panic room

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Disney'sclassic

HERCULES

script(version1.0)

THESCRIPT

{Greekstatuesandvasfadein}

Narrator:Longago,inthefarawaylandofancientGreece,therewasagolden

greatest

andstrongestofalltheheroeswasthemightyHercules.

[

zoomsinslowly]

Butwhatisthemeasureofatruehero?Ah,thatiswhatourstoryis-

Mu1:Willyoulistentohim?He'smakin'thestorysoundlikesomegreek

tragedy.

Mu5:Lightenup,dude.

Mu3:We'lltakeitfromhere,darling.

Narrator:Yougo,girls

Mu3:esoftheartsandproclaimersoftheheroes.

Mu5:HeroeslikeHercules

Mu1:Honey,youmean"hunk-ules".Ooh,I'dliketomakesomesweetmusic

withhim-

[Musstarthumming]

Mu3:OurstoryactuallybeginslongbeforeHercules,manyeonsago..

[scenechangescolorsandtheMusstartwalkingandsinging]

Mus:(singing)

Backwhentheworldwasnew

TheplanetEarthwasdownonitsluck

AndeverywheregiganticbrutescalledTitansranamok

[schematicpicturesofwhatevergetsmentionedinthesongstartmoving]

Itwasanastyplace

Therewasamesswhereveryoustepped

Wherechaosreignedandtheearthquakesandvolcanosneverslept

(Whoo!Sayit,girlfriend!)

AndthenalongcameZeus

Hehurledhisthunderbolt--Hezapped

Lockedthosuckersinavault--They'retrapped

Andonhisown,stoppedchaosonitstracks

Andthat'sthegospeltruth

Theguywastoo"typeA"tojustrelax

Andthat'stheworld'sfirstdish

(yeah,baby!)

Zeustamedtheglobewhilestillinhisyouth

Tough,honey,itmayemimpossible

That'sthegospeltruth

OnMountOlympuslifewasneat

Andsmoothassweetvermouth

Althoughhoney,itmayemimpossible

That'sthegospeltruth

{he

Musstillrepeattheir'ah'sand'yeah's,cameramovesupthemountainslope,whileitdoes,the

movietitle,HERCULES,meragoesinside,

passvariouschatteringgodsandfindsbabyHercules}

Hera:Hercules!Behaveyourlf

[Zeuscomeintoplaywithbabytoo]

Zeus:Oh,lookatthis,lookhowcuteheis..

[ZeusbabblesatbabyHerculesandhecatchesZeusbyindexfingerandlifts

abovehiscradle]

Hah!Oh,he'sstrong!LikehisDad,hmm?

Hermes(movingthroughacrowdofgods):Whoa!Excume!Hotstuffcoming

through!Excumeoneside,Ares.

[HermeshandHeraabundleofglowingflowers]

Hera:Why,Hermes,they'relovely

Hermes:Yeah,youknow,'tthattoonutty?

(flyingclortoZeusnow)

Fabulousparty,youknow,Ihaven'tenthismuchloveinaroomsince

Narcissusdiscoveredhimlf

[Narcissusisshown,

BabyHerculesgetsoneofZeus'lightningsandplayswithit]

Hera:Dear,keepthoawayfromthebaby.

Zeus:Oh,hewon'kidhavealittlefun

[BabyHerculestryestoeatthelightning,getszapped,andthrowsitawayin

odsjumpawayfromitspath,untillAreshitsitwithhis

swordsoithitsapillar,whichimmidiatelyreappears]

Zeus:Oh,onbehalfofmyson,Iwanttothankyouallforyourwonderful

gifts

Hera:Whataboutourgift,dear?

Zeus:Well,let'sehere..we'lltake,hmm,yes,alittlecirrus,and,hmm,

atouchofnimbostratus,andadashofcumulus.

[Zeusmoveshishandwithalittlepegasus-shapedcloudonitclortobaby

Herculesandthecloudturnsouttobeababypegasus]

HisnameisPegasus,andhe'sallyours,son.

[BabyHerculesbonkshisforeheadagainstBabyPegasus',hewhinniesandlicks

Hercules,theyhug,allgodssigh]

Hera:Mindhishead

Zeus:He'ssotiny

[BabyHerculestriestobitethemedallionthathangsfromhisneckandthen

yawns]

Zeus:leHercules.

Hades:Howcentimental.

[cameramovestoHadesfastafterhisvoiceisheard]

Youknow,Ihaven'tbeenthischokedupsinceIgotahunkofmoussaka

caughtinmythroat!huh?

[Allgodslooksternlyathim]

Soisthisanaudienceofamosaic?Hey,howyoudoin'?Lookin'good.

Nicedress.

[asheissayingthat,hemovesfromonegodtoanotheruntillZeussqueezes

himinahug]

Zeus:SoHades,thingsintheunderworld?

Hades(takingZeus'handoffhisshoulder):well,they'rejustfine,youknow,

alittledark,alittlegloomy,andasalways,hey,fullofdead

eyougonnado?Ah!There'sthelittlesunspot,little

eisasuckerforthelittlesucker,eh?

(heweavesasuckerwithskeletonheadoutofthinmist)

--

[HerculessqueezesHades'finger,andaftersomefighthegetsawayfromthe

baby]

sheesh!uh,powerfullittletyke.

Zeus(huggingHadesonceagain):Comeon,Hades,don'tbesuchastiff,

jointhecelebration!

Hades(gettingfreefromthehugagain):Hey,loveto,babe,butunlike

yougodsloungingaboutuphere,Iregrettablyhaveafull-timegig

Youknow,bytheway,socharitablybestowedonme,Zeus,

So..can',butcan't.

Zeus:Yououghttoslowdown,you'llworkyourlftodeath...Hah!work

yourlftodeath!

[crowdlaughing]

Oh,Ikillmylf

Hades:Ifonly,ifonly..

{ScenechangesbacktotheMus}

Mu3:Ifthere'sonegodwhodon'twanttogetsteamedup,it'sHades,

'cauhehadanevilplan

{scenechangestoaboatontheriverStyx,inwhichaskeletoniscarrying

Hades}

Mussinginbackground:

Herantheunderworld

Butthoughtthedeadweredullanduncouth

Hewasasmeanashewasruthless

Andthat'sthegospeltruth

Hehadaplantoshakethingsup

[Hadesfeedsthethree-deadeddogCerberus]

Andthat'sthegospeltruth

[Hadesgetsontheshore]

Hades:Pain!

Pain:Coming,yourmostlugubriousness.

[Hetrips,rollonthestairandgetsatedonasharptrident]

Hades:Panic!

Panic:Oh,I'msorry,Icanhandleit!

[Herans,buttripsoverPain,whojustgotfreefromthetrident,fallsover,

andhishornsgetstuckinPainthesameplacetridentjustwas]

Pain:Pain!

Panic:AndPanic!

Both:Reportingforduty!

Hades:Fine,fine,fine,justletmeknowtheinstanttheFatesarrive.

Panic(whojustgothishornsfreefromPain):Oh!They'rehere!

Hadesburstsintoflames:

What?TheFatesarehereandyoudidn'ttellme?

PainandPanic:Weareworms!Worthlessworms!

[theyreallyshapechangeintoworms]

Hades:Memotome,memotome,mainyouaftermymeeting

{scenechangetoacavernwiththeFates}

Atropos:Darling,holdthatmortal'sthreadoflifegoodandtight

[Shecutsathreadwithscissorsandawomanscreamisheard]

Lachesis:Incoming!

[rabove

thetunnelnowsays"Over5000000001rved"]

Hades:Ladies!hah!IamsosorrythatI'm--

Atropos:Late

Clotho:Weknewyouwouldbe

Lachesis:Weknoweverything

[theypasstheironlyeyefromoneanotherastheyspeakthenextthreelines]

Clotho:Past

Lachesis:Prent

Atropos:Andfuture(toPanic):Indoorplumbing-it'sgonnabebig.

Hades:,e,Ladies,Iwasatthisparty,andIlost

trackof--

Fates:Weknow!

Hades:..,here',MrHighandMighty,

Mr."Hey,you,getoffmycloud,"nowhehas--

Fates:Abouncingbabybrat.

Clotho:Weknow!

Hades:Iknow..econcept,soletmejust

ask:Isthiskidgonnamessupmyhostiletakeoverbig,orwhat?

Whatdoyouthink?

Lachesis:Um--

Clothosilencesher:Ohno,youdon'otsuppodtorevealthe

future.

Hades:Ohwait,I'?CanIaskyouaquestion,by

theway?Areyou,(toLachesis),didyoucutyourhairofsomething?

Youlookfabulous.

Lachesisgiggles

Hade:Imean,youlooklikeafateworthendeath

Lachesisgigglesmore,Clothohitsheronthehead,theeyefellsoutintothe

handsofPanic

Panic:Oh,gross!

Pain:Yech!It'sblinkin'!

[hekicksitintoHades'hand]

Hades:Ladies,plea,myfate...(heputstheeyetoLachesis'hand)isin

yourlovelyhands

Lachesis:Oh,yeah

Clotho:Allright.

[theeyeraisintheair,showingpicturesofthefuture]

Atropos:

In18yearsprecily

Theplanetswillalign

Eversonicely

Hades:Ay,ver!.Oy.

Atropos:

Thetimetoactwillbeathand

UnleashtheTitans,yourmonstrousband

Hades:Mm-hmm,good,good.

Atropos:

Thentheonce-proudZeuswillfinallyfall,

Andyou,Hades,willruleall!

Hades:Yes!Hadesrules!!!

Atropos:

Awordofcautiontothistale

Hades:Excume?

Atropos:

ShouldHerculesfight,youwillfail

[Fatesdisappear,cackling]

Hades(burningintoflame):What???

(coolingdown):Okay,fine,fine,I'mcool,I'mfine

[belldings]

Pain?Panic?oukillagod?

Pain:Idonot...know!

Panic:Youcan''reimmortal?

Hades:Bingo!They'reimmortal

(hetakesavialwithredliquidandcamerazoomsatit,fillingthescreen)

So,firstyougottoturnthelittlesunspotmortal.

{MountOlympus,rculesandBabyPegasusaresleepingtogether}

[ShadowsofPainandPaniccrawloverBabyHercules,soundofglassbreaking,

andPainandPanictitteringmakesZeusandHerawake]

Zeus:Huh?

Hera:What?whatisit?

Both:TheBaby!

[TheyruntothecradlebutfindonlytheBabyPegasus]

Hera:Hercules!Oh!

[shestartssobbing.]

Zeus:No!!!

[ashescreamsthat,lightningsflashandgiantthunderstormragesoverOlympus.

PainandPanicareflyingdown,carryingBabyHercules]

Panic:Nowwedidit!Zeusisgonnauusfortargetpractice!

Pain:Justhangontothekid,Panic.

[TheyfallandBabyHerculesstartscrying]

Panic:Hurry!Let'sjustkillthekidandhetitoverwith,okay?

Pain(openingthevial):Hereyougo,kid,alittlegrecianformula.

Panic:Lookatthat!He's..changing

[BabyHerculesstopsglowingashedrinksthepotion]

Canwedoitnow?

Pain:No,no,no,hehastodrinkthewholepotion!Everylastdrop.

Amphitryon:Who'sthere?

[PainandPanicrunaway,ksandone

lastdropfallsintotheground]

Alcmene,overhere.

Alcmene:Oh,youpoorthing!Oh,don'tcry

Amphitryon:Isanybodythere?

[PainandPaniclookfrombushes]

Panic:Now?

Pain:Now.

[Theirshadowsareshownastheywalkandtransformintosnakes]

Amphitryon:Ohwell,hemusthavebeenabandoned.

Alcmene:Amphitryon,forsomanyyearswe'veprayedtothegodstoblessus

withachild.

[AmphitryonreadsHercules'namefromamedalliononhisneck]

Perhapsthey'veansweredourprayers

Amphitryion:Perhapstheyhave...Hercules?

[PainandPanic,assnakes,attack,butBabyHerculescatchesthem,and

gigglinghappily,hitsthemveraltimesagainsttheground,tiesintoaknot

ryonandAlcmenestarewiththeyjawsdropped]

PainandPanic:Help,help,help!

[theyturntotheirnormalforms]

Panic:Hadesisgonnakilluswhenhefindsoutwhathappened.

Pain:Youmean,*if*hefindsout

Pani:Ofcourhe'sgonnaf--If..ifisgood.

{pantoMountOlympusindarkcloudsandthenresolvetotheMus}

Mu2:dallthegodsonafranticarch

Mu5:Butbythetimetheyfoundthebaby,itwastoolate.

Mu2startssinging:

YoungHercwasmortalnow

Butsincehedidnotdrinkthelastdrop--mm

Hestillretainedhisgodlikestrength--oh

Sothankhisluckystars--tellit,girl

ButZeusandHerawept--ooh,ooh,ooh

Becautheirsoncouldnevercomehome--ooh

They'dhavetowatchtheirpreciousbaby

Growupfromafar

ThoughHades'horridplan

WashatchedbeforeHerccuthisfirsttooth--ahh

Theboygrewstrongereveryday

Andthat'sthegospeltruth

Thegospeltruth

{resolvetocountrywithsheepsbaaing}

[Acarriagewithalotofhaymovesalongtheroadunnaturallyfast,thenwe

eAmphitryonandhishorsittingbeforeit]

Amphitryon:Hercules,slowdown!

[teracountry

fair,hittingsomeworkersonthetopofthegate]

Amphitryong:Lookout!

[workersfall]

YoungHercules:Oops!S-s-sorryguys!

Worker(fallingdown):Hey,watchwhereyou'regoin'!

Worker2:Sundaydriver!

[Herculentersthemiddleofthesquareandstops,buringhimlfintothe

groundshoulders-deep]

Amphitryon:Thanks,dPenelopetwistedheranklebackthere,

Ithoughtweweredonefor.

Hercules:Noproblem,Pop.

Amphitryon:Uh,don't-don't-don'havetofinagle

withPhideas.

Hercules:Okay.

[hedropsthehayonthecartwhichmakestheirhor,Penelope,flyupinto

thesky]

Oops,sorry,Penelope.

Amphitryon:Now,Hercules,thistime,pleajust--

Hercules:Iknow,Iknow

[hecatchesfallingPenelope]

Staybythecart

Amphitryon:That'smyboy.

[Herculesstaysuntillheesamanloosingbalancewithabigclaypot]

Man:Oh,!

[Herculescatcheshimjustintime]

Herules:Careful!

Man:Whythankyou

Hercules:Noproblem

Man(esHerculesandlooksfrightened):Why,Hercules!It'syou!

Hercules:Letme,letmehelpyouwiththat

Man:No,no,no,no,no,Igotit.

[Healmostfallsunderthegiantpot]

I'mfine,youjustrunalong.

Hercules:Areyousure?

Man:Oh,tely.

[beefallstohisfeet.

Hepicksitupandesthreeboysabouthisage]

Boy1:Yo!Giveithere!

Hercules:Hey,youneedanextraguy?

Boy1:Uh..sorry,adygot..anttokeepitan

evennumber.

Hercules:Hey,n'taneven--

Boy1:(snatchingthefreesbee):eya,Herc.

Boy2:Whatageek!

Boy3:Destructoboy.

Boy1:Maybeweshouldcallhim"Jerkules"

[Herculessitsaloneinthecenterofasquareuntillthefreesbeeappearsabove

hishead]

Boy1:Headsup!

Hercules:I-Igotit!

Boy1:No!Stop!

[Herculeshitsapillar,whichstartsfalling]

Hercules:Uh-oh..Ohno!..It'sokay..

[Heholdsthepillarhehashit,butothersstartfallingonebyone,like

thatandthrowsthepillarhewasholdingaway,butithits

anotherstandingpillarandanotherdominowavestartsgoingaroundthesquare]

Hey!Whoa!

Amphitryon:Son!

Hercules:Hangon,Pop!Berightback!

[Thetwodominowavesemtobeaimingattheshopwithclaypots]

Man:Ohmy!Ohno!Don't!Oh,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no!

[Thelasttwopillarsstopabovetheman's,relaxed,but

Hercules,whowasrunningtosavehim,slipsandslidestohimfast]

Hercules:Watchout!

[Noweverythingisdestroyed]

Boy1:Nicecatch,Jerkules.

Amphitryon:Son

Man:Thisisthelaststraw,Amphitryon!

Voice:Thatboyisamenace!

Voice2:He'stoodangeroustobearoundnormalpeople!

Amphitryon:Hedidn'tmeananyharm,he'-hejustcan'tcontrol

hisstrength

Man:pthat-that-that..freakawayfromhere!

Boy:Freak!Yeah,goaway!

{onagrassyhillside,HerculesandAmphitryonsitalone}

Amphitryon:Son,youshouldn'tletthothingstheysaidbacktheregetto

you.

Hercules:ButPop,they'fitin,Ireallydo.

Ijustcan'mes..Ifeellike,likeIreallydon'tbelonghere.

LikeI'msuppodtobe..someplaceel.

Amphitryon:Hercules,son--

Hercules:Iknowitdoesn'tmakeanyn.

[Herculeswalkawayandsings]

Ihaveoftendreamedofafaroffplace

Whereagreat,warmwelcomewillbewaitingforme

Wherethecrowdswillcheerwhentheyemyface

Andavoicekeepssayin'thisiswhereI'mmeanttobe

Iwillfindmyway

Icangothedistance

I'llbetheresomeday

IfIcanbestrong

Iknoweverymile

Willbeworthmywhile

IwouldgomostanywheretofeellikeIbelong.

[hereturnshome]

Amphitryon:Hercules,there'ssomethingyourmotherandIhavebeenmeaning

totellya.

{insidethehou}

Hercules:Butifyoufoundme,thenwheredidIcomefrom?WhywasIlefthere?

Alcmene:'sthesymbolofthe

gods.

Hercules:Thisisit!Don'tyoue?Maybetheyhavetheanswers!I'llgoto

thetempleofZeusand--

Ma,Pop,you'rethegreatestparentsanyonecouldhave,but..

I-Igottaknow

{Nextmorning,HerculeswalkstotheTempleandsings}

Iamonmyway

Icangothedistance

Idon'tcarehowfar

SomehowI'llbestrong

Iknoweverymile

Willbeworthmywhile

IwouldgomosteverywheretofindwhereIbelong.

[HerculenterstheTempleofZeus]

Hercules:OhmightyZeus,plea,oknow:

WhoamI?Wh-wheredoIbelong?

[windblows,lightninghitsthestatueofZeus,flameignitesinbraziers..]

Huh?

[..andthestatueofZeuscomestolife]

Zeus:leHercules.

[HereachesforHercules,whorunsaway,screaming]

Hey,hey,hey,holdonkiddo!What'syourhurry?Afteralltheyears

isthisakindofhellotogiveyourfather?

Hercules:Father?

Zeus:Didn'tknowyouhadafamousfather,didyou?Surpri!!

Lookhowyou''vegotyourmother'sbeautifuleyes...

!

Hercules:I-Idon'remyfather,thatwouldmakemea--

Zeus:Agod.

Hercules:!

Zeus:Hey,youwantedanswers,andbythunder,you'reoldenoughtoknowthe

truth

Hercules:Butwhydidyouleavemeonearth?Didn'tyouwantme?

Zeus:therandIlovedyouwithallourheartsbut

someonestoleyoufromusandturnedyoumortal,andonlygodscanlive

onMountOlympus.

Hercules:Andyoucan'tdoathing?

Zeus:Ican't,Hercules,butyoucan.

Hercules:R-really?W-what?I-I'lldoanything.

Zeus:Hercules,ifyoucanproveyourlfatrueheroonEarth,yourgodhood

willberestored!

Hercules:!Uh,exactlyhowdoyoubecomeatruehero?

Zeus:First,youmustekoutPhiloctetes,thetrainerofheroes.

Hercules:.I'll--

[hefallsoffZeus'palm]

Whoa!

Zeus:Whoa!Holdyourhors!Whichremindsme..

[ZeuswhistlesandthePegasusfliesthroughanopeningintheroof]

Ha-ha!Youprobablydon'trememberPegasusbutyoutwogowayback,son

[PegasussniffsHercules,thenbonksforeheadswithhimandlickshim]

Hercules:Oh,Pegasus!

Zeus:ebrainofabird.

Hercules:I'llfindPhiloctetesandbecomeatruehero!

Zeus:That'sthespirit!

Hercules:Iwon'tletyoudown,father!Yee-haw!

Zeus:Goodluck,son.

[Herculesfliesaway,singing:]

Hercules:

Iwillbeattheodds

Icangothedistance

Iwillfacetheworld

Fearless,proudandstrong

Iwillpleathegods

Icangothedistance

TillIfindmyhero'swelcomerightwhereIbelong

{IsleofPhiloctetes}

Hercules:Yousurethisistherightplace?

[Herculesesthreenymphslaughinginthetrees,thenesagoat'sbehind

stickingfromthebushes]

What'sthematter,littleguy?Youstuck?

Phil:Whoa!Hey,buttout,buddy!

Hercules:Ugh

Phil:Girls!Stop!Stop!Comeback,comeback,,whoa--

[thenymphhegetsholdonturnsintoflowers]

oh,geez!

Whait!Whoa,whoa,whoa!

[anothernymphturnsintoatree]

Oh,nymphs!Theycan'tkeeptheirhandsoffme.

Nymph:Hey!

Phil(toHercules):

What'sthematter?Youneverenasatyrbefore?

Hercules:Uh..helpus?We'relookingforsomeonecalled

Philoctetes.

Phil:CallmePhil.

Herculessqeezeshishand:Phil!

Phil:Ow!

Hercules:Boy,amIgladtomeetyou!I'Pegasus.

[PegasuslicksPhil]

Phil:Animals!.Disgusting!

Hercules:ero.

Phil:Sorry,kid,can'thelpya.

Hercules:Wait!

[hepullsthedoor,Philclodbeforehimandraisitintheairwithone

hand]

Phil:Whoo!

Hercules:Uh,?

Phil:Twoworlds:Iamretired.

[Herculescountsonfingers]

Hercules:Look,'tyoueverhadadream,somethingyou

wantedsobadyou'ddoanything?

Philsighes:Kid,comeinside,Iwanttoshowyousomething.

[Inside,Herculeshitshisheadagainstsomewoodenmast]

Phil:Watchit!ThatwaspartofthemastoftheArgo.

Hercules:TheArgo?

Phil:outhinktaughtJasonhowtosail?Cleopatra?Itrained

us,Perus,

"yeuus."rthen

adiscus.

Noneofthemcouldgothedistance.

AndthentherewasAchilles.

Nowtherewasaguywhohaditall-thebuild,thefootspeed.

Hecouldjab,hecouldtakeahit,hecouldkeeponcomin'.

Butthatfurshlugginerheelofhis!Hebarelygetsnickedthereonce

and-kaboom!He',edIwas

tthegodswould

hangapictureofhiminthestars...Allacrossthesky,andpeople

wouldsay,"That'sPhil'sboy."That',butdreamsarefor

nonlytakesomuchdisappointment.

Hercules:ButIamdifferentthanthootherguys,Phil!Icangothedistance

Comeon,I'llshowyou.

Philgrunts:Geez,youdon'tgiveup,doya?

Hercules:Watchthis.

[HeraissomethingbigwhichlookedlikeanUFOandndsitflyingaway]

Phil:HolyHera..YouknowmaybeifI--No!Snapoutofit!Iamtoooldtoget

mixedupinthisstuffagain.

Hercules:ButifIdon'tbecomeatruehero,I'llneverbeabletorejoinmy

father,Zeus.

Phil:Holdit!Zeusisyourfather,right?

Hercules:Uh-huh.

Phillaughs:Zeus!'syourdaddy!ingBolts,readme

abook,willya..da-da?Zeus!

(mimicsZeus):Onceuponatime--

Hercules:It'sthetruth!

Phil:Plea!

(sings:)

Soyouwannabeahero,kid,well,whoop-de-do

Ihavebeenaroundtheblockbeforewithblockheadsjustlikeyou

Eachandeveryonewasdisappointment

Painforwhichthereain'tnoointment

Somuchforexcus

ThoughakidofZeusis

Askingmetojumpintothefray

Myansweristwowords:

[lightninghitsPhil]

Okay.

Hercules:Youmeanyou'lldoit?

Phil:Youwin.

Hercules:Youwon'tbesorry,Phil.

Phil:Oh,gods.

Hercules:Sowhendowestart?Canwestartnow?

Phil:Oy,vay.

Philsing:

I'dgivenuphopethatsomeonewouldcomealong

Afellawho'dringthebellforoncenotthegong

Thekindwhowinstrophies

Won'tttleforlowfees

Atleastmiprofees

Butno,Igetthegreenhorn

I'vebeenouttopasture,pal,myambitiongone

Contenttospendlazydaysandtograzemylawn

Butyouneedanadvisor

Asatyr,butwir

Agoodmerchandirand--whoa!

Theregoesmyulcer

I'mdowntoonelasthopeandIhopeit'syou

Though,kid,you'renotexactlyadreamcometrue

Itrainedenoughturkeys

Whonevercamethrough

You'remyonlylasthope

Soyou'llhavetodo

Phil:Rule#6:Whenrescuingadaml,alwayshandlewithcare

[Herculesfallsintowater]

No!

Phil:Rule#95,kid:Concentrate!

Rule#96:Aim!

(singing:)

Demigodshavefacedtheoddsandendedupamockery

Don'tbelieveinthestoriesthatyoureadonallthecrockery

Tobeatruehero,kid,isadyingart

Likepaintingamasterpieceit'saworkofheart

Ittakesmorethensinew

Comesdowntowhat'sinyou

Youhavetocontinue

Togrow!

[Herculesbecameadultnow]

Phil:Nowthat'smorelikeit!

(singing:)

I'mdowntoonelastshotandmylasthighnote

Beforethatblastedunderworldgetsmygoat

Mydreamsareonyou,kid

Gomake'emcometrue

Climbthatuphillslope

Keeppushingthatenvelope

You'remyonelasthope

And,kids,it'suptoyou

Yeah!

Hercules:Didyouethat?Nextstop,Olympus.

Phil:Allright,justtakeiteasy,champ.

Hercules:Iamready,oebattlesand

monsters!Rescuesomedamls..Youknow,heroicstuff.

Phil:Well--

Hercules:Aw,comeon,Phil!

Phil:Well,okay,taroadtest?Saddleup,'regoing

toThebes!

Hercules:Yahoo!

[nowflyingonPegasus]

So,what'sinThebes?

Phil:'sabigtoughtown,goodplacetostartbuilding

arep.

[theyhearawomanscreaming]

SoundslikeyourbasicD.I.D.-DamlInDistress.

Hercules:Hyah!

[TheylandandeMegarachadbyamonstercentaur]

Nessus:Notsofast,sweetheart

Megara:Iswear,ownorI'll--

Nessus:Whoo!Ilike'emfiery!

[inthebushesHerculesgetsangry,whilePhilinstructs..]

Phil:Nowremember,,'tjustbarrelin

?

[HerculesalreadywalkstoNessusandMegara]

He'slosin'pointsforthis!

Megara:Youdon'tknowwhatyou're--

Hercules:Halt!

Nessus:Stepaside,twolegs.

Hercules:Pardonme,mygood,uh,uh.....sir.I'llhavetoaskyoutorelea

thatyoung...

Megara:Keepmovin',junior

Hercules:...--are-aren'tyouadamlindistress?

Megara:Iamadaml,iceday.

Hercules:Uh--*ahem*Ma'am,I'mafraidyoumaybetooclotothesituation

torealize--

[hetakeshisswordoutandNessusimmidiatelyhitshimsohefliesaway]

Phil:Ohhh!Whatareyoudoin'?Getyoursword!

Hercules(archinginwater):,right..Rule#15:Aheroisonly

asgoodashisweapon!

[laughandMegaralooks

thenhitsHerculeswithafistandHerculesfliesawayagain]

PhilgroansandtellstoPegassuswhorushestohelp:

Whoa!Holdit!Holdon!He'sgottadoitonhisown.

Comeon,kid!Concentrate!Uyourhead!

Hercules:Oh...

[fliesaway]

Phil:Allright!Notbad,ctlywhatIhadinmind,butnotbad.

[Megaragetsfromwaterandcoughs]

Hercules:Oh,gee,Miss,I'mI'mreallysorry.

Megara:Oh.

Hercules:Thatwasdumb

Megara:Yeah.

[Nessusrunsinagain]

Hercules:Excume.

[HeattacksNessus,hitshisheadveraltimesandthrowshim]

Phil:Nicework!Excellente!

Megara:Iswonderboyhereforreal?

Phil:Whatareyoutalkingabout?Ofcourhe'sreal..

(noticesMegara)

Whoa!Andbytheway,sweetcheeks,Iamrealtoo.

[PhilgetsonMegara'slap,butshepusheshimintowater]

Megara:Ugh

[meanwhile,HerculesrideonNessus]

Hercules:Yee-hah!Yahoo!

[HefinishesNessusinaspectacularfight]

Howwasthat,Phil?

Phil:Reinitin,getawaywithmistakeslikethointhe

minordecathlons,butthisisthebigleagues!

Herculessighes:'tI?

Phil:Nexttimedon'tletyourguarddownbecauofapairofbiggoo-goo

eyes!D-oh!It'slikeIkeeptellin'tastayfocud,and

you--

[HerculeswalksuptoMegara]

Hercules:Areyou,uh,allright,Miss,uh--

Megara:ttheywouldifIhadany

,didtheygiveyouanamealongwithallthorippling

pectorials?

Hercules:Uh,I'm,um,uh--

Megara:Areyoualwaysthatarticulate?

[sheturnstoleave]

Hercules:--*ahem*MynameisHercules.

Megara:Hercules,huh?IthinkIpreferwonderboy.

Hercules:So,uh,how-how-how'dyougetmixedupwiththe,uh--

Megara:Pinheadwithhooves?Well,inkthat"no"

means"yes"and"getlost"means"takeme,I'myours".Don'tworry,

Shortyherecanexplainittoyalater.

[Philgrowls]

Well,thanksforeverything,'sbeenarealslice.

Hercules:Wait!Um..canwegiveyouaride?

[Pegasussnorts,whinnies,andjumpstoahighbranch]

Megara:Uh,Idon'tthinkyourPintolikesmeverymuch

Hercules:Pegasus?Oh,no,don''dbemorethanhappyto--ow!

[PegasusdropsanappleonHercules'head]

Megara:I'llbeallright.I'mabig,ownsandalsand

-byeWonderboy.

Hercules:Bye...She'ssomething,isn'tshe,Phil?

Phil:Yeah,ohyeah,she'aininthepatella!

EarthtoHerc!ComeinHerc!ComeinHerc!Wegotajobtodo,

remember?Thebesisstillwaitin'.

Hercules:.

[Megarawalksintotheforestandcomesuponarabbitandasmallgopher]

Megara:Aw..eofrodentslookingforathemepark.

Pain(asabunny):Whoyoucallin'arodent,sister?I'mabunny!

Panic(asagopher):A-andI'mhisgopher.

Together:Ta-dah!

[theyturnintothemlves]

Megarasighes:IthoughtIsmelledarat.

Hades:Meg.

Megara:Speakofthedevil.

Hades:Meg,mylittleflower,mylittlebird,mylittlenut,actly

happenedhere?Ithoughtyouweregonnapersuadetheriverguardian

tojoinmyteamfortheuprising,andhereIam,kindofriver

guardian-less.

Megara:Igaveitmybestshot,buthemademeanofferIhadtorefu.

Hades:,insteadofsubtractingtwoyearsfromyourntence,hey,

I'mgonnaaddtwoon,okay?Givethatyourbestshot.

Megara:Itwasn'hatwonderboy,Hercules.

Panic:Hercules?Whydoesthatnameringabell?

Pain:Idon',maybeweowehimmoney?

Hades:Whatwasthatnameagain?

Megara:sonwiththisbig,innocentfarmboyroutinebutI

couldethroughthatinapeloponnesianminute.

Pain:'tHerculesthenameofthatkidweweresuppod

to--

PainandPanic:Ohmygods!

Panic:Runforit!

Hades:Soyoutookcareofhim,huh?'tthoyour

exactwords?

Pain:ThismightbeadifferentHercules.

Panic:Yeah!Imean,Herculesisaverypopularnamenowadays!

Pain:Remember,like,afewyearsagoeveryotherboywasnamedJasonand

thegirlswereallnamedBrittany?

Hades:I'mabouttorearrangetheCosmosandtheoneschlemielwhocanlou

itupiswaltzingaroundinthewoods!

[Hadexplodes]

Pain:,tillcutinonhiswaltzing.

Panic:That'sright!And-and-andatleastwemadehimmortal,that'sagood

'twe?

Hades:Hmm..Fortunatelyforthethreeofyouwestillhavetimetocorrect

stime,nofoul-ups.

{Meanwhile,HerculesandPhilareflyingonPegasus}

Hercules:Wow!Isthatallonetown?

Phil:olive

anmakeitthere,youcanmakeitanywhere.

[theyenterthecrowd]

Stickwithme,tyisadangerousplace.

[theyalmostgethitbyapassingcarriage]

Driver:Lookwhereyou'regoin'numbskull!

Phil:Het,I'mwalkin'here!YouewhatImean?I'mtellin'you-wackos.

Man:Pitabread,pitabread,getyourpitabreadhere!

Smuggler:Hey,Mack.

[heopenshiscoatatPhilandHercules]

Phil:Whoa,whoa,whoa!

Smuggler:Youwannabuyasundial?

Phil:He'snotinterested,allright?Comeon,kid.

Man:Theendiscoming!Can'tyoufeelit?

Phil:Yes,'llponderthatforawhile.

(toHercules)'tmakeeye

'sbecautheyliveinacityof

e,kid,you'regonnabejustwhatthedoctorordered.

Woman:Itwastragic!Welosteverythinginthefire

Man:EverythingexceptoldSnowballhere.

[Snowballthecatmeows]

Strongman:Now,werethefiresbeforeoraftertheearthquake?

Thinwoman:Theywereaftertheearthquake,Iremember

Heavywoman:Butbeforetheflood.

Oldman:Don'tevengetmestartedonthecrimerate

Heavywoman:Thebeshascertainlygonedownfallinahurry.

Oldman:slikeeverytimeIturnaroundthere's

somenewmonsterwreakinghavocandI--

Man:Allweneednowisaplagueorlocusts.

[Frogjumpsinandscaredeverybody]

Oldman:That'sit!I'mmovin'toSparta!

Hercules:*ahem*emstomethatwhatyoufolksneedis

ahero.

Strongman:Yeah,andwhoareyou?

Hercules:I'mHercules,and,uh,Ihappentobe...ahero.

[crowdlaughs]

Oldman:Isthatso?

Woman:Ahero!

Oldman:Haveyoueversavedatownbefore?

Hercules:Uh,no,uh,notexactly,butI--

Strongman:Haveyoueverreverdanaturaldisaster?

Hercules:Well,uh...no.

Strongman:Oh,'need.

Woman:That'salaugh.

Phil:Don'tyoupeabrainsgetit?

Woman:Hmm?

Phil:Thiskidisagenuinearticle.

Man:Het,isn'tthatthegoat-manwhotrainedAchilles?

Phil(gettingangry)watchitpal

Strongman:Yeah,you',nicejobonthoheels!Yamisdaspot!

Phil:Igotyourheelrighthere!

(hitsthemanandstartsbeatinghim)

I'llwipethatstupidgrinoffyourface!You--

Hercules:HeyPhil!Phil!Phil!Takeiteasy,Phil.

Strongman:Whatareyou,crazy?Sheesh

Heavywoman:Youngman,mateur.

Hercules:Well,!

(sighs)

HowamIsuppodtoprovemylfaheroifnobodywillgiveme

achance?

Phil:You'llgetyourchance,youjustneedsomekindofcatastropheor

disaster.

[Megaraappearsinthecrowd]

Megara:Plea!Help!Plea!There'sbeenaterribleaccident!

Hercules:Meg?

Phil:Speakingofdisasters.

Megara:Wonderboy!Hercules!Thankgoodness!

Hercules:Wha-what'swrong?

Megara:Outsideoftown,twolittleboys,theywereplayinginthegorge.

Therewasthatrockslide,'retrapped!

Hercules:Kids?Trapped?Phil,thisisgreat!

Megara:Youarereallychokedupaboutthis,aren'tya?

Hercules(draggingMeg):Comeon!

Megara:No,I--Youdon'tunder--Ihavethisterriblefearofheights!

Phil(running):I'mrightbehindya,kid!Whoo!

(panting):Iamwaybehindya,kid.

(sputtering):Igotafurwedgie

[HerculesandMegaralandandHerculesdismountsfromPegasus]

Hercules:Areyouokay?

Megara:I'tmedownbeforeIruintheupholstery

Painasboy:Help!Ican'tbreathe!

Panicasboy:Hurry!

Painasboy:Getusout!

Panicasboy:We'resuffocating!SomebodycallIX-I-I

Hercules:Easyfellas,you'llbeallright

Painasboy:Wecan'tlastmuchlonger!

Panicasboy:Getusoutbeforewegetcrushed!

[noutfromunderitandthecrowd

applauslightly]

Hercules:Howyouboysdoin'?

Panicasboy:We'reokaynow

Painasboy:Jeepers,mister,youarereallystrong!

Hercules(stillholdingthestone):Well,trytobealittlemorecareful

nexttime,okay,kids?

Painasboy:Wesurewill!

[theyrunaway,uptheslopeandfaceHades]

Hades:Astirringperformance,allymoved.

Panic:"Jeepers,Mister"?

Pain:Iwasgoingforinnocence.

Hades:And,hey,twothumbsway,wayupforourleadinglady.

(lookingatMegara):oll.

Megara(quietly):Getouttathere,youbiglug,whileyoustillcan.

Hercules:Phil,enapplauded..sortof.

[growlingsoundappears]

Phil:Huh!Ihatetoburstyourbubble,kid,butthatain'tapplau.

[Hydraappears]

Hercules:Ph-ph-ph-phil?Whatdoyoucallthatthing?

Phil:Twowords!Am-scray!!

Hades:Let'sgetreadytorumble!

[HydraandHerculesstartfighting]

Phil:That'round!Dancearound!heteeth

thyourleft!

Youotherleft!!

[heers]

Phil:Allright!Allright!Youarebad!Okay!

Hercules:See,Phil?That--Thatwasn'tsohard

[hedropsswordandfallsflatontheground]

Phil:Kid,kid,kid,howmanyhornsdoyae?

Hercules:Six?

Phil:Eh,'sgetyoucleanedup.

[aboveontheHades'watchingplacePanicshiversandgulps]

Hades:Guys,guys,'sonlyhalftime.

[below,HerculesandPhilhearrumblingfromHydra'sbody]

Phil:Thatdoesn'tsoundgood

[Hydragetsthreenewheads]

Phil:Definitelynotgood!

[HerculesonPegasusfightswithHydraandkeepsslicingherheadsoff,getting

moreandmorenewones]

Phil:Willyouforgetthathead-slicingthing?

[HerculesgetsknockedoffPegasusandfallsamongheadsandnecksofHydra]

Hercules:Phil,Idon'tthinkwecoveredthisoneinbasictraining!

[Herculescapes,butfallsbackfromthecliffandisnowpresdagainst

thewallbyHydra'spaw]

Hades:Myfavoritepartofthegame:suddendeath.

[HerculescrushestherockonHydraandgetsburiedunderrockshimlftoo]

Phil:Oh!keAchilles.

Hades:.

[HerculesappearsfromHydra'hearsrealloudnow]

Hercules:Phil,yougottaadmit,thatwasprettyheroic.

Phil:Yadidit,kid!Yadidit!Youwonbyalandslide!

[above]

Panic:Hadesmad.

Megara:yaknow?

{cuttoMus}

Mu5sings:

Fromthatdayforward,outboyHerculescoulddonowrong

(spoken):Hewassohot,steamlookedcool

Oh,yeah!

Mu1:Blessmysoul,Hercwasonaroll

Personoftheweekineverygreekopinionpoll

Mu2:Whatapro!

Mu5:Herccouldstopashow

Pointhimatamonsterandyou'retalkin'S.R.O.

Hewasanoone

Azero,azero

Nowhe'sahoncho

He'sahero!

Hewasakidwithhisactdownpat

Zerotoheroinnotimeflat

Zerotohero

Justlikethat

Whenhesmiledthegirlswentwild

Withoohsandaahs

Mu1:Andtheyslappedhisfaceoneveryva

Mu3:Onevery"Vah"!

All:Fromappearancefeesandroyalties

OurHerchadcashtoburn

Nownouveauricheandfamous

Hecouldtellyouwhat'sagrecianurn

Sayamen

Therehegoesagain

Sweetandunderrated

Andanawesometenforten

Folkslinedupjusttowatchhimflex

Andthisperfectpackagepackedapairofprettypecs

Hercie,hecomes,hees,heconquers

Honey,thecrowdsweregoin'bonkers

Heshowedthemoxiebrainsandspunk--yeah!

Fromzerotohero

Amajorhunk

Zerotohero

Andwho'dhavethunk...

Whoputthegladingladiator?

Hercules!

Who'sdarin'deedsaregreattheater?

Hercules!

Isn'thebold?

Noonebraver!

Ishesweet?

Ourfavoriteflavor!

Hercules

Myman

Hercules

Hercules

Hercules

LookatmyHercules

Hercules

Hercules

Blessmysoul,Hercwasonaroll

Underrated,ridinghigh

Andthenicestguy

Notconceited

Hewasanothing,zero,zero

Nowhe'sahoncho,he'sourhero!

Hehittheheightsatbreakneckspeed

Fromzerotohero

Hercisahero

Nowhe'sahero

Mu3:Yes,indeed.

[Hadespracticesshootingattargets]

Hades:Pull!

Megara:Niceshooting,Rex.

Hades:Ican'everythingI'

doesn'teven--

(esPainwearingHercules(tm)sandals)

Whataretho?

Pain:Um..Idon'httheylookedkindadashing.

Hades:I'vegot24hourstogetridofthisbozo,ortheentirescheme

I'vebeenttingupfor18yearsgoesupinsmokeandyouarewearing

hismerchandi!!!

[PanisinterruptsthembyslurpingsomecolafromaHercules(tm)plasiccup]

Panic:Thirsty?

[Hadesyells,causingasmallearthquake]

Megara:Lookslikeyourgame'boyishittingeverycurveyou

throwathim.

Hades:Ohyeah..IwonderifmaybeIhaven'tbeenthrowingtherightcurves

,mysweet.

Megara:Don'tevengothere.

Hades:See,he'sgottahaveaweakness,becaueverybody'sgotaweakness

Imeanforwhat?Pandora,itwastheboxthing,fortheTrojans,hey,

theybetonthewronghor,okay?Wesimplyneedtofindout

Wonderboy's.

Megara:I'rlittleimps--

Hades:Theycouldn'omeonewhocan...handle

himasaman.

Megara:Hey,I'veswornoffmanhandling.

Hades:Well,youknow,that'sgoodbecauthat'swhatgotyouintothejam

inthefirstplace,isn'tit?Yousoldyoursoultometosaveyour

boyfriend'doesthiscreepthankyou?Byrunningoff

yourealbad,didn'the,Meg?Huh?

Megara:Look,Ilearnedmylesson,okay?

Hades:WhichixactlywhyIgotafeelin'you'regonnaleapatmynew

emethekeytobringingdownwonderbreathandI

giveyouthethingthatyoucravemostintheentireCosmos:

(hewhispersatherear):

yourfreedom.

{TempleofZeus}

Hercules:Youshouldhavebeenthere,father!Imangledtheminotaur,grappled

withtheGorgon,JustlikePhiltoldme,Ianalyzedthesituation,

controlledmystrengthandkicked!Thecrowdswentwild!Thankyou,

thankyou.

Zeus:Hah!You'redoin'great,'redoin'youroldmanproud.

Hercules:Iamgladtohearyousaythat,father.I'vebeenwaitingforthis

dayalongtime.

Zeus:Hmm..Whatdayisthat,son?

Hercules:ThedayIrejointhegods.

Zeus:You'vedonewonderfully,youreallyhave,'rejustnotthere

en'tprovedyourlfatruehero.

Hercules:Butfather,I'vebeateneverysinglemonsterI'vecomeupagainst.

I'm-I'mthemostfamouspersoninallofGreece.I'm-I'manaction

figure!

Zeus:I'mafraidbeingfamousisnotthesameasbeingatruehero.

Hercules:WhatmorecanIdo?

Zeus:It'ssomethingyouhavetodiscoverforyourlf.

Hercules:ButhowcanI--

Zeus:Lookinsideyourheart

[LightningstrikesandstatueofZeusbecomesinanimate]

Hercules:Father,wait!

{Inthecity,acarriagepasspastrichgates}

Guide:OnyourleftisHercules'stopisthePecsandFlex

giftshopwhereyoucanpickuptheGreatHero's30-minuteworkout

scroll"BunsofBronze"

{insidethevilla,Herculesisposingforapictureonava,dresdinthe

skinofthelionSkarfromDisney'sTheLionKing}

Phil:At1:'sgotaproblemwith

hisstables.I'dadviyounottowearyournewsandals.

Hercules:Phil?

Artist:Itoldyou,don'tmove!

Phil:D.G.R.,theDrughtersoftheGreekRevolution

Hercules:Phil?

Phil:At3:00yougottagetagirdlefromsomeamazons

Hercules(droppingclubandshield)Phil,what'sthepoint?

Artistscreams:That'sit!

Phil:Keepyourtogaon,pal

[ArtistthrowsthepaintsonPhil,makinghimlooklikeaclownandleaves]

Phil:Whatdoyoumean,"what'sthepoint?"YouwannagotoOlympus,don't

ya?

Hercules:Yeah,butthisstuffdoesn'temtobegettingmeanywhere.

[HethrowstheskinofSkartoPhil]

Phil(wipingthepaintoffhisfacewithit):Youcan'tgiveupnow,I'm

countingonya

Hercules:IgavethiverythingIhad.

Phil:Listentome,'tellin'you-andthisis

thehonest-to-Zeustruth-yougotsomethin'Ineverenbefore

Hercules:Really?

Phil:s

nothin'youcan'tdo,kid.

[dooropensandfangirlsscream]

Fangirls:It'shim!

Phil:Hey,watchit!Watchit!watch--

Fangils:Itouchedhilbow!Igothissweatband!

Hercules:Phil,help!

Phil:Okay,escapeplanbeta

Hercules:Gotcha.

[Philblowswhistle,fangirlslookathimforamomentandHerculesdisappears]

Fangirls:Hey!Whereishe?

Phil:Therehegoes!Ontheverranda!

[Girlsrunaway,Philtoo,butwhendoorclos,Megaraappearsfrombehindit,

shewalksandesHercules'toesunderacurtain]

Megara:Let'se,whatcouldbebehindcurtainnumberone?

Hercules:Meg!

Megara:It'ofraginghormoneshabbed.

Hercules:Gee,i-i-it'sgreattoeyou.I-I-Imisdyou.

Megara(droppingonacouch):So,thisiswhathgeroesdoontheirdaysoff

Hercules:Iamnohero...

Megara:odyinGreecethinksyou'rethegreatestthing

sincetheyputthepocketinpita

Hercules(chuckles):'s-it'scrazyyouknow,Ican'tgoanywhere

withoutbeingmobbed,Imean--

Megara:ournannygoatwould

goberrkifyouplayedhookythisafternoon?

Hercules:Ohgee.I-Idon'tknow,uh,Phil'sgottherestofthedaypretty

muchbooked.

Megara:Ah,Phil,Shmill..window,roundthedumbbells,

youliftupthebackwallandwe'regone.

{evening,outdoors}

Hercules:hatrestaurantbythebay,

Megara:Mmm..

Hercules:andthenthat,thatplay,that,!Ithought

Ihadproblems.

[bothchuckleandsuch,twolittlebirdssittingnearturnintoPainandPanic

tospeaktoMeg]

Panic:Psst!Stopfoolin'around!

Pain:goods,sister.

[Herculesturnsbackandtheyturnintobirstandtweetinnocently]

Hercules:Ididn'tknowthatplayinghookycouldbesomuchfun.

Megara:rdidI.

Hercules:Thanks,Meg.

Megara:Oh..Don'!

[shefallsintoHercules'arms]

Hercules:Oop,careful.

Megara:kles.

Hercules:Ohyeah?Well,maybeyoubettersitdownforawhile.

[Hecarriesheronabenchandtheysitdown]

Megara:So,uh,doyouhaveanyproblemswiththingslike..this?

[shestretchedherlegandholdsherfootrightbeforeHercules'face]

Hercules:Uh.....

Megara:Weakankles,Imean.

Hercules:,lly.

Megara(movingclortohim):Noweaknesswhatsoever?Notrickknee?

Hercules:Uh--

Megara(movingevenmoreclo):Ruptured...disks?

Hercules:No.I'mI'mafraidI'm,uh..fitasafiddle.

[hefinallystandsupfromthebench]

Megara:Wonderboy,youareperfect.

Hercules:Thanks.

[hendsacoinjumpingonawaterinafountainanditbreaksthearmsoff

thestatueofVenus]

Whoops.

Megara:,itreallydoes.

Hercules:Youknow,whenIwasakidI,Iwouldhavegivenanythingtobe

exactlylikeeverybodyel.

Megara:Youwantedtobepettyanddishonest?

Hercules:Everybody'snotlikethat.

Megara:Yestheyare.

Hercules:You'renotlikethat

Megara:HowdoyouknowwhatI'mlike?

Hercules:AllIknowis..You'rethemostamazingpersonwith...weakankles

I'veevermet.

[MegarastepsbackandgetsprickedonanarrowofatinystatueofAmur]

Meg,whenI'mwithyouI-Idon'tfeelso...alone.

Megara:Sometimesit'sbettertobealone.

Hercules:Whatdoyoumean?

Megara:Nobodycanhurtyou.

Hercules:Meg?Iwouldnevereverhurtyou.

Megara:AndIdon'twannahurtyou,so...let'sbothdoourlvesafavorand..

stopthis...um..before...we--

[Theirlipsmetforthekiss,butthemomentbeforeithappensbrightlight

il,onPegasus,impersonatingpolice

helicopter]

Phil:Allright!Breakitup!Breakitup!Party'sover!Ibeenlookin'all

overthistown!

Megara:Calmdown,muttonman!Itwasallmyfault.

Phil:You'realreadyonmylist,sister,sodon'tmakeitwor

[PegasussnortsatMegara,shesnortsback,turningthelightoff]

Phil:Andasforyou,yabum,you'regonnagotothestadiumandyou'regonna

beputthroughtheworkoutofyourlife!Nowgetonthehor.

Hercules:Okay,okay

Megara:I'msorry

Hercules:Ah,he'llgetoverit.

[hebendsahugetreecasuallyandpicksafloweroffit,givesittoMegand

kissherinthecheek]

Phil:Move!Move,move,move,move,move!Move!

(onPegasus):Whoo!Ya-eee!

Hey,watchit,watchit!Whoo!Watchit!Keepyourgoo-gooeyesonthe

[abranchfinallyhitsPhilandhefallsontheground]

That'me,Idrive.

[Megarasitsaloneandsmellstheflower]

Megara:'sthematterwithme?You'dthinkagirlwouldlearn.

(sings)

Ifthere'saprizeforrottenjudgement

IguessI'vealreadywonthat

Nomanisworththeaggravation

That'sancienthistorybeenthere,donethat.

Mus:Whod'yathinkyou'rekidding?He'stheEarthandHeaventoyou

Trytokeepithidden,honey,wecanerightthroughyou

Megara:Oh,No

Mus:Girl,youcan'tconcealit

Weknowhowyoufeeland

Whoyou'rethinkin'of

Megara:Oh-no,nochance,noway,Iwon'tsayit,no,no

Mus:Youswoon,yousigh,whydenyit,uh-oh?

Megara:It'stoocliche,Iwon'tsayI'minlove

Mus:Shoo-doo,shoo-doo,oo-oo-oo

Megara:Ithoughtmyhearthadlearneditslesson

Itfeelssogoodwhenyoustartout

Mus:Ahhh..

Megara:Myheadisscreaminggetagrip,girl

Unlessyou'redyin'tocryyourheart,oh

Mus:Youkeepondenying

Whoyouareandhowyou'refeelin'

Babywe'renotbuyin'hon,

Wesawyouhittheceilin'

Faceitlikeagrownup,whenyougonnaownupthatyou

Got

Got

Gotitbad

Megara:Oh,nochance,noway,Iwon'tsayit,no,no

Mus:Giveup,butgivein,

Checkthegrin,you'reinlove

Megara:Thisscenewon'tplay,Iwon'tsayI'minlove

Mus:You'redoingflips,readourlips,you'reinlove

shoo-doo,shoo-doo

Megara:You'rewayoffba,Iwon'tsayI'mit

Mus:Shewon'tsayinlove

Megara:Getoffmyca,Iwon'tsayit

Mus:Girl,don'tbeproud,it'sokay,you'reinlove

Megara:Oh..AtleastatloudIwon'tsayI'minlove...

Mus:Shoo-doo,shoo-doo,shoo-doo,shoo-doo

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la

Haaa

[Hadesappears]

Hades:Hey,what'sthebuzz,huh,Meg?Whatistheweaklinkinthe

Wonderboy'schain?

Megara:Getyourlfanothergirl,I'mthrough.

Hades:I'indrunnin'thatbymeagain?Imusthavehada

chunkofbrimstonewedgedinmyearorsomething.

Megara:Thenreadmylips!Forgetit!

Hades:Meg,Meg,Meg,'tweforgettingone

teensy-weensy,buteversocruciallittle,tinydetail?

[heburstsintoflame]

Iownyou!

[Philcomeinontheground]

Phil:otherhornhere..

Hades(toMeg):Youworkforme!

Phil:Thatkid'sgonnabedoin'lapsforamonth

Hades:IfIsay,"sing",yousay,"hey,namethattune"

IfIsay,"IwantWonderboy'sheadonaplatter"yousay--

Megara:Mediumorwelldone

Phil:Oh!gonnabreakthekid'sheart.

Megara:I'llworkonthat.

[Philrunsaway]

Hades:I'msorry..Youhearthatsound?That'sthesoundofyourfreedom

flutteringoutthewindowforever

Megara:Idon'tcare.I'mnotgonnahelpyouhurthim.

Hades:Ican'tbelieveyou'regettingsoworkedupaboutsomeguy.

Megara:'shonest,and-andhe'ssweet--

Hades:Plea!

Megara:Hewouldneverdoanythingtohurtme.

Hades:He'saguy!

Megara:Besides,oh,oneness,youcan'oweakness,he's

gonna--

Hades:Ithink...hedoes,think...hedoes.

{Stadium,Herculesisdoingexercis}

Hercules:Ha-ha!Whoo-hoo!

[Philwalkssad]

Hey,Phil!Whathappenedtoyou?

Phil:Kid,wegottatalk.

Hercules:Oh,Phil,Ijusthadthegreatestdayofmylife!I-Ican'tstop

'ssomethingel.

Phil:Kid!I'mtryin'totalktoya!Willyoucomedownhereandlisten?

Hercules:Aw,howcanIcomedowntherewhenI'mfeelingsoup?

[ileapegasusmareappearsandmakesthe

,themaresplitsintwopartswhichturninto

PainandPanic]

Pain:Gotcha!

[backonstadium]

Phil:Ah,verynice!WhatI'mtryingtosayis--

Hercules:Thatifitwasn'tforyou,,Ioweya

guy,Ido.

Phil:Willyoujustknockitoffforacoupleofconds?

Hercules:Rule#38,Comeon,Phil,keepthemupthere,huh?Phil,Igottwo

wordsforya:Duck!

Phil:Listentome!She's--

Hercules:Adreamcometrue?

Phil:Notexactly

Hercules:MorebeautifulthenAphrodite?

Phil:Asidefromthat!

Hercules:Themostwonderful--

Phil:She'safraud!!!She'sbeenplayin'yaforasap!

Hercules:Aw,ddin'around

Phil:I'mnotkiddin'around.

Hercules:Iknowyou'reuptabouttoday,butthat'snoreasonto--

Phil:Kid,you'remissin'thepoint

Hercules:Thepointis-Iloveher.

Phil:Shedon'tloveyou

Hercules:You'recrazy

Phil:She'snothin'butatwo-timin',

Hercules:Stopit!

Phil:no-good,lyin',schemin'--

Hercules(hitsPhil):Shutup!

[Philfliesoffandhitshimlfalittle]

Phil,I--Oh,I'm,I'msorry

Phil:Okay,okay,that''tfacethetruth?Fine.

Hercules:Phil,ougoing?

Phil:I'mhoppin'thefirstbargeoutofhere.I'mgoin'home.

Hercules:Fine!G--Go!Idon't--Idon'tneedyou.

Phil:all-timechump.

[omes]

Hades:GeezLoui!Whatgothisgoat,huh?Hades,Lordof

oin'?

Hercules:Notnow,okay?

Hades:Hey,hey,IonlyneedafewcondsandI'mafasttalker,allright?

See,I'stateventure,if

c,youlittledevilyou,mayIcallyouHerc?Youem

tobeconstantlygettinginthewayofit.

Hercules:You'vegotthewrongguy.

Hades:Hearmeout,--hearmeout,okay?SoIwould

beeternallygratefulifyouwouldjust...takeadayofffromthis

,Imean,monsters,

Youwaitaday,okay?

Hercules:You'reoutofyourmind.

Hades:Notsofast,becau,yae,Idohavealittleleverage...Youmight

wannaknowabout.

[HadessnapsfingersandMegaraappears]

Hercules:Meg!

Megara:Don'tlisten,Herc--

[shedisappears]

Hercules:Lethergo!

Hades:Here'eupyourstrengthforabout24hours,

okay?Say,thenext24hoursandMeghereisfreeasabirdandsafe

e,wekiss,weschmooze,wecarryon,wegohome

'yasay?Comeon.

Hercules:Peopleare,aregonnagethurt,aren'tthey?

Hades:Nah!Imean,it's,youknow,it'ens'cau,

youknow,it'swar,butwhatcanItellya?Anyway,whatdoyouowe

thepeople,huh?Isn'tMeg--littlesmoochyface--isn'tshemore

importantthantheyare?

Hercules:Stopit!

Hades:Isn'tshe?

Hercules:Yougonnaswearshe'llbesafefromanyharm

Hades:Fine,okay,I'afe,otherwiyouget

yourstrengthrightback,yadda-yadda,fineprint,boilerplate,baboom.

Okay?We'redone,whatd'yasayweshakeonit?Hey,Ireallydon't

have,like,timetobatthisaround.I'mkindofonaschedulehere,

?Ineedananswer,like,now.

Goingonce,goingtwice

Hercules:Allright!

Hades:Yes,we'rethere!Bam!

[theyshakehandsandHadestakesstrengthofHercules]

Hades:Youmayfeeljustalittlequeasy,it'oushould

sitdown.

'titjust

peachy?Oh!You','sa

'ay,ot,like,a

fabulouslittleactress?

Megara:Stopit.

Hercules:Whatdoyoumean?

Hades:Imeanyourlittlechickie-pooherewasworkingformeallthetime.

Duh.

Hercules:You're--you'relying!

Panicasboy:Help!(coughs)

Painasbot:Jeepers,mister,you'rereallystrong.(innormalvoice)Ha-ha!

Hades:Couldn'thavedoneitwithoutyou,sugar,sweetheart,babe.

Megara:No!It'snotlikethat!Ididn'tmeanto--I-Icouldn't--I--

I'msosorry.

PainandPanic:Ourhero'sazero!Ourhero'sazero!

Hades:Well,'sawhilecosmosuptherewaitingformewith,

hey,forthepreliminaries,andnowontothe

mainevent!

{ThestarsarealignedandthegatetotheTitansopens}

Hades:Brothers!Titans!Lookatyouinyoursqualidprison!Whoputyou

downthere?

Titans:Zeus!

Hades:AndnowthatItyoufree,whatisthefirstthingyouaregoingto

do?

Titans:Destroyhim!

[HadesfreestheTitans]

Hades:Goodanswer

Lythos:CrushZeus!

Hydros:Freezehim!

Pyros:MeltZeus!

Stratos:Blowhimaway!

Titans:Zeus!

Hades:Uh,Guys?Olympuswouldbethatway.

Lythos:Zeus!

Hydros:Freezehim!

Hades:Holdit,brighteye

Cyclops:Huh?

Hades:Ihaveaspecialjobforyou,myopticfriend

[esthetitansfirst]

Hermes:?

Lythos:DestroyZeus!

Hermes:Oh,we'reintrouble!Oh,bigtrouble!Igotta--

[hezoomstoOlympus]

MyLordandLady,y'repractically

atourgates!

Zeus:Soundthealarm!Launchanimmediatecounterattack!Go!Go!

Hermes:Gone,babe.

[Godspreparetowar]

Areus:Charge!Ontobattle!

Zeus(throwinglightningsatLythosinvain):Yee-hah!

Mars(gettingsuckedinbyStratos):Youwindbag!

Hades(watchingthis):Boom,badda-boom,boom,boom!Hah!

[meanwhile,Tital5looksforHercules,causingdestructioninThebes]

Cyclops:Hercules!Whereareyou?

Tallwoman:Whatcanwedo?

Fatman:Where'sHercules?

Oldman:Yeah,Hercules'llsaveus.

Cyclops:Hercules!Comeout!Faceme!

Megara(toHerculeswhostartsgoing):Whatareyoudoing?WIthoutyour

strength,you'llbekilled.

Hercules:Thereareworthings.

Cyclops:Run!

Megara:Wait!stop!

StrongMan:Hey,look!It'sHercules.

HeavyWoman:Thankthegods,we'resaved!

Cyclops:So,youmightyHercules

[ile

MegarafindsPegasustiedupinthestables]

Megara:Easy,!Stoptwitching,!Herculesisin

afindPhil,he'stheonlyonewhocantalksome

nintohim.

[MeanwhileonOlympus,battlebetweenZeusandtheTitansgoeson]

Zeus:Getback,blastyou!

[LythossmashesthegatesofOlympusopen]

Hades:Ooh,chihuahua.

Lythos:Zeus!

[PhilisgoingtoleaveThebesandiswalkingtoaboat]

Sailor:Comeon!Hurryup!We'reshovin'offhere!

Megara:Phil!Phil,Herculesneedsyourhelp!

Phil:Whatdoesheneedmeforwhenhe'sgotfriendslikeyou?

Megara:Hewon'tlistentome

Phil:Good!He'sfinallylearnedsomething.

Megara:Look,IknowwhatIdidwaswrong,butthisisn'taboutme,it's

on'thelphimnow,Phil,he'lldie

{Olympus}

Zeus:Ineedmorethunderbolts!

Hermes:Uh,Hephaestushasbeencaptured,ne'sbeencaptured,

yah!

[PainandPanicgethim]

I'vebeencaptured!Hey,hey!Watchtheglass.

[PyrosandHydrosmakeamountainoficeandfirewithZeusontop.]

Hades:Zeusy,I'mhome!

Zeus:Hades,you'rebehindthis!

Hades:Youarecorrect,sir!

{Thebes}

[CyclopstossHerculesandplayswithhim]

Cyclops:Flea!

Phil:Hercules!

Hercules:Phil..

Phil:Comeon,kid,,youcantakethisbum,

Thisguy'sapushover,lookathim

Hercules:Youwererightallalong,areforrookies.

Phil:No,no,no,no,kid,givin'ack'cau

I'mnotquittin'onya.I'mwillingtogothedistance,how'boutyou?

[CyclopsgrabsHercules]

Cyclops:Mebiteoffhead!

[HerculesburnstheCyclops'facewithaburningstick]

Phil:Whoa,baby!

[whileCyclopsisyelling,HerculestiesuphislegsandCyclopsfallsoff

lmakeaquake,fromwhichapillarstartsfallingonHercules]

Megara:Hercules!Lookout!

[shepusheshimoutfromthepillar'swayandisstruckbythepillar]

Hercules:Meg!No!

[Herculesraisthepillar,gettingthestrengthback]

Hercules:What'shappening?

Megara:H-Hades'idIwouldn'tgethurt.

Hercules:,whydidyou--youdidn'thaveto--

Megara:alwaysdocrazythings...whenthey'reinlove.

Hercules:Oh,,I--I--

Megara:Areyou...alwaysthisarticulate?You,youhaven'tgotmuchtime.

YoucanstillstopHades.

Phil:I'llwatchoverher,kid.

Hercules:You'.

Let'sgoPegasus!

{chains}

Pain:Hup,two,three,four,comeon,everybody!Ican'thearyou!

Hermes:Oh,oh!

Zeus(beingfrozenfromonesideandburntfromanother):Isweartoyou,

Hades,whenIgetoutofthis--

[heisfinallyburiedundermoltenrock]

Hades:I'mtheonegivingordersnow,inkI'mgonnalike

ithere.

Hercules:Don'tgettoocomfortable,Hades!

Areus:Hercules!

Hercules:Thisoughtaeventheodds!

[hebreaksthechainbywhichthegodswerechained]

Hermes(hittingPainandPanic):Yeah,Hercules!Thankyou,man!

Hades:Getthem!

[PyrosmissHerculesandcoversHadesinmoltenlava]

Hades:Whoa!Hey!No!Gethim,notme!Him!

Followthefingers!Him!

[IcestormfromHydroswhowastryingtohitHerculesfreezesHades]

Theyutzwiththehor!

[HerculesopensthestoneblockandreleasZeus]

Zeus:Thankyou,myboy.

[meanwhilePegasuschasPainandPanic]

Pain:Nicehory!Myintentionswerepure!Ireallywasattractedtoyou.

Zeus(toHepheastus):throw!

[hecatchestwoleadsoflightnings]

Hah!Nowwatchyouroldmanwork!

Lythos:Uh-oh

[lightningxplodeheadsofLythos,otherTitansleave]

Hades:Guys,getyourtitanicrearsingearsandkicksomeolympianbutt!

[PegasusblowsatHades'headandbluefirewhichwashisheadisout]

Whoa,ismyhairout?

[HerculesmeanwhilecatchesStratosandsucksintohimLythos,Hydros,and

chesthemintotheskywheretheyallexplode]

Zeus(high-fivingHercules):Hah!

Hercules:Whoo-hoo!

Hadesleaves:Thanksaton,eastI'vegotoneswell

consolationprize--afriendofyourswho'sdyingtoeme.

Hercules:Meg!

[AtroposcutsthethreadoflifeandMegaraisdead]

Herculesarrivestoher:,no.

Phil:Oh,I'msorry,'ssomethingsyoujustcan'tchange.

Hercules:YesIcan.

{inHades}

Hades:Weweresoclo!?

becauourlittlenut,Meg,hastogoallnoble.

[Cerberusthethree-headeddogbreaksthewall,Herculesontopofhismiddle

head]

Hercules:Where'sMeg?

Hades:Oh,lookwho'boy,youaretoomuch.

HerculesgripsHades:Lethergo.

Hades:Getagrip!Comehere,howyouaround.

[theywalkaroundtheHades]

,'sasmallunderworldafterall,huh?

[esesMeginit]

Hercules:Meg!Ahhh!

[hishandswhichheputintowaterturnedold]

Hades:No,no,'ttouch.

Youe,Meg'avery

livelyone,atthat.

Hercules:inMeg'splace.

Hades:Oh,ofmyhatedrivaltrappedforeverinariverof

death.

Hercules:Goingonce!

Hades:eadownsidetothis?

Hercules:Goingtwice!

Hades:Okay,okay,okay,herout-shegoes,youstay.

[Herculesdives]

Oh,youknowwhatslippedmymind?You'llbedeadbeforeyoucanget

'snotaproblem,isit?

[Herculesswims,sgoestocutthethread

oflife,butitsuddenlyshinesandthescissorsdon'tcutit.]

Atropos:Oh?

Lachesis:What'sthematterwiththescissors?

Clotho:Thethreadwon'tcut.

[shiningandyouragainHerculesfloatsoutfromtheriverwithsoulofMeg]

Hades:Thisis--thisisimpossible!You,you,youcan'tbealive!

You'dhavetobea,a--

PainandPanic:Agod?

Hades:Hercules,stop!Youcan''t--

[Herculeshitshimintheface]

!Okay,well,Idervedthat,Herc,Herc,Herc.

Canwetalk?Y-Yourdad,he'safunguy,right?Somaybeyoucould

putinawordwithhimandhe'dkindablowthiswholethingoff,you

know?Meg,Meg,talktohim,alittleschmooze--

[

trytodrownhim]

Eew!Getawayfromme!Don'ttouchme!Getyourslimysoulsoffme!

Ooh,ah--

Panic:He'snotgonnabehappywhenhegetsouttathere.

Pain:Youmean,ifhegetsouttathere.

Panic:od.

Hades:Taxi!Idon'tfeelsogood,Ifeelalittle--

[hedisappears]

{outside,HerculesbringsthesoulofMegaraandputsitinsideherbody}

Megara:Wonderboy,what--whydidyou--

Hercules:alwaysdocrazythings...whentheyareinlove.

[theygoforakiss,butsuddenlyacloudappearsundertheirfeet,ntby

Zeus,andtheyflytoOlympus]

Phil:Whoa!Hey,hey,hey!Whoo!

[PegasuspicksPhilupandbringsalong]

{Olympus(restoredalready).CrowdofgodswelcomeHercules}

Areus:ThreecheersforthemightyHercules!

Hermes:Oh,Yeah!Flowersforeverybody!Oh!

Hera:Hercules,we'resoproudofyou.

Hercules:Mother.

Zeus:Hah!Finework,myboy!You'vedoneit!You'reatruehero.

Hera:Youwerewillingtogiveyourlifetorescuethisyoungwoman.

Zeus:Foratrueheroisn'tmeasuredbythesizeofhisstrength,but

,atlast,myson,youcancomehome.

[Gatesopen,isleftbehind.]

Megara:Congratulations,'llmakeoneheckofagod.

[Herculesturnsaroundandesherleaving]

Hercules:Father,thisisthemomentI'...

[hecomestoMegaraandtakesherhand]

AlifewithoutMeg,evenanimmortallife,wouldbe...empty.

lyknowwhereIbelong.

[Zeusnods,theyfinallykissandHerculesstopsshining]

Hermes:Hitit,ladies!

Mussing:

Oh,gonnashoutitfromthemountaintops

Astarisborn!

It'sthetimeforpullingoutthestops

Astarisborn!

Honey,hituswithahallelu

Thatkidcameshiningthrough

Girl,singthesong

Comeblowyourhorn

Astarisborn!

He'saherowhocanpleathecrowd

Astarisborn!

Comeon,everybodyshoutoutloud

Astarisborn!

Justrememberinthedarkesthour,

Withinyourhear'sthepower

Formakin'you

Aherotoo

[HeretheConstellationofHerculesappears]

Sodon'tlohope

Whenyou'reforlorn

[PhilestheStrongManpointingatitandsaying:"That'sPhil'sboy!"]

Justkeepyoureyes

Upontheskies

Everynight,

Astarisrightinsight,

Astarisburningbright,

Astarisborn

Astarisborn

/Article/bolan/ysjb/200608/%20