英语幽默笑话带翻译

2024年3月21日发(作者：钱廷熙)

英语幽默笑话带翻译

1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital.

His wife who was standing up by his bed; said to the doctor: "I think

that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor;

Hearing this; the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm

still alive." "Be quiet; "said the wife. "the doctor knows better

than you"

医生懂得多

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话;这个男人转动着头说:"我没死;我还活着."妻子说:"安静;医生比你懂得多."

2:You can't go without me

The bus is very tries to get on;but no one gives way

to him.

"Hey;let me get on the bus."the man shouts.

"It's too 'd better take the next bus."a pasnger

says to him.

"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.

没有我你们走不了

公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车;但是没有人给他让路.

"喂;让我上车"那位男士喊道.

"车太挤了;你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说.

"但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机"那位男士说道.

3:Drunk

One day; a father and his little son were going home. At this age;

the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking

questions. Now; he asked; "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk';

dad " "Well; my son;" his father replied; "look; there are standing

two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am

drunk."

"But; dad;" the boy said; " there's only ONE policeman"

醉酒

一天;父亲与小儿子一道回家..这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄;老是有提不完的问题..他向父亲发问道：“爸爸;‘醉’字是什么

意思” “唔;孩子;”父亲回答说;“你瞧那儿站着两个警察..如果我把他们看成了四个;那么我就算醉了..” “可是;爸爸; ”孩子说;“那儿只有一个警察呀”

4:Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for rving an

apple-pie without any chee. The little boy of the family left the

room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of chee which

he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled; put the chee

into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your

mother; sonny. Where did you find the chee " "In the rat-trap;

sir;" replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时;家里没有奶酪了;于是女主人向大家表示歉意..这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子..过了一会儿;他拿着一片奶酪回到房间;把奶酪放在客人的盘子里.. 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子;你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好..你在哪里找到的奶酪” “在捕鼠夹上;先生..”那小男孩说..

5:Dear white; something you got to know .When I was born; I was

I grow up; I am blackWhen I'm under the sun; I'm blackWhen

I'm cold; I'm blackWhen I'm afraid; I'm black.

When I'm sick; I'm I die; I'm still ---white

people;When you were born; you were you grow up; you

become 're red under the 're blue when you're

are yellow when you're 're green when you're

're gray when you you; call me "color"

亲爱的白种人;有几件事你必须知道.. 当我出生时;我是黑色的我长大了;我是黑色的我在阳光下;我是黑色的我寒冷时;我是黑色的我害怕时;我是黑色的我生病了;我是黑色的当我死了;我仍是黑色的..你---白种人;当你出生时;你是粉红色的..你长大了;变成白色的..你在阳光下;你是红色的..你寒冷时;你是青色的..你害怕时;你是黄色的..你生病时;你是绿色的..当你死时;你是灰色的..而你;却叫我「有色人种」

6：Where is the father

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look;" said the elder brother. "How nice the paintings are"

"Yes;" said the younger; "but in all the paintings there is only

the mother and the children. Where is the father "

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained;

"Obviously he was painting the pictures."

兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画..

“看;”哥哥说;“这些画多漂亮呀”

“是啊;”弟弟说道;“可是在所有这些画中;只有妈妈和孩子..

那爸爸去哪儿了呢”

哥哥想了会儿;然后解释道：“很明显;他当时正在画这些画呗..”

7：How Many Rabbits

Teacher: Now; Jonathan; if I gave you three rabbits and then the

next day I gave you five rabbits; how many rabbits would you have

Jonathan: Nine; sir.

Teacher: Nine

Jonathan: I've got one already; sir.

多少只兔子

老师：好;乔纳森;假如我给你三只兔子;第二天我又给你五只;你一共有多少只兔子

乔纳森：一共有九只;先生..

老师：九只

乔纳森：先生;我本来就有一只..

8：The Are My Jeans

After going on a diet;a woman felt really good about

herlf----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans

she had outgrown long ago．

“Look;look．” she shouted while running downstairs to show her

husband．“I can wear my old jeans again．”

Her husband looked at her for a long time;when said;“Honey;I love

you;but the are my jeans．”

那是我的裤子

一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时..她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看;快看..我又能穿上以前的裤子了..”她丈夫看了她好一会儿;然后说：“亲爱的;我爱你..但那是我的裤子..”

9：The mean man's party

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.

Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment; he said; "Come

up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open;

push with your foot."

"Why u my elbow and foot "

"Well; gosh;" was the reply; "You're not coming empty-hangded; are

you "

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了..他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼;找中间那个门;然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃..门开了之后;再用你的脚把门推开..”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊..天哪;你总不会空着手来吧”吝啬鬼回答..

10：All I do is pay

"My family is just like a nation;" Mr. Brown told his colleague.

"My wife is the minister of finance; my mother-in-law is the

minister of war; and my daughter is foreign cretary."

"Sounds interesting; " his colleague replied. "And what is your

position "

"I'm the people. All I do is pay."

我要做的一切就是付钱

布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样..我妻子

是财政部长..我岳母是作战部长;我女儿是外交秘书..”

“听上去挺有意思的;”他的同事说;“那你的职务是什么呢”

“我就是老百姓..我要做的一切就是付钱..”

1. What room has no walls; no doors; no windows; and no floors

A mushroom.蘑菇

2. What is smaller than an inct's mouth

Anything it eats.

3. What large instrument do you carry in your ears

Drums; that is eardrums.鼓膜

4. What's too much for one; just right for two; but nothing at

all for three

A cret.

5. What person tried to make you smile most of the time

A photographer.

6. What animal has a head like a cat; eyes like a cat; a tail

like a cat; but isn't a cat

A kitten.小猫

7. What surprising things happen every 24 hours

Day breaks; but doesn't fall; night falls; but doesn't break.

8. What can hear you without ears and can answer you without

a mouth

An echo.回声

9. What do you know about the kings of France

They are all dead.

10. What question can you never answer 'yes" to"

Are you asleep

11. Why do some old people never u glass

They must prefer bottles to glass.

12. Why is the person wearing two coats while painting the hou

Becau the instructions on the paint can say "Put on two coats

for best results."

13. What two words have thousands of letters in them

Post office.

14. What do workers do in a clock factory

They make faces all day.

15. What 5-letter word has 6 left when you take 2 letters away

Sixty.

16. When do you go as fast as a racing car

When you are in it.

17. How many sides does a hou have

Two - inside and outside.

18. What never asks any questions but always gets answers

A doorbell.

19. Where did Columbus stand when he discovered America

On his feet.

20. When the boy fell into the water; what's the first thing

he did

He got wet first of all.

21. Who isn't your sister and isn't your brother; but is

still a child of your mother and father

I mylf.

22. What has teeth but cannot eat

A comb.

23. What kind of man can rai things without lifting them

A farmer.

24. Why does time fly

To get away from all the people who are trying to kill it.

25. Name five days of the week without saying: Monday;

Tuesday; Wednesday; Thursday; Friday.

The day before yesterday; yesterday; today; tomorrow; and

the day after tomorrow.

26. What animal eats and drinks with its tail

All do. No animal takes off its tail when eating and

drinking.

27. What has a soft bed but never sleeps; a big mouth but

never speaks

A river.

28. What kind of dog never bite

A hot dog.

29. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor

Becau it can't sit down.

30. What did one invisible man say to the other invisible

man

It's nice not to e you again.

31. What wears a cap but has no head

A bottle.

32. What ris in the morning and waves all day

A flag.

33. What is an astronomer 天文学家

A night watchman with a college education.

34. How can you tell clocks and watches are shy

Becau they always have their hands in front of their

faces.

35. What is wind

Air in a hurry.

36. What comes after the letter "A"

All the other letters.

37. What starts with a T; ends with a T; and is full of T

Teapot.

38. What word can you make shorter by adding to it

Short.

39. What person does every man take his hat off to

A barber.

40. Why does the boy carry a ladder to the school

Becau he wants to go to high school.

41. What can you swallow that can also swallow you

Water.

42. What's the difference between a hill and a pill

A hill is hard to get up and a pill is hard to get down.

43. Why is it uless to nd a letter to Washington

Becau he's dead.

44. A doctor and a lawyer loved the same girl. The lawyer

went away for a week and gave the girl ven apples before he left.

Why

Becau an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

45. What will you do if a man-eating tiger is running after

you

Nothing. Becau I'm a woman.

46. What always travels on foot

A shoe.

47. Where can happiness always be found

In the dictionary.

48. What is higher without a head than with a head

A pillow.枕头

49. Why don't you adverti for your lost dog

He can't read.

50. On which side does a bird have the most feathers

The outside.

51. What is the best thing to keep in hot weather

Cool

52. What is never ud until it's broken

An egg.

53. What's a skeleton 骨架

It's a lot of bones without the person on them

54. What is dark but made by light

A shadow.

55. What can you break with only one word

Silence.

56. What stays indoors no matter how many times you put it

out

The light.

57. A policeman saw a truck driver going the wrong way down

a one-way street; but didn't give him a ticket. Why

Becau the truck driver was walking.

58. Where can milk be best stored

In a cow.

59. Which can move faster; heat or cold

Heat; becau you can catch cold easily.

60. What's the hardest thing about learning skating

The ice.

61. What has cities with no hous; rivers without water

and forests without trees

A map.

62. What can be measured but has no length; width or

thickness

The temperature.

63. What makes the Tower of Pisa lean

It never eats.

64. Why is writing called handwriting

If people wrote with their feet; we would have to call it

footwriting.

65. If there were only thre girls in the world; what do you

think they would do

Two of them would get together ans talk about the other one.

66. How many great men have been born in London

None. Only babies.

67. When can you have an empty pocket and still have

something in it

When you have a hole in your pocket.

68. The greater it is; the less it can be en. What is it

Darkness.

69. The more you take away; the bigger I become. What am

I

A hole.

70. Who may marry many a wife and stay single all of his

life

A priest.牧师