Predictable Cris of Adulthood
Gail Sheehy
The lobster grows by developing and shedding a ries of hard, protective shells. Each time it expands from within, the confining shell must be sloughed off. It is left expod and vulnerable until, in time, a new covering grows to replace the old.
With each passage from one stage of human growth to the next we, too, must shed a protective structure. We are left expod and vulnerable -- but also yeasty and embryonic again, capable of stretching in ways we hadn’t known before. The shedding may take veral years or more. Coming out of each passage, though, we enter a longer and more stable period in which we can expect relative tranquility and a n of
充电手机发烫Here is the briefest outline of the developmental ladder.林语堂经典
Pulling Up Roots
here的同音词
肩膀怎么练Before 18, the motto is loud and clear: “I have to get away from my parents.” But the words are ldom connected to action. Generally still safely part of our families, even if away at school, we feel our auton
omy to be subject to erosion from moment to moment.
胃炎症状After 18, we begin Pulling Up Roots in earnest, College, military rvice, and short-term travels are all customary vehicles our society provides for the first round trips between family and a ba of one’s own. In the attempt to parate our view of the world from our family’s view, despite vigorous protestations to the contrary -- “I know exactly what I want!” -- We cast about for any beliefs we can call our own. And in the process of testing tho beliefs we are often drawn to fads, preferably tho most mysterious and inaccessible to our parents.
Whatever tentative memberships we try out in the world, the fear haunts us that we are really kids who cannot take care of ourlves. We cover that fear with acts of defiance and mimicked confidence. For allies to replace our parents, we turn to our contemporaries. They become conspirators. So long as their perspective meshes with our own, they are able to substitute for the sanctuary of the family. But that doesn’t last very long. And the instant they diverge from the shaky ideals of “our group”, they are en as betrayers. Rebounds to the family are common between the ages of 18 and 22.脂溢性皮炎会传染吗
The tasks of this passage are to locate ourlves in a peer group role, a x role, an anticipated occ
upation, an ideology or world view. As a result, we gather the impetus to leave home physically and the identity to begin leaving home emotionally.
The Trying Twenties
The Trying Twenties confront us with the question of how to take hold in the adult world. Our focus shifts from the interior turmoils of late adolescence -- “Who am I?” “What is truth?” -- and we become almost totally preoccupied with working out the externals. “How do I put my aspirations into effect?” “What is the best way to start?” “Where do I go?” “Who can help me!” “How did you do it?”
In this period, which is longer and more stable compared with the passage that leads to it, the tasks are as enormous as they are exhilarating: To shape a Dream, that vision of ourlves which will generate energy, aliveness, and hope. To prepare for a lifework. To find a mentor if possible. And to form the capacity for intimacy, without losing in the process whatever consistency of lf we have thus far mustered. The first test structure must be erected around the life we choo to try.
Doing what we “should” is the most pervasive theme of the twenties. The “shoulds” are largely defined by family models, the press of the culture, or the prejudices of our peers. If the prevailing cultural instructions are that one should get married and ttle down behind one’s own door, a nucle
ar family is born. If instead the peers insist that one should do one’s own thing, the 25-year-old is likely to harness himlf onto a
Harley-Davidson and burn up Route 66 in the commitment to have no commitments.
One of the terrifying aspects of the twenties is the inner conviction that the choices we make are irrevocable. It is largely a fal fear. Change is quite possible, and some alteration of our original choices is probably inevitable.
Two impuls as always are at work. One is to build a firm, safe structure for the future by making strong commitments, to “be t.” Yet people who slip into a ready-made form without much lf-examination are likely to find themlves locked in. The other urge is to explore and experiment, keeping any structure tentative and therefore easily reversible. Taken to the extreme, the are people who skip from one trial job and one limited personal encounter to another, spending their twenties in the transient state.
Although the choices of our twenties are not irrevocable, they do t in motion a Life Pattern. Some of us follow the lock-in pattern, others the transient pattern, the wunderkind pattern, the caregiver pattern, and there are a number of others. Such patterns strongly influence the particular questions r
aid for each person during
Buoyed by powerful illusions and belief in the power of the will,[36] we commonly insist in our twenties that what we have chon to do is the one true cour in life. Our backs go up at the merest hint that we are like our parents, that two decades of parental training might be reflected in our current actions and attitudes.
“Not me,” is the motto, “I’m different.”千千阙歌张国荣>企业背景
Catch-30
Impatient with devoting ourlves to the “shoulds,” a new vitality springs from within as we approach 30. Men and women alike speak of feeling too narrow and restricted. They blame all sorts of things, but what the restrictions boil down to are the outgrowth of career and personal choices of the twenties. They may have been choices perfectly suited to that stage. But now the fit feels different. Some inner aspect that was left out is striving to be taken into account. Important new choices must be made, and commitments altered or deepened. The work involves great change, turmoil, and often crisis -- a simultaneous feeling of rock bottom and the urge to bust out.
One common respon is the tearing up of the life we spent most of our twenties putting together. It may mean striking out on a condary road toward a new vision or converting a dream of “running for president” into a more realistic goal. The single person feels a push to find a partner. The
