English joke
『英语杂谈』 [创作园地]好累人的英语笑话~hot!
笋子怎么做好吃
Are you going to treat me?
An American actress came to China for the first time. One day when she was looking for her new Chine friend after a performance, she came across an anxious Chine who had always wanted to practice his English with native speakers, but had never found the chance. When he saw the actress, he went up and exchanged greetings, then started his practice.
“How old are you?”
“I’m sorry. Plea don’t ask a lady about her age,” the actress said uneasily.
“How much do you earn each month?” the Chine tried hard to recall this ntence from his textbook.
“Sorry again. We don’t feel like telling others about that either, “ she again refud to answer.
“Have you had lunch?” the Chine tried again to show his traditional way of greeting.
“No, are you planning to treat me to a meal?’ she asked in surpri.
你要请客吗？
有位美国女演员首次来中国演出，有一天演出结束后在找她的中国朋友时，碰见一位总想与老外练讲英语的中国人，可惜他一直没有这样的机会。当看到这位女演员时，他走上前去互相问候，接着便练起英语来。
“你多大啦？”
“对不起，请不要问女士的年龄，”演员感到很不自在。
“你每月挣多少钱？”中国人极力回忆着教科书上的句子。
“对不起，我们也不愿意把这事告诉给人家。”她再次拒绝了对方。
“你吃过饭了吗？” 中国人再次用本民族的传方式询问对方。
“没有，你要请我吃饭吗？”她惊喜地问。
高尚品质
Give up your at to a lady
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my at to a lady."
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
给女士让座
小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”
高中生必读书目
妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”
“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”
好雷人的精品英语笑话
1. I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody no and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."幼儿园食品安全知识
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
孙膑的故事 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
2. A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
洋葱怎么种植方法
"She is the one who lls the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”哪一个
“她是个卖糖果的。”
3. Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he
asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two
policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲
回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
4. Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for rving an apple-pie without any chee. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment
and returned with a piece of chee which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the chee into his mouth and then said: "You must have
better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the chee?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。
客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
5. Adidas
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about x)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.
鱼缸摆放 6. 上帝曾经答应我
Once god came up to me & granted me a wish. I asked for world peace. That's impossible, he said.
