婚前必问的12个问题
1. Did your family throw plates, calmly discuss issues or silently shut down when disagreements aro?
出现分歧时，你的家人会怎么做呢？是扔盘子，还是平静地探讨问题，亦或对问题闭口不谈？
A relationship's success is bad on how differences are dealt with, said Peter Pearson, a founder of the Couples Institute. As we are all shaped by our family's dynamic, he said, this question will give you insight into whether your partner will come to mimic the conflict resolution patterns of his or her parents or avoid them.
"情侣研究所"创始人之一皮特·皮尔森称，一段关系的成败取决于人们如何处理分歧。由于我们所有人都会受到自己家庭的影响，这个问题将让你能够了解另一半是会效仿还是规避ta父母化解冲突的方式。
2. Will we have children, and if we do, will you change diapers?
第十一个妈妈
我们要孩子吗？如果要的话，你会换尿布吗？
With the question of children, it is important to not just say what you think your partner wants to hear, according to Debbie Martinez, a divorce and relationship coach. Before marrying, couples should honestly discuss if they want children. How many do they want? At what point do they want to have them? And how do they imagine their roles as parents? Talking about birth-control methods before planning a pregnancy is also important, said Marty Klein, a x and marriage therapist.
离婚和与情感顾问黛比·马丁内斯称，在孩子的问题上，不要只说另一半爱听的话，这点很重要。婚前，伴侣应在是否想要孩子的问题上开诚布公地谈一谈。你俩想要几个孩子？何时想生？想象自己会如何扮演父母的角色？性爱与婚姻治疗师马蒂·克莱因表示，计划怀孕前探讨避孕方法也十分重要。
3. Will our experiences with our exes help or hinder us?
与前任的经验对彼此有益，还是会成为障碍？
Bradford Wilcox, the director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, indicated that having had many rious relationships can po a risk for divorce and lower marital quality. This can be becau of a person having more experience with rious breakups and potentially comparing a current partner unfavorably with past ones. Raising the issues early on can help, Dr Wilcox said. Dr Klein said people are "hesitant to explicitly talk about their past" and can feel retroactively jealous or judgmental. "The only real way to have tho conversations in an intimate and productive way and loving way is to agree to accept that the other person had a life before the couple," he said.
英语绘本推荐
弗吉尼亚大学全美婚姻项目负责人布拉德福德·威尔科特斯指出，有过太多严肃的两性关系会带来离婚、婚姻质量降低的风险。这可能是因为有过较多惨痛分手经历的人可能会将现任伴侣与前任进行不利比较。威尔科特斯博士表示，早些把问题摆在台面上会有所帮助。人们不愿直截了当地谈论过去，还会对过去的事产生嫉妒或苛责的情绪。接受另一半在走入这段关系前是有"历史"的才是真正能以亲密、富有成效且友爱的方式探讨这些问题的唯一途径。
4. How important is religion? How will we celebrate religious holidays, if at all?
宗教信仰有多么重要？如果有信仰的话，我们将如何庆祝宗教节日？
If two people come from different religious backgrounds, is each going to pursue his or her own religious affiliation? Dr Scuka has worked with couples on encouraging honest discussion around this issue as the executive director of the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement. What is more, spous are especially likely to experience conflict over religious traditions when children are added to the mix, according to Dr Wilcox. If the couple decide to have children, they must ask how the children's religious education will be handled. It is better to have a plan, he said.
如果两人的宗教信仰不同，是否要继续追求各自的宗教信仰？斯库卡博士是全美关系增进研究所首席执行官，他为一些情侣提供咨询时鼓励他们坦率地讨论宗教信仰问题。此外，他表示，涉及到孩子的时候，双方尤其可能因宗教传统问题产生冲突。若两人决定要孩子，则须探讨如何处理孩子的宗教教育问题，最好能制定一个计划。
5. Is my debt your debt? Would you be willing to bail me out?
我的债务你是否会共同承担？你愿意帮我还债吗？
It's important to know how your partner feels about financial lf-sufficiency and whether he or she expects you to keep your resources parate, said Frederick Hertz, a divorce lawyer. Disclosing debts is very important. Equally, if there is a rious discrepancy between your income and your partner's, Dr Scuka recommended creating a basic budget according to proportional incomes. Many couples fail to discuss sharing finances, though it is crucial, he said.
离婚律师弗雷德里克·赫兹称，了解伴侣如何看待财务独立，以及ta是否希望分账是非常重要的。公开债务也很重要。若你和伴侣的收入差异很大，斯库卡博士会建议你们根据收入比例设立基本预算。他表示，尽管分摊财务的问题十分重要，许多夫妇却未曾就该问题进行过讨论。
6. What's the most you would be willing to spend on a car, a couch, shoes?
你最愿意把钱花在什么方面，汽车、沙发还是鞋子？
舟它Couples should make sure they are on the same page in terms of financial caution or rec
klessness. Buying a car is a great indicator, according to Hertz. Couples can also frame this question around what they spend reckless amounts of money on, he said.
REVERSI
双方应确保在财务谨慎或冒进程度上的一致性。赫兹表示，买车就是一个很好的参考指标。情侣还可以根据他们会在什么物品上胡乱花钱设置问题。
7. Can you deal with my doing things without you?
儿童早教歌曲你能否接受我不带你去做某些事吗？网页云
Going into marriage, many people hope to keep their autonomy in certain areas of their life at the same time they are building a partnership with their spou, according to Seth Einberg, the president of Pairs (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills). This means they may be unwilling to share hobbies or friends, and this can lead to tension and feelings of rejection if it isn't discusd. Couples may also have different expectations as to what "privacy" means, added Dr Klein, and that should be discusd, too. Dr Wilcox suggested asking your partner when he or she most needs to be alone.
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