女性读者向我问得最多的问题是──如何能既拥有成功的事业又拥有幸福的家庭？她们中的很多人已经在事业上获得成功了，她们实际上要问的是如何同时获得一个幸福的家庭。 | Here's the #1 question I get from women readers: How can I have a successful career and a happy family? Many of the readers already are successful in their careers. What they're really asking is how to also have a happy family. | |
对我们女性而言，这是一个非常新的问题。许多世纪以来，女人的职业就是“照顾家人”。我们活着是为了取悦父亲、丈夫以及儿子。我们为他人服务，获得的回报是一生安稳的保障。 | This is a very new question for us. For centuries, women's careers were our family. Our career was 'caregiver.' We lived to plea our fathers, our husbands, our sons. In return for our rvice, we received a lifetime guarantee of stability and curity. | |
然而，这种“交易”如今已经消失。虽然我们依然在履行照顾家人的职责，但对许多人来说（如果不是大多数人的话），婚姻正成为巨大的不安全感的来源。 | But today that bargain has vanished. We're still doing our part by rving our families. But for many if not most, marriage now is a source of deep incurity. | |
大多数年轻人的婚姻如今以离婚告终 | Most young marriages now end in divorce | |
在步入婚姻殿堂时，没有人会抱着这种想法──“有一天我们会厌恶对方”，但这正是中国大多数80后一代的经历。根据民政部的统计，2005年时，80后的离婚率就已经达到了57%。 | No one enters a marriage thinking, 'Someday we'll hate each other,' but that's been precily the experience of most of China's born-post-1980 generation. The Ministry of Civil Affairs reports that by 2005, the divorce rate for this generation already had reached 57 percent. | |
中国历史上首次出现了在破碎家庭中长大的一代儿童。女性在离婚期间常常遭受巨大的痛苦，但至少我们可以掌控自己的生活然后继续向前。然而，我们的孩子却不能。在离婚事件中，他们才是真正意义上的受害者。 | For the first time in Chine history, a generation of children now is growing up in broken houholds. Women often suffer greatly during divorce, but at least we can take charge of our lives and move on. Our children, on the other hand, cannot. When divorce occurs, they're victims in the truest n. | |
离婚对孩子的影响可能会持续一生，我恰好对此有直接的了解。我1969年在美国出生，正如中国现在的情况一样，上世纪70年代正是离婚潮首次在美国爆发之时。我们那一代人是第一代成长在离异家庭的孩子。虽然我的父母一直都在一起生活，但那些年我还是目睹了父母离异对一些朋友的影响。后来，他们自己的离婚率也特别高。许多人长大后不敢去爱，惧怕生活中的种种可能。 | The impacts on children of divorce can last a lifetime. I happen to know this first-hand, since I was born in America in 1969, and it was in the 1970s that divorce first exploded in America as is happening now in China. My generation was the first to grow up as the children of divorce. While my own parents stayed together, over the years I've en the impact on my friends of their parents' divorces. Their own divorce rate is exceptionally high. Many have grown up afraid to love and fearful of life's possibilities. | |
后来的几代人，即便父母没有离婚而是维系着问题重重的婚姻，他们也会遭受这样一连串的影响。如今，父母还在一起的美国年轻人中有一半人声称，要是他们的父母真的离婚了，他们或许会过得更好。这对父母和孩子来说都是令人心碎的境况。 | Future generations can suffer such cascading impacts even when parents don't divorce but stay together in troubled marriages. Today, half of American young adults who parents stayed together said they may have been better off if their parents actually had divorced! What a heartbreaking situation for parents and children alike. | |
女性承担抚养孩子的大部分成本与风险 | Women bear most of the costs and risks of parenting | |
与以往几代人相比，现在丈夫们做的家务要多得多，而且也花更多时间和孩子呆在一起。即便如此，要实现平等依然还有很长的一段路要走。 | Compared with previous generations, today's husbands are doing much more of the houwork and spending much more time with the kids. And yet we still have a long way to go to achieve equality. | |
女性依然承担大部分家务和养育孩子的事情。对大多数女性来说，成为母亲就意味著有两份而不是一份全职工作要做。 | Women still do most of the houwork and childrearing. For most, motherhood means we get two full-time jobs rather than one. | |
因此，对于那些想兼顾成功事业与幸福家庭的女性，若想“得到一切”，唯一的方法就是不要凡事都亲自去做。 | So, to women who want both a successful career and a happy family: The only way to 'have it all' is not to try to do it all yourlf. | |
获得幸福家庭的第一步：与一个你爱他、他也爱你，而且他也愿意在各个方面都成为你的伙伴的男人结婚。 | Step #1 to achieving a happy family: Marry a man you love, who loves you, who is committed to being your partner, in all aspects of your lives. | |
不要为了结婚而结婚 | Do not marry just to marry | |
不为了结婚而结婚，意味着你需要反抗来自社会层面的催婚压力。当你没有男朋友时，别人会问“你怎么没有男朋友？”如果你有男朋友，他们会问“你打算什么时候结婚？”当你已经结婚了，他们又会问“你打算什么时候要孩子？” | This means that you'll need to push back against society's pressure to hurry up and marry just anyone. When you don't have a boyfriend, they ask 'Why don't you have a boyfriend?' When you have a boyfriend, they ask 'When are you getting married?' When you do get married, it's 'When are you having babies?' | |
我见过一些朋友因为正确的原因而结婚，也见过朋友在到了她们认为应当结婚的年龄时，便随便与关系最亲近的男人结了婚。 | I've en friends marry for the right reasons, and I've en friends marry the nearest guy when their alarm clock goes off at the age when they think should be married. | |
“剩女”的标签对女性生活造成了巨大的伤害，它催促我们为了结婚而结婚。这不可避免地打造了一个充满无爱婚姻与婚外情的社会，使我们和我们的孩子陷入经济、情感和心理上都不安全的生活状态。 | In this way, the leftover-woman stigma wreaks havoc with women's lives. It hurries us into marriage-for-the-sake-of-marriage. The inevitable result is a society full of loveless marriages and extramarital affairs, leading us and our children into lives of financial, emotional and spiritual incurity. | |
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