intimacy

.ntotalkabout.I’mgoingto

findachotherofromanticinterestthatmightthendevelop

ternbergwhoisnowthedeem

atTuftsUniversity,andhehasatheoryoflovethatarguesthat

loveismadeofthreecomponents,intimacy,passion,and

edthatyoudon’thave

loveifyoudon’thaveallthreeoftheelements.

Intimacyisthefeelingofcloness,ofconnectednesswith

someone,ionallyyoucouldthinkofintimacy

reinformationwiththisperson

thatyoudon’’sreallywhat

intimacyis.

niswhatyouthinkitis.

Passionisthatwewouldsaythedrivethatleadstoromance.

erg

arguesthatthisisarequiredcomponentofaloverelationship.

ThethirdelementofloveinSternberg’stheoryisdecisionor

isionthatoneisinaloverelationship,the

willingnesstolabelitassuchandacommitmenttomaintain

thatrelationship,atleastforsomeperiodoftime.

TakeSternberg’sthreeelementsoflove,intimacy,passion,and

commitment,andI’velistedoutthedifferentkindsof

theareprettyobviousandinteresting.

Ifyoudon’thaveintimacy,ifyoudon’thavepassion,ifyou

don’thavecommitment,youdon’call

yistherelationshipyounowhavetothe

personsittingnexttoyou,presumingthatyou’resittingnextto

arandompersonthatyoudidn’tknowfromourcollege,is

ysyouarestrangers.

Sharecrets,passion,wefeelphysicallyattractedtoeach

other,butwe’renotmakinganycommitmentshere,thatcalls

‘romanticlove’.Thisisphysicalattractionwithclobonding

ndJulietwhentheyfirstmetthis

eachother,I’m

physicallyattractedtoeachother,Ienjoyspendingtimewith

you,butI’’m

notevenwillingtouthe‘L’us

’s‘romantic

love’.

Now,whatifyouhaveintimacy,wesharecretswitheach

otherbutthereisnoparticularphysicalattraction,butweare

whatSternberg

calls‘companionatelove’.

physicalattractionisnotpartoftheequationhere.

Allright,whatifwehavepassion.I’mxuallyattractedtoyou

’twanttoreallyknowthatmuchabout

’twanttoreallyshareanythingofmewithyou,butI

amcommittedtomaintainthisphysicalattractiontoyou,well

thatcalls‘fatuouslove’.It’’safilm

’s‘fatuous

love’.Wearebasicallycommittedtoeachotherforx,but,It

isveryhardtomakethorelationshipslastalongtime,

becauwemightnothaveanythingincommon,wemightnot

shareanythingwitheachother,wemightnottrusteachother,

wearenotparticularlybondedtoeachother.

Ontheotherhand,ifyouhaveallthree,intimacy,passion,

commitment,thatis‘consummatelove’.Hey,thatpersonisthe

ly,thiskindof

,Ihopeallofyou,no

matterwhetheryouareinlove,cancatcha‘consummatelove’,

acompletelove.

Loveiseinganinperfectpersonperfectly

IfIspeakinthetonguesofmenandofangels,buthavenotlove,Iamonlya

ethegiftofprophecyandcan

fathomallmysteriesandallknowledge,andifIhaveafaiththatcanmove

mountains,buthavenotlove,eallIpossstothepoor

andsurrendermybodytotheflames,buthavenotlove,Igainnothing.

Loveispatient,notenvy,itdoesnotboast,itisnot

trude,itisnotlf-eking,itisnoteasilyangered,itkeeps

norecordofwrongs.

ys

protects,alwaystrusts,alwayshopes,alwaysperveres.

rethereareprophecies,theywillcea;

wheretherearetongues,theywillbestilled;wherethereisknowledge,it

nowinpartandweprophesyinpart,butwhen

perfectioncomes,asachild,Italkedlike

achild,Ithoughtlikeachild,ecameaman,

eebutapoorreflectionasina

mirror;owinpart;thenIshallknow

fully,thethreeremain:faith,hopeand

greatestoftheislove.

Loveis...whenyou??vehadahugefightbutthendecidetoputasideyour

egos,holdhandsandsay,"ILoveYou."