英语简单好笑笑话带翻译
篇一：英语幽默笑话带翻译
英语幽默笑话带翻译
1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: I think that he is very ill. I am afraid that he is dead.said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: Im not dead. Im still alive. Be quiet, said the wife. the doctor knows better than you! 医生明白得多
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：我想他伤得特别厉害.医生说：我怕他已经死了.听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说：我没死，我还活着.妻子说：安静，医生比你明白得多.
生物医学工程专业排名
2:You cant go without me
The bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him. Hey,let me get on the bus.the man shouts.
Its too crowded.Youd better take the next bus.a pasnger says to him.
But you cant go withou me.Im the driver.the man says.
没有我你们走不了
公共汽车内特别拥堵.一位男士想上车，但是没有人给他让路.
喂，让我上车!那位男士喊道.
车太挤了，你最好坐下一辆车内的一位乘客对他说.
但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!那位男士说道.
3:Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, Whats the meaning of the word Drunk, dad? Well, my son, his father replied, look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.
But, dad, the boy said, theres only ONE policeman!
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个小孩正处于那种对什么事都特别感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的征询题。他向父亲发征询道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，小孩，”父亲答复说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。假设我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “但是，爸爸，”小孩说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
4:Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for rving an apple-pie without any chee. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of chee which he laid on the guests plate. The visitor smiled, put the chee into his mouth and then said: You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the chee? In the rat-trap, sir, replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，因此女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进
嘴里说：“小孩，你的眼睛确实是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。5:Dear white, something you got to know .When I was born, I was black.When I grow up, I am blackWhen Im under the sun, Im blackWhen Im cold, Im
blackWhen Im afraid, Im black.
people,When you were born, you were pink.When you grow up, you become whoure red under the sun.Youre blue when youre cold.You are yellow when youre afraid.Youre green when youre sick.Youre gray when you die.And you, call me color?
亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须明白。当我出生时，我是黑色的我长大了，我是黑色的我在阳光下，我是黑色的我酷寒时，我是黑色的我害怕时，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的当我死了，我仍是黑色的。你---白种人，当你出生时，你是粉红色的。你长大了，变成白色的。你在阳光下，你是红色的。你酷寒时，你是青色的。你害怕时，你是黄色的。你生病时，你是绿色的。当你死时，你是灰色的。而你，却叫我「有色人种」？
6：Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
Look, said the elder brother. How nice the paintings are!
Yes, said the younger, but in all the paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, Obviously he was painting the pictures.
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“但是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和小孩。
儿童年画图片大全那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“特别明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
7：How Many Rabbits?
Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have? Jonathan:Nine, sir.
Teacher: Nine?
Jonathan:Ive got one already, sir.
多少只兔子？
老师：好，乔纳森，假设我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。
老师：九只？
乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。
8：The Are My Jeans
After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about
herlf----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago．“Look，look．” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband．“I can wear my old jeans again．”淡扫蛾眉朝至尊
Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but the are my jeans．”
那是我的裤子!
一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感受特别好——特别是当她又能穿上特别早往常就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上往常的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”
9：The mean mans party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot. Why u my elbow and foot?
Well, gosh, was the reply, Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you? 吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释如何找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼答复。
10：All I do is pay
My family is just like a nation, Mr. Brown told his colleague. My wife
is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign cretary.
Sounds interesting, his colleague replied. And what is your position?
Im the people. All I do is pay.
我要做的一切确实是付钱
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子
是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？”
“我确实是老百姓。我要做的一切确实是付钱。”
1. What room has no walls, no doors, no windows, and no floors?
A mushroom.(蘑菇)
2. What is smaller than an incts mouth?
Anything it eats.
3. What large instrument do you carry in your ears?
Drums, that is eardrums.(鼓膜)
4. Whats too much for one, just right for two, but nothing at all for three?
A cret.
5. What person tried to make you smile most of the time?
A photographer.
秘诀英语
6. What animal has a head like a cat, eyes like a cat, a tail like a cat, but isnt a cat?
A kitten.(小猫)
7. What surprising things happen every 24 hours?
Day breaks, but doesnt fall; night falls, but doesnt break.
8. What can hear you without ears and can answer you without a mouth?An echo.(回声)
9. What do you know about the kings of France?
They are all dead.
10. What question can you never answer yes to
Are you asleep?
11. Why do some old people never u glass?
They must prefer bottles to glass.
操作系统是12. Why is the person wearing two coats while painting the hou?
Becau the instructions on the paint can say Put on two coats for best results.
篇二：看笑话学英语笑话大全爆笑翻译
1.One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, e
how the farms looked, and perhaps to e how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer, I e that your pig likes apples, but isnt that quite a waste of time? The farmer replied, Whats time to a pig?
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么模样，也想看看农夫如何样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它可以吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是特别浪费时间吗?那位农夫答复说，时间对猪有什么意义?
2.The Looney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, I am Napoleon!”Anoth er one said, How do you know?
The first inmate said, God told me!
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, I did not!
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：“我是拿破仑！”另一个说：“你如何明白？”第一个人说：“上帝对我说的！”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：“我没说！”
Notes:
（1）Looney (俚语）疯子
（2）inmate （n.同住者, 同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）
（3）insane asylum (疯人院）
3.Boxing and Running
Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight. Friend: But suppo he comes up against someone much bigger than he is,
who’s also been taught how to box.
Dan: I’m teaching him how to run, too.
拳击和赛跑
丹在教他的儿子如何样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，因此我要教我的儿子如何去拼搏。”
truth
朋友：“假设他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，强健而且也会拳击的人如何办？”
丹：“我也会教他如何样赛跑呢。”
NOTE
come up against 遇到一个对手against表示相对的相反的
4.The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates becau every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell.
So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George. Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?
George replied, Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!
典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情，由于每逢周末的探望日，大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访，但是悲伤的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在本人的囚室中。
因此在一个探望日，典狱长把乔治叫到办公室说：“乔治，我留意到从来没有人来探望过你。”他满怀同情地把手放在乔治的肩膀上：“告诉我，你没有任何朋友或家人吗？”
乔治答复：“喔！因此有，典狱长，只不过他们全都在这里面！”
iceman: Why didnt you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, theyd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much wor.
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会觉察我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
6.A shoplifter（商店扒手）51kxh |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. Listen, said the shoplifter, I know you dont want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook（骗子，坏蛋）looked at the slip and said, This is a little more than I intended to spend.
一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我明白你们也不想惹苦恼。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看如何样？”
经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有廉价一点儿东西。
鱼香牛肉丝
7.The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by antry（哨兵）. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprid to find six sacks bulging at the ams（缝合线）. [来自我要看笑话51kxh]
Whats in here? he asked.
Dirt, the driver replied.
Take them out, the guard instructed. I want to check them.
Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.
A week later the man came back, and once again, the ntry looked in the truck.
Whats in the bags this time? he asked.
Dirt, more dirt. said the man.
Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.
The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender（酒保） .
篇三：英语小笑话(带翻译))
1 Boy: Is this at empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？女孩：是的，假设你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。2，Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually Id rathe
怎样断奶r have the money. 男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？女孩：你不如直截了当把钱给我得了。3. My little dog cant read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertiment in the papers! Mrs. Brown: Its no u, my little dog cant read. 我的狗不识字布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！史密斯夫人：但是你该在报纸上登广告啊！布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 4.反正我太太明天会来换的My Wife Will Exchange ThemA gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference ″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded. ″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow t o exchange them.″ 反正我太太明天会来换的一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。“您是要布的仍然皮的？”售货员征询。
“没什么区别。”这位顾客答复。“那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又征询。“什么颜色都成。”他答复。“号码呢？” “您就随意给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天
