英语幽默故事

30则英语经典幽默故事（二）

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下面是店铺整理的30则英语经典幽默故事，希望大家喜欢!

英语经典幽默故事1.

Theclerkatthepost-officecountertoldthewoman,“You

havetoputanotherstamponthisletter-it’stooheavy.”

Shereplied,“Andthat’llmakeitlighter?”

英语经典幽默故事2.

Awomantryingonpairafterpairofshoesinsistedthatshe

hadtohaveapairthatwereextremelycomfortable,“Ihave

waterontheknee,“shefinallyexplained.

“Oh,wellthen,howaboutthe?”askedtheclerk,

openinganotherbox.“They’repumps,”

英语经典幽默故事3.

“Ibegyourpardon,”saidthemanreturningtohisatin

thetheater,“butdidIsteponyourtoeswhenIleft?”

“Youcertainlydid!”answeredtheannoyedpatron.

Themanturnedtohiscompanion.“Honey,comeon,”he

said,“We’reintherightnow!”

英语经典幽默故事4.

“DidyouknowthatGeorgeWashington’sinaugural

speechlastedallofoneandahalfminutes?”askedJane.“I

guessthere’sjustnotmuchtosayifyou’reapoliticianwho

can’ttellalie.”

英语经典幽默故事5.

Ahuntingpartywashopelesslost.“Ithoughtyousaidyou

werethebestguideinMaine!”oneofthehuntersangrilysaid

totheirconfudleader.

“Iam,“repliedtheguide.“ButIthinkwe’reinCanada

now.”

英语经典幽默故事6.

Adoctor,anengineerandalawyerwerearguingoverwho

professionwastheoldest.“Onthesixthday,Godtookoneof

Adam’sribsandcreatedEve,“saidthedoctor.“Sothat

makeshimasurgeonfirst.”

“Plea,”saidtheengineer.“Beforethat,Godcreatedthe

worldfromchaosandconfusion,sohewasfirstanengineer.”

“Interestingly,”saidthelawyersmugly,“butwhodoyou

thinkcreatedthechaosandconfusion?”

英语经典幽默故事7.

Amanwalkedintoabarandsawanoldfrienddejectedly

nursingadrink.“Youlookterrible,”themansaid.

“MymotherdiedinMarchandleftme$10000,“saidthe

friend.“TheninAprilmyfatherdiesandleftme$20000.”

“Gee,that’stough,losingbothparentsintwomonths.”

“Thentotopitoff,“thefriendsaid.“myauntdiedlast

monthandleftme$50000.”

“Howsad.”

“Tellmeabout,”thefriendcontinued.“Sofarthismonth,

nothing.”

英语经典幽默故事8.

Onedayamanwentintoachemist’sshop,andsaid“Have

youanythingtocureaheadache?”

Thechemisttookabottlefromashelf,helditunderthe

gentleman’llwasso

strongthattearscameintotheman’yesandrandownhis

cheeks.

“Whatdidyoudothatfor?”hesaidangrily,assoonashe

couldgetbackhisbreath.

“Butthatmedicinehascuredyourheadache,hasn’tit?”

saidthechemist.

“Youfool,“saidtheman,“It’smywifethathasthe

headache,notme!”

英语经典幽默故事9.

PaddywastellingMikeofhisplanstomakealotofmoney.

“Iintendtobuyadozenswarmsofbeesandeverymorning

atdawnI’mgoingtoletthemintotheparkoppositetomy

houtospendalldaymakinghoney,whileIrelax.”

“Buttheparkdoesn’topenuntilnineo’clock,

“protestedMike.

“Irealizethat,“saidPaddy,“butIknowwherethereisa

holeinthefence.”

英语经典幽默故事10.

hisfirstnight’s

dutyhepaudtowatchalearnedprofessorwhowaspeering

enastarfell.

“Manalive!”exclaimedtheastonishedPaddy.“Youarea

fineshot.”

英语经典幽默故事11.

ged

verywellwithPUSHandPULLsignbuthewasenstruggling

withhisfingersunderadoormarkedLIFT.

英语经典幽默故事12.

W:Yoursnoringhasbecomeunbearable.

H:Howbadcoulditbe?

W:Well,ifyouhadbeensawingrealwood,you’dhave

wipedouthalfthetropicalrainforest.

英语经典幽默故事13.

Lecturingabouttheevilsofstayingoutlateandsleeping

awaythemorning,themanbegantoscoldhisteenageson.

“Youwillneveramounttoanythingunlessyouturnoveranew

leaf,“hesaid.“Rememberthattheearlybirdgetstheworm.”

“But,Dad,“arguedtheson,“wasn’tthewormstupid

forgettingupsoearly?”

“Thewormhadn’tbeentobed,”thefatherreplied.“He

wasonhiswayhome!”

英语经典幽默故事14.

W1:Workingfulltimeandtryingtodothehouworkreally

orkIcamehomeandwashedtheclothesand

owIhavetowashthekitchenfloorandthefront

window……”

W2:Whataboutyourhusband?

W1:Absolutelynot!Hecanwashhimlf.

英语经典幽默故事15.

Amanwenttoapetshoptobuyaparrot.“Wehavethree,”

saidtheclerk.“Thisblueonespeaksfourlanguagesandcosts

$1000,andtheredparrotknowssixlanguagesandcosts$2000.

Theorangeoneovertherecosts$30000,butdoesn’ttalkat

all.”Threethousands!”exclaimedtheman.“Howcomeso

much?”“Well,”theclerkwenton,“Wedon’tknowwhathe

does,buttheothertwocallhim‘boss’”

英语经典幽默故事16.

PETTHEORY:Withadog,youfeedhim,yougivehimplenty

ofaffection,andyoutakehimforwalksandhethinks,”Wow,

thisguymustbeaGod.”Withacat,however,youfeedhim,you

lovehim,youcareforhimandhethinks,“Wow,Imustbea

God.”

英语经典幽默故事17.

AcollegeEnglishprofessorwrotethewords“Woman

withouthermanissavage”ontheblackboard,anddirectedhis

studentstopunctuateitcorrectly.

Hefoundthemenlookedatitoneway,andthewomen

another.

Themaleswrote,“Woman,withoutherman,isasavage!”

Thefemaleswrote,“Woman!Withouther,manisasavage!”

英语经典幽默故事18.

A:Didyougiveyourwifethatlittlelectureoneconomyyou

talkedabout?

B:Yes.

A:Anyresults?

B:Yes,Ihavegottogiveupsmoking.

英语经典幽默故事19.

Speeder:WasIdrivingtoofast?

Cop:Heck,no!Youwereflyingtoolow.

英语经典幽默故事20.

A:Whyisyourcarpaintedblueononesideandredonthe

other?

B:uldhearwitness

contradictingeachother.

英语经典幽默故事21.

Amanwithtwobadlyburnedearswenttoehisdoctor.

“Whathappened?”Askedthedoctor.

“Well,”begantheman,“mywifewasironingwhileIwas

thehotironnearthe

telephoneandwhenthephonerang,Iansweredtheiron.”

Thedoctornodded.“Butwhathappenedtotheotherear?”

“NosoonerhadIhungup,saidtheman,“thanthesame

guycalledupagain!”

英语经典幽默故事22.

ItwasafewdaysbeforeChristmas,sowhentheofficeclod

athalfpastfive,mostoftheyoungmenandtypistsstayedand

eanddrank,dancedandsangsongs,and

livedquitelongwayfrom

ewminuteshelookedathiswatch,andatlast,

whenitwasverylate,hebegantoleave.

“Joe!”shoutedhisfriends.”Areyouleaving?Whydon’t

youstayandenjoytheparty?”

“Iamnotleaving,”saidJoe.“Iamonlygoingdownto

ebackina

fewminutes.”

英语经典幽默故事23.

Landlady:Howdoyouliketheroomasawhole?

Visitor:Asahole,it’sfine;asaroomit’snotsogood.

英语经典幽默故事24.

Theteacherwasgivingherclassalectureonmottoes,and

remarkedthatshewishedtheclasstomemorizethemotto,“It

isbettertogivethantoreceive.”

Asmallboycriedout,“Yes,Miss,myfathersayshehas

alwaysudthatashismottoinbusiness.”

“Oh,hownobleofhim!Whatishisbusiness?”

“He’saboxer,Miss.”

英语经典幽默故事25.

Anengineer,amathematicianandaphysicistwerestanding

aroundtheuniversityflagpolewhenanEnglishprofessor

wanderedby.“Whatareyoudoing?”heasked.”Weneedto

knowtheheightoftheflagpole,”answeredone,“andwe’re

discussingtheformulaswemightutocalculateit.”

“Watch.“edthepole

fromitsfitting,laiditonthegrass,borrowedatapemeasureand

said,“Exactly24feet.”Thenhereplacedthepoleandwalked

away.

“Englishprofessor.”Sneeredthemathematician.“Weask

himfortheheight,andhegivesusthelength.”

英语经典幽默故事26.

Ataweddingceremony,someoneaskedthebridegroomthe

bridegroomanswered:“Oh!Idon’havebeen

abigblunder!SinceI’mtoofondofdrink,attheverybeginning,

Iwasjustfascinatedbyherdimples,butnowIhavetomarrythe

wholeofher!”

英语经典幽默故事27.

T:Jenny,what’sAbstractNoun?

J:Idon’tknow,sir.

T:What!Youdon’tknow?AbstractNounreferstotho

thingsyoucanimaginebutcan’,canyougiveme

anexample?

J:Theburningfiretongs.

英语经典幽默故事28.

TheRealBraggartwasdying.“Now,Itellthetruth,thereis

muchmoneyhiddeninthejarunderthefloor,andyoucanu

itformyceremony.”Afterthisremark,ativeshold

astheceremonywasover,

,ajarwas

underit,butwithonlyanoteinitwhichreads:“thisisthelast

braginmylife.”

英语经典幽默故事29.

Inphysicsclass,theteachertoldthestudents,“The

understand?”

“Yes.”Jimanswered.“That’swhysummerholidayisso

longandwinterholidayissoshort.”

英语经典幽默故事30.

Ayoungmanwrotetohisgirlfriend:“DearAnna,I’mso

forgetfulthatIcan’trememberwhetheryoupromidmeor

notwhenIaskedyoutobemywifelastmonth?”

Soon,hegotaletterfromhisgirlfriend:“Peter,mydear,

I’mveryforgetful,berIhaverefudaman,butI

forgotwhohewas.”