爆笑英语笑话带翻译

爆笑英语笑话带翻译

冷笑话是近几年出现的一个新词,也是一种出现在我们身边的不可忽视的新的语言现象,它具有强大的生命力,一时间大红大紫。精心收集了爆笑英语笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇1

A school report

学校成绩单

The father was reading the school report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful(愤怒的) as he read,

父亲在看他那满怀希望的儿子带回来的学校成绩单。他边看边露出愤怒的表情：

"English, poor. French, weak. mathematics, fair." and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad(少年，小伙子).

“英语，差;法语，差;数学，中。”他厌恶地瞥了在发抖的儿子一眼。

"Well, Dad." said the son, "It is not as good as it might be, but have you en that?" And he pointed to the next line which read, "health, excellent."

“爸爸，”儿子说，“可能成绩不够理想。但您看到那一项了吗?”他指了指下一行：&ldq虚静uo;健康状况，优。”

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇2

A Smart Parrot

聪明的鹦鹉

A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he es a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

有个人去宠物店买鹦鹉。在那里，他看见有只鹦鹉的左腿被红线系住，右腿则被绿线系住。对此他感到不解，于是他问该店的老板，老板回答说：“这只鹦鹉受过特殊的训练。如果拉红线，它就讲法语，拉绿线，它则讲德语。”

"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

这个好奇的人接着问，“要是我两条线都拉，会怎么样呢?”

"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.

“我就会掉下来了，你这个傻瓜!!”鹦鹉尖叫着说。

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇3

Clever Bobby

聪明的博比

Brown was very proud of his young son. Once he was talking to a visitor, telling the man how clever his son was.

布朗非常欣赏他的.小儿子。一次他和一位客人聊他的儿子有多聪明。 布朗说：“他只有两岁，就认识所有的动物了。他长大一定会是一个出色的自然学家。来，我让你看看。”

"The boy is only two years old," he said, "and knows all animals. He's going to be a great naturalist. Here, let me show you."

布朗说：“他只有两岁，就认识所有的动物了。他长大一定会是一个出色的自然学家。来，我让你看看。”

He took a book of natural history from the bookshelf, placed Bobby on his knee, opened the book and showed him a picture of a giraffe(长颈鹿).

他从书架上拿下一本自然书，把博比抱到膝上，打开书。指着一张长颈鹿的画片。

"What's that, Bobby?"

“博比，这是什么?”

"Hory," said Bobby. Next of a tiger was shown, and Bobby said, "Pussy." Then Brown showed Bobby a picture of lion, and Bobby said, "Doggy." And when a picture of a chimpanzee was shown, Bobby said, "Daddy!"

“马马，”博幼儿园小朋友比回答。 他又指了一张老虎的画片，博比回答说：“猫咪。” 然后布朗又指了一张狮子的画片，博比说：“狗狗。” 他又指了一张黑猩猩的画片，博比说：“爸爸!”

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇4

While the doctor was looking over the man, his wife kept fussing(烦躁，发牢骚) andjabbering(快而含糊地说) all the time. The doctor told her: "Your husband must get absolute rest and quiet." Then he left some sleeping pills.

The man's wife asked, "When do I dive them to my husband?" The doctor replied, "No, they are not for him. They are for you. You need them."

有个人生病了。他的妻子请了一位医生来给他治病。

医生在给他治疗的时候，他的妻子一直大惊小怪，神神叨叨地紧张不安。医生对她说：“你的丈夫必须绝对休息和保持安静。” 然后他就留下了一些。

她问医生：“什么时候给我丈夫吃这些药呀!”医生回答教师培训心得说：“不用，这些药不是给他吃的，是给你吃的，你需要。”

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇5

While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicale on the promotional signs. On更新换代e designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, What does 'hybrid pul D/A converter' mean?That means, she said, that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music.In other words this CD player plays CDs.Exactly.

在购买我的第一部CD唱机时，我能够解读推销标记上面的大多数技术语言。但是有一个标示却让我颇为迷惑，于是我叫过销售商，问道：‘混合脉冲D/A变换器’是什么意思?它的意思是，她说，这个机器能够读CD碟上加码的数字信息，将它转换成声音信息-也就是说，转换成音乐。换句话说，这个CD唱机能够播放CD碟。正是如此。

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇6

At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr. Jones.""To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cau any man to lo his appetite."

在一次晚餐聚会上，一位腼腆的年青人一直在冥思苦想对女主人说一些好听的话。机会总于来了，女主人转向他说：“琼斯先生，您今晚的饭量太小了。”“坐在您身边，”他殷勤的说道，“任何男人都会失去胃口的。”

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇7

The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced, a hitch(故障) aro over the fee, and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the s向日葵的生长过程um he expected. When the work was completed, the patron(赞助人，主顾) was asked to come and inspect it. As a matter of fact, the picture was just one daub(涂抹，涂料) of brilliant red.What's this? exclaimed the purchar. I asked for the Red Sea, on the occasion of the celebrated passage.That's it, replied Hogarth.But, where are the Israelites?They are all gone over.Where are the 白内裤Egyptians?They're all drowned.

一天，有人请这位伟大的画家画一幅法老王渡红海*。这幅画刚开始不久，酬金就出现了问题。霍迪斯发现，完成这幅画后，他只能得到他想要的大约一半的钱。当作品完成之后，那位主顾被请来看画。其实，这幅画不过是胡乱涂抹的一片鲜红。这是什么?那位买主喊了起来。我要的是红海，是那次著名的航海。这就是，霍迦斯回答说。可是以色列人在哪儿?他们都已经渡过去了。埃及人在哪儿?他们全都淹死了。

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇8

尴尬

My parents' tour leader asked everyone to put their large suitcas outside their hotel rooms at bed time so the bus could be loaded for an early departure the next morning. Mom laid out their travelling clothes，repacked their things，took out her hearing aid and went to bed. Dad stepped into the hall to line up their luggage and the door clicked shut behind him，leaving him there in only his underwear.

我父母的导游负责人让大家在晚上睡觉前把箱子放在饭店的房门外。这样，化们可以在次日的凌晨早装车，早出发。妈妈铺开了旅行时穿的衣服，重新打了包。取下了助听器睡觉去了。爸爸要去大厅放行李，门咔嚓一下在他身后撞上了。他只穿着内裤，束手无策。

"It sure was embarrassing，“he told us later.”Your mother couldn't hear me，so I had to go downstairs and across the street to the office to get another key.”

他事后告诉我们:“我的确很尴尬。你妈妈她又听不见，没办法，我只好下楼穿过街到办公室去要另一把钥匙。”

"But, Grandpa.”our son piped up.”What about the clothes in the suitca you put in the hall?"

“但是，爷爷，”我们的儿子说:“那么你为什么不穿放在大厅的箱子里的衣服呢?”

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇9

Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noi, spray, cats----nothing ems to scare them away.

Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.

The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t en one back since!

三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道：“你们知道吗，自从夏天来临，我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰，我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”

另外一位说：“是啊，我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍，它们还是赶不走。”

第三个牧师说：“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼，让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇10

Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of tho someday, his dad's respon always was Not as long as I'm alive.

One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle pasd by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of tho as soon as my dad dies.

我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的爱好。只要看见一辆摩托车，他就会高兴得哇哇直叫，并激动百合的做法地说：瞧这辆!瞧这辆，我魔兽争霸秘籍总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着，你就别想有这玩艺儿。

一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话，有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇11

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He los his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?

A girl raid her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。

他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，努力的四字成语所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道，是不是去取他的存款?

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇12

Will and Bill were quarrelling about who father was the stronger.

Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."

Bill wasn't impresd, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's t玛卡的功效与作用he one who killed it!"

维尔和比尔在争吵，谁的爸爸是更强壮的一个。维尔说：“你知道太平洋吗?那个坑是我爸爸挖的。”

比尔不屑地说：“那没什么。你知道死海吗? 那是我爸爸打死的。”

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇13

Returning from a golf outing(远足，短途旅行) , my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?

Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win, my husband hedged(避免作正面答复) . We just play to have fun.

Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?

丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔?

我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，丈夫推诿说。我们打球只是为了好玩而已。

莎拉毫不气馁，又问：那么，爸爸，谁觉得更好玩呢?

爆笑英语笑话带翻译 篇14

To Buy a Video 买录像机

Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.

I’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his mother.

But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.

How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother.

Easy, Mum. replied Amos, I sold the television!

艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机。

恐怕我们还买不起，妈妈叹息着说。

可第二天当艾莫斯回来时，他摇摇晃晃地搬着一台全新的录像机。

你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西?妈妈大吃一惊，喘着气说。

妈妈，这简单， 艾曼斯回答。我把电视机给卖了!