how it ud to be

-Hey,guys..-Wait!Letmetellthem.

-Sure.-Joey'sgonnabe..

acelebrityguestonagameshow.

Really?Whichone?

d.

-Asunkenship.-Thingsyoufindintheocean.

-You'regonnabeonPyramid!-Yeah.

-Thatwasourfavoritegameshowever.-ExceptforMatchGame.

OrWin,LoorDraw.

WhatdidImarryinto?

Youguyswannacomeandwatchmetapetheshow?

Oh,wecan''rethrowingPhoebeabacheloretteparty.

,boys,thisride'sclosing.

AndChandlerandIhavethisstupidcollegealumnithing.

Ican'tbelieveyougettomeetDonnyOsmond.

Seriously?

RossandIalwayswantedtobeDonnyandMarie.

Youguysjustkeepgettingcoolerandcooler.

Yeah,weudtoperformforourfamilyandfriends.

Oh,God,that'edthatout.

I'mleavingyou.

00:01:20,640-->00:01:21,600

It'ssoweirdtoeallthepeopleagain.

Oh,myGod,'sJeffreyKlarik.

-Who?-HewasroommateswithJohnRosoff.

HewentoutwithAndreaTamborino.

ShedumpedhimforMichaelSkloff.

DidIgotothisschool?

Hey,there'tarememberher.

.

Dude,you'remarriedtomysister.

You'ng"nice,"I'mvirtuallylickingher.

Hey,Ihearshe'nkIshouldaskherout?

Areyouaskingpermissiontobreakthepact?

Yes,plea.

,checkoutthefliersfortheband.

-ImadethemonaMacintosh.-Awesome.

Thenamereallystandsout.

ThankstoalittlesomethingcalledHelveticaBold24-point.

Man,we'regonnarockthatAsianStudentUnion.

-Hey,guys.-Hey,Missy.

-OurbandisplayingonFriday.-Yeah,youshouldcomecheckusout.

We'recalledWay/NoWay.

-Noway.-Way.

-Great.I'llbethere.-Fresh.

-Boss.-Mint.

-She'sgone.-Iknowit.

-Iamtotallygonnaaskherout.-Dude,Iwasgonnaaskherout.

-Isaiditfirst,bro.-Well,Ithoughtitfirst,Homes.

-Look,ifyoudate..-Wait!Wait!Whatarewedoing?

Whatwehaveistooimportanttomessitupoversomegirl.

Imean,wecangetlaidanytimewewant.

Totally.

-Ihadxinhighschool.-Metoo.I'mgoodatit.

Allright,Isaywemakeapact.

NeitherofuswillgooutwithMissyGoldberg.

Yougotit.

That'sMissyGoldberg,PhoebeCatesandMollyRingwald..

-whowecan'tgooutwith.-Thoarethepacts.

robablycouldn'tgetheranyway.

Maybenotyou.

Well,Iofficiallygiveyoupermissiontobreakthepact.

Thankyou.

,rememberhowscaryitudtobegoinguptogirlsincollege?

-Yourhandsareshaking.-n'tstopsweating.

Five,four,.

Yeah!

apOperaWeekhereonPyramid.

Let',GeneLesterisadatabaspecialist.

He'sgonnabeplayingwithDaysofOurLivesstarJoeyTribbiani.

Andoverhere,wehaveHenriettaCherry.

Iknowitcanbeintimidatingforregularpeopletobearoundcelebrities..

butrelax.I'mjustlikeyou,onlybetter-lookingandricher.

She'llbeplayingwithstarofGeneralHospital,LeslieCharleson.

Welcome,'splayPyramid.

Allright?Now,weflippedacoinbeforetheshow.

Gene,youwonthetoss,soyou'ategory?

-"YouCrosdtheLine."-"YouCrosdtheLine."Joey..

describeforGenethethingsthathavelines.

Giveme20condsontheclock,?Go.

Okay,it'sastorelikeasupermarket.

,okay.I'mwritinginmy..

-Diary.-No,morelikeanotebook.

IfI'mbuildingahou,theplan..

isn'tcalleda"shmooprint"..

Ican'tdothateither?

Inhighschool,Ioncehadxwithagirlrightinthemiddleofthe..?

-Cafeteria?-Yeah,butthey'renotlookingforthat.

-Thankyousomuchforthis.-Youlikeit?

Oh,myGod,it'sallsoelegant.

When'sthedirtystuffstarting?

-What?-Thestrippersandtheguysdancing..

and,youknow,pee-peesflyingabout.

Phoebe,I..Thereisn'tgonnabeany"flyingabout."

Wethoughtwewerealittletoomatureforstufflikethat.

Oh,okay.

Iewhatyou''.

Raunchy.

Seriously,Phoebe,it'snotgonnabethatkindofaparty.

Really?Sothisis..?

Thisismybigndoffintomarriedlife?

Rachel,thisistheonlybachelorettepartyI'mevergonnahave.

I'vegotabigwadofonesinmypur.

Really?Imean,really?It'sjusttea?

No.

-Phoebe,ofcourthere'smore.-Okay.

Imean,letmejustgotalktoMonica..

andgetanETAonthepee-pees.

We'vegotaproblem.

Oh,eonefindmyBand-Aidintheirscone?

Thatwasn'tanapricot?

-What'stheproblem?-wantsastripper.

Ithoughtwesaidweweretoogrownupforthat.

Yeah,well,it'swhatshewants.

Hey,whyisthepagethathasstrippersonitdog-eared?

red.

Pleadon'ttellhim.

Now,Gene,Imustremindyou,youneedallsixofthetostayinthegame.

DescribeforJoey"thingsyoufindinyourrefrigerator."

Theymightaswelljustgiveusthepoints.

?Go.

-Youputthisinyourcoffee.-ce.

-It'swhite.-!

-It'sheavierthanmilk.-th.

Pass.

-Youputitonasandwich.-.

-It'swhite.-!

-It'smadefromeggs.-Chickens?

Pass.

-Youputthisonahamburger.-Ketchup!Relish!

Stop!

Oh,time',Joey,youwere..

..

you'llhaveachancetogototheWinner'sCircle,butnow..

Henrietta,you'regoingtotheWinner'sCircletotryyourluckfor$10,000..

'tgoaway.

Andwe'reout.

-Howaboutthatketchupthing,huh?-sive.

Oh,sowedidn''sfuntoplaythegame,right?

ogetsurgeryonmyknee.

Youjustlostme10grand.

Oh,wow.

I',Ipromi,we'lldobetternexttime.

Well,Iwill,becauIwon'tbeplayingwithyou.

Hey,someofthoareprettyhard.

Like,whywouldtherebeaghostinmyfridge?

Yeah.

-SoSaturdaynight?-I'dloveto.

Great.

Sohowcomeittookyousolongtoaskmeout?

Oh,well,thisisgonnasoundkindofsilly..

butdoyouremembermyroommate,ChandlerBing?

nyour"band."

It'sbeen16years,buttheairquotesstillhurt.

-Sorry.-That'..

Well,heandIbothreallylikedyoualot..

butwedidn'twantittojeopardizeourfriendship,sowemadeapact..

thatneitherofuscouldaskyouout.

-Really?-Yeah,why?

Well,ChandlerandIudtomakeout.

Alot.

-Youdid?-Yeah.

-We'dgotothesciencelabafter-hours.-Andonmyturf?!

Hey,whereisthisguy?It'sbeenoveranhour.

He'he'dgethereasfastashecould.

Oh,bytheway,Phoebe'sfriendMargefoundanearringincucumbersandwich.

Well,it'snotmi..

Iamnotonmygametoday.

-Whoisit?-It'sthepolice.

Thepolice!

That''sOfficerGoodbody.

What'sthematter,officer?Hassomeonebeenbad?

That'salotofstairs.

Boy.

Youshouldwarnpeoplethere'snoelevator.

IshouldnothavehadthatMexicanfoodforlunch.

Areyougonnabeokay,Officer..?

-Goodbody.-Ifyousayso.

Sowhere'stheyounglady..

whoIamsuppodtotakedowntown?

Oh,God.

You,mydear,areunderarrest.

Cardiacarrest?

dyshowmewheretopluginmybox..

andwe'llgetthispartystarted.

-Overhere?-Yeah.

-Allright.-Rachel?

-Yeah?-Areyoukidding?

Wedidn'tknowyouwantedastripper,sowegotthephonebook..

-andgotthefirstnamewecouldfind.-Howold'syourphonebook?

Oh,myGod,thismanisgonnagetnakedinmyapartment.

God,'twannaehimtakehisclothesoff.

Areyoutalkingaboutme?

No.

Imean,obviouslywewannaeyoutakeyourclothesoff.

Youbigpieceofeyecandy.

,ladies,canIhaveyourattention,plea?

Oh,yeah.

Didsomeonecallforthelongarmofthelaw?

Ishouldwarnyou,Ihaveaconcealedweapon.

Ihopeyou'refamiliarwiththisstate'spenalcode.

Okay,teasing.

Nowforsomepleasing.

Shecringed.

ThisishowIlookwhenI'mturned-on.

Youweretalkingaboutmebefore.

Look,Idon'tneedthis.I''smyhat?

Look,I'vebeeninthisbusinessforalongtime.

Shocking.

Now,ifyou'lljustpaymemy$300,I'llbeonmyway.

-$300?Areyoukidding?-That'etmycheckbook.

You''tdoanything.

Didn'tdoanything?ItookabusallthewayfromHoboken.

Iclimbed,Idon'tknow,like,abillionstairs.

Andit'snotlikeIcantakethemtwoatatime.

Idon''renotpayingyou$300forthis.

It'snotmyfaultifyou'retoouptighttoappreciate..

themaleforminallitsglory.

Okay,I''swhyIdon'twannawatchamiddle-agedguy..

dancearoundinwhatIcanonlyassumeisachild'sHalloweencostume.

Imayhaveborrowedthisfrommynephew..

butletmeassureyou,what'sunderneathisallman.

I'msorry,didyousay"allman"or"oldman"?

You'remean.

-Look,officer..Sir?-Damnit.

kofbeefhasfeelings.

Applau.

Okay,Henrietta,youpicked"JackandJillWentUpTheHill."

lyknownurryrhymes.

Joey,describethethingsassociatedwiththeUnitedStatesCongress.

Giveme20condsontheclock,plea.

Ready?Go.

Pass.

Pass.

Pass.

-Thethinghanginginyourthroat.-Uvula.

Thenpass.

tta,youdidn'tgetallthepointsyouneeded..

sothatmeans,Gene,youaregoingtotheWinner'sCircletotryfor$10,000.

Andyou'regonnabegoingtherewithJoeyTribbiani.

Pass.

tbethinkingofsomeoneel.

Iwasneverinaband.

YoumadeoutwithMissyGoldberg?

Howcouldyoudothatafteryoupromidme?

Excume.

Thatdidn'tmakeussoundgayatall.

-Youbrokethepact.-Ross,thatwas16yearsago.

Thatdoesn''retalkingaboutthefoundationofourfriendship.

Ibelievethefoundationofourfriendshipwasunfortunatehair.

Ifwe'rereallygonnadothis,it'snotlikeyouneverbrokeoneofthepacts.

-Ididn't.-Oh,really?

-No.-Oh,really?

-No.-AdrienneTurner.

Yes?

-Hey,Adrienne.-Hey,.

IneverdidanythingwithAdrienneTurner.

Oh,knewhowmuchIlikedher.

Idon'tknowwhatyou'retalkingabout.

Really?Rememberthatpartyfreshmanyear?

AweekbeforeChristmasvacation?Ido.

Youhadsomevisitors.

Ican'tbelievewe'reatarealcollegeparty.

Ihavetopeesobad.

Thisissoawesome.

Collegeguysaresocute.

-Hey,you'vegotaboyfriend.-Iknow.

ButifaguywholookslikeCoreyHaimwantstokissme,Iamsogonnalethim.

Hey,look,there'sChandler.

ThatstupidfriendofRoss'whosaidIwasfat.

-I'vealreadylostfourpounds.-Youcansototallytell.

Iknow!

Well,let'se,maybeheknowswhereRossis.

Hey,how'sitgoing?

-Aren'tyou..?-Yeah,Rachel.

AndthisisRoss'sister,tThanksgiving.

oudoing?

Bitchen.

-Hi,Monica.-Hi,Chandler.

It'!

Okay.

I'lleifIcanfindRoss.

Oh,myGod,gchairs.

'llbeherefordays.

Listen,Adrienne,youcan'ttellChandleraboutthis.

Oh,believeme,Ross,Iwon'tbetellinganybodyaboutthis.

Cool.

Noway.

Ididn'tknowyouknewaboutthat.

Well,urt.

That'swhenIwrotethesong"BetrayalintheCommonRoom."

That'swhythatsonghadsomuchpower.

Man,I'msorry.

Look,thatwasalongtimeago.

SoImadeoutwithAdrienne,andyoumadeoutwithMissy.

Well,Iguesswe'reeven.

Weareeven,right?

pisdatyouthatnight,Iwantedtogetbackatyou.

SoIthought,"WhodoesRosslikemorethananybody?"

Whatdidyoudotomymom?

Nother.

Iamsodrunk.

That'sweird.I'vehadthesamenumberofbeersasyouanddon'tfeelanything.

Soyougirlshavingfun?

Foryourinformation,ass-munch..

I'venfivewithallthedancing.

-Somebodyorderapizza?-Oh,that'sme!

IamsonotgonnadogoodonmySATstomorrow.

Well,maybeyoucouldgotoschoolherenextyearandwecouldtotallyhangout.

Oh,'saplan.

Whydon'tIjuststarttakingmysmartpillsnow.

Well,maybeyoucouldgetinonabeautyscholarship.

Whataline.

-Sowhereareyouapplyingto?-Well..

Ithinkit'skindofreallyimportantthatIgosomewherewherethere'ssun.

SoI'msortof..Hey!

I'mincollege,andI'minaband.

Yeah,okay.

What'sthematter?Youneversawa50-year-oldstrippercrybefore?

Youknow,it''llpayyou.

No,no,you'kidding?

Ishouldhavehungupthatbreakawayjockstrapyearsago.

Halfthetime,itjustpopsoffbyitlf.

Maybenowisagoodtimeforcakeandprents.

WhatamIgonnado?Imean..

thishasbeenmylifefor32years.

TakingmyclothesoffinfrontofpeopleisallIknow.

No,there'sgottobesomethingelthatyoucando.

Imean,whatskillsdoyouhave?

Idon'tknow.

Icanmakemypecsdance.

Icanpickupadollarbillwithmybuttcheeks.

IcangotothatspecialplaceinsidemewhereIfeelnoshame.

Somaybesomethinginanoffice.

Oryoucould..Youcouldteachstripping.

Youknow,etorch.

Youknow,actually,that'snotabadidea.

'tthinkmymomwouldmind.

nkyou'regonnabeokay?

-.-Yeah.

Thisissoweird.

Youneverknowwhenit'sgonnabeyourlastdance.

AndIdidn'tevengetachancetofinishit.

Finishit.

-What?-rus.

-Really?-Really?

,hedervestodothethinghelovesonelasttime.

dy,ladies.

Okay.

Oh,thisissohot!

Oh,no,don'tstop.

Haveto.

Iamsosorrythatyouhavetodothiswithme.

Listen,Iknowthiswon'tputyourkidthroughcollege..

butwouldyoulikeaDaysofourLivesmug?

We'rebackinfive,four,three,two..

Applau.

WelcometotheWinner',Gene,youguysready?

-Yeah.-Sure.

60condsontheclock,plea.

Ready?Go.

.

Idon'ftrees..?

or.

Oh,I'msosorry,Idon'tknowanySpanishwords.

e.

Thingsthatgo:whenyouputthemout.

re.

-Yourpee.-Thingsthatburn.

"I'dliketogoforawalk.""Scratchmybelly."

,Ithinkyou'relosingit.

"Ihavefur.""Iliketobark."

Whatadogsays.

-Pepperoni.-Pizzatoppings!

lum.

ss.

GirlsChandlercouldneverget?

-Supermodels.-Where?

Ican'tbelieveyou'resoupt.

Whatdoyoumean?YoukisdRachel.

Ross,shewassodrunkshedidn'tevenrememberitthenextday.

Plus,Ishouldtellyou,itdidnotlastlong.

Hey!

I'mincollege,andI'minaband.

Yeah,okay.

AndnowI'vekilledone.

'sRachel?

SheandPhoebetookthestrippertothehospital.

Soundslikeyourelegantteapartywentoffjustasplanned.

DidyouknowChandlerkisdRachel?

What?Whenwasthis?

omewineand..

Youdon'tknowI'mkidding.

1987.

Theweekendyouguysvisitedmeatschool.

-Oh,'swild.-Butitwas,like,amillionyearsago.

-Itdoesn'tmatter.-Itmatterstome.

-Why?-BecauthenightyoukisdRachel..

wasthenightIkisdRachelfortheveryfirsttime.

-Youkisdherthatnighttoo?-Twoguysinonenight?

Oh,Ithoughtshebecameaslutaftershegothernofixed.

-Seriously,wheredidthishappen?-Okay..

afteryoutoldmeshewaspasdoutinourroom..

Iwentintheretomakesureshewasallright.

Shewaslyingonmybed,allburiedinpeople'scoats.

Iwenttokissherontheforehead..

butitwassodark,Iaccidentallygotherlips.

Istartedtopullaway,butthenIfeltherstarttokissmeback.

Itwasonlyforacond,butitwasamazing.

AndnowIfindoutthatyoukisdherfirst.

-Wait,whatbeddidyousayshewason?-Mine.

-I'msureIputheronmybed.-No,shewasdefinitelyonmybed.

WhywouldIkissagirlandthenputheronyourbed?

Well,thenwhowasonmybed?

No!No!

Yes!

-Youwereunderthepileofcoats?-Iwasthepileofcoats!

Oh,myGod!

Youweremymidnightmysterykisr?!

YouweremyfirstkisswithRachel?!

Youweremyfirstkisver?!

WhatdidImarryinto?!

Crap!

424