A very shy guy goes into a bar and es a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrasd and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrasd you. You e, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
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It ems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposi
te lane took his attention to more important matters.
The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers.
"Are you Mr. Johnson?" they asked, He admitted that he was.
"Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he.
"And what did you do then," the troopers asked."
The man replied that he drove home and went to bed.
"Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired.
The man answered that it was in the garage.
"May we e it?" asked the troopers.
The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage.
And there was the state troopers car.
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A lady stumbles into a bar.
She says, "Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it."
He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.
She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.
She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, becau I've got heartburn."
The bartender says, "Look, it's not beertender, it's bartender. It's not a martuni, it's a martini. It's not a dribble, it's a double. That's not a pickle, it's an onion. And you haven't got heartburn, your tits in the ashtray!"
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大湖论坛
small, timid man, walks into a bar and sits down. A big trucker, sits down beside him and drinks all of his glass. The small man begins to cry, and the trucker tells him that it was just a joke, but the small man tells him
:
"Today is the worst day in my life! First, I am late to work becau my car wouldn't start, and when I got there, someone was in my spot.
I got fired from work for being late, and when I got back to my car, someone has taken it.
I decided to take the bus to get home, and someone stole my wallet.
When I got home, I saw my wife kissing another man, and I asked her what she was doing, and she said that she didn't love me anymore, so I walked here.
And now, you sit down and drink my poison!"
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A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender "Give me six double vodkas." The bartender says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife!"
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A man was tting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & xy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.
The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anyth
ing, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he presd into the young woman's hand.
He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my hou".
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A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that ca, let me give you a 7th on the hou."
"No offen sir, but if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
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This drunk had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned becau it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the bac
k-at. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That damned Pete!" the drunk slurred, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
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龙凤胎This drunk had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned becau it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-at. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That damned Pete!" the drunk slurred, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
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A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in 寻物
the hou a drink, pour yourlf one, and give me the bill." So the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the hou a drink, pour yourlf one, and give me the bill." The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himlf that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice. So he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the hou, has a drink himlf and hands the drunk a bill for $67. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the hou a drink, give me the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."
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Top Ten Signs You Drink Too Much
10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.灭火器压力
9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet at.
电脑微信截图7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
6. You can focus better with one eye clod.
5. You fall off the floor.
1893年属相5. The whole bar greets you when you come
in.
4. You haven't had a driver's licen in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like.
3. Roanne looks good.
怎样喝三七粉
2. You don't recognize your wife/husband unless en through bottom of glass.
1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.
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It ems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.
The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers.
"Are you Mr. Johnson?" the asked? He admitted that he was.
"Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he.
眼眶发青"And what did you do then," the troopers asked."
The man replied that he drove home and went to bed.
"Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired.
The man answered that it was in the garage.
"May we e it?" asked the troopers.
The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage.
And there was the state troopers car.
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