.
头发长见识短All hair and no substance.
而且她竟然.
.
.
And there she was和布莱斯十指紧扣那可是我家布莱斯holding hands with Bryce.
My Bryce.
我的初吻白马王子The one who was walking around with my first kiss.
我决定对她视而不见依照布莱斯的品性My solution was to ignore her.
I knew a boy of Bryce's caliber总有一天能意识到雪利有多浅薄无知would eventually e through a shallow conniver like Sherry Stalls.
如我所料他俩一周后便分手了It took all of a week.
They broke up at recess.
她也不看看自己几斤几两She didn't take it well.
自从布莱斯摆脱了X莉的魔掌 Now that Bryce was out of Sherry's evil clutches, 对我也变得更为友善he started being nicer to me.
嗨 X莉嗨布莱斯Hi, Juli.
Hi, Bryce.
他如此腼腆可人He was so shy and so cute他的发丝间弥漫着西瓜的香氛and his hair, it smelled like watermelon.
我简直如痴如醉I couldn't get enough of it.
整整一年我都沉浸在这迷人的芬芳里I spent the whole year cretly sniffing watermelon期盼着何时能迎来我的初吻and wondering if I was ever going to get my kiss.
升入初一后生活开场有所改观Seventh grade brought changes, all right.
但最大的变化并非学校But the biggest one didn't happen at school.
而是出现在家中It happened at home.
外公搬来与我们同住My grandfather came to live with us.
妈妈说他是过于思念外婆才会如此迷惘Mom said he stared like that becau he misd Grandma.
但他怎么可能对我推心置腹呢That was not something Grandpa would ever talk about关心人的话
with me.
其实他在我面前总是沉默寡言As a matter of fact, he never talked about much of anything with me.
直到X莉的名字登上了当地报纸That is, until Juli appeared in the local newspaper.
布莱斯能和你聊聊吗"
有事吗"
Oh, Bryce.
May I speak with you"
What"
坐吧孩子Have a at, son.
跟我说说你的朋友X莉"贝克吧Tell me about your 抗感染药物
friend Juli Baker.
其实X莉算不上是我朋友Juli.
She's not exactly my friend.
为什么呢"
Oh.
Why's that"
你怎么突然问这个"
Why do you wanna know"
X莉"贝克登上梅菲尔德时报Now, Juli Baker did not wind up in The Mayfield Times可不是因为她天赋异禀for bein陈独秀生平
g an eighth-grade Einstein.
而是因为她赖在无花果树上No, she got front-page coverage becau she refud 死活不肯下来to climb out of a sycamore tree.
X莉"贝克和那棵白痴无花果树Juli Baker and that stupid sycamore tree.
她认为那棵树She always thought it was God's gift 是上帝对我们的恩赐to our little corner of the univer.
嘿布莱斯过来和我们一起爬树不"
Hey, Bryce.
Wanna e climb the tree with me and my brothers"
不了谢谢No, thanks.
布莱斯快上来嘛很好玩的Bryce.
e up here.
It's fun.
可以看到全世界呢我没空You can e everything.
I can't.
我爸爸让我帮他去修.
.
.
My dad needs me to help him fix修东西a thing.
拉倒吧That's all I needed.
我才不要和X莉"贝克一起爬树呢Climb up a tree with Juli Baker.
我可不想重温二年级的噩梦I'd be dragged right back into the cond grade.
布莱斯和X莉爬上树梢Bryce and Juli sitting in a tree.
我宁可下半辈子吃青豆度日Why don't you just make me eat lima beans for the rest of my life.
还有三个街区就来了It's three blocks away.
只剩两个喽Two blocks.
还有最后一个One block away.
还真把自己当回事最受不了她这种人了Like that's valuable information.
I hate it when she does that.
真希望校车哪天能罢工I like to think there's at least a chance the bus won't show.
这棵树在晨曦中显得尤为美丽你说对么"
I think the tree looks particularly beautiful in this light.
Don't you"
如果你所谓的美丽是指奇丑无比 If by "beautiful" you mean "unbelievably ugly," 那我绝对赞成the物理的英语
n, yes, I would agree.
你眼神不太好吧我真同情你You're just visually challenged.
I feel sorry for you.
眼神不太好"
"Visually challenged"
眼神不太好"
"Visually challenged"
她家不也是街坊邻里的笑柄么 This from the girl who lived in a hou 居然敢这么说我"
that was the joke of the neighborhood"
灌木爬满了窗台门前杂草丛生They had bushes growing over windows and weeds all over the place.
我老爸为此很是不爽It bugged my dad bigtime.
哟快瞧瞧Oh, there he is.
砌墙工当自己是大画家呢 The bricklayer who thinks he's a painter.
嫌那破车不够寒碜 That truck's not ugly enough in real life"
还得画幅画裱起来"
He's gotta make a painting of it"
人家的风景画可是集市上的抢手货No, he does landscapes.
Sells them at the county fair.
大家都夸赞他呢People say they're beautiful.
风景画"
要我说吧Landscapes"
Let me tell you something.
他要是能把院子拾掇拾掇The world would have more beauty in it这个世界一定会更加美好if he'd do a little landscaping on that piece of crap he calls a yard.
我真同情他老婆嫁了这么个梦想家I feel bad for his wife.
She married a dreamer.
梦想与现实间的冲突总得有一个人来承受Becau of that, one of the two of them will always be unhappy.
没错可为啥要殃及无辜呢"
Yeah, fine.
But why do we have to be unhappy"
和X莉"贝克成天赖在树上相比As annoying as the yard was to my dad她家那院子其实也不见得有多惹人生厌it was nothing pared to how annoying Juli Baker was in that tree.
还有三个街区哦Three blocks away.
每天早上我们都不得不忍受Every morning we had to listen to the sound她极为啰嗦的交通播报of her blow-by-blow traffic report.
还有两个了Two blocks.
到喽There you go.
为什么要叫"三个臭皮匠"呢"
Why do they call it The Three Stooges"
明明有五个人啊什么"
I mean, there's five of them.
