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102 The One With the Sonogram at the End

[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.]

Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.

Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'rious?

Phoebe: Oh, yeah!

Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.

Monica: Absolutely.

Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.

Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it' that's not why we bought the ticket.

Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're basically just trying to stay awake.

Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwi next time you're gonna find yourlf sitting at home, listening to that album alone.

Joey: (pau)....Are we still talking about x?

Opening Credits

[Scene: Muum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are tting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]

Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she em a little angry?

Marsha: Well, she has issues.

Ross: Does she？

Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!

Ross: Marsha, the are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda clo.' See?

Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?

(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)

Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No.

Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!

Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.

(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)

Ross:Hi.

Carol: So.

Ross: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.

Carol: Sorry. You look good too.

Ross: Ah, well, in here, So what's new? Still, uh...

Carol: A lesbian?

Ross: you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?

Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-

Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?

Carol: I'm pregnant.

Ross: Pregnant?!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]

Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.

Phoebe:...Then I've already en this one! (Turns off the TV.)

Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?

Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.

Monica: Who little ball of paper is this?!

Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to mylf, and then I realid I didn't need it, so I balled it (es that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.

(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)

Phoebe: She's already fluffed Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine!

Monica: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have.

Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.

Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.

Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't e Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.

Monica: That's becau as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'e, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.

Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!

Monica: What?

Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!

All: Eeaagh!

(Rachel enters from her room.)

Rachel: Has anybody en my engagement ring?

Phoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful.

Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)

Phoebe: No, look, don't touch that!

Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so

Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we!

Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!

Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?

Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!

Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy'

Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the

Chandler: ...Dinah?

Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't

Monica: You didn't.

Rachel: Oh, I

Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.)

Rachel: Oh, but look how straight tho noodles are!

Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in

Monica: (puts down the lasagne) can't do it.

Chandler: Boys? We're going in.

(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)

Ross: (standing outside the door).....Hi.

Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.

Ross: Carol's pregnant.

Phoebe: (while everyone el is stunned) Ooh! I found it!

Monica:

Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.)

Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?

Rachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?

Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved basically it's entirely up to me.

Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her.

Monica: What does she mean by 'involved'?

Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.

Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.

Rachel: So what are you gonna do?

Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.

(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)

Joey: .....Well, this is still ruined, right?

[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.]

Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste?

Monica: Curry.

Mrs. Geller: Mmmm!

Ross: I- I think they're great! I, I really do.

Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?

Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.

Ross: Aw,

Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?

Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-

Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.

Mrs. Geller: Well, they don't have to (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.)

Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, plea?

Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)

Mrs. Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! easy.

Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably lfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Becau I think it might take some of the heat off me.

[Time Lap, everyone is now eating.]

Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.

Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!

Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at

Monica: What's that suppod to mean?

Mrs. Geller: Nothing! It's an expression.

Monica: No it's not.

Mr. Geller:经典诗歌朗诵 Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and

[Time Lap.]

Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his muum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, the are the people who never get cancer.

[Time Lap.]

Mr. Geller: ...And I read about the women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't em to have that problem.

Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?

Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I reali you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to rai the baby.

(Stunned silence ensues.)

Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this?!

Commercial Break

[Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.]

Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh?

Ross: Well, y'know, the people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.

Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours.

Ross: Must pee. (Goes to pee.)

福原爱东北话Phoebe: Y'know, it's even wor when you're twins.

Rachel: You're twins?

Phoebe: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.

Chandler: What does she do?

Phoebe: She's a waitress.

Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. (They all start to leave.)

Monica: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.

Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, my parents actually preferred.

Rachel: The lights, plea..

(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)

Ross: ...How long was I in there?

Rachel: I'm just cleaning up.

Ross: D'ya.. uh.. Do you need any help?

Rachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.)

Ross: Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow?

Rachel: Oh.. a little..

Ross: Mm-hmm..

Rachel: A lot.

Ross: Mm.

Rachel: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?

Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the

Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated? 百合花茶

Ross: Got me.

Rachel: Remember when we were in high school together?

100米技巧Ross: Yeah.

Rachel: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it? (Ross gazes at her.) ..Ross?

Ross: Yes, yes!

Rachel: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. (She leans back onto his hand.)

Ross: (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.)

[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]

Ross: (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.

(Susan enters holding a drink.)

Susan: Hi.

Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.

Ross: How could I forget?

黑柳朝Susan: Ross.

Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just ?

Carol: Dr. Oberman.

Ross: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-

Susan: She.

Ross: -she, of cour, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?

Carol: Yes, and she's very supportive.

Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.

Carol: Thanks.

Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..

Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)

[Scene Barry's office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as Rachel enters.]

Rachel: Barry?

Barry: Come in.

Rachel: (hesitates) Are you sure?

Barry: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours.

Robbie: Huh?!

Barry: So, how ya doin?

Rachel: I'm- uh- I' You look great!

Barry: Yeah, well..

Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging.

Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a c.

(As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)

Rachel: I dumped him.

Robbie: Okay.

[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.]

Ross: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?

Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.

Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?

Carol: Marlon-

Ross: Marlon?!

Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.

Ross: ...As in Mou?

Carol: As in my grandmother.

Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mou. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?

Carol: Julia..

Susan: We agreed on Minnie.

Ross: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?

[Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]

Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?

Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.

Barry: Oh, that's great.

Rachel: Why are- why are you so tanned?

Barry:如何留住员工 Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.

Rachel: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?

Barry: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.

Robbie: Me?!

Barry: No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.

Rachel: Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!

Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.

Rachel: Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You've got plugs!

Barry: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.

Rachel: And you've got lens! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!

Barry: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.

Rachel: Okay..

Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.

Rachel: Wow.

Barry: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit.

Rachel: What?

Robbie: Me. (Spits.)

Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her pur.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.

Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back.

(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)

Robbie: Hello?!

[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.]

Susan: Oh, plea! What's wrong with Helen?

Ross: Helen Geller? I don't think so.

Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.

Ross: Thank you!

Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.

Ross: What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?

Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.

Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?

Susan: It's my baby too.

Ross: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.

Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!

Carol: All right, you two, stop it!

Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.

Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cau I think that borders on child abu.

Ross: Of cour not, suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.

Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you e what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all tho names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!

Ross: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-

Dr. Oberman: (entering) Knock knock! How are we today? Any naua?

All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.

Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..

Ross: You- uh- y 'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.

(He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches her ear. He returns and stares at it.)

Ross: Oh my God.

Susan: Look at that.

Carol: I know.

Closing Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram. Rachel is on the phone.]

Ross: Well? Isn't that amazing?

Joey: What are we suppod to be eing here?

Chandler: I don’t know, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterpri.

Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.

Ross: Then don't do that, alright?

Phoebe: Okay!

Ross: (walks over to where Monica is standing) Monica. What do you think?

Monica: (welling up) Mm-hmm.

Ross: Wh- are you welling up?

Monica: No.

Ross: You are, you're welling up.

Monica: Am not!

Ross: You're gonna be an aunt.

Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!

Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y' know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old no. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.

102 参加助产训练班

你们男生不懂亲吻对女生的重要性

没错，当真?

当真.

你想了解的一切全在初吻之中

没错

对我们而言亲吻就像是开场，就像佛洛伊飞船出场前，你得耐着性子先看完脱口秀

对，我们并非讨厌脱口秀，但那不是我们买票的原因

问题出在于演唱会结束后，不论表演有多精采，你们女生总还想再看脱口秀，我们在车上奋力杀出车阵，只是拼命让自己别睡着

是哦?给你一个建议。叫脱口秀主持人再度上场，否则下次，你们只能坐家里听唱片

我们还在谈论性吗?

不，这样很好，只是她看起来是不是有点生气吗?她有麻烦事.

她有吗?

他在外头乱搞女人，而她却待家里，设法去除地毯上乳齿象的味道

玛莎，他们是穴居人，他们关心的问题是冰河愈来愈接近了，懂吗?

谈到问题,那不是你前妻吗?

我的?不是

是的,她是.嘿,你好

是的,我到冰河期找你

编剧：马卡克夫曼大卫克恩

你的气色好极了，我讨厌看到这样

抱歉，谢了

你的气色也很好，在这儿任何直立的人…，最近如何?还是…女?

问问无妨嘛，家庭生活如何?

玛蒂的疑心病还是很重

卡萝，为何来这儿?

我怀孕了

她似乎不急着离开，人和人，让人讨厌的就是有误会，他们之间有误会

我看过这一集

喝完没?

抱歉,吞下去的时间太慢

这是谁的小纸团?

我的，我写给自己一张便条，后来觉得自己不需要，于是将它揉成纸团，我不想活了

她已经拍松过那个枕头，摩妮卡，你已经拍过了枕头了?

抱歉，各位，我只是不想，让他们有藉题发挥的机会

没错，我们都知道，父母对孩子的枕头要求有多苛刻。

摩妮卡…，你吓到我了，你慌慌张张的，而且显得不是很好

冷静,你没见过每次他们来时，罗斯有慌张的样子

因为在我爸妈心目中，罗斯不可能犯错，他是个王子，显然，他们在我出生前有个大型仪式。什么?

丑陋裸男有个”美腿器”

有人看见我的订婚戒指吗?

有，很漂亮。糟了•，．

嘿,不要动它们

明天就要还他戒指，我似乎还不够担心。巴瑞，记得我吗?，我是那个穿白纱，让你在亲友面前出糗的人，天啊，如今我必须还他戒指，戒指不见了，叫我如何面对他？

别急，我们会找到的，对不?

是呀,我们会的.

最后一次戴是在什么时候?

”孩仔”，大概是在遗失之前

这年头说”孩仔”的人不多

我今天早上还戴它，我在厨房戴着做…

面条？

别生气

对不起

我就让你做了这么一件事情

你看面条现在变得多直

摩妮卡，在千层面中找订婚戒指不是那样找

我办不到

我们很高兴做.

语气并不开心

卡萝怀孕了

我找到了

什,什,什么?

你再持续两小时，就会变成我这样

如此一来，枕头的事就可先拦在一旁?

你现在要怎么办?

卡萝说她和苏珊想让我加入，但是对这件事我不太感到舒服,我不想卷进去.一切由我做决定

她人好好，我真想念她

她所谓的”加入”代表什么?

我猜,你大部分的工作已经结束了

总之，她们要我和她们去做超音波检查

你打算怎么做?

我也不知道，不管我怎么做我还是孩子的爹

面已经被搅乱了，不是吗?

玛莎路金的女儿会打电话给你

怎么会有咖哩味?

因为有放咖哩

这东西很好吃，真的

你还记得路金一家人?他们的大女儿喜欢你，对不?

他们家的女儿都喜欢他

不要这样,妈妈

抱歉，她为何要打电话给我?

她刚毕业，想找份烹饪的工作吧，我告诉她你开了一家餐馆

不，妈，我没开餐馆，我在餐厅工作

他们不需要知道

罗斯，能帮我做义大利面吗?

我们吃义大利面呀?太简单了

我知道这样要求过于自私，你能不能和他们说一下小孩/女同性恋之类的事?因为这样可以让我喘口气

瑞秋到底怎么了?，我们在俱乐部遇见她父母，他们很不开心

我不想讲他们为此婚礼花了些什么，但是4万块不是个小数目?

至少她有机会把一个男人留在教堂里的圣坛

什么意思?

没什么，随便说说

不，不是的，别听你妈乱讲话，你一直都很独立，就连你小时候，胖嘟嘟的一个朋友也没有，你还是活得好好的，你会待在你房里看书玩拼图

而像罗斯这种人则追求卓越，博物馆，发表论文…，其他人则安于现状告诉你，这种人不会得癌症

我还知道，这些女人想拥有一切，幸好我们家的小摩妮卡似乎没有这种问题

罗斯，你呢?最近有什么新闻八卦之类可以和老爸老妈分享的

好吧，我知道你们想了解我和卡萝之间倒底怎么了，事情是这样的，卡萝是个女，她和一个名字苏珊的女人同居，她怀了我的孩子，并打算和苏珊共同抚养他一个人搬两个土打一字

这些你全都知道?

你的状况真的很糟糕吗?

你要知道这些人十分专业,他们会躲在那里

再来个突然袭击

常言道：父母是无法交换的，如果可以，我要你的父母

我要去尿尿了

如果你是双胞胎，情况会更惨

你是双胞胎?

对,我们不往来。她是一心追求事业的人

她从事什么工作?

服务生

各位，我得打扫了

钱德，你是独子?你没有这些困扰?

没有。尽管我有个想像中的朋友，而我爸妈比较喜欢他

帮我关灯

我在里面多久了?

只是我要打扫了

需要帮忙吗?

好呀，谢了

明天要见巴瑞，紧张吗?

有一点

很紧张

有任何建言吗?就一个最近刚被甩的人而言,你应该避免用”甩”这个字眼,现在他可能痛不欲生,因此你不该显得艳光照人.我知道这一点很难做到.这样吧，我拿戒指还巴瑞,你陪卡萝及苏珊去做检查

你明天得见卡萝,此事何时变得这么复杂?

你可问倒我了

还记得我们在高中时代吗? 记得

你没想过自己会遇见心上人,谈恋爱,然后厮守终生吗?罗斯? 什么事?

没想到自己会沦落到这个地步

我也是

抱歉，我迟到了,我忙得无法脱身恐龙之类的事

罗斯，记得苏珊吗?

我怎能忘得了?

罗斯

苏珊,实习情况你好,她的手好有力,那么我们在等…

欧伯曼大夫

欧伯曼大夫他•，

她

她了解我们的特殊状况?

了解，而且她非常支持

这太好了,不,我只是.

谢了

罗斯，

那是用来打开我的子宫颈的

巴瑞

进来

没问题?

没问题,罗此得待在这儿好几个小时