223 The One With the Chicken Pox
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are there.] [Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.] RACHEL: Ok, Chandler, Mon, there's only one bananna nut muffin left. [Rachel holds the tray between them. Chandler grabs the muffin before Monica can.]
MONICA: Oh, I ordered mine first.
CHANDLER: Yeah, but I'm, I'm so
MONICA: Give it to me.
CHANDLER: No.
MONICA: Give it to me.
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.] MONICA: [She grabs the coffee cup on the table and licks the rim.] There you go, enjoy your coffee.
CHANDLER: That was there when I got here. [Takes a bite of his muffin.] PHOEBE:[enters] Hey you guys, you will never guess who's coming to New York.
MONICA:[Chandler tries to come back with a smart-ass remark but can't swallow the muffin.] Quick, Phoebe, tell us before he can swallow. PHOEBE: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy. [Chandler is visibly upt]
RACHEL: You went out with a guy in the Navy?
PHOEBE:Yeah, I met him when I was playing guitar in Washington Square Park. Ryan threw in salt water taffy 'cau he didn't have any change.
JOEY: Hey, is that when you wrote salt water taffy man?
PHOEBE:No. No, he is my submaring guy. He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together. Only this time he's coming for two weeks. Two whole weeks, which means yay.
RACHEL: So wait, this guy goes down for like two years at a time?
[Once again, Chandler has a bite in his mouth and can't come back.] MONICA: That'll teach you to lick my muffin.
ROSS: [enters] Hiii.
JOEY: Oh no, what happened?
ROSS: Well, I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got the chicken pox.
ALL: Oh no.
ROSS: Yeah, so if you haven't already had it, chances are you're gonna get it. RACHEL: Well I've had it.路由器重新设置
JOEY: Yeah, I've had it.
MONICA: Had it.
CHANDLER: Had it.
PHOEBE:Well, I've never had it, I feel so left out. [Sees a red bump on her arm.] Oh look!
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are in her 223出水痘
Ok，钱德，摩妮卡，只剩下一个香蕉果糕了.
我先叫的.
没错，但我，我动作快...
给我.
不.
给我!
好吧，拿去.
好了，享用你的咖啡吧.
那是我刚才舔过的地方.
嗨你们肯定猜不出谁要来纽约.
快，菲比，在他咽下去之前告诉我们.
好，是赖安，曾经和我约过会，现在在海军的.
你和海军的人一起出去?
没错，我在华盛顿广场公园弹吉他时认识他的.
赖安扔给我咸味太妃糖，因为他没有零钱.嗨，就是你写“咸味太妃糖”歌的时候?
不是.
不，他是潜艇人员.
每两年才露一次面
我们都要在一起享受美好的三天.
只有这一次他可待两个星期.整整两个星期，意味着....
等等，他一次在下面待两年?
这就是舔松糕的教训.
嗨.
怎么了?
卡萝刚才告诉我.班出水痘了.
噢，不会吧.
所以如果你们以前没有出过，就有可能会染上.
我出过了.
我也已经出过了.
我出过了.
我没出过，我想不会.哇哦，看!
亲爱的，你又铺床了.我告诉过你，你不必做.
这又不是露营.
噢，我想把昨晚的犯罪现场收拾一下.
我去冲个澡，一边唱吉姆.考奇的“雷罗伊.布朗”.
bedroom.]
MONICA: Honey, you made the bed again. I told you, you don't have to do that. This isn't camp.
RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
[He walks out of the bedroom and Monica starts to remake the bed.] RICHARD: [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?
MONICA: Baddest. Otherwi the song would be Fat Fat Leroy Brown. RICHARD: What're you doing?
MONICA: Just waiting for you sweetie.
RICHARD: Are you remaking the bed?
MONICA: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know what, the way you did it was just fine. RICHARD: Then, you're redoing
MONICA: If I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy.
RICHARD: You're pretty much running that risk either way.
MONICA: Ok,you e, the tag shouldn't be at the top left corner, it should be at the bottom right corner.
RICHARD: Oh, well that's not so crazy.
张家界大峡谷景区
MONICA: I'm just easing you in.
RICHARD: Oh, alright.
MONICA: Alright, you e the little flower blossoms? They should be facing up, not down, becaus
e, well, the head of the bed is where the sun would be. You don't love me any more do you.
RICHARD: Actually, if it's possible, I love you more.
MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Joey is there.]
CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.
JOEY: But don't you need experience for a job like that?
CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.
SCOTT: [enters] Hey Chandler, here's this morning's projections. CHANDLER: Hey thanks. Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbianni. Joey is a uh, fellow processor.
SCOTT: No kidding.
JOEY:Oh yeah yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call.
SCOTT: Where do you work?
JOEY: Uhh, well, right now I'm in between things. You know how it is. One day you're processing, the next day you're not processing any more. CHANDLER: I was just telling Joey about the opening in Fleischman's group.摩妮卡...嗨摩妮卡，我有个问题.
雷罗伊是整个丹姆城最坏的男人还是
整个丹姆城最胖的男人?
最坏的.另外歌词还有“胖啊胖的雷罗伊.布朗”.
你在干什么?
在等你啊，亲爱的.
你在重新铺床?
辩证法思想
对不起，对不起.你知道，你铺得已经很好了.
那么，你重新铺是为了...
如果我告诉你，你会以为我疯了.
告不告诉我，我都认为你差不多了.
好吧，你瞧,
标签的那头不能在左上角，应该在右下角.哦，这还算不上疯了.
你就方便进去了.
哦，对.
还有，你看见这些花蕾图案了吗?应该朝上，而不是朝下,
因为，太阳在床头那边.
你没那么爱我了吧.
事实上，也许，我更爱你了.
真的吗?
噢，那好跟我来，我告诉你怎么把纸巾折出个角来.
嗨，乔伊，我说如果你想做点事情,
我能在这给你一个信息处理员的活.
但你不需要有相关经验的吗?
并不难学.而且其他人根本不知道你不懂，嗨，你是个演员.就当演个处理员,
别人就会以为你是处理员.
嗨钱德，这是今早的项目.
嗨谢谢.斯科特.亚历山大，乔伊.茨比阿里
乔伊是个噢...，信息处理员.
不是开玩笑吧!
哦没错没错.我会处理.
别人要处理，就找我.
你在哪工作?
噢，现在我来回跑.
是这样的.今天是你处理,
第二天你就没有那...那么多要处理.
我刚才告诉乔伊关于弗雷斯克曼集团的机会.
弗雷斯克曼集团.无论如何,
SCOTT: Fleischman's group. Whatever you do, don't touch his sandwiches.
JOEY: Ha-ha. [Scott leaves] Are all you processors dorks?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are doing Phoebe's makeup.]
RACHEL: Oh, this lipstick looks just great on you.
MONICA: You look fabulous honey, you really do.
PHOEBE: Yeah? Are you sure, really. [She picks up a mirror and es the white splotches all over her face.]
RACHEL: You e, you look beautiful. For god sakes, dim the lights. PHOEBE: I, I, I'm hideous.
MONICA: It's gonna be ok. Ryan's been under water. He's just gonna be so glad that you don't have barnicles on your butt.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ryan is walks up to the door and knocks.]
PHOEBE: Come in.
RYAN: Hey baby, I' [Phoebe is sitting by the window in a veil.] PHOEBE: Hey Ryan, what's up?
RYAN: What's goin' on?
PHOEBE: Well, no no, you have to stay back. I, I have the pox.
RYAN: Chicken or small?
PHOEBE: Chicken. Which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian.
RYAN: Why aren't you at home in bed?
PHOEBE: 'Cau my, my grandmother's never had chicken pox. Plea, plea tell me you have, 'cau oh my God, I forgot how cute you are.
RYAN: I'm sorry, I never had 'em.
PHOEBE: Ohh, ohh.
RYAN: If I had one wish, it would be to build a time machine, go back to when I was 7, when Jimmy Haur had the chicken pox. I would grab that kid and rub him all over my face.
PHOEBE: Yeah, or you know, you could just wish that I didn't have them now. RYAN: Can I plea e your face?
PHOEBE: Nope. You don't want to e a face covered with pox.
RYAN: Your face could be covered with lochs, I wouldn't care.
PHOEBE: And you hate fish. Oh. That's so sweet, alright. Ok, alright, you can e. This [she unveils herlf right as a huge lightning bolt crashes outside. Ryan screams in terror.] Oh, I am scary.
RYAN: Sorry, the lightning. Lightning was an unfortunate incidence. You look lovely, lovely.
PHOEBE:I hate this. 'Cau I tell you, I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us, and almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot clor than this.
RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. [He walks to her and kiss her.]
PHOEBE: Ok, this is the most romantic dia I've ever had.不要碰他的三明治.哈-哈-哈...
哈-哈.你们都是处理肉鸡的?
哦，这口红对你太合适了.
你看上去真让人难以置信，亲爱的，确实是.
是吗?你肯定，真的.
你看，看上去多漂亮.来点神秘感，调暗光线.
我，我，真可怕.
没问题的.赖安一直在水下.
你屁股上没长痔疮，他就很高兴了.
请进.
嗨宝贝，我回来了...
嗨赖安，好吗?
怎么了?
不，不，你最好别过来.我，我出痘.
水痘还是小痘痘?
是水痘.对我这个素食者真是一个讽刺.
你为什么不回家上床休息?
因为，我奶奶从来没有出过水痘.
千万，别告诉你没出过，因为，我希望你总是那么帅.
对不起，我真的没出过.
噢，噢.
如果给我个愿望，我希望造个时间机器,
会到七岁那年，当时吉米.郝瑟出水痘.
我可以抱住他往我脸上擦.
对，或者，你只要愿望我现在没出水痘.
让我看看你的脸?
不要.你不会希望看见我长满水痘的脸的.你脸上也许布满海湾，我才不在乎呢.
但你讨厌鱼.哦.
你真好，好吧.好吧，让你看吧.
我就是这样...
哇，我很吓人.
对不起，是闪电.闪电碰巧反射.
蜂胶的功能你看起来可爱极了，可爱极了.
我恨死了.
我告诉你，我计划好了我们美妙的的两个星期,
几乎所有的事都考虑好了，我们会比现在更亲热.
菲比，我刚和一群男人在金属管中渡过了八个月,
想到这些.
我也不会让一堆痒包包影响我们.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Joey enters.]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey, how's the first day goin'?
JOEY: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column.
CHANDLER: Well there you go.
JOEY: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.
CHANDLER: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh? CHANDLER: Weird world. Your kids?
JOEY: I figure my character has kids.
CHANDLER: Ya know there isn't a part of that ntence I don't need explained. JOEY: Well, e when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
CHANDLER: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
JOEY: Yeah. Joph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a Ya know what? Just did.
CHANDLER: Really? Wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Ryan are playing Monopoly.]
RYAN: You know what makes the itching even wor?
PHOEBE: That you don't stop talking about it.
山药过敏怎么止痒
RYAN: Fine.
PHOEBE:Let's just play, ok. Good, ok. [She picks up the dice.] Here we go, double sixes, here [She starts to rub the dice all over herlf.] Here we go, come to mama, just getting ready to roll
RYAN: What're you doing? Are you scratching?
PHOEBE: No. This is what I do for luck, ok.
RYAN: You're scratching. Give me the dice.
PHOEBE: No.
苦瓜炒腊肉RYAN: Give me the dice.
PHOEBE: No. Here. [Throws them on the table.] There. Ooh, double sixes. RYAN: We can't scratch. You know we can't, we'll scar.
PHOEBE: Uhh, I can't stop thinking about it. It's just so hard. I just wanna grab all the hous and rub 'em all over my body. [Grabs a handful of the hous.] RYAN: No.
PHOEBE: Give it.
RYAN: No.
PHOEBE:Yeah, come on. You know you want it, you know you want it too, come on. Let's just be bad, it'll feel so good. [She starts scratching him.] RYAN: Oh God help me.
PHOEBE: Now do me, do my back. Oh come on, harder.
[They get back to back and start rubbing against each other. Ross and Rachel 这是我得过的最浪漫的病.
嗨.
嗨，第一天过得怎么样?
太棒了.就象你说的.
基本上也就是把数字从一排输到另一排.
你学得很快.
嗨，而且每个人都很好.
我刚才和红椅子那儿的女人简妮聊了一会.简妮，东区业务的头，简妮?
聊到我们的孩子在一个学校.
世界真小，是吧?
世界真奇妙.你的孩子?
我觉得我的角色应该是有小孩的人.
你的话我没有一句是明白的.
对了，扮什么角色都要全心投入
象我，约瑟夫，信息处理员,
有两个孩子, Ashley和Brittany.
我的前半生罗子君Ashley喜欢模仿Brittany.
哇，看不见的孩子们经常会这样.
是啊.约瑟夫和他的妻子卡伦正在考虑生第三个孩子...
知道吗?刚实施了.
真的吗?哇.你那里一定有一些极其充沛的想象的精子.
你不觉得这东西确实很痒吗?
你都一直说个没停.
好吧.
还是玩吧, ok.好, ok.
我们开始吧,
来妈妈这里，就准备掷骰子了...
你在干吗?抓痒吗?
不是.只是找点运气, ok.
你是抓痒.给我骰子. /不.
给我骰子.
不.好了，扔了.
哦，两个六点.
我们不能抓痒.你知道我们可以，会留下伤疤的.
我顾不了那些了.太痛苦了.
我只想把这些地盘全部占领，用他们把全身抓一遍.
不行.
放手.
不行.
行的，来吧.
你也想要的，你也想要的，来吧.
enter.]
RACHEL: Oh, stop that, stop that right now.
ROSS: You know, I might have expected this of you Phoebe, but Ryan, you're a military man.
[Scene: Chandler's office building. Joey and Jeannie are talking.]
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.
JEANNIE: Oh, that sounds lovely. We're gonna have to t that up. Oh, I better get back. Hope the baby feels better.
JOEY: Oh, thanks, thanks. Bye bye Jeannie.
JEANNIE: Bye bye Joey.
JOEY: What a phony.
CHANDLER:Well,I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. Hey Mr. Douglas.
JOEY: Sir.
MR. DOUGLAS: Uh, listen Bing, I received your memo. So, we're not gonna receive the systems report until next Friday?
CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families.
MR. DOUGLAS: I have a family, I'm gonna be here.
JOEY: Yeah Bing, what's that about?
CHANDLER:It's about cutting my people a little slack, ya know, for morale. Look, if you wanna e some rough numbers, I can get them to you by Wednesday.
MR. DOUGLAS: Rough numbers?
JOEY: This company was not built on rough numbers. Am I right Mr. Douglas. MR. DOUGLAS: Have the final numbers on my desk by Tuesday. CHANDLER: Uh, if you say so sir.
JOEY: Joph's good, isn't he?
CHANDLER: Well, I'm going to kill you.
JOEY: Hey, hey, I just figure Joph's the kinda guy that likes to mix it up. Ya know, get in there, ruffle some feathers.
CHANDLER: Why?
JOEY:Look, I'm sorry but that's what Joph does, ok. If you try to pull somethin', he'll call you on it. 'What're you tryin' to pull,' he'll say.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica enters her bedroom with a roll of duct tape. Richard is sitting on the bed.]
RICHARD: Ooh, duct tape. Was I suppod to bring something too? MONICA:This is for the scratchy twins out there. I taped oven mits to their hands.
RICHARD: You're strict.
MONICA: It's for their own good.
RICHARD: You know, I like the way you have efficiently folded this tab under. See in a tape emergency you could shave valuable conds off your time. MONICA: Exactly. Oh, I love that I can be totally neurotic around you now. Tell me the truth. Don't you like it better now that everything on your desk is 我们就一下，会很舒服的.
上帝帮帮我.
到我了，抓背.快，用力些.
哦,
停下来，马上停下来.
菲比这样做我还可以原谅，但赖安，你是个
你和Milton一定要来我们的船上.卡伦会准备午餐,
你们把孩子带来，我们玩一天.
Oh，听起来不错.我们要好好准备一下. Oh，我得回去了.照顾好宝宝.
Oh，谢谢，再见简妮.
再见乔伊.
真虚伪.
我肯定这对她是一个教训，
当她在码头扑个空的时候
嗨道格拉斯先生.
先生.
噢，宾，我拿到你的备忘录了.
那么，我们不是要到下周五才拿到你的系统报告吧？
是这样，我组里的人想和家人渡个周末假期.
我也有家，我还是来.
对啊，宾，那又怎么样呢?
只是想让大家放松一下，安抚民心.
如果你想要些大概数字，我可以星期三给你.
大概数字?
公司不是大概数字堆出来的.对吧，道格拉斯先生?
星期三我要看见最后数据.
你说怎样就怎样了.
约瑟夫真行，是吧?
我要杀了你.
眼球痛
嗨，嗨,
我只是发现约瑟夫是很会和人打交道的.
你看，掺和进去，推波助澜.
为什么?
对不起，但约瑟夫就是干这个的,
ok.如果你想去做什么，他就会号召你去做，
“你要做些什么？”他说.
Ooh，胶带.我也应该带点什么来?
这是对付外面那两个发痒的家伙的.
