I'm here today to talk about a disturbing question, which has an equally disturbing answer. My topic is the crets of domestic violence, and the question I'm going to tackle is the one question everyone always asks: Why does she stay? Why would anyone stay with a man who beats her? I'm not a psychiatrist, a social worker or an expert in domestic violence. I'm just one woman with a story to tell.
上海新东方电话0:42
sibrary>intotalI was 22. I had just graduated from Harvard College. I had moved to New York City for my first job as a writer and editor at Seventeen magazine. I had my first apartment, my first little green American Express card, and I had a very big cret. My cret was that I had this gun loaded with hollow-point bullets pointed at my head by the man who I thought was my soulmate, many, many times. The man who I loved more than anybody on Earth held a gun to my head and threatened to kill me more times than I can even remember. I'm here to tell you the story of crazy love, a psychological trap disguid as love, one that millions of women and even a few men fall into every year. It may even be your story.poor是什么意思
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1:39
I don't look like a typical domestic violence survivor. I have a B.A. in English from Harvard College, an MBA in marketing from Wharton Business School. I've spent most of my career working for Fortune 500 companies including Johnson & Johnson, Leo Burnett and The Washington Post. I've been married for almost 20 years to my cond husband and we have three kids together. My dog is a black lab, and I drive a Honda Odysy minivan. (Laughter)
2:08
So my first message for you is that domestic violence happens to everyone -- all races, all religions, all income and education levels. It's everywhere. And my cond message is that everyone thinks domestic violence happens to women, that it's a women's issue. Not exactly. Over 85 percent of aburs are men, and domestic abu happens only in intimate, interdependent, long-term relationships, in other words, in families, the last place we would want or expect to find violence, which is one reason domestic abu is so
confusing.
easterly2:48
I would have told you mylf that I was the last person on Earth who would stay with a man who beats me, but in fact I was a very typical victim becau of my age. I was 22, and in the United States, women ages 16 to 24 are three times as likely to be domestic violence victims as women of other ages, and over 500 women and girls this age are killed every year by abusive partners, boyfriends, and husbands in the United States.
3:22
I was also a very typical victim becau I knew nothing about domestic violence, its warning signs or its patterns.
3:30
I met Conor on a cold, rainy January night. He sat next to me on the New York City subw
ay, and he started chatting me up. He told me two things. One was that he, too, had just graduated from an Ivy League school, and that he worked at a very impressive Wall Street bank. But what made the biggest impression on me that first meeting was that he was smart and funny and he looked like a farm boy. He had the big cheeks, the big apple cheeks and this wheat-blond hair, and he emed so sweet.
feedon4:05
helperOne of the smartest things Conor did, from the very beginning, was to create the illusion that I was the dominant partner in the relationship. He did this especially at the beginning by idolizing me. We started dating, and he loved everything about me, that I was smart, that I'd gone to Harvard, that I was passionate about helping teenage girls, and my job. He wanted to know everything about my family and my childhood and my hopes and dreams. Conor believed in me, as a writer and a woman, in a way that no one el ever had. And he also created a magical atmosphere of trust between us by confessing his cret, which was that, as a very young boy starting at age four, he had been savagely a
nd repeatedly physically abud by his stepfather, and the abu had gotten so bad that he had had to drop out of school in eighth grade, even though he was very smart, and he'd spent almost 20 years rebuilding his life. Which is why that Ivy League degree and the Wall Street job and his bright shiny future meant so much to him. If you had told me that this smart, funny, nsitive man who adored me would one day dictate whether or not I wore makeup, how short my skirts were, where I lived, what jobs I took, who my friends were and where I spent Christmas, I would have laughed at you, becau there was not a hint of violence or control or anger in Conor at the beginning. I didn't know that the first stage in any domestic violence relationship is to duce and charm the victim.
5:51
I also didn't know that the cond step is to isolate the victim. Now, Conor did not come home one day and announce, "You know, hey, all this Romeo and Juliet stuff has been great, but I need to move into the next pha where I isolate you and I abu you" — (Laughter) — "so I need to get you out of this apartment where the neighbors can hear yo
u scream and out of this city where you have friends and family and coworkers who can e the bruis." Instead, Conor came home one Friday evening and he told me that he had quit his job that day, his dream job, and he said that he had quit his job becau of me, becau I had made him feel so safe and loved that he didn't need to prove himlf on Wall Street anymore, and he just wanted to get out of the city and away from his abusive, dysfunctional family, and move to a tiny town in New England where he could start his life over with me by his side. Now, the last thing I wanted to do was leave New York, and my dream job, but I thought you made sacrifices for your soulmate, so I agreed, and I quit my job, and Conor and I left Manhattan together. I had no idea I was falling into crazy love, that I was walking headfirst into a carefully laid physical, financial and psychological trap.大学生社会实践报告
