1.I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. We live in a society where pizza gets to your hou before the police.
5. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
6. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
7. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
8. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
9. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
10. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
如何让阴道变紧11.Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you e him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
12.Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
13. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
14. The early bird might get the worm, but the cond mou gets the chee.
15. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
16. 舒眉Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
暗黑破坏神317.Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
18. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is rearch.
19. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
20. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
给母校的一封信
21. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
谭千秋老师
22. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you e one tumble down the stairs.
有关爱情23. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are xy.
24. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
25.Laugh at your problems, everybody el does.
26. It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
27. Why do Americans choo from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
28. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
29. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
30. Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", becau they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surpri.
31. Some cau happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
32. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
33. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
34. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
35. If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
36. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
37. Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
38. Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.
39. If you can't convince them, confu them.
40. Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
41, The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
42. By the time a man realis that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.
43. Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
44. By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.
45. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
46. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
47. They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
什么是互文48. Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
49. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are nsitive, caring, and good-looking? Becau tho men already have boyfriends.
50. 美食的英语Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
51. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
