CET4作文辅导：Every coin has two sides 在本期四六级考试专栏中，全国四六级考委会的夏国佐教授对读者题为“Recreational activities”的作文进展了讲评和改写。这是2022年6月份的四级作文试题。根据四级作文评分标准，作文局部总分值15分，这篇文章得14分。假如你盼望自己的文章得到夏教授的点评，请按下面要求皮肤的治疗
写出一篇短文，发到*******************。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled “Recreational activities”. You should write at least 120 words following the 背诵英语
outline given below.
1.消遣活动多种多样。
2.消遣活动可以使人们受益，也可能带来危害。
3.作为大学生，我认为……
读者原文
Recreational activities
Long gone are the days when students came home from school, did their homework, previewed the content of the next day and then went to bed at 9 o’clock. Today, there is a world of recreational activiti
es out there waiting for you, with countless choices from eing a movie followed up with a romantic dinner with your girlfriend, to just hanging around with your fellows chatting and
laughing. And it’s all up to you how to choo from all kinds of activities.
Recreational activities can certainly bring us good, as we all know for sure. With so much pressure upon our shoulders, we definitely need chances to relax. Besides, some recreational activities, say a concert, can broaden our horizons as well as entertain us, which is more than perfect. But every coin has two sides, as the old saying goes. Recreational ac垫怎么读
tivities can also bring us harm. Far too addicted to online games, many students failed in their exams and some are even expelled. Furthermore, activities which are not proper for us can also affect us psychologically. Failed to win a battle in the virtual world online, a 14-year-old boy ended up suicide, which is really horrible.
As a college student, I think we should choo our recreational activities properly and have a better control over ourlves, which means we should first of all know what is good for us and what is not, and then avoid getting addicted to it no matter how much we enjoy it. And if we do so, I believe our recreational activities will be more colorful, as well as beneficial.
修改后的文章
Recreational activities
Gone are the days when students came home from school, did their homework, previewed lessons for the next day and then went to bed at 9 o’clock. Today, there is a great variety of recreational activities out there waiting for you, from eing a movie with your girlfriend and following it up with a romantic dinner to just hanging around with your friends, chatting and laughing. And it’s all up to you what you choo.
Recreational activities can certainly do us good. Facing so much pressure, we students 偷斧子
definitely need chances to relax. Besides, some recreational activities, say a concert, can broaden our horizons as well as entertain us. But as the old saying goes, every coin has two sides. Recreational activities can also do us harm. Far too addicted to online games, many students fail in their exams. And some of them a给自己一个退路
re even expelled from school. Furthermore, inappropriate activities can also affect our mental health. Failing to win a battle in the virtual world, a 14-year-old boy ended up committing suicide, which is really horrible.
As a college student, I think we should choo our recreational activities care百合花的花语
fully. This means we should first of all know what
is good for us and what is not. We should also have lf control in order to avoid getting addicted to an activity, no matter how much we enjoy it. If we do so, I believe our recreational activities will bring us benefits and make our life more colorful 夏教师的点评
这篇作文写得很好，思路开阔，文章内容丰富，表达亦相当自由。也就是说，英语根本功比拟扎实，驾驭英语简单句子构造的力量比拟强，词汇量也比拟大，因此才能自由地表达自己的观点。缺乏的是，文章中还是有少量的语法错误和习惯用法错误。另外，有些地方组织得不够严谨，留下了一些无关紧要的话，反而减弱了文章的连贯性。下面是几点详细的修改建议。
1. 第一段第一句中的“previewed the content of the next day”明显还带ps怎么打马赛克
有中国式英文的颜色，建议改为“previewed lessons for the next day”。
2. 第一段其次句中的“there is a world of recreational activities out there waiting for you, with countles给妈妈的祝福语
s choices from eing a movie…”建议改为“there is a great variety of recreational activities out there waiting for you, from eing a movie…”。原文中的“with countless choices”应当删除，由于下面接的“eing a movie”就是activities”的一种，直接接上更为紧凑。同一句中“eing
a movie followed up with a romantic dinner with your girlfriend”建议改为“eing a movie with your girlfriend and following it up with a romantic dinner”。原文语法没有错，但是表达不够精炼。
3. 第一段最终一句中的“And it’s all up to you how to choo from all kinds of activities”应改为“And it’s all up to you what you choo”。原文的“how to choo”还是受中文思维的影响，实际上是选什么，而不是怎么选。
4. 其次段第一句中“Recreational activities can certainly bring us good”应改为“Recreational activities can certainly do us 员工生日祝福语
good”。英语中的习惯搭配是“do us good”，而不是“bring us good”乱的英文
。同一句中的“as we all know for sure”没有实质意义，删去更精炼。同样的道理，本段接下去第三句中的“which is more than perfect”也以删去为宜。
5. 其次段其次句中的“With so much pressure upon our shoulders”应改为“Facing so much pressure”。主句的主语是“we”，这局部用动词现在分词形式更形象一点。
6. 其次段第四句“But every coin has two sides, as the old saying goes”。建议改为“But as the old saying goes, every coin has two sides”。次序颠倒的目的是为了与下面的句子连接更紧。
7．其次段第五句“Recreational activities can also bring us harm”
