英语双关语笑话23篇 English Puns
嘘枯吹生
Three tomatoes are walking down the street, a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. The baby tomato is lagging behind the poppa and momma tomato. The poppa tomato gets mad, goes over to the momma tomato and stamps on him --
(STAMPS on the ground)
-- and says： catch up.
雪无情
There once was a very large lady in our town. She wore a dress size 16. I knew her when she was young, but she had a much smaller size.
Why do you think she is now wearing a size 16?
I guess she just 8 + 8 (ate and ate).
Submitted by David Trimingham
A man wanting to borrow another man's newspaper asks, "Are you finishe(d)?"
The other man replies, "No, I'm Norwegian."
Submitted by Aleksander Erikn
I was arrested at the airport. Just becau I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
Submitted by Carcelli's family
A woman was driving in her car on a narrow road. She was knitting at the same time, so she was driving very slowly.
A man came up from behind and he wanted to pass her. He opened the window and yelled, "Pull over! Pull over!"
The lady yelled back, "No, it's a sweater!"
Submitted by： Britt Bolving Hann
Two friends meet and one of them says："I've taught my dog how to speak English!" 眼睛进入异物的处理方法
"That's impossible", says the other man."Dogs don't speak!"
"It's true! I'll show you." He turns to his dog, "How's the situation in England?"
The dog answers： "Rough, rough."
Submitted by： Alexandra Pedro
考试大
One day an English grammar teacher was looking ill.
信封书写格式A student asked, "What's the matter?"
"Ten," answered the teacher, describing how he felt.
The student paud, then continued, "What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been ?"
Submitted by： Fredric
Teacher： Rumiko, be careful your pur is open. Someone might take your money!
Rumiko： Oh, no. I left it open so I can get more money.
Teacher： How can you get more money?
Rumiko： The weather report said we would have some change in our weather!
Submitted by Walter Lowe, aka "Anonymou"
Boyfriend： What is your favorite music group?
Girlfriend： I love U2!
Boyfriend： I love you too, but what is your favorite music group?
Submitted by Phyllis
A hor walks into a bar and the bartender says, "So what's with the long face?"
Submitted by Joe Cohen Sped Teacher
I hear this new cemetry is very popular. People are just dying to get in.
Submitted by Glen Ash
One day a man went to e the Mozart's tomb. 工程月报
When he got there, the tomb was open and Mozart was sitting there tearing up pieces of paper.
The men asked： "What are you doing with all of your great works of music?"
Mozart repied, "I'm decomposing!".
Submitted by Marcia Villasana
There is this man who meets a fairy. He is granted three wishes. Having wished for his most urgent needs the man us his third wish to ask the fairy to return and give him three more wishes.
The fairy complies and says： "You can call me whenever you want."
"How can I call you. Plea tell me your name." the man says.
"My name is Nuff," says the fairy.
"Well", says the man "That is an odd name. I have never heard of it before."
The fairy replies, "Surely you will have heard of Fairy Nuff." (fair enough)
Submitted by： Uli (Paderborn, Germany)
[This one works best when spoken aloud.]
Once upon a time a mother skunk had two children named "In" and "Out". They were very active children and whenever In was in, Out was out. When Out was in, In was out.
One day when Out was in and In was out, the mother skunk said "Out, go out and find In and tell In to come in." Out went out to find In to bring In back in. Within a minute, Out came back in from going out and Out brought In right back in.
Amazed, the mother skunk said, "Out, you just went out to find In and brought In right back in! How did you do it?"
To this, Out replied "Instinct!" [In stinked]
Submitted by Walter Lowe
What's the difference between white socks and red socks?
(Students will most likely answer the color)
Then you say, "yes, that's one difference but there's another：
大敌当前The White Sox play in Chicago and the Red Sox play in Boston!
Submitted by： Rolando Silva
华罗庚简介及主要事迹
In London, one man to another：
A： "You know, my daughter has married an Irishman"
B： "Oh, really?"
A： "No, O'Reilly"
Submitted by： Scalmo (Italy)
A man walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder. He walks up to the bar and asks for a pint for himlf and a half pint for Tiny, his lizard.
The barman looks a little taken aback but rves him and Tiny. Finally, curiosity gets the better of him;
Barman： Why do you call him Tiny?
Man： Becau he's my newt.
It pays to be prepared to teach newt, lizard and minute afterwards, but expect a few groans as the penny drops!
Submitted by Andy Harvey, Solihull College, UK.
