CHOPPY SENTENCES
Problem护理工作
Too many short simple ntences can make your writing appear unsophisticated and your ideas em disconnected.
This impression can also be caud by too many ntences in a row that begin with a simple subject. (Notice repeated subjects in choppy examples below, e.g. She took, She had, She…) Solutions
SHOW LOGICAL CONNECTIONS BETWEEN IDEAS by using words that show cau and effect such as becau, since, and so, and words that show contrast such as but, yet and although.
Choppy:
She took dance class.
She had no natural grace or n of rhythm.
She eventually gave up the idea of becoming a dancer.
Revid:
She took dance class, but she had no natural grace or n of rhythm, so she
eventually gave up the idea of becoming a dancer.
JOIN MULTIPLE ACTIONS BY THE SAME AGENT INTO ONE SENTENCE, by using subordination (phras beginning with if, when, after, as, etc.) and coordination
(ntences and phras joined by conjunctions like and, but, so, etc.).鸡零狗碎
Choppy:
Bears emerge from hibernation in the spring.
秋补
They wander through wetlands.
They feed mainly on grass.
Revid:
When bears emerge from hibernation in the spring, they wander through
wetlands and feed mainly on grass.
USE APPOSITIVES (phras that add information about a noun).
Choppy:
Jes Ventura has denied an interest in running for the nate.
Ventura is the former governor of Minnesota.
Revid:
Jes Ventura,the former governor of MN, has denied an interest in running for the nate.
肉包
INTEGRATE MINOR DETAILS. You don’t need a new ntence for each piece of information.
Choppy:
The boy asked his father a question.
The boy is five years old.
The question was about death.
Revid:
The five-year-old boy asked his father a question about death.
LEARN TO USE MODIFYING PHRASES EFFECTIVELY (phras built around an adjective
or the participial form of a verb: often -ing or –ed/-en).
Choppy:桃花源记多少字
My aunt is very strict with my cousin. She expects her to study all the time.
Revid:
My aunt is very strict with my cousin, expecting her to study all the time.
Choppy:
德国简介
I was exhausted. I stared at the page. I was unable to comprehend a single word.
Revid:
Exhausted, I stared at the page, unable to comprehend a single word.
凤凰图片NOTE: This kind of phra must describe a word in the ntence. If it does not, you have what’s called a “dangling modifier,” for example: Exhausted, the page was incomprehensible.
(Who is exhausted? Not the page! But the tired person is not part of the ntence.)
TRY STARTING YOUR SENTENCES IN DIFFERENT WAYS, with a simple subject, a prepositional phra, a dependent clau, a modifying phra, etc.
The project was launched last month.
With little fanfare, the project was launched…
Once funding was cured, the project was launched…
库克大学
Dubbed a pork barrel by the media, the project
OTHER CONSIDERATIONS
•Don’t string together too many claus—usually no more than three.
•Vary the length of your ntences. Too many long ntences in a row can be just as monotonous as too many short ntences. A short ntence can have great impact if well
placed.
