Unit 11 Open the Door to Forgiveness
Lewis B. Smedes
It’s surgery of the soul, the loving， healing way to create new beginnings out of past pain.同济大学建筑系
珍珠粉的作用1.Someone hurt you, maybe yesterday， maybe long ago， and you cannot forget it. You did not derve the hurt and it has lodged itlf in your memory, where it keeps on hurting.
2.You are not alone。 We all muddle our way through a world where even well-meaning people hurt one another。 A friend betrays us； a parent abus us; a spou leaves us。
3.Philosopher Hannah Arendt believes that the only power that can stop the stream of painful memories is the “faculty of forgiving”。 In that spirit， one December day in 1983， Pope John Paul II walked into a cell of Rebibbia prison outside Rome to meet Mehmet Ali Agca。 The Pope took the hand of the man who had tried to kill him, and forgave him。
4.For most of us， however， it is not easy to forgive。 Forgiving ems almost unnatural.
Our n of fairness tells us that people should pay for the wrong they do. But in forgiving we can move from hurting and hating to healing and reconciliation。
5.Hate is our natural respon to deep and unfair hurts. A woman wishes her former husband would be mirable with his new wife。 A man who friend has betrayed him hopes the friend will be fired from his job. Hate is a malignancy that festers and grows, stifling joy and threatening our health. It hurts the hater more than the hated。 It must be cut out — for our own sake。
6.How can this be done？ How can you let go of a hurt, the way a child opens his hands and frees a trapped butterfly？ Here are guidelines to help you begin to forgive:
7.Confront your malice. None of us wants to admit that we hate someone, so we hide it from ourlves。 But the fury denied rages beneath the surface and infects all our relationships。 Admitting our hate compels us to make a decision about the surgery of the soul we call forgiving。 We must acknowledge what has happened, face up to the other person and say: “You did me wrong."
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8.Liz was an assistant professor of biology at a university in California。 She was a good teacher， and the chairman of her department promid to ask the dean to promote her. Instead， his report was so critical of her performance that the dean advid her to look for another job.
9.Liz hated the chairman for betraying her， but she needed a recommendation from him. When he said how sorry he was that his support could not convince the dean, she pretended to believe him。 But she could not keep up the duplicity. One day she confronted him. His embarrasd denial enabled Liz to e him for the weak person he was。 She began to feel the power she needed to forgive him and， in her decision to do so， was t free of her hate.
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10.Separate the wrongdoer from the wrong。 The Bible describes， in the ancient drama of atonement, how God took a bundle of human sins off man’s back， tied it to a goat, and nt the “scapegoat” to a “solitary land”. Forgiving is finding a new vision of the person who has wronged us, the person stripped of his sins — who really lives beneath the cloak of his wrongdoing。大节目
11.The first gift we get when we parate the wrong from the wrongdoer is insight. As we come to e the deeper truth about people — that they are fallible — our feelings change. At 16 my adopted daughter， Cathy, was a hothead who bitterly rented her natural mother for giving her away。 Why had she not been worth keeping? Then she found out that her parents had been very young and poor and not married.
12.About this time， one of Cathy’s friends became pregnant and, in fear and doubt, gave up her baby for adoption。 Cathy shared her friend’s conflict, and was sure her decision had been right. Gradually she came to feel that her own mother， too, had done the right thing — she had given her baby away becau she loved her too much to keep her. Cathy’s new understanding brought her rentment down to forgiving size.
爱在冬天13.Let go of the past。 A friend of mine， a beautiful actress, was left crippled by a car accident a few years ago. Her husband stayed with her until she had partially recovered. Then, coldly， he left her。
14.She could have mortgaged her future to hate. Instead, she forgave her husband and
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wished him well。 I was skeptical。 “Suppo he married a xy young starlet. Would you wish him to be happy with her？”
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15.“Yes, I would,” she answered.
16.This does not mean my friend has entirely forgotten the hurt。 In fact， forgetting too soon may be a dangerous way to escape forgiving’s inner surgeries. Once we have forgiven， however, forgetting is a sign of health. We can forget， eventually, becau we are healed.
17.Don’t give up on forgiveness — keep working at it。 As a boy， the British scholar C. S. Lewis was badly hurt by a bully of a teacher。 For most of his life he could not forgive the teacher and this troubled him. But not long before he died, he wrote to a friend: “Only a few weeks ago, I realized suddenly that I had at last forgiven the cruel schoolmaster who so darkened my childhood. I’d been trying to do it for years, and each time I thought I’d done it, I found it had to be attempted again. But this time I feel sure it is the real thing.”
