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Auntie姑妈
YououghttohaveknownAunty;,tobemorespecific,she
wasn'tlovelyintheusualnoftheword,butshewassweetandcharmingand
funnyinherownway-justthetypetogossipaboutwhenoneisinthemoodtogossip
uldhavebeenputinaplay,justbecaushe
so
veryrespectable,evenifAgentNob,whomAuntycalledSnob,saidshewas
stage-struck.
"Thetheaterismyschoolroom,"shesaid,"have
s,forinstance,orJophandHis
Brethren-they'omthetheaterthatI'vegainedmyknowledge
ofworldhistory,geography,andhumannature.I'velearnedaboutParisianlifefrom
Frenchfarces-it'snaughty,vecriedoverThe
RiquebourgFamily-tothinkthatthehusbandhadtodrinkhimlftodeathjust
sohiswifecouldgetheryoungsweetheart!Ah,yes,many'sthetearI'veshedin
thefiftyyearsI'vebeengoingtothetheater!"
Auntykneweveryplay,everypieceofscenery,everyactorwhocameonoreverhad
llyonlylivedduringtheninemonthsofthetheatricalason.A
summerwithoutasummerstockcompanywanoughtoageher,whileaneveningat
n'tsay,as
peopledid,"Nowwewillhavespring;thestorkhascome!"or,"There'sanitemin
thepaperabouttheearlystrawberries!"Instead,sheannouncedthecomingofautumn,
"Haveyouenthattheboxofficeisopen?They'llbegintheperformancessoon!"
Shereckonedthevalueofahouanditslocationbyitsdistancefromthetheater.
Shewasheartbrokentohavetoleavethenarrowalleybehindthetheaterandmove
toawidestreetalittlefartheraway,andliveinahouwheretherewereno
neighborsoppositeher.
"'tsitbyyourlfwithout
reIlivenow,itemsasifI'vemovedwayoutinto
ttoepeople,Ihavetogointothekitchenandclimbup
',inthatoldalley
ofmineIcouldlookrightintothelinendealer's,andthenIwasonlythreesteps
fromthetheater;nowIamthreethousandstepsaway-aguardsman'ssteps,atthat!"
Auntymightsometimesbeill,buthoweverbadlyshehappenedtofeel,shenevermisd
ningherdoctororderedhertoputherfeetinsour-dough
poultices;shedidashetoldher,butrodeofftothetheaterandsattherewith
ldn
diedinthetheater;andshecalledthat"ablesddeath."
Shecouldnotimagineheaveniftherewerenotheaterthere;indeed,itwasnever
promidtous,butitsurelywasconceivablethatthemanygreatactorsandactress
whohadgoneonbeforewouldwanttocontinuetheirwork.
Auntyhadherownprivatewirefromthetheatertoherroom;andthe"telegram"came
n,ofthestage-tting
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ewhogavethesignalfortheraisingandloweringofthecurtain,
thettingorstrikingofthescenery.
Fromhimshereceivedabrief,peare's
Tempesthecalled"detestablestuff-there'ssomuchtotup!Why,itbeginswith
waterdowntothefirstsidedrop!"Thatistosay,therollingbillowxtended
therhand,ifaplaycouldgothroughfiveacts
inoneandthesamet,hesaiditwasnsibleandwellwritten;itwasaplay
ofrestthatcouldplayitlf,withoutallthatttinguptodo.
Intheearlierdays,Auntyrecalled,meaningsomethirty-oddyearsback,whenshe
nwereindeedmuchyounger,hewasthenalreadyinthemechanical
department,and,asshecalledhim,her"benefactor."Atthattimeitwascustomary
atthetown'sbigandonlytheatertoadmitspectatorsintothecockloft;everystage
ftenfilledtocapacity,and
withaverylectcompany;itwassaidthewivesofgeneralsandcouncilmenhad
beenthere,becauitwassointerestingtolookdownbehindthescenesande
howtheperformersstoodandmovedwhenthecurtainwasdown.
Auntyhadbeenthereveraltimes,totragediesandballets,fortheproductions
r
satupthereinalmostcompletedarkness,andmostpeoplebroughttheirsupperswith
ethreeapplesandapackageofsandwichesfilledwithsausagefell
straightdownintotheprisonwhereUgolinowasabouttodieofhunger!Thesausage
iencelaughedandcheered,andthesausagewas
oneofthemainreasonswhythemanagementdecidedtoforbidadmissiontothe
cockloft.
"ButstillI'vebeentherethirty-ventimes,"saidAunty."AndforthatIshall
n."
Onthelasteveningthatthecockloftwasopentothepublic,theyweregivingThe
ouldrememberitsowell,forfromherbenefactor,Mr.
Sivertn,thedervedit,for
healwaysmadefunofthetheaterandteadheraboutit,butstillshehadgot
edtolookatthegoings-oninthetheaterupside
down."Thowerehisverywords,andjustlikehim,"saidAunty.
AndsohesawTheJudgmentofSolomonfromabove,ldsurely
t
untilafterthetheaterwaslockedupandhadtospendthewholedarknightupin
storytotellofhiswakingup,butAuntydidn'tbelieveaword
gmentofSolomonwasplayedout,thelightswereout,andallthepeople
wereout,aboveandbelow;butthenbegantheepilogue,therealcomedy,thebest
thingofall,fecameintotheproperties,andit
wasn'tTheJudgmentofSolomonthatwasgivennow;no,itwasJudgmentDayatthe
sAgentNobimpudentlytriedtocramintoAunty;thatwasherthanks
forgettinghimintothecockloft.
Thestorytheagenttoldwasamusingenoughtohear,butthereweremockeryandspite
behindit.
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"Itwasverydarkupthere,"saidtheagent,"butthenthewitcherybegan,thegreat
spectacle,takerswereatthedoors,andevery
spectatorhadtoshowhisspiritualtestimonial,todecidewhetherhecouldenter
freeorhandcuffed,cietypeople,whocametoo
late,aftertheperformancehadbegun,andyoungfellowswhowastedtheirtimewere
heyweremuzzled,andhadfeltsolesputundertheirshoes,
ntheybeganJudgment
DayattheTheater.
"Purelywickedness,"saidAunty,"whichourLordknowsnothingabout!"
Hadthescenepainterwantedtogetintoheavenhewouldhavehadtoclimbupsome
,
ofcour,gecarpenterwhohad
placedtheplantsandbuildingsinlandswheretheydidn'tbelonghadtomovethem
intotheirproperplacesbeforecockcrowingtime,ifheexpectedtogotoheaven.
ldhavetowatchhisownchancesofgettingthere!Andtohearwhathe
saidabouttheactors,bothincomedyandtragedy,orinsonganddance-why,it
!!Heneverdervedhisplaceinthecockloft!Aunty
didn'rittenitallout,hesaid-thesnob!
-andwouldhaveitprinted,butnotuntilhewasdeadandburied,sincehehadno
wishtobeskinnedalive.
OnlyoncehadAuntyknownterrorandanguishinherowntempleofhappiness,the
neofthograywinterdayswhenwehaveonlytwohoursoffoggy
daylight;itwascoldandsnowing,re
givingHermannvonUnna,besidesalittleoperaandagrandballet,withprologue
adtobethere;herlodger
hadlentherapairofsleighboots,shaggybothoutsideandinside,thatreached
allthewayupherlegs.
Auntyarrivedatthetheaterandwasatedinabox;thebootsfeltwarm,soshe
lytherearothecryof"Fire!"assmokerolledfromoneof
thewingsanddownfromthecockloft!Therewasafearfulpanic,andpeoplestormed
assittingfarthestfromthedoor-"condtier,left-handside;from
therethedecorationslookbest,"shesaid."Theyalwaysarrangethemsotheywill
looktheprettiestfromtheKing'ssideofthehou."Nowshewantedtogetout
ofthere,buttheexcitedpeopleinfrontofherthoughtlesslyslammedandjammed
asAunty,withnowayoutandnowayin,forthepartitions
ledforhelp,
shelookedoveratthetierbeneath,shesawitwampty;thebalustradewaslow;
andthedropwasn'ghtmadeherfeelyoungandactive,soshe
onefootontheatandtheotherovertherailing;there
shesatastride,welldrapedinherfloweredskirt,withonelonglegdanglingbelow,
sasighttoe!Anditwasen,whenfinally
hercrieswereheard;andthenshewaasilyrescued,forthefiredidn'tamount
tomuch.
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Thatwasthemostmemorableeveningofherlife,shesaid,andshewasgladshehadn't
enherlf,forshewouldhavediedofshame!
Herbenefactorinthemechanicaldepartment,n,cametoeherregularly
teryears,inthemiddle
oftheweek,asmallchildwouldcometoherforthe"leavings";thatis,toget
hersupperfromtheremainsofAunty'sdinner.
yed
therolesofapageorafairy,butherhardestpartwasthehindlegsofthelion
inMozart'ntuallygrewuptobecomethefrontlegs,butfor
thisshewaspaidonlythreemarks,whileasthehindlegsshehadreceivedone
hadtocreepaboutasthehindlegs,stooping,pantingforfresh
sveryinterestingtoknow,thoughtAunty.
Auntydervedtohavelivedaslongasthetheateritlf,butshecouldn'thold
outthatlong;nordidshedieinthetheater,butquietlyanddecentlyinherown
ngwordswerefullofsignificance;sheasked,"Whataretheyplaying
tomorrow?"
Shemusthaveleftaboutfivehundredrix-dollars;wecametothatconclusionfrom
theyearlyrental,eywasleftbyAunty
obeud
foraatinthecondtier,leftside,everySaturday,forthatwaswhenthey
satinthetheatereverySaturday,shewastothinkofAuntylyinginhergrave.
ThiswasAunty'sreligion.
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