2021“外研社·国才杯”写作⼤赛冠军选⼿议论⽂展⽰！
2021“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作⼤赛全国决赛佳作展⽰已更⾄最后⼀期啦！今天，让我们隆重欢迎写作全国冠军武汉纺织⼤学黄昕婷同学携议论⽂最⾼分作品登场！还有写作教学专家⼭东⼤学邵春燕副教授给予专业评析，讲解写作诀窍！⼀起来看！
议论⽂真题
Write an essay in respon to the passage below. You should discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the passage and explain your reasons for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the author’s opinion might or might not hold true and explain how the considerations shape your position. You should provide your own title and write about 800 words.
Are human beings more or less
intelligent nowadays?
Ever since human beings evolved on Earth, they have been using their intelligence to make their lives easier. They have discovered natural laws, made tools, built facilities and adapted to their environment.
Inventions and discoveries have liberated people from tedious work and with the assistance of technology in this information age, this process has been ever more accelerated.
Nevertheless, some argue that technological development has rendered humans lazier and ignorant. Throughout history most humans have had to do some manual work: from weaving cloth to repairing equipment. However, many people have gradually lost the skills as such work is increasingly done by machines. Artificial intelligence allows machines to perform even more intricate operations with pre-installed instructions. It is true that intelligent people are still masters of such technology so that some individuals will u their intelligence to develop and control machines. However, the majority of people are being deprived of the necessity to think and to find solutions to complex situations on a daily basis. Human beings as a whole are becoming much less intelligent than their ancestors.
⼩U马上请出冠军黄昕婷⼩姐姐，听她分享最⾼分议论⽂的诞⽣之路！
蒋玮选⼿破题思路
黄昕婷
武汉纺织⼤学
2021“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作⼤赛全国冠军
审题后，我将作⽂的观点确定为：科技发展不仅不会让⼈类变得愚蠢，反⽽还会促进⼈类智慧。全⽂⽤了三个分论点来⽀撑这⼀⼤论点。
●分论点⼀
科技发展和⼈类对其极⼤的向往能激发创造⼒，⽽创造⼒正是⼈类intelligence的象征。通过三个例⼦⼀⼀证实：微信、⽀付宝这类通讯和⽀付平台衍⽣出打车、订票等⼀系列便捷服务；智能计算体系⽇益成熟后太空探索领域的⽇新⽉异；能源转换装置促使新型能源利⽤的发展。
这些例⼦以平⾏且结构相似的句式描写，均⽤于证明科技发展激发⼈类更强⼤的创造⼒，展现⼈类智慧的魅⼒。
●分论点⼆
科技发展之下，⼈类更能充分展现其独有的共情能⼒/情商（也属于⼈类intelligence的⼀种）。例证中，以医疗科技为背景，⾼科技⼿段为医⽣减负减压的同时，给予他们更多时间和精⼒去照顾病⼈精神层⾯的需求。在其他⾏业领域，亦是如此。
●分论点三
科技发展丰富教育学习途径，让求知道路更为便捷。以线上教育平台MOOC发展为例，加之王⼤康个⼈求学事例辅以佐证，阐述科技进步带动在线教育发展，使更多⼈有机会通过⾃学获得提升。
个⼈认为这篇⽂章在结构上较为规范、逻辑清晰、衔接紧密；内容相对充实，有丰富例证⽀撑。但不⾜之处在于个别例⼦可能不太有代表性，因此说服⼒较弱，这⼀点今后仍需提⾼。
佳节作品欣赏
Ever-growing Intelligence,
An Ast of Human Beings
Gone are the days when human beings were compelled to resort to laborious physical efforts for the completion of their work, owing much to the fact that the age of technological scarcity has given way
to technological affluence in the 21st century. Such time-wasting tasks as heading for each individual for collecting statistics for rearch or arching for a rare book in a physical library has come off as anachronistic. Yet it remains hard for us to escape the latest overexcitement among the public about the issue that whether tho dexterous gadgets have evolved to be a substitution of our independent thoughts and intelligence. However cogent the above paragraph provided may em to be, I am still inclined to favor the vision that the burgeoning of technology-supported devices and machines, far from retarding or sapping our nimble minds, rves as a catalyst for our intelligence.
To begin with, the existence of technology, coupled with our yearnings to push ahead with it, gives ri to human creativity, a salient element ensuring a broadened mind, innovation, and thus social progress. In the popular imagination, our lust for labor-saving machines stems from idleness and laziness, or a n of hedonism. However, the caricature is incontrovertibly mistaken, considering over the cour of making a stab at production, novel ideas of thought-provoking significance are bound to be engendered. Typical of the come from some widely known cas. It is exactly the assistance of such catch-all platforms as Wechat and Alipay, originally for communication and mobile payment, that induced human creativity in designing and incorporating rvices like ride-hailing and ticket-booking in them. It is the very auspice of highly advanced calculation systems in terms of spac
ecraft production that enabled the first commercial spacecraft from Space X to be nt into space, equipped with a rather different mission of probing more of interest in the univer. It is the support of energy-conversion systems that triggered scientists and rearchers' novel ideas in transforming wave power into electricity, which has gained rudimentary outcomes in the Beijing Institute of Nanotechnology. Analogous cas to prove smart technologies work to sharpen our minds are far from exhaustive. It could be therefore concluded that human intelligence, especially our creativity, is boosted in the tech-rich era.
职场充电
In addition to enhanced human creativity, highly-advanced technology spares us from unfathomably complex issues and provides us with time and energy to fully demonstrate and develop our emotional intelligence that machines, however smart they are, are not in posssion of. To be specific, though tho machines deterred us from exerting a strong willingness to take physical action, they, at any rate, grant widened rooms for us to utilize our emotions —considered as one of human intelligence as well. A salient example of this could be found in hospitals. AI-powered diagnosis, in synergy with nanomedical robots, acts as a pressure buster for doctors in performing a ries of tests and complicated operations. Yet patients are always filled to overflowing with apprehension and terror in the face of such operations. Under the circumstance, what our doctors, al
ready rendered much more relaxed by tho smart machines, can do lies in showering the patient with utmost solace by giving verbal encouragement and emotional support. It is the same in other lines of business where human emotions and empathy therefore find their positions in the modern world. Hence, it is lucid that breakthroughs made in the field of sciences and technology ensure the enhancement of our emotional intelligence.
Apart from the above two points, under the never-ceasing growth of technological machines, human beings embark on a path of greater ea to grasp knowledge and arm themlves with maximized experti. Just as drones can make up for poor roads, learning platforms free of charge, such as MOOC (Massive Online Open Cours), overcome a deficiency of education of assured quality in some rural areas. For instance, the life story of Wang Dakang, a known ordinary figure in our society, made his way up in education with the assistance of technology. As a late starter in terms of learning, it was not until the age of 45 did he come up with the idea of pursuing a higher degree on the basis of nothing but a condary-school certificate. By resorting to the internet on which an ocean of study materials was available, Wang, at the age of 50 was enrolled in a college majoring in Journalism. Yet his pursuit for knowledge did not come to a halt after his graduation four years later, which could be demonstrated by his subquent lf-learning online in Literature and Music. At the a
光景的意思ge of 60, he was admitted by a prestigious university as a postgraduate student in Literature. From this, it is facile for us to witness that the initiative to learn even at an advanced age, on the contrary of being deprived, is even strengthened with the ri of the internet.
To recapitulate in short, the perspective that mankind is growing to be imbecile in today's technological age, in view of the above analysis, proves groundless most of the time and thus derves no justification for our support, since how we human beings behave is, in actuality, developing to be rather creative, emotionally smart, and knowledgeable. Therefore, it is time to mount a reversal of a misconception that the influx of advanced tech products threatens to retard our intellectual growth.
（为真实展⽰选⼿赛场上的写作风貌，⽂章为从iTEST 智能测评云平台中摘出的原⽣作品，仅供学习分享使⽤。）
专家点评
2元邵春燕⽼师
⼭东⼤学
副教授、硕⼠⽣导师、副系主任，北京⼤学外国语学院博⼠，伊利诺伊⼤学⾹槟分校联合培养博⼠，哈佛⼤学语⾔学系访问副教授。
主要研究兴趣为⼆语写作与句法—语义互动，现主持、参与省部级等各类项⽬28项，出版认知语⾔学专著三部，主编、副主编和参编教材共6部。主讲⾸批省⼀流课程《学术英语写作》；英语写作教学论⽂获省社科优秀成果⼆等奖；在中国⾼校外语UMOOC与中国⼤学MOOC平台主讲英语写作基础课程《⼈⼈会写作—Write with Me》。指导学⽣获得“外研社·国才杯”英语演讲⼤赛全国⼀等奖、⼆等奖、三等奖及⼭东省特等奖等。
⼀篇能打动⼈的作⽂，除了⾼超的语⾔技能，如丰富的词汇、复杂多样的句式、有效的衔接⼿段、合理的篇章布局等，更重要的是严谨的逻辑与⽂章的思想深度。
本⽂词汇丰富，选⼿能够驾驭⽐较⾼级的词汇，如anachronistic, incontrovertibly, auspice，在动词词组、名词词组、介词词组等之间灵活切换；语⾔能⼒不仅体现在通⽤表达，在专业领域的词汇量同样值得关注，如nano, AI-powered diagnosis, MOOC等，表现出选⼿突出的知识⾯和词汇⼴度。
胃疼能喝茶吗⽂章句式结构复杂，表达多样，选⼿能够娴熟使⽤富有层次的名词性短语、分词短语、各类关系从句。在第⼆段使⽤三
⽂章句式结构复杂，表达多样，选⼿能够娴熟使⽤富有层次的名词性短语、分词短语、各类关系从句。在第⼆段使⽤三个强调句 that排⽐举例进⾏论证，句式掌控能⼒强。插⼊语作为句⼦主要内容的补充和说明，是写作中体现语⾔技能的⼀⼤要素，⽽本⽂的⼀个显著特点就是对插⼊语频繁且有效的使⽤，如coupled with our yearnings to push ahead with it, originally for communication and mobile payment等等。
美国食物
在段落间的衔接⼿段⽅⾯，除了to begin with, in addition to, apart from这类外部连接，更多的是内在关联，如⽤于表达新技术产⽣的induced human creativity, enabled the first commercial spacecraft, triggered scientists and rearchers' novel ideas等同⼀个语义场的动词词组表达。
整篇⽂章采⽤ “总—分—总”结构，开头段在general statement直接表达观点倾向，阐述科技相对于⼈⼯的优点，⽽后引⼊本⽂的thesis statement——“技术加持不仅没有阻碍聪慧的思想，反⽽激发了⼈类智能的发展”，结构清晰，观点明确。中间三段为主体段，分别从技术激发⼈的创造性、促进⼈的情感充分发展、提供专业知识积累的便捷⼿段展开论述。主体段也采⽤“总—分—总”结构，主题句提出分论点，段落主体进⾏论证，总结句呼应主题句。最后总结段旨在总结全⽂，回应主旨。逻辑思路完整流畅。
然⽽，本⽂也有⼀些待改进之处。
⾸先，句⼦过长，导致语法错误（如the issue that whether）。
其次，第三个主体段的主要内容为技术进步使⼈能够更加便捷地获取专业知识，并列举详细案例进⾏阐释，但本段内容与全⽂主旨句the burgeoning of technology-supported devices and machines, far from retarding or sapping our nimble minds, rves as a catalyst for our intelligence 关联性较弱。
此外，总结段应总结主要内容并重述主旨，但是本⽂总结段提出的the perspective that mankind is growing to be imbecile in today's technological age, in view of the above analysis, proves groundless most of the time and thus derves no justification for our support在前⽂并未得到论证。
本⽂如能更充分地关照题⽬材料的⽴场或例证，注重观点与例证之间的紧密联系，会是⼀篇更精彩的佳作。然⽽，选⼿能在较短时间内构思⼀篇观点明确、结构合理、思路清晰、例证丰富的⽂章，难能可贵。
迄今，2021年度“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作⼤赛全国决赛佳作赏析环节已经放送完毕啦！想回顾前两篇作品的可以戳下⽅链接！
2021“外研社·国才杯”写作⼤赛全国亚军记叙⽂展⽰！
2021“外研社·国才杯”写作⼤赛⾼分议论⽂展⽰！
相信U粉们细读过冠亚季军选⼿的⾼分作⽂和专家点评后⼀定收获良多，希望⼤家今后在英⽂写作中能够活⽤所学，在2022全新赛季中锻炼技能、提升⾃我！
为助你实现能⼒提升，⼩U贴⼼奉上精品数字课程！快来跟名师系统学习更多实⽤写作知识，扫描下⽅⼆维码即可获取多种⽂体应对技巧、写作重难点破解⽅法！一次性奖金个税计算器
《写作⼤赛全程通关》
扫码学习
