Green Salami
That is the best—to laugh with someone becau you both think the same things are funny.
胆固醇偏低Gloria Vanderbilt
西部游Sometime during the venth grade two things happened to me. The first was that I got hooked on salami. Salami sandwiches, salami and chee, salami on crackers— I couldn’t get enough of the salty, spicy sausage. The other thing was that my mom and I weren’t getting along really well. We weren’t fighting really badly or anything, but it just emed as if all she wanted to do was argue with me and tell me what to do. We also didn’t laugh together much anymore. Things were changing, and my mom and I were the first to feel it.
As far as the salami went, my mom wouldn’t buy any becau she said it was too expensive and not that good for me. To prove my emerging independence, I decided to go ahead and eat what I wanted anyway. So one day I ud my allowance to buy a full sausage of dry salami.wps打印预览
Now a problem had to be solved: Where would I put the salami? I didn’t want my mom to e it. So I hid it in the only place that I knew was totally safe—under my bed. There was a special corner under the bed that the upright Hoover couldn’t reach and that my mom rarely had the ambition to clean. Under the bed went the salami, back in the corner—in the dark and the dust.
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护肝养肝吃什么好A couple of weeks later, I remembered the delicious treat that was waiting for me. I peered beneath the bed and saw . . . not the salami that I had hidden, but some green and hairy object that didn’t look like anything I had ever en before. The salami had grown about an inch of hair, and the hair was standing straight up, as if the salami had been surprid by the sudden appearance of my face next to its hiding place. Being the picky eater I was, I was not interested in consuming any of this object. The best thing I could think of to do was . . . absolutely nothing.
Sometime later, my mom became obsd with spring cleaning, which in her ca meant she would clean places that had never en the light of day. Of cour, that meant
阿米卡星洗剂under my bed. I knew in my heart that the moment would soon come when she would find the object in its hiding place. During the first two days of her frenzy, I watched carefully to judge the time when I thought she would find the salami. She washed, she scrubbed, she dusted . . . she screamed! She screamed and screamed and screamed. “Ahhhhhh . . . ahhhhhh . . . ahhhhhh!” The screams were coming from my room. Alarms went off in my head. She had found the salami!
“What is it, Mom?” I yelled as I ran into my room.
“There is something under your bed!”
“What’s under my bed?” I opened my eyes very wide to show my complete innocence.
“Something . . . something . . . I don’t know what it is!” She finally stopped screaming. Then she whispered, “Maybe it’s alive.”
I got down to look under my bed.
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“Watch out!” she shouted. “I don’t know what it is!” she said again. She pushed me to one side. I was proud of the bravery she was demonstrating to save me from the “something” in spite of her distress.
I was amazed at what I saw. The last time I had looked at the salami, the hair on it was about an inch long and fuzzy all over. Now, the hair had grown another three inches, was a gray-green color and had actually started to grow on the surrounding area as well. You could no longer tell the actual shape of what the hair was covering. I looked at my mom. Except for the color, her hair cloly rembled the hair on the salami: It was standing straight up, too! Abruptly she got up and left the room, only to return five conds later with the broom.
Using the handle of the broom, she poked the salami. It didn’t move. She poked it harder. It still didn’t move. At that point, I wanted to tell her what it was, but I couldn’t em to make my mouth work. My chest was squeezing with an effort to repress the laughter that, unbidden, was threatening to explode. At the same time, I was terrified of her rage when
she finally discovered what it was. I was also afraid she was going to have a heart attack becau she looked so scared.
Finally my mom got up her nerve and pushed the salami really hard. At that same exact moment, the laughter I had been trying to hold back exploded from my mouth. She dropped the broom and looked at me.
“What’s so funny?” my mom asked. Up clo, two inches from my face, she looked furious. Maybe it was just the position of having her head lower than her bottom that made her face so red, but I was sure she was about to poke me with the broom handle. I sure didn’t want that to happen becau it still had some pieces of gray-green hair sticking to it. I felt kind of sick, but then another one of my huge laughs erupted. It was as if I had no control over my body. One followed another, and pretty soon I was rolling on the floor. My mom sat down—hard.
大蒜止咳
“What is so funny?!”
“Salami,” I managed to get out despite the gales of laughter that I had no control over. “Salami! Salami!” I rolled on the floor. “It’s a salami!”
