My View on Fame
People's view on the influences of fame is different. Some of them think that fame is of great benefit to them . The benefits are as follows : first of all ,they can have a better work and live condition after being famous . They put fame and money together and consider that they can earn enough money by being famous . Then they can have their own studio and living place . Secondly ,they can better share their works and thoughts with the public if they are famous . Also tho who have great fame can encourage young people to take their dream a reality .
（整个段落结构清晰，条理清楚，第一句从话题自然过渡到第一段的主题，而且能有意识地利用过渡词连接前后的句子，能用of +n.的结构表达主语的性质或状态。但存在比较多表达上的问题，如第一句中，既然人们观点不同就不可能是单数；第三句子可以通过从句跟第二句合并起来，因为两句的关系很紧密，分开两句显得松散，影响连贯效果;have a better work and live condition：请上网查“工作和生活条件”的表达法，after being famous中being是表状态，应改用表变化的词，因为这里体现的是成名前后的变化；put fame and money together油茶树苗表达的意思令人费解，你大概想说名利组合在一起给人带来的好处吧，但这
种组合并不是人为有意去组合的，而是客观现实自然产生的一种组合，所以用sb. put fame and money together不妥，而且后文也没体现出名和利组合所带来的好处，再加上此处的consider仅表示人们的一种看法，不能代表fame所带来的客观好处，enough放在此处也不妥，因为没有一个参照基准，读者不知道enough是相对于什么人什么事什么情况是enough的，请改为能够传递具体信息的修饰词。最后一句中，没有take their dream a reality这种表达，请参看The Tail of Fame第二段中，应当有你想要表达的意思）
But other people think that fame is of harm to them.First of all,fame let some young people be anxious to achieve quick success and get intant benefits .There are many young people put bling faith in the stars.Besides ,fame can bring 定州塔many trouble to famous people and their family .They are followed around by journalists 24-7.Last but not least,when famous people make any little mistakes ,they are abud by the public .Becau of fame,famous people have to be with great care at anytime and anywhere.
（优点与第一段大致相同，但也存在不少问题，如第二句中，let的用法，请查字典学习let的内涵，建议用 lure等之类表诱惑的词，更能表达你的意思，参看第一单元ction A第二古希腊神庙
段；There are many young people put bling faith in the stars.这句话跟它前面一句没有关系，不能说明名气对年轻人的诱惑所带来的负面影响；many和trouble求职难能搭配吗；最后一句跟倒二句之间插了 becau of fame显得连贯性很差，而且倒二句在句末应点明be abud的原因何在，参考听说教程第一单元关于Oscar Wilde的那段长对话）
As above,People's 全幅相机view 玉器的鉴别方法on fame are different.As to me,I am of the opinion that it is not wi for one to direct attetion solely to fame.To be a famous man can bring you in the mud of ambition and you will be hard to get out of it.（优点：会用同位语从句这种复杂的句子，会用one来表泛指。缺点：第一句：原原本本把文章的第一句重复一遍在英语中简直就是灾难；没有as above这种表达，请上网查相关表达；people怎么能用大写呢？注意主谓一致；of +n.在这么短的文章连续出现三次，就嫌太多了，它在第一段是优点，到第三段就是缺点了：句式缺乏变化；direct attetion solely to fame，持之以恒的名人故事bring you in the mud of ambition：请用在线词典查证；）
改完后的作文
大学生志愿活动 People's views on fame vary from person to person. Some of them think that fame is of
great benefits to them. The benefits are as follows:first of all, they can have a better working and living condition when they became famous. Secondly,they can better share their works and thoughts with the public becau they have many chances to access to their fans through TV,radio and other ways. Finally, the stress from fame can motivate the famous to work even hard and ek father success.
However,others hold that the disadvantages overweigh the advantages. In the first place, fame tempts some young people to be anxious to achieve quick success and get instant benefits. Besides,fame can bring the famous and their families a a of trouble. They are followed around by paparazzi 24-7. Last but not least, the trend which the public go for always chops and changes fantasticality. So celebrities can't remain idle otherwi they would be permanently expelled from the wider circle of public favor.
As to me, I hold the view that it is not wi for one to desperately ek fame.
