姓马的名字WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR MEN AND WOMEN TO TALK TO EACH OTHER?
I was addressing a small gathering in a suburban Virginia living room -- a women's group that had invited men to join them. Throughout the evening, one man had been particularly talkative, frequently offering ideas and anecdotes, while his wife sat silently beside him on the couch. Toward the拜堂仪式主持词 end of the evening, I commented that women frequently complain that their husbands do not talk to them. This man quickly concurred. He gestured toward his wife and said, "She is the talker in our family." The room burst into laughter; the man looked puzzled and hurt. "It is true," he explained. "When I come home from work I have nothing to say. If she did not keep the conversation going, we would spend the whole evening in silence."三言二拍作者
This episode crystallizes the irony that although American men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage.
Sociologist Catherine Kohier Riessman, who reported in her new book Divorce Talk that m
ost of the women she interviewed -- but only a few of the men -- give the lack of communication as the reason for their divorces.
In my own rearch, complaints from women about their husbands most often focud not on tangible inequities such as having give up the chance for a career to accompany a husband to his, or doing far more than their share of daily life. Instead, they focud on communication: "He does not listen to me," "He does not talk to me." I found that most wives want their husbands to be, first and foremost, conversational partners, but few husbands share this expectation of their wives.
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In short, the image that reprents the current crisis is the stereotypical cartoon scene of a man sitting at the breakfast table with a newspaper held up in front of his face, while a woman glares at the back of it, wanting to talk.
Linguistic Battle Between Men and Women
How can women and men have such different impressions of communication in marriage? Why is there a widespread imbalance in their interests and expectations?
In the April 1990 issue of American Psychologist, Stanford University's Eleanor Maccoby reports the results of her own and others' rearch showing that children's development is most influenced by the social structure of peer interaction. Boys and girls tend to play with children of their own gender, and their x-parate groups have different organizational structures and interactive norms.
白金汉公爵 I believe that systematic differences in childhood socialization make talk between women and men like cross-cultural communication. My rearch on men's and women's conversations uncovered patterns similar to tho described for children's groups.
For women, as for girls, intimacy is the fabric of the relationships, and talk is the thread from it which is woven. Little girls create and maintain friendships by exchanging crets; similarly, women regard conversation as the cornerstone of friendship. So a woman expects her husband to be a new and improved version of a best friend. What is important is not the individual subjects that are discusd but the n of cloness, of a life shared, that emerges when people tell their thoughts, feelings, and impressions.
Bonds between boys can be as inten as girls', but they are bad less on taking more on doing things together. Since they do not assume talk is the cement that binds a relationship, men do not know what kind of talk women want, and they do not miss it when it is not there.
Boys' groups are larger, more inclusive, and more hierarchical, so boys must struggle to avoid the subordinate position in the group. This may play a role in women's complaints on men who 七夕说说do not listen to them.
Often when women tell men, 信用卡怎样还款"You are not listening," and the men protest "I am", the men are right. The impression of not listening results from misalignments in the mechanics of conversation. This misalignment begins as soon as a man and a woman take physical position. When I studied videotapes made by psychologist Bruce Dorval of children and adults talking to their same-x best friends, I found at every age, the girls and women faced each other directly, their eyes anchored on each other's faces. At every age, the boys and men sat at angles to each other and looked elwhere in the room, per
iodically glancing at each other. But the tendency of men to face away can give women the impression they are not listening even when they are. A young woman in college was frustrated: whenever she told her boyfriend she wanted to talk to him, he would lie down on the floor, clo his eyes, and put his arms over his face. This signaled to her, "He is taking a nap." But he insisted he was listening extra hard. Normally, he looks around the room, so he is easily distracted. Lying down and covering his eyes helped him concentrate on what she was saying.
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