Thanks for the Best Laugh We've Had in Years
1 On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room.
2 But first she wanted to hide the quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her husband and carried the coin- laden bucket to the elevator.
3 As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was tall—very tall—an intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: "The two are going to rob me." Her next thought was: "Don't be a bigot; they look like perfectly nice gentlemen." But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear froze her blood. She stood and stared at the two men.
4 She felt anxious, upt and ashamed. She hoped they didn't read her mind but gosh, they had to know what she was thinking!!!
5 Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious now. Her face was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and
followed with the other foot and was on the elevator. Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they clod. A cond pasd, and then another cond, and then another. Her fear incread! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. "My God," she thought, "I'm trapped and about to be robbed!" Her heart sank. Sweat poured from every pore.
6 Then one of the men said, "Hit the floor." Instinct told her to do what they told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapd on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her. "Take my money and spare me," she prayed. More conds pasd. She heard one of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button." The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh.
7 The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up. Confud, she struggled to her feet. "When I told my friend here to hit the floor," said the average-sized one, "I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, Ma'am." He spoke pleasantly. He bit his lip.
8 It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing. The woman thought: "My God, what a spec
tacle I've made of mylf." She was too embarrasd to speak. She wanted to make an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going to rob you? She didn't know what to say. The three of them gathered up the scattered quarters and refilled her bucket.
9 When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room. She
emed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening. As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator. The woman brushed herlf off. She pulled herlf together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.
10 The next morning flowers were delivered to her room—a dozen ros. Attached to EACH ro was a crisp one-hundred-dollar bill.
人力资源六大模块是什么11 The card said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years."
12 It was signed:
Eddie Murphy
Michael Jordan
谢谢您带给我们多年来最畅快的欢笑
恐怖故事短篇1 最近一个周末，有位女士在大西洋城玩老虎机，赢了满满一桶二十五美分的硬币。她暂时离开赌博机，与丈夫前往旅馆餐厅吃晚饭。
2 不过，她想先去客房把硬币藏起来。“我去一会儿就回来，然后我们再去吃饭。”她对她的丈夫说道，之后，便提着满满一桶硬币朝电梯走去。
3 她正要走进电梯时，看到电梯里已经有两位男乘客。两位都是黑人，其中一位个头很高，体型令人望而生畏。这位女士一下子愣住了。她的第一反应是：“这两个男人会打劫我。”她转而又想：“不要戴着‘有色眼镜’看人；他们看上去完全像是绅士。”然而，种族偏见的力量是强大的，恐惧使她浑身发凉。她定在那里，眼睛紧盯着眼前两位男子。
4 她开始焦虑，心神不定，又感到不好意思。她希望他们没有看出她的心思，但是，天啊，他们肯定已经知道她在琢磨什么了！
5 要不要进去和他们同乘一部电梯？她迟疑不决的态度已经太过明显了。她涨得满脸通红。老站着不动也无济于事，于是她横下心来，抬起一只脚往前挪，接着另一只脚也跟了进来，站在电梯内。她不
敢抬眼，僵直地转过身，脸朝外，这时，电梯门合上了。时间一秒一秒地过去。她越来越害怕！电梯纹丝不动。她陷入了恐惧的深渊。“我的天啊，”她暗忖，“我被困在这里，要遭人劫财！”她的心往下沉，每个毛孔都在冒汗水。
6 这时，她听到其中一个人说：“趴下（与“按下楼层”同音）。”她的本能反应就是照着他们的话做。于是她张开双臂，趴在了电梯地板上，满桶的硬币飞向空中，洒了出去。硬币如雨点般落在了她的身上。她在心里默祷：“把钱拿去吧，饶我一命。”又过了几秒钟，她听到其中一位男子彬彬有礼地说：“夫人，您只要告诉我您要去几楼，我们来按按钮。”说这话的人有点费力才把话说完，尽力忍住没有放声大笑。
新鲜人
7 这位女士抬起头望着这两位男乘客。他们弯下腰，把她搀扶起来。她满腹疑惑，挣扎着站了起来
。“我叫我这个朋友按楼层，”那位普通个头的男子说，“意思是叫他按我们要去的楼层的按钮。夫人，我并非要您趴在地上。”他说话时态度和蔼，紧咬着嘴唇。
8 很显然，他在极力忍住不笑出来。该女士心想：“我的天啊，真是丢人现眼，出大洋相了！”她羞愧难当，默不做声。她想要道一声歉，却不知如何开口。把两位绝对体面正派的绅士看作劫匪，如何请求他们的谅解？她不知该怎么说。他们三人拾起散落的硬币，重新放进了桶里。
9 电梯在她要去的楼层停下了，两位男士坚持要陪她到她的客房，因为她的脚步似乎有点摇晃，他们担心她在过道里会有闪失。他们将她送到门口，然后道了晚安。她迅速进入客房，耳边传来他们走回电梯时发出的哈哈大笑。她掸了掸灰，定了定神，便来到楼下与丈夫一起用餐。
10 第二天早晨，鲜花送到了她的客房——是12朵玫瑰，每一朵玫瑰都附上了一张崭新的百元美钞。
相对的英语11 卡片上写着：“谢谢您带给我们多年来最畅快的欢笑。”
12 落款是：
艾迪·墨菲
迈克尔·乔丹
Harboring Ill Feelings
1 There was once a little boy who dreamed of sailing around the world. He shared his dream with his mother and father, his teachers and schoolmates, his minister and his friends. But instead of embracing his dream and encouraging him to follow his heart's desire, they made fun of him, laughed at him and belittled his vision.
2 "You will never sail around the world," his father scoffed. "When you are of age, I will get you a job at the factory where I work and you will follow in my footsteps."
3 "But I don't want to follow in your footsteps, I want to sail on the open as and visit new lands," the little boy protested. The father just laughed and shook his head, showing no faith in his son or his dream.
4 The kids at school also made fun of him, so much so that he stopped sharing his thoughts and desires and kept them hidden within his heart, until the time arrived, when he could make them a reality.
北岛诗选
5 It emed that the world's thumb was pressing the boy down throughout his adolescence. Within fifteen years, the boy became a man. He had worked two jobs night and day saving his money, so he could put a down payment on a sailboat.
6 He answered an ad in the newspaper and t up a meeting with the owner of a sailboat at the local harbor. The young man bought the boat on site and immediately paid the down payment and signed the sales agreement. He was so happy he began to share the news with everyone he knew. They were surprid, to say the least, and wished him well, while never admitting they were wrong. But he
didn't care, becau now, he owned his own sailboat.
7 The next day, he went to the harbor intending to take his boat out on
the water, when he saw official-looking men surrounding his newly purchad sailboat. The men were federal agents who were preparing to ize the boat. The man who sold the boat was a con man and drug runner and the boat was now being confiscated in a federal drug sting operation.
8 The young man had lost his life's savings. He was horrified! The federal agents said they would be back in the morning to take posssion of the boat and left without even showing concern for the young man's loss. As the young man was leaving, the harbormaster prented him with a bill in the amount of twelve hundred dollars for past docking fees, owed by the previous owner.
9 This was the last straw. The young man curd the harbormaster and left. He came back later with a can of black spray paint and painted over the sign on the boat, which displayed the boat's name, " Serenity". He then wrote the new name he was now giving the boat, "Ill Feelings". He got on the boat and started to sail out to a. If he could have the boat for only one night, then he was going to sail it.
10 The harbormaster waved his arms and yelled for the young man to stop, that there was a storm coming. But the young man just curd him again and continued heading out to a.
11 Sure enough, after sailing ten miles out a storm overtook the boat, tossing it from side to side. The young man frantically headed the boat back to shore. When he was a mile from the harbor, he radioed the harbormaster and asked him to prepare for his docking. The harbormaster told him no, that he wouldn't let him dock at his harbor.
12 "Was it becau of what I said," the young man said in desperation.
13 "No, I never hold a grudge," the harbormaster said. "One thing is for sure… I never harbor ill feelings!"
心怀怨恨
1 有一个小男孩梦想着驾船环游世界，他把自己的梦想告诉给父母、老师、同学，告诉他的牧师和朋友们。然而他们不但不接受和鼓励他去实现自己的梦想，反而取笑他、嘲弄他，轻视他的憧憬。
2 “你永远不可能驾船环游世界。”他的父亲嘲笑道。“等你长大后，我会在我工作的工厂给你找份工作，你将跟我过一样的日子。”
3 “但我不想跟你一样，我想航行在辽阔的海洋上，见识见识陌生的国家。”小男孩抗议道。他父亲只是笑了笑，摇了摇头，对儿子和儿子的梦想没有什么信心。
4 在学校里，同学们也拿他开玩笑，以至于他再也不愿和他们交流想法和愿望，而是把这些想法和愿望埋藏在心底，等待着有一天能把它们变成现实。
5 在他年少时期，好像全世界都不支持他的想法。十五年后他长大成人了，他夜以继日地干着两份工作，终于攒够了购买一艘船所需的首付金。
6 他看到了报纸上的一则广告并写了回信，在当地港口见
了那个船主。这个年轻人当场买下了那艘船，并立刻付了首付金，签订了买卖合同。他太高兴了，把这个消息告诉给了所有他认识的人。他们很惊讶，这样说毫不夸张，但他们还是祝他一切顺利，然而绝不承认自己是错的。但他并不在乎这些，因为现在他拥有了自己的船。
体内湿气重吃什么食物7 第二天，他来到港口，打算让船下水，这时他看见一些官员模样的人正围着他新买的船。这些人是联邦特工，准备扣押这条船。卖船的那个人是个骗子和毒贩，这条船在联邦缉毒行动中也将被没收。
8 年轻人失去了他一生的积蓄。他非常震惊！联邦特工说他们第二天上午要过来没收这条船。他们离开时对这个年轻人的损失没有表现出一点同情。当年轻人要离开时，港务长给他一张1200美元的泊船
复制粘贴的快捷键费用账单，费用是先前的船主所欠下的。
9 忍无可忍。年轻人把港务长骂了一通离开了。过了一会他带了一罐黑色的喷漆回来，把船的标志SERENITY（宁静）用漆盖上。然后给这条船写上了新名字ILL FEELINGS（怨恨）。他登上船开始航行出海。即使他对这条船只能拥有一晚，他也要去航行。
10 港务长挥舞着手臂，高喊着暴风雨即将来临，要年轻人停下来。但是这个年轻人又一次咒骂他，继续向大海的方向驶去。
11 果然，航行十英里后，风暴袭击了小船，船被抛来抛去。年轻人狂乱地驾船返回岸边。在离港口还有一英里时，他用无线电向港务长发出信号，让他为他泊船做准备。港务长告诉他不行，他不会让他把船停泊在他的港口。
12 “是因为我说过的话吗？”年轻人绝望地说。
13 “不，我从不心怀怨恨。”港务长说。“这一点毫无疑问——我从不让‘怨恨’停留！”
Bathroom Policy
—by Hanno Beck
1 We were four college sophomores. And we were not going to live in a dorm, no sir, we figured that we were smart, mature fellows and so we arranged to rent a hou. Each person would have his own private bedroom and we would share the bathroom. Four guys, one bathroom. That sounds reasonable, right?
2 But let me tell you about Edward. Nobody wanted to u the bathroom after Edward becau something would be finished, gone, ud up. No toilet paper? No soap? Edward somehow emed always to be the last person to u the things. It reduced the value of the bathroom for the rest of us, yet we got no compensation. Edward was a taker. That felt unfair.
3 How about Charlie? Well, he had a problem too—shaving. It was always a disappointment to e Charlie walk into the bathroom, becau by the time he was done, you would find shaving cream on the mirror, on the sink, on the floor. Lots of shaving cream was all over the place. And if it doesn't get cleaned up,
英语100怎么读
