dayi
Let's face it -- English is a crazy language
by Richard Lederer
Let me show you guys something first
1. The bandage was wounded around the wound.
2. we must polish the polish furniture.
3. The soldier decided to dert his desrt in the dert.
4. They were too clo to the door to clo the door
5. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
6. Upon eing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
角川正雄
Let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, money does not grow from money plant, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in E
ngland or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.难以置信的英语
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we'll find that quicksand work slowly, boxing ring are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor it is a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing? Grocers dont groce and hammers don’t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goo, two gee. So one moo, teo mee? One index, two indices? Doesn't it em crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends, and get rid of all but one of them, what do you all it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetable, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and nd cargo by ship? Have nos that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
招商政策看戏 while a wi man and a wi guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your hou can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
" English is the most widely spoken language in the history of our planet, ud in some way by at least one out of every ven human beings around the globe. Half of the world's books are written in English, and the majority of international telephone calls are made in English. Sixty percent of the world's radio programs are beamed in English, and more than venty percent of international mail is written and addresd in English. Eighty percent of all computer texts, including all web sites, are stored in English. English has acquired the largest vocabulary of all the world's languages, perhaps as many as two million words, and has generated one of the noblest bodies of literature in the annals of the human race.
Nonetheless, it is now time to face the fact that English is a crazy language -- the most loopy and wiggy of all tongues. In what other language do people drive in a parkway and qq申诉进度查询
park in a driveway? In what other language do people play at a recital and recite at a play? Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall? Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo? Why does a man get a hernia and a woman a hysterectomy? Why do we pack suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitca? Why do privates eat in the general mess and generals eat in the private mess? Why do we call it newsprint when it contains no printing but when we put print on it, we call it a newspaper? Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists? Why -- in our crazy language -- can your no run and your feet smell?
Language is like the air we breathe. It's invisible, inescapable, indispensable, and we take it for granted. But, when we take the time to step back and listen to the sounds that escape from the holes in people's faces and to explore the paradoxes and vagaries of English, we find that hot dogs can be cold, darkrooms can be lit, homework can be done in school, nightmares can take place in broad daylight while morning sickness and daydr
eaming can take place at night, tomboys are girls and midwives can be men, hours -- especially happy hours and rush hours -- often last longer than sixty minutes, quicksand works very slowly, boxing rings are square, silverware and glass can be made of plastic and tablecloths of paper, most telephones are dialed by being punched (or pushed?), and most bathrooms don't have any baths in them. In fact, a dog can go to the bathroom under a tree -- no bath, no room; it's still going to the bathroom. And doesn't it em, a little bizarre that we go to the bathroom in order to go to the bathroom?
Why is it that a woman can man a station but a man can't woman one, that a man can father a movement but a woman can't mother one, and that a king rules a kingdom but a queen doesn't rule a queendom? How did all tho Renaissance men reproduce when there don't em to have been any Renaissance women? Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane: In what other language do they call the third hand on the clock the cond hand? Why do they call them apartments when they're all together? Why do we call them buildings, when they're already built? Why it is called a TV t when you get only one? W
莲藕怎么洗
hy is phonetic not spelled phonetically? Why is it so hard to remember how to spell mnemonic? Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is? Why is the word abbreviation so long? Why is diminutive so undiminutive? Why does the word monosyllabic consist of five syllables? Why is there no synonym for synonym or thesaurus? And why, pray tell, does lisp have an s in it?
English is crazy.
If adults commit adultery, do infants commit infantry? If olive oil is made from olives, what do they make baby oil from? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume? If pro and con are opposites, is congress the opposite of progress? Why can you call a woman a mou but not a rat -- a kitten but not a cat? Why is it that a woman can be a vision, but not a sight -- unless your eyes hurt? Then she can be "a sight for sore eyes." A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings. But fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, hammers don't ham, humdingers don't humding, ushers don't ush, and haberdashers do not haberdash.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth? One goo, two gee -- so one moo, two mee? One index, two indices -- one Kleenex, two Kleenices? If people ring a bell today and rang a bell yesterday, why don't we say that they flang a ball? If they wrote a letter, perhaps they also bote their tongue. If the teacher taught, why isn't it also true that the preacher praught? Why is it that the sun shone yesterday while I shined my shoes, that I treaded water and then trod on the beach, and that I flew out to e a World Series game in which my favorite player flied out?
If we conceive a conception and receive at a reception, why don't we grieve a greption and believe a beleption? If a firefighter fights fire, what does a freedom fighter fight? If a horhair mat is made from the hair of hors, from what is a mohair coat made? A slim chance and a fat chance are the same, as are a caregiver and a caretaker, a bad licking and a good licking, and "What's going on?" and "What's coming off?" But a wi man and a wi guy are opposites. How can sharp speech and blunt speech be the same and quite a lot and quite a few the same, while overlook and overe are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell the next?
If button and unbutton and tie and untie are opposites, why are loon and unloon and ravel and unravel the same? If bad is the opposite of good, hard the opposite of soft, and up the opposite of down, why are badly and goodly, hardly and softly, and upright and downright not opposing pairs? If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameful and shameless behavior the same and pricey objects less expensive than priceless ones? If appropriate and inappropriate remarks and passable and impassable mountain trails are opposites, why are flammable and inflammable materials, heritable and inheritable property, and passive and impassive people the same? How can valuable objects be less valuable than invaluable ones? If uplift is the same as lift up, why are upt and t up opposite in meaning? Why are pertinent and impertinent, canny and uncanny, and famous and infamous neither opposites nor the same? How can rai and raze and reckless and wreckless be opposites when each pair contains the same sound?
成功的经历 Why is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible; that when I clip a coupon from a newspaper I parat
e it, but when I clip a coupon to a newspaper, I fasten it; and that when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?
