Got the Money Anyway
（舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。）
(This short play is t in a restaurant named "Scottish Taste / Feel." Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chine tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)
赵本山：到了。Uncle Zhao Here we are.
毛毛： 到了。Yadar Here we are.
赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不，苏格兰情调，今天就在这吃了
红花片Uncle Zhao Is this the most pricy eatin' spot in Tieling: "Scottish Taste / Fool."?we will eat here today.
毛毛： 爷爷，这家老贵的啦。Yadar But it's very expensive.
赵本山：贵？咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢？
Uncle Zhao So what? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag?
毛毛： 完了，让我落炕上了.Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed.
赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗？兜里还有钱吗？
Uncle Zhao So what can you do at all? Any money left on you?
毛毛： 兜里，多少钱哪才？才70多块钱。Yadar Let (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.
宾阳高中
赵本山：我还有400。行，够了。Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.
毛毛： 这也不能够啊。Yadar Still not enough.
赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员！Uncle Zhao No matter. Waiter!
(Shenyang, the waiter, enters.)
丹参功效
小沈阳：对不起大爷，我们这是高档酒店，不收农副产品。
Shenyang Sorry, sir. We're of high class here. We don't take on stuff from street peddlers.
赵本山：不是，我们是吃饭的。不像啊？
Uncle Zhao We're your customers. Don't we look like it?
芹菜粥小沈阳：哎呀妈啊？真的啊？不太像啊Shenyang Aiya!realy?Not quite.
赵本山：我说姑娘啊，这顿饭非常重要。Uncle Zhao We're gonna have an important meal here, miss.
小沈阳：妈呀，你管谁叫姑娘呢，人家是纯爷们 Don't you call me a miss. I'm a man - from the inside out.
赵本山：咋这么个打扮，还穿个裙子呢。Uncle Zhao Then how c'me you wearin' a skirt?
小沈阳：这是按我们苏格兰风格来包装的。再说也不是裙子啊，这不七分裤吗。你看，是有腿的哦。妈呀，着急穿跑偏了。妈呀，我说走道咋没有裆呢。
Shenyang Why, it's men's wear in Scottish style. See, it's no skirt but Capri pants. Look at this, look. Oh, damn it, I didn't get into one of the trours in a hurry. No wonder I feel different while walking.
赵本山：行了，小伙子我跟你说呀，今天我要请一位重要客人吃饭，你一定要招待好。
和文Uncle Zhao Alright !I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a damn' important guest here in a minute. You should do you' best.
Shenyang No problem.
赵本山：来来来，我问问你，你们这个酒店，如果要最贵的都点上，得多少钱？
Uncle Zhao How much does a meal cost here if we order nothin' but the best.
小沈阳：得一、两万的。Shenyang About 10,000 to 20,000.
赵本山：啊，那啥，有没有这种情况，今儿个吃完了，明儿个来结账？
Uncle Zhao Whut if s'mebody eats today and pays tomorrow?
小沈阳：打白条儿啊？Shenyang You'll give me an IOU?
赵本山：不是啊，不是打白条，不差钱，有钱。喏。
Uncle Zhao Not that. I've got the money anyway. Take this.
小沈阳：啥意思？Shenyang What's it?
赵本山：小费。ncle Zhao A tip for you.
小沈阳：妈呀，大爷你真敞亮，你太帅了。Shenyang Oh,thank you, sir - you look cool!
赵本山：我跟你说这不白给啊。一会儿客人到了，你一定要给足我面子，明白吗？我到点菜的时候，你得替我兜着点。
感恩祖国Uncle Zhao Still, you ain't get it for nothin'. When my guest c'mes, you put on a show with me. If I order expensive food, you should stop me doin' so.
小沈阳：咋兜呢？Shenyang Like how?
赵本山：既把面子给了，但是呢又不能花得......太狠。我要点贵菜......
Uncle Zhao Showin' due respect for my guest, yes. Spendin' too much on a meal, no. Whut if I ask for somethin' dear?
内团体
小沈阳：我就说没有呗。Shenyang I'll say "sorry, this we don't have."
赵本山：哎呀妈呀，你太厉害了。来来来，拿点。再给你30，来。
Uncle Zhao You're smart. C'me, here's another 30 yuan.
小沈阳：我跟你都明码的哦。Shenyang I'm not gonna cheat you when it comes to prices.
赵本山：谢谢。Uncle Zhao Thank you, boy.
小沈阳：放心吧。Shenyang Nothing much.
毛毛： 爷爷，我有点饿了。Yadar Grandpa, I'm hungry.
赵本山：饿了？来碗面条。Uncle Zhao How much's a bowl of noodles?
小沈阳：呃，78一碗。Shenyang 78 yuan.
赵本山：啥面？这么贵。Uncle Zhao Whut noodles can be so expensive?
小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面。Shenyang Scottish sauced noodles.
赵本山：是不是卤子贵？Uncle Zhao Does the sauce cost much, too?
小沈阳：卤不要钱。Shenyang It's free.
赵本山：那就来碗卤子，先尝尝咸淡。快去，快去。沈从文故居
Uncle Zhao Get us a bowl of sauce, so we can e whether the taste's right. Quick.
小沈阳：妈呀，没这么上过呀。Shenyang That's no way to rve a meal, sir.
赵本山：那是我没来，我要来，你早就这么上了。去吧去吧。
Uncle Zhao You think so only becu I didn't show up here before. Now it's time to make s'me change.
小沈阳：这老爷子，我要说面条不要钱，要面条了你还。
Shenyang (to himlf) Had I said the noodles are free, he would've asked for noodles. (Exits)
赵本山：来，站起来。跟你说，一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了，你一定要给我争个脸，好不？这是人生最好的一次机会，知道吗？爷爷培养了你，都已经四十多年了。
Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Listen here, Yadar. When Mr. Bi from CCTV's Starlight Broadway c'mes, you must show you' best, OK? It's the best opport'nity for you' own future. Grandpa's been preparin' you over the past 40-plus years.
毛毛： 爷爷，我才多大。Yadar Grandpa, e how old I am now.
赵本山：我还培养你爸三十多年呢。你爸那是个半成品，我都给培养成文化站站长了。你一定要超过他，有决心吗？
Uncle Zhao I prepared you' daddy for 30 extra years. Though he ain't good enough, he's the chief of the township's cultural center. So you really should outdo him. Can you make it or not?
