Ellen 杜兰大学演讲
Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs. President Cowen; distinguished guests, undistinguished guests - you know who you are, honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher.
考译文： 谢谢，谢谢考恩校长，和有头有脸的来宾们，呃，有头有脸的来宾，你知道你是谁，不用介绍了，诚心感谢大家„„以及讨厌的西班牙语老师。
And thank you to all the graduating class of 2009, I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven't slept since Fat Tuesday, but you can't graduate 'til I finish, so listen up.
感谢所有2009届的毕业生，我知道你们绝大多数人还因为宿醉头痛欲裂，狂欢到今天都还没睡，但是没听完我的演讲不能毕业，所以都听好了！（学生们欢呼）
When I was asked to make the commencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I went to look up what commencement meant. Which would have been easy if
I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our hou are Portia's, and they're all written in Australian. So I had to break the word down mylf, to find out the meaning. Commencement: common, and cement. Common cement. You commonly e cement on sidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. So there's that. But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement.
当我被问是否来参加毕业典礼演讲的时候，我立刻就回答了：yes！„„然后我才去查“毕业典礼”是什么意思（众人笑）。如果我有字典的话就轻松多了，但我家的书大多是portia的（Ellen的妻子，澳大利亚人）而且都是澳洲文，所以„„我得自己摸索，去找出这个词的意思。“commencement毕业典礼”：commen常见的＋cement水泥，常见的水泥。你常常见到水泥，在人行道上，人行道有裂缝，你要是踩到裂缝，就会撞伤你妈妈的背，所以大概意思就是这样了。
I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus - alumini 肉鸭养殖技术
- aluminum - alumis - you had to graduate from this school. And I didn't go to college here, and I don't
know if President Cowan knows, I didn't go to any college at all. Any college. And I'm not saying you wasted your time, or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity.
但我很荣幸被邀请来做你们的“常见的水泥”的演讲。我以为非得是又有名，又是你们学校的校友才能来„„我没有在这里念过大学，我不知校长先生是否知道，我完全没上过大学„任何一间大学！我到不是在说你们在浪费时间和金钱，不过看看我，我是个超级成功的大名人唉！
Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spent a lot of time here growing up. My mom worked at (? 估计是某家商店的名字) and I would go there every time I needed to steal something out of her pur. But why am I here today? Clear黑柿
ly not to steal, you're too far away and I'd never get away w1月的英文
ith it.
事实上我在这里度过许多成长的岁月，我妈妈在这里工作时，我常来找她„„每当我要偷她钱包里的钱时。但我今天在这里的原因，显然不是要偷你们的钱„„我在这里是因为你们，因为没有比你们更优秀更勇敢的毕业生了。
I'm here becau of you. Becau I can't think of a more tenacious, more courageous graduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes. Usually when you're wearing a robe at 10 in the morning, it means you've given up. I'm here becau I love New Orleans. I was born and raid here, I spent my formative years here, and like you, while I was living here I only did laundry six times.
看看你们每一个人，身穿你们的袍子（学士袍），通常我们说在早上10点还穿着袍子（睡袍）代表你放弃人生了。我在这里，因为我爱纽奥良，我在这里出生成长，在此度过少年时光，正如你们一样，当我住这里时，我只洗过6次衣服。
When I finished school, I was completely lost. And by school, I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway. And I - I really, I had n
o ambition, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I did everything from - I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I painted hous, I sold vaccuum cleaners, I had no idea. And I thought I'd just finally ttle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have basic cable, maybe not, I didn't really have a plan, my point is that, by the time I was your age, I really thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea. Like for example, when I was your age, I was dating men. So what I'm saying is, when you're older, most of you will be gay. Anyone writing this stuff down? Parents?
当我从学校毕业的时候，我完完全全迷失了自我，学校我指的是初中，后来我也继续念完了高中。我当时，没有任何的野心，不知道自己想做什么。我什么工作都做，我挖生蚝，当带位员，做酒保，当服务生，粉刷房子，卖吸尘器„„完全不知道自己想做什么。我只想随便找个糊口的工作，过一辈子，能有钱负得起房租就行，我完全没有任何计划。我想说的是，当我像你们这么大的时候，我真的以为我了解自己，但其实我并不了解，举例来说，我像你们这么大的时候，还在和男人约会。所以我的意思是：当你们再长大些后，大多数的人，都会是gay!）
Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and the way I ended up on this path was from a very tragic event. I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident. And I pasd the accident, and I didn't know it was her and I kept going, and I found out shortly after that, it was her. And I was living in a bament apartment, I had no money, I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas. And I was soul-arching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here? I don't understand, there must be a purpo, and wouldn't it be so convenient if we could pick up the phone and call God, and ask the questions.
总之，当时我不知道我的人生要干嘛，而最后我找到了我人生目标，却是因为一件十分悲惨的事。我那时可能才19岁，当时的女朋友因为车祸身亡了。我经济宁社保查询
过了事故现场，并不知道是她，还继续往前走。不久后，才知道那是她。我当时„„住在地下室的公寓，没有钱，没有暖气，房子里都是跳蚤。我困惑不已，心想，为何她突然走了，而为何我又呆再这样一个境地里。我无法理解，但其中一定有什么理由。要是能直接拿起电话打给上帝问个清
楚，不就太好了。
And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God, which was one-sided, and I finished writing it and I looked at it and I said to mylf, and I hadn't even been doing stand-up, ever, there was no club in town. I said, "I'm gonna do this on the Tonight Show With Johnny Carson"- at the time he was the king - "and I'm gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down." And veral years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, becau of that phone conversation with God that I wrote.
