THE SATURDAY ESSAYJANUARY 8, 2011.周浚
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Why Chine Mothers Are Superior
Can a regimen of no playdates, no TV, no computer games and hours of music practice create happy kids? And what happens when they fight back?.
By AMY CHUA
下巴兜A lot of people wonder how Chine parents rai such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what the parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, becau I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:
•attend a sleepover
•have a playdate
•be in a school play属马好不好
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•complain about not being in a school play •watch TV or play computer games •choo their own extracurricular activities •get any grade less than an A
•not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
•play any instrument other than the piano or violin
•not play the piano or violin.
I'm using the term "Chine mother" looly.
I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Converly, I know some mothers of Chine heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chine mothers, by choice or otherwi. I'm also using the term "Western parents" looly. Western parents come in all varieties.
All the same, even when Western parents think they're being strict, they usually don't come clo to being Chine mothers. For example, my Western friends who consider themlves strict make their children practice their instruments 30 minutes every day. An hour at most. For a Chine mother, the first hour is the easy part. It's hours two and three that get tough.
Despite our squeamishness about cultural stereotypes, there are tons of studies out there showing marked and quantifiable
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differences between Chine and Westerners when it comes to parenting. In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chine immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that "stressing academic success is not good for children" or that "parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun." By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chine mothers felt the same way. Instead, the vast majority of the Chine mothers said that they believe their children can be "the best" students, that "academic achievement reflects successful parenting," and that if children did not excel at school then there was "a problem" and parents "were not doing their job." Other studies indicate that compared to Western parents, Chine parents spend approximately 10 times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate in sports teams.
What Chine parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents becau the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give u
p. But if done properly, the Chine strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets prai, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.
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