2022年11月24日发(作者：贵黔人才网)INTRODUCTIONS * * * * Why Write Another Book About Sex? I ud to walk into my bedroom and look at the bed and feel frustration and despair. Frustration becau I wasn't getting what I wanted out of x, and despair becau we had tried and tried and nothing emed to work. Since that time I've learned a few things, luckily for me and my partner. Although I was raid in a family that never ever talked about x beyond the "don't do it" threats of my adolescence, I've managed to come out with a fairly x-positive outlook. I'm not sure what exactly I should attribute that to, since I don't think Catholic school, being overweight, or being xually harasd as a teenager helped. The best I can come up with is that I knew, really truly knew deep down in my bones and in my cunt ever since childhood, that if my body felt good when I touched it, it couldn't possibly be bad. And that anyone who touched it in a way that didn't feel good needed to stop immediately. So then I got older and I had some x and it didn't always go so well, but it always had the potential to be great. And I read--a lot. I read fiction, non-fiction, erotica, romantic bodice-rippers, kinky smut, x instruction manuals, xual psychology textbooks, the Kama Sutra--anything I could get my hands on. Some of which massively freaked me out. And then I thought about it. A lot. I tried some new ideas on as fantasies. I tried some theories on to e if they felt true or fal for me. I talked to my friends. I talked to my friends when it was late enough and dark enough to be honest, to hear confessions of being "pre-orgasmic" and how having intercour always hurt, as well as recommendations for woman-on-top and outdoor x and being tied up and anal x. And I kept reading and thinking and talking about x. I am fortunate enough to have many good friends who are as interested as I am in x and who talk about it without shame. And of cour I must give some credit to my lovers, past and prent, without whom this would all be a bunch of theory. So why write another book about x when there are already a million of them? Becau none of them (that I have read) have said the things that I needed to hear. Sure, they're full of x tips like how to give a great blowjob or ideas for role playing games to spice up things in the bedroom. But few of them have talked about the internal parts of x, the stuff that happens in your head rather than to your genitals. What I was always looking for, in all the reading about x from junior high through the prent day, was validation that yes--x is important. That x is for everyone, no matter what their body looks like. And that having a wonderful x life is bloody hard work, that it doesn't just happen miraculously becau two (or more) people are hot for each other. And that learning to talk about x honestly is incredibly difficult and absolutely esntial. And finally, some ideas for how to make that all happen beyond "u more
lube" and "try dressing up like a harem girl." I don't know everything--I'm not a x guru. I don't have all the answers. What I'm offering instead are some tips, tools, and tricks of the trade. Some ideas to think about, some suggestions for activities, and some exercis to get your creative juices (and any other juices) going. Some of it might work--I hope it does. But what I hope most of all is that the following collection of articles gets you thinking about x in a different way than you have, and that they help you resolve whatever issues you're struggling with. Blessings and Titillations, Julianne * * * * My Credentials as a Sexpert What is it that makes someone an expert about x, a "xpert" as Susie Bright or Dan Savage have claimed to be? Having a lot of x with a lot of different people? Being xually adventurous, with a purity score of less than 20 on the 1000-question test? Having a doctorate in Psychology or Sociology or whatever Dr. Ruth has? What makes someone a xpert? My answer: we're all experts in x. No, riously--we're all experts in what we like about x, what gets us off. Sometimes we forget, perhaps some of us are a little more tentative about our credentials, but we all have the ability to tell if x is or isn't working for us. Or at least we have the potential--what makes us experts about our own desires and needs is being lf-aware. What gets you off? What gets your partner off? What do you like? What do you not like? How do you talk about it? Being able to answer tho questions is what makes you an expert in x--knowing what you like, what your partner likes, and how to talk about x. How to compromi. How to ask for things. How not to ask for things. Being able to talk about x makes you a xual expert. Information is part of it, to be sure, but you don't have to have mastered the Kama Sutra or the 71 Sensual Secrets of Scheherazade in order to get an official Sexual Expert Certificate of Approval. In fact, I am willing to pass out such certificates should anyone come up with a non-intrusive system in which to prove they are decent xual communicators. One hallmark of being a good xual communicator is having a good x life. This can be a solo experience or it can be with someone el--it truly does not matter. The important part is that you know what your needs are and that you're working on getting them satisfied. In a partnered relationship, this is of cour more difficult becau you might want your partner to help satisfy your needs and for whatever reason, that might not currently be happening. You can still be a xual expert; you'll just need to work on the aspect known as "compromising." (Note: compromising does not mean being either a victim or a martyr, sacrificing or putting off your own needs. It just means some activities might be solo events. You should still be communicating and talking about x, even if you're not experiencing it together at the moment.) Being a
xual expert does not mean that you have fantastic x every time you fuck. What it does mean is that you have the ability to talk about it when it isn't fantastic, to diagno what went wrong, and that you have (or know where to get) the tools to fix it for next time. Susie and Dan don't have much in the way of credentials that I could find: Susie has a BA in Community Studies and I can't determine if Dan has any kind of degree at all. They both em to have had fairly wild x lives in their teens and twenties, but I think most people agree that quantity doesn't speak to quality, particularly at tho ages. I've been fretting about what my credentials are and how I can dare to t mylf up as a "Sexpert" along the lines of Susie and Dan. Why would anyone take me and what I have to say riously? Why do I take mylf riously? Well, I've been in a monogamous relationship for over thirteen years and we've been having x that entire time. I may not have learned the same lessons that having triple the number of xual partners in my twenties would have taught me, but I learned other lessons instead. I learned how to make relationships last and how to get through the difficult times and dry spells instead of breaking up or having affairs. Furthermore, I've been a xual person since birth, and definitely since I had my first orgasm at age ten. I've been reading about x, thinking about x, learning about x, and talking about x ever since then, and I do mean the physical and emotional stuff as well as the more prurient aspects. I've always been fascinated with x, about the ability of two (or one or three or whatever) people to come together and celebrate their physicality with pleasure and joy, to be intimate on a nonverbal level. I like to explore ideas with other people, test out theories, e how my thoughts sound when they're taken out of my head and put into words. See if they're true for other people as well as mylf. I have an all-consuming passion for the subject of xuality, both individually and culturally. So tho are my credentials. I hereby declare mylf as much of a Sexpert as my idols--always learning, always thinking, always talking. * * * * ATTITUDUES ABOUT SEX * * * * Taking Sex Seriously One of the things that most frustrates me about talking about x is that so many people don't take the subject riously at all. Sure, it's titillating and everyone's all naked and making silly faces and nois--there's a lot of humor potential. And x is often a time when many of us feel vulnerable and we cover up that uncomfortable feeling with defensiveness in the form of humor or crudity. But x is too esntial to treat it like a joke. I can't undo 2000 years of mesd up cultural attitudes about x, but I do ask that you, Dear Reader, take a look at how you view x and truly give it some rious attention, at least once. Figure out what you think about x, way deep down inside your soul, and decide whether you tr
eat the subject accordingly. When I think about x, I find mylf torn. One part of me says that x is a time of meaningful connection with another person (or just with my own body) and should be honored and respected as an act critical to my well-being. The other part of me thinks x is this amazingly fun thing I can do with my body and I should do it as often as possible, with as many people as possible, and in as many ways as possible. All of me, fortunately, thinks there is room for both points of view inside my head. Sex can be or mean as many things as I want it to, and my opinions and perspectives can (and likely will) change over time. And this is good. Many of us have a joyful period of time in our teens/twenties where we are mostly focud on the "fun thing to do with my body" perspective. Our culture encourages this, with its continual bombardment of xual images in media, advertising, and clothing styles. That's great--x is an amazingly fantastic thing to do with your body. It's wonderful that people are enjoying it, enjoying feeling xual, flirting, and having x with no or few strings attached. Bravo! Yet there is sometimes more to x than "just fun," isn't there? Eventually many people want to try some x with depth--even if you're drinking Champagne every day, sometimes you want a deep, rich Bordeaux to savor. I am not at all saying that anyone is shallow or that flings are wrong or that deep-connection x is better. Whatever sort of x you are getting the most out of is best for you, period. What I am saying is that the vast majority of discussions about x are about having fun and getting freaky, so I'd like to talk about the rious side of x for a bit instead. I think it's fundamental to recognize that x is critical for our well-being in veral ways. Sex affects our mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being on many levels--think for a moment how you feel mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically when you're having good regular x versus when you're not. If you can, dredge up a few memories of times when you had horrifically bad x and think about how you felt mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically afterwards. See what I mean? Sex affects every aspect of our life and derves its own bullet point on the list of "well-beings"--xual well-being, or being well xually. In order to get this xual well-being, you have to look inside and answer a few questions: + What does x mean to you? + What do you e as the purpo of x in your life? + Is the x you're having fulfilling tho needs? If x, in your heart of hearts, means a deep connection to another person but all your attention has been directed at one-night stands (or if you're alone and going through an involuntary celibate stage), how does that make you feel? Converly, if you're in a committed relationship and the x that you have is always about love and tenderness but what you really want sometimes i
