英语演讲笑话
我懂了
Mr. Beans had always wanted to travel to the African jungle to hunt, and,
to his mind, the greatest prey was beyond doubt the mighty gorilla. Unfortunately, the gorilla is an endangered species, and may no longer be
killed for sport, but Mr. Beans had heard of one professional hunter who had devid a way to capture the gorilla alive.
奔驰先生总想到非洲打猎，在他看来，壮硕的大猩猩无疑是最佳的狩猎对象。不幸的是，大猩猩乃是一种濒临绝种的动物，不适合娱乐性质的狩猎活动，但奔驰先生曾听闻一
位发明可以活捉大猩猩的职业猎人.
One fine day found Mr. Beans talking to the great white hunter, Mr. Bones, in his tent.
一天，奔驰先生和伟大的白人猎物专家朋驰先生在帐篷中谈话。
"Well, if you want to go on safari, my rvices will cost you $ 1,000
a.day, my man Mbulu $ 500 a day, $ 500 for the schnauzer and $ 500 for the pygmy with the gun," explained
Bones.
“如果你要去猎大猩猩的话，我本人服务一天索价一千美金；我手下恩布鲁一天五百
美金，德国猎犬一天五百美金；另外带枪的矮黑人也一天五百，”朋驰解释说道。
Beans did not quite understand the charges, but nonetheless agreed.
奔驰先生并不很了解这些价目，可是他仍然答应了。
On their very first day on the hunt, Bones spotted a gorilla, which scampered up a tree. Mbulu, a mighty Zulu, pursued the ape and shook the
branch on which it clung till the beast fell off. Immediately the schnauzer leapt forward, biting the befuddled ape on the most tender part of its anatomy. The gorilla fainted with shock, and was easily captured.
昔不如今
第一天出去打猎，朋驰看见一只猩猩逃到一棵树上，恩布鲁是一位孔武有力的祖鲁人，他追赶到树上，猛力摇动那只猩猩攀附的树枝，待猩猩掉下之后，猎狗立刻跳上前去，咬
住它身体最柔嫩的部分，猩猩惊吓得昏了过去，很容易就被活捉了。
Mr. Beans was quite delighted, and even more so the next day, when the performance was repeated. But he still couldn ’t figure o ut the purpo of
the pygmy with the gun, for whom he was paying $ 500 a day, and who emed
饱的反义词only to smile and pick his teeth.
奔驰先生非常高兴，尤其第二天又捕到另一只猩猩，更让他欣喜万分，但他还是想不混乱英语
通他每天付五百美金请的带枪的小黑人.
Finally, on the third day, Bones spotted the largest gorilla they'd ever encountered. As before, Mbulu pursued the primate into the tree. But this time, no amount of shaking would dislodge the beast. In fact, it turned on
Mbulu,grappled with him, and nt him hurtling to the ground.
第三天时，朋驰看见他们所遇到的最大的一只猩猩，如以往一样，恩布鲁把那只灵长
类动物追赶到树上，可是这次怎么也摇不下来。相反地，它转向恩布鲁，一阵扭打后，把
他扔到地上去。
As the mighty Zulu fell, he shouted to the pygmy, "Shoo tthe dog! Shoot
the dog!"
英语小学
恩布鲁跌下时，他对矮黑人叫道：“快射那只猎狗!射那只猎狗”
古老的中国智慧
Once upon a time, in ancient China, the emperor was riously ill. None of his esteemed physicians could find a cure, until an ancient sage revealed that only the blood of a living Foo bird could restore the imperial health.
很久很久以前在古老的中国，皇帝病得很重，所有德高望重的御医都没办法医治，直
到后来才有一位智者透露，只有活福鸟的血才能恢复皇帝的健康。
Now the Foo bird was extremely rare, almost legendary,and the greatest hunters in the land were assigned the task of capturing a specimen-but before they left on their quest, the ancient sage warned them that if one of them
were fortunate enough to catch the bird, he should on no account clean or change his clothing till he had prented his prize to the emperor.
问题是福鸟本来就很少见，几乎只是传说而已，于是全国各地最好的猎人都被指派进
行捕捉福鸟的工作。但在他们出发之前，那名智者警告他们，要是有人有幸捉到一只福鸟
的话，无论如何在送到皇帝手中之前，绝不可以清洁或换掉身上的衣服。
The hunters scoured the empire, and after veral months, the greatest of them spotted a magnificent Foo perched high in a tree. Using all his skill,
the huntsman snuck up on the bird and managed to ize it by the claws, but soon the startled creature left a huge odious blob of excrement on the
hunter's shoulder.
南洋水师
猎人们搜遍了整个帝国，几个月后，其中一名本领最好的猎人不经意看见了一只福鸟
栖息在一棵树上。他用尽所有技巧偷偷接近那只福鸟并抓住了它的脚爪，但那只受到惊卟
的福鸟马上在他的肩膀上拉了一大团臭气熏人的鸟粪。
Though the stench was almost unbearable, the woodsman remembered the
sage's injunction and carried his double burden all the way back to court. By that time, the odor had only become wor, and the hunter was deeply embarrasd.Finally, he felt that he could not enter the emperor's prence in such a state, and wiped the offending substance from his shoulder.
虽然臭味难当，但猎人仍记得智者的训示，便连同身上的鸟粪护送福鸟回宫。那时鸟
爱情打油诗粪的味道更难闻了，猎人也觉得非常尴尬。最后他觉得不能那个样子去见皇帝，于是他把
肩膀上令人作呕的东西擦拭掉了。
Instantly, the Foo bird fell over dead, the emperor took a turn for the wor, and the hunter was clapped in irons.And the moral of the story is: If
形容夏天的诗句the Foo shits,wear it!
就在那一刻福鸟便倒地身亡，皇帝的病情也更加恶化，而那名猎人则立刻被关进牢中。这个故事的寓意就是：“福鸟在你身上拉尿，你就扛着。”
另一则寓言笑话
The Ndele tribesmen of Africa were'a poor but proud people. Living as they did in the savannah regions south of the Sahara, they had only grass with
which to build their hous, but the were nonetheless beautifully designed and spacious.
非洲的恩德拉部落是个贫穷但骄傲的民族，由于位在撒哈拉沙漠南部的大草原地区，
他们只能用草来造房子，但他们的房屋仍然设计美观，内部宽敞。
In fact, the king's palace was all of three stories tall until the tragic events which I will now relate.
实际上，在我所要叙及的不幸事件之前，国王的皇宫都是三层楼的建筑。事情是这样的.
The Ndele had always believed that as long as the king sat on the traditional golden throne, no harm
随云髻could come to the tribe. In recent times, however, the kings had taken to nding their heirs to Europe to be educated.
恩德拉族人自古以来都相信，只要国王坐在那张传统黄金打造的王座上，老天就不会降灾害于他们。可是最近非洲国王们都热衷于把他们的继承人送到欧洲深造。
One particular crown prince came back from Oxford with nothing but contempt for the ancient beliefs of his people. No sooner had he been crowned king than he had the golden throne removed to the palace attic and replaced with a comfortable steel-framed easy-chair.
其中一位王储由牛津大学归国，他除了鄙视该族人的古老迷信外，什么也没学回来。他一登上王位就立刻把那张宝座搬到皇宫阁楼收藏，并换上一张钢框的舒适安乐椅。
Sure enough, as soon as the young king ttled his posterior into the new royal at, an earthquake struck the entire territory of the Ndele, hundreds of homes were destroyed, and the old golden throne came crashing through the two intervening floors directly onto the foolish monarch,squashing him like a bug.
果然，那位年轻的国王刚坐下不久，地震就袭击了恩德拉族境内，好几百栋的房子损毁，而原来那张黄金宝座也一路撞穿两个夹层楼正中那名愚蠢的统治者，他就像一只小虫般被压得扁扁的。
And the moral of the story is: Tho who live in grass hous should not stow thrones.
这则故事的真义就是：“住在茅草房子的人们不可把国王的御座收藏起来!”
感谢您的阅读，祝您生活愉快。
