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《律政俏佳人》LegallyBlondeScript-DialogueTranscript

LegallyBlondeScript-DialogueTranscript

Voila!Finally,theLegallyBlondescriptishereforallyouquotesspoutingfans

riptisatranscriptthatwas

painstakinglytranscribedusingthescreenplayand/orviewingsofLegallyBlonde.

Iknow,Iknow,IstillneedtogetthecastnamesinthereandI'llbeeternally

tweakingit,soifyouhaveanycorrections,'t

.

SwingonbacktoDrew'sScript-O-Ramaafterwardsformorefreemoviescripts!

-

LegallyBlondeScript

Hereitis!

Thanks.

Didyouguyssignit?

Didyousignthecard?

Andfiveandfourand--

Hey,girls,sign!

Allright!Hereyougo!

-Elle'sgonnaloveit!-Thanks.

Yougo,girl!

Hi,girls!Here,sign!

Thanks!

Theresheis.

Thankyou.

Ilovethatrestaurant!

IheardMadonnawentintolaborthere.

Oh,gosh!Ihavetogoshopping!

I'.

Bruir,what'sthis?

"dWarnerforever."

Oh,that'ssocute.

Oh,mygosh!Youguysaresosweet!

ButI'mnotpositiveit'llhappentonight.

Hello!Hejusthadlunchwithhisgrandmother.

Youknowhegottherock.

WhyelwouldshehaveflowninfromNewport?

It'snotlikeshe'dFedExasix-caratdiamond.

Doyoureallythink?

Ican'tbelieveyou'regettingengaged!

Oh,mygosh...

youguyshavetohelpmepickouttheperfectoutfit.

Comeon!

Ithinkyoushouldgowiththered.

It'sthecolorofconfidence.

Idon'tunderstandwhyyou'redisregarding...

yoursignaturecolor.

He''tlooklikeIwouldonanyotherdate.

Thisisthedate--thenightI'llalwaysremember.

Iwanttolookspecial.

Bridal.

ButnotlikeIexpectanything.

2

There'snothingIlovemore...

thanadumbblondewithdaddy'splastic.

Didyouethisone?Wejustgotitinyesterday.

Isthislow-viscosityrayon?

.

Withahalf-looptop-stitchingonthehem?

'soneofakind.

It'simpossibletouahalf-looptop-stitching...

dsnagthefabric.

Andyoudidn'tjustgetitin.

IsawitintheJuneVogueayearago.

Soifyou'retryingtollitforfullprice...

youpickedthewronggirl.

Girls,thisisit.

Inafewhours...

I'HuntingtonIII.

ksobeautiful.

Sodoyou.

Let'sgetoutofhere.

Mustbestrangehavingsuchperfecteyes.

God,you',thankyou.

Here'stous.

Tous.

OneofthereasonsIwantedtocomeheretonight...

wastodiscussourfuture.

AndIamfullyamenabletothatdiscussion.

whowwe'vebeenhaving...

allkindsoffunlately?

Well,Harvardisgonnabedifferent.

Lawschoolisacompletelydifferentworld...

andIneedtoberious.

Ofcour.

Myfamilyexpectsalotfromme.

-Right.-Iexpectalotfromme.

Iplanonrunningforofficesomeday.

wthat.

thingis...

ifI'mgoingtobeanatorbythetimeI'mthirty...

Ineedtostopdickingaround.

Warner,Icompletelyagree.

That'swhyIthinkit'stimeforus...

Elle,poohbear...

-Ido.-Ithinkweshouldbreakup.

What?

I'vebeenthinking,andit'stherightthingtodo.

You'rebreakingupwithme?

Ithoughtyouwereproposing.

Proposing?

Elle,ifI'mgoingtobeanator...

IneedtomarryaJackie,notaMarilyn.

You'rebreakingupwithmebecauI'mtooblonde?

3

'snotentirelytrue.

Thenwhat?Myboobsaretoobig?

Elle,yourboobsarefine.

Sowhenyousaidthatyouwouldalwaysloveme...

youwerejustdickingaround?

Elle,Idoloveyou.

Ijustcan'tmarryyou.

YouhavenoideaofthepressurethatIamunder.

Myfamilyhasfivegenerationsofnators.

Mybrother'sinthetopthreeatYaleLaw.

HejustgotengagedtoaVanderbilt,forChrist'ssake.

Badsalad.

Sweetie...

Poohbear?

It'snotlikeIhaveachoicehere,sweetheart!

Yougetthecar,I'llgetthecheck.

Iwon'tbehavingthesalad.

Letmetakeyouhome.

Elle,expectedtodothis...

butIthinkit'stherightthing.

Howcanitbetherightthingwhenwe'renottogether?

Ihavetothinkofmyfuture...

andwhatmyfamilyexpectsofme.

Soyou'rebreakingupwithme...

becauyou'reafraidyourfamilywon'tlikeme?

Everybodylikesme.

EastCoastpeoplearedifferent.

BecauI'mnotaVanderbilt,suddenlyI'mwhitetrash?

IgrewupinBelAir!

AcrossthestreetfromAaronSpelling!

Mostpeoplewouldagreethat'salotbetter...

thansomestinkyoldVanderbilt!

omeonerious.

ButI'mriouslyinlovewithyou.

Isn'tthatenough?

Poohbear,justgetinthecar.

You'llruinyourshoes.

Morning,Amy.

Elle,it'sAmy.

I'mhavingtroublewiththiswholelip-linerthing.

-Sweetie,didn'tyouhear?-Hearwhat?

It'edher.

Whyme?

Becauyou'renotgonnarememberanythingaftertonight.

Oh,you'rewrong.

Iwillremember,nomatterwhat.

AndI'mnevergonnaloyouagain.

Youcouldn't.

You'reapartofme.

Iloveyou.

Liar!

4

Honey,youhavetoleavethisroom.

It'sbeen,like,aweek.

-So?-Drinkthis.

Whatalwaysmakesusfeelbetter...

nomatterwhat?

Shehadeightgrilledcheesandwiches.

Shestuffedtheminhermouthallatonce.

Itwassosad.

Wethoughtshe'dbethefirsttowalkdowntheaisle...

andnowshe'stotallyadrift.

Totally.

Shehasn'tconditionedherhairinaweek.

Maybeshe'sgoingforthegrungelook.

Andhernailsarefull-onchipped.

Sotrailerpark.

Oh,myGod!Doyouknowwhothisis?

-That'sWarner'solderbrother!-Who?

"ThirdyearYaleLawstudentPutnamBowesHuntingtonIII...

"andhisfianceeLayneWalkerVanderbilt...

"firstyearYaleLaw."

ThisisthetypeofgirlthatWarnerwantstomarry!

ThisiswhatIneedtobecometoberious!

What?Practicallydeformed?

udent.

Lawschool?

It'saperfectlyrespectableplace,daddy.

Honey,youwerefirstrunnerup...

attheMissHawaiianTropicscontest.

Whyareyougonnathrowthatallaway?

GoingtoHarvardistheonlyway...

I'llgettheloveofmylifeback.

Sweetheart,youdon'tneedlawschool.

Lawschoolisforpeople...

whoareboringanduglyandrious.

Andyou,Button,arenoneofthothings.

HarvardLawSchool?

That'sright.

Butthat'satopthreeschool.

Oh,Ihavea..

Yes,butyourmajorisfashionmerchandising.

Harvardwon'tbeimpresdthatyouacedHistoryofPolkaDots.

Whatareyourback-ups?

Idon'tneedback-ups.I'mgoingtoHarvard.

Well,then,you'llneed...

excellentrecommendationsfromyourprofessors.

Andaheckofanadmissionssay.

Right.

AndatleastaonyourLSATs.

Ioncehadtojudgeatighty-whiteycontest...

forLambdaKappaPi.

Trustme,Icanhandleanything.

5

Thanks!

You'rewelcome.

BecauIhaveametrabolism--

-Ihaveareallyhighmetrab---It'smetabol...

Oh,myGod.

Whatareyoudoing?

ReadingabouttheLSATs.

Mycousinhadthat.

Apparently,yougetareallybadrashonyour...

TheLSATsareanexam.

Girls,I'mgoingtoHarvard!

-Youmeanlikeonvay-kay?-Let'sallgo!

Roadtrip!

No.I'mgoingtoHarvardLawSchool.

Why?

Elle,now,Iknowyou'reuptaboutallthis...

butcan'tyoujusttakeaPercot?

OnceWarneresmeasariouslawstudent...

he'lltotallywantmeback.

It'sacompletelybrilliantplan!

Butisn'tithardtogetintolawschool?

IhadthehighestGPAinDeltaNu.

Oh,,you'regonnaneedthis.

Yourscrunchy?

edmepassSpanish.

YoupasdSpanishbecauyougaveProfessorMontoya...

alapdanceafterthefinal.

Yeah...luckily.

MynameisElleWoods,andformyadmissionssay...

I'mgonnatellallofyouatHarvard...

whyI'mgonnamakeanamazinglawyer.

Aspresidentofmysorority...

I'mskilledatcommandingtheattentionofaroom...

anddiscussingveryimportantissues.

Ithascometomyattentionthatthemaintenancestaff...

isswitchingourtoiletpaperfromCharmin...

togeneric.

Allthooppodtochafingpleasay"aye."

A--neithertypeofopera...

orneithertypeofrapisonsale.

B--neithertypeofjazz...

andneithertypeofoperaisonsale.

C--neithertypeofoperaandneithertypeofsoul--

Party!DeltaNu,weloveyou!

I'mabletorecallhundredsofimportantdetails...

atthedropofahat.

Hey,Elle,doyouknowwhathappened...

onDaysofOurLivesyesterday?

Why,yes,Margot,Ido.

Onceagain,wejoinHopeinthearchforheridentity.

Asyouknow,she'sbeenbrainwashedbytheevilStefano.

6

Gettandgo!

Oneforty-three.

Ifeelcomfortableusinglegaljargonineverydaylife.

Iobject!

It'shere!

-What?-It'shere!

TheLSATscores!It'shere!

Openthescores!

What'sthescore?

-Thisissoexciting.-Tellus!

Whatisit?

Oneventy-nine!

Oneventy-nine!

Andthat'swhyyoushouldvoteforme...

ElleWoods,futurelawyerfortheclassof.

LA...

andshegotaonherLSATs.

Afashionmajor?

Well,sir,we'veneverhadonebefore...

andaren'twealwayslookingfordiversity?

Herlistofextracurricularactivitiesisimpressive.

ShewasinaRickyMartinvideo.

Clearly,she'sinterestedinmusic.

Shealsodesignedalineoffauxfurpanties...

forhersorority'scharityproject.

She'safriendtotheanimalsaswellasaphilanthropist.

ElleWoods...

welcometoHarvard.

Bruir,it'ssoexciting!Look!Harvard!

Areyouexcited?

Thisisournewhouforthenextthreeyears.

Areyouthirsty?

Let'sgetyousomewater.

Sweetheart,youjustlookparched.

Hey,Brad,checkoutMalibuBarbie!

Where'sthebeach,honey?

Hereyougo.

'sgonnabesoexcitedtoeyou.

Guys,thisway.

-Thisain'tL.A.!-Comeon,Bruir.

thewayshewalks.

It'sgonnabesoexciting.

Now,don'newillloveyou.

,comma,Elle.

Classschedule,map,booklist.

aleventscalendarismissing.

Yourwhat?

Socialevents--youknow,mixers,formals...

clambakes,tripstotheCape.

HasWarnerHuntingtonIIIcheckedinyet?

Maybeyoushouldcheckwiththecruidirector...

7

ontheLidodeck.

Welcometolawschool.

Thisisthepartwherewegoaroundinacircle...

andeveryonesaysalittlebitaboutthemlves.

Let'sstartwithyou.

MynameisDavidKidney.

IhaveamastersinRussianliterature...

chemistry...

andforthelasteighteenmonths...

I'vebeendewormingorphansinSomalia.

outyou?

doin'?I'mEnidWexler.

rkeleyinwomen'sstudies...

emphasisinthehistoryofcombat...

andlastyear,Isingle-handedlyorganized...

themarchforLesbiansAgainstDrunkDriving.

-Killer.-mes.

AaronMitchell.

IgraduatedfirstinmyclassfromPrinceton.

...

andit'sbeensuggestedthatStephenHawking...

stolehisBriefHistoryofTime...

frommyfourthgradepaper.

Cool.

-Me?-Yeah.

Hi.I'mElleWoodsandthisisBruirWoods...

andwe'rebothGeminivegetarians.

Ihaveabachelor'sdegreeinfashionmerchandising...

fromCULA,andIwasaZetaLambdaNusweetheart...

presidentofmysorority,DeltaNu...

andlastyear,Iwashomecomingqueen.

TwoweeksagoIsawCameronDiazatFredSegal...

andItalkedheroutofbuying...

thistrulyheinousangorasweater.

Whoeversaidorangewasthenewpinkwasriouslydisturbed.

Wishmeluck,Bruir.

Thisismyfirstclassasariouslawstudent.

Itotallylookthepart.

Thereisnowayshegotinhereonherown.

Itotallyforgotyougohere.

Whatareyoutalkingabout?

I'heretoeme?

No,e.

Yougowhere?

ool.

YougotintoHarvardLaw?

What,likeit'shard?

Oh,mygosh,Warner,it'llbesogreat.

I'etohelpme.

I'mthinkinglikealuauorcasinonight.

It'llbejustlikenioryearexceptfunner.

8

ogotoclass...

butmeetmeafteronthebenches.

Allright,bye!

Alegaleducationmeansyouwilllearn...

tospeakinanewlanguage.

Youwillbetaughttoachieveinsight...

intotheworldaroundyou...

andtosharplyquestionwhatyouknow.

Theatyouhavepickedwillbeyours...

forthenextninemonthsofyourlife.

Andthoofyouinthefrontrow...

beware.

"Thelawisreasonfreefrompassion."

Doesanyoneknowwhospokethoimmortalwords?

-Yes?-Aristotle.

Areyousure?

Wouldyoubewillingtostakeyourlifeonit?

Ithinkso.

Whatabouthislife?

Idon'tknow.

Well,Irecommendknowingbeforespeaking.

Thelawleavesmuchroomforinterpretation...

butverylittleforlf-doubt.

Andyouwereright.

Andyouwereright.

ItwasAristotle.

Goodjob.

Now,Iassumeallofyouhavereadpages-...

andarenowwell-verdinsubjectmatterjurisdiction.

?

Let'scallonsomeonefromthehotzone.

ElleWoods?

Actually,Iwasn'tawarethatwehadanassignment.

VivianKensington.

Doyouthinkit'snotprepared?

Idon't.

Wouldyousupportmydecisiontoaskhertoleaveclass...

andtoreturnonlywhensheisprepared?

Absolutely.

Now,gton...

diddiversityjurisdictionexistinthisca?

No,itdidnot.

ogh?

Ican'tbelievethatgirl.

Sostupid!

Whodoesshethinksheis?

OK?

Dotheyputyouonthespotlikethatallthetime?

Theprofessors?

icmethod.

Ifyoudon'tknowtheanswers,theyjustkickyouout?

9

YouhaveStromwell,huh?

Yes!Didshedothattoyou,too?

didmakemecryonce.

dtillIgotbacktomyroom...

butshe'llkickyourightintheball--

Orwherever,youknow.

She'sreallytough.

Great.

Don'tworry,edoyouhave?

IhaveCallahan,Royalton,andLevinthal.

Let'se,speakupinCallahan'sclass.

Hereallylikespeoplethatareopinionated.

AndinRoyalton'sclass...

trytogetaatintheback.

Hespitswhenhetalksaboutproductsliability.

AndforLevinthal,makesureyoureadthefootnotes.

That'swherehegetsalotofhixamquestions.

Right.

Wow.I'mreallygladImetyou.

Areyouathirdyear?

-Well---Hey,Elle.

Hi!Thanksforallyourhelp.

Goodluck.

So...

howwasyourfirstclass?

Itwasgood,exceptforthishorriblepreppygirl...

whomademelookbadinfrontoftheprofessor.

Butnobiggie.

You',howwasyoursummer?

ood.

Didyoudoanythingexciting?

HaveyoumetVivian?

Kensington.

Doyouknowher?

-She's---I'mhisfiancee.

I'?

Shewasmygirlfriendinprepschool.

And,well,wegotbacktogetherthissummer...

atmygrandmother'sbirthdayparty.

Warnertoldmeallaboutyou.

You'refamousatourclub.

Buthedidn'ttellmeyou'dbehere.

Poohbear,Ididn'tknowshewouldbehere.

Excume.

Oh,thankGod!

Areyoufree?It'sanemergency.

Badday?

Youcan'tevenimagine.

Spill.

Iworkedsohardtogetintolawschool.

IblewoffGreekweektostudyfortheLSATs.

10

IevenhiredaCoppolatodirectmyadmissionsvideo.

AlltogetmyboyfriendWarnerback.

Andnowhe'ngagedtothisawfulgirlVivian...

soitwasallfornothing,andI...

Ijustwish...

IjustwishIhadnevergonetoHarvard.

Afteryouwenttoallthattrouble.

He'ngaged!

She'sgotthesix-caratHarryWinston...

onherbony,unpolishedfinger.

WhatamIsuppodtodo?

You'reaskingthewronggirl.

Imean,I'mwithmyguyeightyears...

andthenoneday,it's...

"t."

Oh,'sawful.

DeweykeptthetrailerandmypreciousbabyRufus.

Ididn'tevengettothrowhimabirthdayparty.

What'sagirltodo?

He'saguywhofollowedhispecker...

togreenerpastures...

andI'mamiddle-agedhigh-schooldropout...

who'sgotstretchmarksandafatass.

That'sterrible.

veryday.

Sowhat'sthisViviangotthatyoudon'thave?

Threetits?

She'sfromConnecticut.

Shebelongstohisstupidcountryclub.

Issheasprettyasyou?

Shecouldusomemascaraandsomerioushighlights...

butshe'snotcompletelyunfortunatelooking.

Hello,ladies.

Hello,ladies.

-Hey,there.-Howyoudoing?Signhere.

Oh,jeez.

LookwhatIdid.

-Seeyoulater.-Bye-bye,sugar.

Aw,shit.

CouldIhavebeenanymoregoddamnspastic?

It'sOK.

AreyousurethisWarnerguyis,like,theone?

im.

Well,ifagirllikeyoucan'tholdontoherman...

thentheresureashellisn'tanyhopefortherestofus.

Whatareyouwaitingfor?

Stealthebastardback.

Ishouldwarnyou...

Ishouldwarnyou...

thatinadditiontocompetingagainsteachother...

forthetopgradeinthisclass...

11

youwillalsobecompetingforoneofmyfirm's...

highlycovetedfourinternshipspotsnextyear...

whereyouwillgettoassistonactualcas.

Letthebloodbathbegin.

Now,let'scommencewithourusualtorture.

...

wouldyouratherhaveaclientwhocommittedacrime...

maluminormalumprohibitum?

Neither.

Andwhyisthat?

Iwouldratherhaveaclientwho'sinnocent.

Daretodream,.

gton,whichwouldyouprefer?

Malumprohibitum.

Becauthentheclientwouldhavecommitted...

aregulatoryinfractionasoppodtoadangerouscrime.

Welldone,gton.

You'veobviouslydoneyourhomework.

Nowletuslookatmalumprohibitum...

alittlemorecloly.

Ithasbeensaid--Yes,?

Ichangedmymind.I'dpickthedangerousone...

'cauI'mnotafraidofachallenge.

Whoisthat?

Wow.

Guys.

-Cansheplay?-Hi!

Getouttahere.

-Hi,everybody.-Elle,whatareyoudoinghere?

I'vecometojoinyourstudygroup.

Look,'sfirst?

Ourgroupisfull.

IsthislikeanRSVPthing?

'slikeasmartpeoplething.

AndasVivsaid,we'refull.

Comeon,wecanmakeroomforonemore.

We'vealreadyassignedtheoutlines.

Theanswerisno.

Oh,OK.I'lljustleave,then.

Hey,maybethere's,like,asorority...

youcould,like,joininstead,like?

Ifyouhadcometoarushparty...

Iwouldhaveatleastbeennicetoyou.

Isthatbeforeyouvotedagainstme...

andthencalledmeadykebehindmyback?

Idon'tuthatword.

YoumusthavehearditfromVivian.

-Hello?-Hey,it'sme.

It'sElle!GuesswhatI'mdoingrightthiscond!

Idon'?

I'mpickingoutmyweddingdress!

12

-What?-Joshpropod!

Didyougettherockyet?

Almost.

Well,hurryup,soyoucancomehome!

Wemissyou!

Imissyouguys,pleherearesovile.

Hardlyanybodyspeakstome--

Oh,myGod!Ialmostforgottotellyou!

What?

Igotbangs!Myhairissonow.

Really?

OK,sojustlistentome.

KeepJunestopen,you'reoneofmybridesmaids...

andgiveWarnerourlove...

becauI'mgettingmarried!

Sodon''clockatDunstonStreet.

-It'llbeareallyniceparty.-We'llbethere.

Anddon'tforgettobringyourownmerlot!

Noway!Issomebodyatthisschoolactuallyhavingaparty?

Yes...

Butit'sacostumeparty.

Youprobablywouldn'twanttocome.

Ilovecostumeparties.

Well,thenIguesswe'lleyouthere.

Oh,atDunstonStreet.

Oh,myGod!

Thanksforinvitingme,rtyissuperfun.

Niceoutfit.

Ilikeyouroutfit,too.

ExceptwhenIdressupasafrigidbitch...

Itrynottolooksoconstipated.

Oh,she'shorrible.

You'vegotthering,sweetie.

-Niceears.-Howyoudoin'?

Warner,theEnglishlanguage...

isallaboutsubliminaldomination.

Takethewordmester.

Aperfectexampleofthisschool's...

discriminatorypreferenceofmentoovaries.

That'swhyI'mpetitioningtohavenextterm...

bereferredtoasthewinterovester.

-,Warner.-Wow!

Don'tyoulooklikeawalkingfelony?

'resosweet.

Areyouhavingfun?

'swiththecostume?

Ijustdecidedtodressup.

Really.

Ifeellikewebarelygettoeeachother...

sincewe'vebeenhere.

Iknow.I'msobusywiththecastudiesandhypos.

13

'timaginedoing...

allthisandCallahan'sinternshipnextyear.

That'sgonnabesomuch.

Elle,comeon,you'llnevergetthegrades...

toqualifyforoneofthospots.

You'renotsmartenough,sweetie.

Wait,amIonglue...

ordidwenotgetintothesamelawschool?

Yeah,but--

Butwhat?WetookthesameLSATs...

andwe'retakingthesameclass.

Iknow,butcomeon,Elle,berious.

Youcandosomethingmorevaluablewithyourtime.

I'mnevergoingtobegoodenoughforyou,amI?

-Oh,comeon.-Justforgetit!

I'llshowyouhowvaluableElleWoodscanbe!

-Don'task.-Wasn'tgonna.

'sChanel.

Look.

Wasshecarryingbooks?

Thanks.

So,you'vefiledaclaim.

Whatnext?

?

Don'tyouneedtohaveevidence?

Meaning?

Meaningyouneedreasonablebelief...

thatyourclaimshouldhave,like,evidenciarysupport?

Andwhatkindofevidenciarysupport...

doesthiscarequire?

Allsortsofthings--

corruptcopswhoarewheelinganddealing...

Andthepurpoofdiminishedcapacityis?

Tonegatemensrea?

Areyouready?

Yes,youare!

dothis.

Listentome,tyourmouth.

No,youshutyourbigmouth.

I'mdoingallthetalking.

Whatthehelldoyouwant?

We'reeatinglunch.

Ijustthoughtthat...

Youjustthoughtyoucouldcomehere...

andshowmewhatI'mdefinitelynotmissing?

That'snotwhyIcameby.

Howmanytimesyougonnacomeoverhere...

beggingmetotakeyouback,huh?

Iwas...

DeweyNewcombe?

Who'sasking?

14

I'nifante'sattorney.

AndI'mheretodiscussthelegalsituationathand.

Comeagain?

Doyouunderstandwhatsubjectmatterjurisdictionis?

-No.-Ididn'tthinkso.

Well,duetohabeascorpus...

youandMissBonifantehadacommonlawmarriage...

whichheretoforeentitlesher...

towhatislegallyreferredto...

aquitabledivisionoftheasts.

Comeagain?

Duetothefactthatyou'veretainedthisresidence...

MissBonifanteintitled...

tofullcaninepropertyownership...

andwillbeenforcingsaidownershiprightnow.

Tellhim,Paulette.

I'mtakingthedog,dumbass!

That'sawesome!Wedidit!

Comehere.

Oh,mygosh,didyouehim?

He'sprobablystillscratchinghishead.

Whichmustbeanicevacationforhisballs.

Thankyou.

t...

Swinney,whowasalsoaprivatespermdonor...

wasallowedvisitationrightsaslongashecametoterms...

withthehourstforthbytheparents.

So,ifwe'restickingtopastprecedent...

rwasn'tstalking.

Hewasclearlywithinhisrightstoaskforvisitation.

ButSwinneywasaone-timespermdonor...

andourdefendantwasanhabitualspermdonor...

whoalsohappenstobeharassingtheparents...

inhisquestforvisitation.

Butwithoutthisman'ssperm...

thechildinquestionwouldn'texist.

Nowyou'rethinkinglikealawyer.

Yes,?

gtonmakesanexcellentpoint...

Ihavetowonderifthedefendant...

keptathoroughrecordofeveryspermemission...

madethroughouthislife.

ouask?

Unlessthedefendantattemptedtocontact...

everysingleone-nightstandtodetermine...

ifachildresultedinthounions...

hehasnoparentalclaimoverthischildwhatsoever.

Whynow?Whythissperm?

Ieyourpoint.

Andforthatmatter,allmasturbatoryemissions...

wherehisspermwasclearlynotekinganegg...

15

couldbetermedrecklessabandonment.

Ibelieveyou'vejustwonyourca.

,youdidwelltoday.

Really?

You'reapplyingformyinternship,aren'tyou?

Idon'tknow.

avearesume?

Yes,Ido.

Hereitis.

It'spink.

Andit'sscented.

Ithinkitgivesitalittlesomethingextra.

Seeyounextclass.

Doyouthinkshewokeuponemorningandsaid...

"IthinkI'llgotolawschooltoday."

Thatlapinjudgmentaside...

Ithinkshe'sgotalotofpotential.

Here'stheWindhamfile.

Smellthis.

What'sthat?

It'sherresume.

Smellsgood.

What'sgoingon?

Callahan'sfirmisdefendingamurdertrial.

Hiscaloadissobig,he'stakingfirstyearinterns.

Hepickedthemalready?

MyGod,Ican'tbelieveit,Warner!

Wegotit!

Thatonlyleavesonefor...

Me!

Yes!

Rememberwhenwespentthofouramazinghours...

inthehottubafterwinterformal?

Yeah--No.

Thisissomuchbetterthanthat!

omeshoppingtodo.

Fourhours?

Youlookverynicetoday,Vivian.

Thankyou.

You'rewelcome.

We'redefendingBrookeWindham...

whoverywealthyhusbandwasfoundshottodeath...

intheirBeaconHillmansion.

Golddigger?

You'dthinksosincethestiffwas...

butshewasrichonherown.

Somekindoffitnesmpire.

Youcanbuyherexercitapesoninfomercials.

AreyoutalkingaboutBrookeTaylor?

Maidenname--Taylor.

Youknowher?

16

She'saDeltaNu!

Shewasn'tinmypledgeclass.

Shegraduatedfouryearsbeforeme.

ButIudtotakeherclassattheLosAngelesSportsClub.

She'samazing!

Amazing?How?

Shecanmakeyoulothreepoundsinoneclass.

She'scompletelygifted.

Inalllikelihood,she'scompletelyguilty.

Shewasenstandingoverherhusband'sdeadbody.

Bywho?

His-year-olddaughterandthepoolboy.

Sorry,I'me.

ThisisEmmettRichmond,anotherassociate...

topthreeinhisclass...

andformereditorof"HarvardLawReview."

You'veprobablyenhim...

lurkingaroundcampusdoingmyrearch.

Thanksfortheintroduction.

Whataboutthemurderweapon?

Thegunismissing.

Thecoronersaidhe'dbeendeadminutes...

whenthecopsarrived.

GivingBrookeplentyoftimetostashit.

Ijustdon'tthinkBrookecouldhavedonethis.

Exercigivesyouendorphins.

Endorphinsmakeyouhappy.

Happypeopledon'tshoottheirhusbands.

Theyjustdon't.

Ididn'tdoit.

Iwalkedin...

Isawmyhusbandlyingonthefloor...

Ibentdowntocheckhisheart,screamedmyheadoff...

thenEnriqueandChutneyraninside.

Yourstep-daughterandthepoolboycamein...

wheretheysawyoustandingoverthebody...

coveredinhisblood.

WhywouldIkillmyhusband?

Insurance,aloveaffair,pureunadulteratedhatred.

meupwithplentyofreasons.

Ilovedhim.

Hewasyearsolderthanyou.

Thatdoesn'tlooksogoodtoajury.

Thenshowthemapictureofhisdick.

Thatmightclearafewthingsup.

Brooke,Ibelieveyou...

butajuryisgoingtowantanalibi.

Ican'tgiveyouthat...

andifyouputmeonthestand,I'lllie.

ThenIguesswe'redonefortoday.

Iknowyou.

17

I'maDeltaNu,andI'mahugefanofyours.

YoutookmyclassinL.A.

YoutookmyclassinL.A.

Youhadthebesthigh-kickI'veeveren.

Areyouoneofmylawyers?

Sortof.

Well,thankGodoneofyouhasabrain.

Let'sgo.

I'mtheonlyonethatbelievesher.

Callahantotallythinksshe'sguilty.

That'sbecaumenarebigfatretardswhodon't--

Afternoon,ladies.

It'shim.

PauletteBonifante.

Oh,myGod.

He'scomingoverhere.

I'vegotapackage.

He'sgotapackage.

Howyoudoingtoday?

Fine.

Takeiteasy.

Seeyoulater.

That'sgreat,Paulette.

Isthistheonlyinteractionyoutwohaveeverhad?

mesIsay"OK"insteadof"fine."

Whydon'tyouofferhimacoldbeverage...

oraneckmassageorsomething?

What'sthepoint?

Trustme,ealltheequipment...

youjustneedtoreadthemanual.

DoyouknowwhatI'msaying?

I'llshowyoualittlemaneuver...

mymothertaughtmeinjuniorhigh.

Inmyexperience,ithasa%successrate...

ofgettingaman'sattention...

andwhenudappropriately...

ithasan%rateofreturnonadinnerinvitation.

Wow!

It'scalled"thebendandsnap."

Watchthis.

"Oh!IthinkIdroppedsomethingonthefloor."

Soyoubend...andsnap!

See?

it.

Bend...andsnap!

OK...

alittlelessbend,alittlemoresnap.

Likethis?

Goodsnap.

Comeon.

You!Comeon,youcandoit.

18

Bend...andsnap.

Very,verygood.

Wecanalldoit!

-Comeon,guys.-Ican'tdothat.

You'regonnabend...

andsnap!

Nowputyourheadintoit.

Bend...andsnap!

Bend...andsnap!Goodjob!

Alittleattitude,plea.

Now,'sveryimportant.

Pump!Pump!Pump!

Bend...andsnap!

Goodjob,everybody!

Workitout!Workitout!

That'sit!Wow!

Comeon,Paulette!

Bendandsnap!

Oh,myGod!Thebendandsnap!Workverytime!

IfBrookedidn'tkilltheguy,thenwhodid?

Mymoneyisontheangrydaughterortheex-wife.

Chutneyhasatrustfund.

Shedidn'tneedtheinsurancepayoffortheinheritance.

Whataboutthemother?

inAspenatthetime.

Vivian,getmesomeplumsauce.

Tenpeoplesawherdowningcosmopolitans...

attheCaribouClub.

AllIknowisit'snotBrooke.

That'stouching,butweneedanalibi.

Ibroughtyousomenecessities--

someCalvinKlein-countsheets...

theentireCliniqueskincareline...

somearomatherapycandles,aloofah...

AndtheBible.

You'reanangel.

Sohowareyou?Areyouallright?

Youlookso...orange.

I'mjustgladit'syouandnotCallahan.

'sverybrilliant.

HebetterbeforwhatI'mpayingforhim.

IhavetotellyoutherealreasonIcamehere.

ProfessorCallahansayswereallyneedyouralibi.

Elle,Ican't.

Youdon'tunderstand.

Whocouldunderstandbetterthanme?

It'ssoshameful.

Whateveritis,Brooke,itcouldsaveyou.

That'druinme.

How?

I'vemademyfortuneontheability...

19

toperfectwomen'sbodieswithBrooke'sButt-Busterworkout.

Youhelpedmegofromasixtoafour.

That'sgreat!

OnthedayofHeyworth'smurder...

Iwasgetting...

What?

Iwasgettingliposuction.

Liposuction!

Oh,God!

Iknow!I'mafraud!

It'snotlikenormalwomencanhavethisass!

IfmyfansknewthatIboughtit...

Iwouldloeverything!

I'vealreadylostmyhusband.

I'drathergotojailthanlomyreputation.

Brooke...yourcret'ssafewithme.

Thankyou.

Vivian,grabmesomecoffee.

Wegottwointerviewstomorrow...

thatGerardandBobbywillhandle.

Theex-wifeinanhour.

Accordingtothiscommuniquefromtheprison...

ourclientapparentlyhadavisitfromhersister...

aMissDeltaNu.

Anyoneyouknow?

ovisither.

Whatthehelldoyoumeanyouwenttovisither?

Iwenttogetheralibi.

Didyougetit?

It'sreallygood.

it?

Ican'ttellyou.

Whythehellnot?

BecauIpromidherI'dkeepitacret...

andIcan'tbreakthebondsofsisterhood.

Screwsisterhood!Thisisamurdertrial...

notsomescandalatthesororityhou.

Iwantthealibi!

Ican'tgiveittoyou...

butIcantellyousheisinnocent.

mVandermarkisonlinetwoforyou.

SomeonereasonwithherwhileItakethis.

Areyoucrazy?Justtellhimthealibi.

We'lllothiscaifyoudon't.

Thenwe'renotverygoodlawyers.

Ifyoutellhim,he'llprobablyhireyouasasummerassociate.

WhocaresaboutBrooke?Thinkaboutyourlf.

WhocaresaboutBrooke?Thinkaboutyourlf.

Igavehermyword,Warner.

Sowhat?

Theex-wifeemstobeunconcerned...

20

withthefactthatherinterviewistoday.

She'sataspaintheBerkshires.

Aspa?Isn'tthatlikeyourmothership?

Icouldgoifyouwantmeto.

Emmett?Gowithher.

Sheemscompletelyuntrustworthytome.

Why?

Thisisapersonwho'smadeherliving...

bytellingwomenthatthey'retoofat.

Brookewouldnevertellawomanshewastoofat.

Andsheemslikeshe'shidingsomething.

Maybeit'snotwhatyouthink.

Maybeit'xactlywhatIthink.

You'rereallybeingabutthead.

Abutthead?

Whywouldyoucallmethat?

Youneedtohavealittlemorefaithinpeople.

Youmightbesurprid.

Ican'tbelieveyoucalledmeabutthead.

Noone'scalledmethatsincetheninthgrade.

Maybenottoyourface.

.

Howdowefindher?

'sinthemudroom.

She'snotnaked,isshe?

mVandermark?

Soyoufoundme.

We'refromAusten,Platt,Jaret,andCallahan...

andwe'reheretoaskyouafewquestions.

SoIhearthatlittletartfromCalifornia...

shotpoorHeyworth.

That'swhatwe'retryingtoprovedidn'thappen.

Doyouhaveanyreasontobelievethatitdid?

I'veneveractuallymetthewoman...

butmydaughtertellsme...

shecanbequitethelittlebitch.

Didyourdaughterevermentionanything...

abouttherelationshipbetweenBrookeandHeyworth?

Shedidsaythattheyhumpedlikegorillas.

Iguessitwasn'tenough,though,forBrooke.

Whydoyousaythat?

Well...

haven'tyouenthecabanaboy?

She'slying.

Andyouknowthisforafact?

Didyouetheickybrowncolorofherhair?

So?Nowyoudiscriminateagainstbrunettes?

Whynot?I'mdiscriminatedagainstasablonde.

Beingablondeisactuallyaprettypowerfulthing.

Youholdmorecardsthanyouthinkyoudo.

Ipersonallywouldliketoeyoutakethatpower...

21

andchannelittowardsthegreatergood.

Thanks.I'lleyoutomorrow.

Allright.

HowdoyouthinkI'dlookasablonde?

I'mnotsureyoucouldhandleit.

-Goodnight.-Bye.

So,Icalledyourroomlastnight.

Iheard.

Iwasthinkingmaybewecouldgooutsometime.

'readork.

I'minlawschool.

Look,I'mnotgoingoutwithyou.

Ican'tbelieveyou'devenask.

Girlslikemedon'tgooutwithlorslikeyou.

Let'sgetoutofhere.

Excume.

Whydidn'tyoucallme?

What?

Wespentabeautifulnighttogether...

andIneverhearfromyouagain?

I...

I'msorry?

Sorryforwhat?Forbreakingmyheart...

orforgivingmethegreatestpleasure...

I'veeverknownandthenjusttakingitaway?

Both?

Well,forgetit.

I'vespenttoomanyhourscryingoveryou.

So...whendidyouwanttogoout?

Comein.

Areyoudonewiththatdepositionyet?

,takeit.

I'vereadittimes.

Youknow,Elle,Istillcan'tbelieve...

youdidn'ttellCallahanthealibi.

It'snotmyalibitotell.

Iknow.

AndIthoughtthatwasveryclassyofyou.

Really?

Sure.

Thanks.

DidyouevernoticehowCallahanneverasksWarner...

tobringhimhiscoffee?

He'saskedmeatleasttentimes.

wthat.

doesn'tevendohisownlaundry.

Hehastohaveitntout.

Iknow.

Didyouknowwhenhefirstapplied...

hegotwait-listed.

What?

22

Hisfatherhadtomakeacall.

You'rekidding.

Noway!

God,thatissuchapreciousdog.

anttoholdhim?

-He'sveryfriendly.-Sure.

Look,helikesyou.

He'sgivingmekiss.

Thanks,Jeoff.

We'reheretodaycoveringthetrialofBrookeWindham.

She'schargedwiththemurderofherhusband...

BostonmillionaireHeyworthWindham.

Firsttotestifyarethevictim'sdaughterandex-wife.

TheSuperiorCourtofSuffolkCountyisnowinssion.

rdpresiding.

Youmaybeated.

Andwherewassheexactly?

Standingovermyfather'sdeadbody.

Andwhatwasthedefendantdoing?

Shewassittingnexttothepool,topless...

whiletheLatinboyhandedheradrink.

ore,canyoutelluswhatthisis?

Myuniform.

Myuniform.

Thisistheuniform...

maskedyoutowearwhilecleaningherpool?

AreyouhavinganaffairwithBrookeWindham?

Define"affair."

mhadxualrelations?

?Yes.

Ladiesandgentlemen,courtwillreconvene...

tomorrowmorningatA.M.

We'readjourned.

ADeltaNuwouldneversleepwithamanwhowearsathong.

Never!

Ijustlikedwatchinghimcleanthefilter.

Ibelieveyou,Brooke.

-Takecareofme,Elle.-Iwill.

Igotabigoneforyou.

Canyousign?

Igotit.

Youbrokehisno?

Iblewit,Elle.

Mysnapwasallovertheplace.

I'llbethereassoonascourtisout.

Wehavetocross-examineEnrique.

Butdon'friendSerena...

barfedonaguyduring"TheBlairWitchProject"...

andtheyendedupdatingforthreemonths.

Really?-bye.

.

23

Don'tstompyourlittlelast-asonPradashoesatme.

Thearen'tlastason.

-He'sgay!Enrique'sgay!-What?

Whatkindofshoesarethe?

Blackones.

-See!-Whatareyoutalkingabout?

Heisn'tBrooke''smakingitup.

ouknowhe'sgay?

htmendon't.

Knowwhat?

HeleftaChertapeinthepoolhouonetime.

WhileIappreciateyourmasterfullegaltheory...

Ihaveamurdertrialtoattendto.

I'.

Thecourtwillcometoorder.

ore,doyouhaveanyproof...

mwerehavinganaffair?

Onlytheloveinmyheart.

Ifthat'salltheproofthathehas,YourHonor...

IthinkI'mdonehere.

Youmaystepdown.

I'dliketoaskacoupleofquestions,YourHonor.

Justgivemeacoupleminutes.

monadate?

-Yes.-Where?

Arestaurantwherenoonecouldrecognizeus.

m?

Threemonths.

-Andyourboyfriend'snameis...-Chuck.

Silence!

Pardonme!

Yes,ore?

Iwasconfud.

sjustafriend.

Youbitch!

Chuck,wait!

Silenceinmycourt!Sitdown,ore.

Silenceinmycourtroom!

HowdidImissthat?Youweregreat.

Silenceinmycourtroom!

Thanks.

-Goodnight.-Goodnight.

Callahanaskedtoeyoubeforeyouleave.

Really?

Healreadyhascoffee,butmaybeheneedsadoughnut.

-Doyouneedanyhelp?-No.I'mfine.

.

Comeonin.

Sitdown.

Iverythingallright?

Youfollowedyourintuitiontoday...

24

andyouwererightontarget.

Ishouldhavelistened.

Thankyou.

Aboutthealibi...

I'msorry--

I'mimpresdyoutooktheinitiativetogogetit.

That'swhatmakesagoodlawyer.

Ontopofthat,yougainedtheclient'strust...

andkeptit--that'swhatmakesagreatlawyer.

You'resmart,Elle.

Smarterthanmostoftheguysonmypayroll.

Wow.

Ithinkit'stimetodiscussyourcareerpath.

Haveyouthoughtaboutwhereyoumightbeasummerassociate?

Notreally.

Iknowit'sverycompetitive.

Youknowwhatcompetition'sreallyabout?

It'saboutferocity,carnage.

Balancinghumanintelligencewithanimaldiligence.

Knowingexactlywhatyouwant...

andhowfaryou'llgotogetit.

HowfarwillEllego?

Areyouhittingonme?

You'reabeautifulgirl.

Soeverythingyoujustsaid...

I'mamanwhoknowswhathewants.

AndI'malawstudentwhojustrealized...

herprofessorisapatheticasshole.

htyouwerealawstudent...

whowantedtobealawyer!

Youalmosthadmefooled.

What?

Maybeyoushouldsleepwiththejury,too.

Thenwecanwintheca.

I'mquitting.

Why?

ternshipwasamistake.

Whatareyoutalkingabout?Youearnedit.

Ididn'tearnanything.

Callahanonlygavemethatinternship...

becauhelikedthewayIlooked.

Whichhemadecleartonightwhenhetriedtofeelmeup.

Callahandidwhat?

Justforgetaboutit.I'mgoingbacktoL.A.

pantyho.

NomoretryingtobesomethingthatI'mjust--

I'mjustnot.

Whatifyou'retryingtobesomebodyyouare?

ThehellwithCallahan.

Stay.

Callmeifyou'reeverinCalifornia.

25

What'sthepointinstaying,Paulette?

Allpeopleewhentheylookatme...

isblondhairandbigboobs.

Noone'vergonnatakemeriously.

Thepeopleatlawschooldon'doesn't.

Idon'tthinkmyownparentstakemeriously.

Ijustfelt,like,forthefirsttime...

thatsomeoneexpectedmeto...

todosomethingmorewithmylife...

thanbecomeaVictoria'sSecretmodel.

ButIwasjustkiddingmylf.

Callahanneversawmeasalawyer...

justasapieceofass.

Justlikeeverybodyel.

TurnsoutIamajoke.

No,you'renotajoke.

Thehellwithlawschool.

Ijustwantedtosaygood-bye.

Ifyou'regoingtoletonestupidprickruinyourlife...

you'renotthegirlIthoughtyouwere.

ore?

Absolutely.

It'salittlethingI'dliketocallstrategy.

ore...

Ishealwayssuchanass?

He'sthetopdefenattorneyinthestate.

Ofcourhe'sanass.

assthat'llwinmyca?

He'sanassthat'lltry.

HethinksI'mguilty.

That'snotwhat'simportant.

Ifhedoesn'ttrustme,whyshouldItrusthim?

kedprettycozywithhimlastnight.

Youdon'tknowwhatthehellyou'retalkingabout.

What'sgoingonhere?

-Ellequit.-What?

Callahanhitonher,soshequit.

g.

-Oh,God.-What?

hugemistake.

Maybethere'ssomethingwecandoaboutit.

Thankyou.

Whatareyousohappyabout?You'reontrialformurder.

Getup.

What?

You'ewreprentation.

Who?

Excuyou,you'reinmyway.

She''tdefendyou.

MassachuttsSupremeJudicialCourtruling..

See?Thankyou,David.

26

Counlors,approachthebench.

-You'renotgoingupthere.-Yes,Iam.

Maybeyoudidn''refired.

Counlors,ou.

ElleWoods,YourHonor.

emeJudicialCourt...

statesthatalawstudentmayappearonbehalf...

ofadefendantincriminalproceedings.

YourHonor,Ihavenoproblemwiththis.

Ido.I'mnotallowingit.

office...

whenwewerediscussingmycareer.

Therulingalsostates...

thatyouneedalicendattorneytosuperviyou.

-an?-ThatIwon'tagreeto.

I'llsupervi,YourHonor.

Well,,proceed.

Thankyou,YourHonor.

Enjoyprison.

m,youdorealizewhatyou'redoing?

Absolutely.

Oh,myGod!Theresheis!

Wecametoeyourtrial!

'sajudgeandeverything.

-Andjurypeople.-VoteforElle!

Ladies,takeaat.

Go,girl.

Doyousweartotellthetruth,thewholetruth...

andnothingbutthetruth,sohelpyouGod?

-Ido.-Beated.

,youmaybeginyourquestioning.

FirstofallIwouldliketopointout...

thatnotonlyistherenoproofinthisca...

butthereisacompletelackofmensrea...

whichbydefinitiontellsustherecanbenocrime...

withoutaviciouswill.

Iamawareofthemeaningofmensrea.

WhatI'munawareof...

iswhyyou'regivingmeavocabularylesson...

whenyoushouldbequestioningyourwitness.

whenyoushouldbequestioningyourwitness.

Yes,YourHonor.

MissWindham...

whenyouarrivedbackatthehou...

wasyourfatherthere?

NotthatIsaw,butlikeIsaid...

Iwentstraightupstairstotakeashower.

Andwhenyoucamedownstairs,whathappened?

IsawBrookestandingoverhisbody...

drenchedinhisblood.

mdidn'thaveagun?

27

'dstasheditbythen.

Movetostrikethatfromtherecord,YourHonor.

-It'sspeculation.-Sostricken.

Goahead.

MissWindham,didyouhearashotfired?

theshower.

So,sometimeintheminutes...

thatyouwereintheshower,yourfatherwasshot.

Iguess.

Yourfatherwasshotwhileyouwereintheshower...

butyoudidn'theartheshotbecau...

becauyouwereintheshower?

Iwaswashingmyhair.

Whereisshegoingwiththis?

Havealittlefaith,Gerard.

MissWindham...

whathadyoudoneearlierthatday?

Igotup...

gotalatte,wenttothegym...

gotaperm,andcamehome.

Whereyougotintheshower?

Ibelievethewitnesshasmadeitclear...

thatshewasintheshower.

Yes,YourHonor.

MissWindham,hadyouevergottenapermbefore?

Howmanywouldyousay?

TwoayearsinceIwas.

Youdothemath.

Agirlinmysorority,TracyMarcinko,gotapermonce.

Wealltriedtotalkheroutofit.

Curlsweren'tagoodlookforher.

Shedidn'thaveyourbonestructure.

But,thankfully,thatsameday...

sheenteredtheBetaDeltaPiwett-shirtcontest...

whereshewascompletelyhoddownfromheadtotoe.

Objection!Whyisthisrelevant?

Ihaveapoint,Ipromi.

Thenmakeit.

Yes,ma'am.

Chutney,whywereTracyMarcinko'scurlsruined...

whenshegothoddown?

Becautheygotwet?

'titthefirstcardinalrule...

ofpermmaintenancethatyou'reforbiddentowetyourhair...

foratleasthoursaftergettingaperm...

attheriskofdeactivatingtheammoniumthioglycolate?

Andwouldn'tsomebodywho'shad,say,perms...

intheirlifebewellawareofthisrule?

Andifinfactyouweren'twashingyourhair...

asIsuspect,becauyourcurlsarestillintact...

wouldn'tyouhaveheardthegunshot?

28

Andifinfactyouhadheardthegunshot...

BrookeWindhamwouldn'thavehadtimetohidethegun...

beforeyougotdownstairs...

whichwouldmeanyouwouldhavehadtohavefound...

mwithaguninherhand...

'tthatright?

She'smyage!Didshetellyouthat?

Howwouldyoufeelifyourfathermarriedsomeoneyourage?

You,however,hadtimetohidethegun...

afteryoushotyourfather.

Ididn'tmeantoshoothim.

Ithoughtitwasyouwalkingthroughthedoor!

Order!Order!

Order!

Oh,myGod.

Oh,myGod.

Oh,myGod.

Bailiff,takethewitnessintocustody...

whereshewillbechargedforthemurderofHeyworthWindham.

Windham...

thiscaisdismisd.

m,youarefreetogo.

Thankyou!

Thankyou!

Elle,howdidyouknowChutneywaslying?

Becaushe'sbrilliant,ofcour.

Therulesofhaircarearesimpleandfinite.

AnyCosmoGirlwouldhaveknown.

What?

Ijustwantedtosay...

thatyouweresobrilliantinthere.

AndthatIwaswrong.

Andyouarethegirlforme.

Really?

Poohbear...Iloveyou.

I'vewaitedsolongtohearyousaythat.

ButifI'mgonnabeapartneratalawfirmbythetimeI'm30...

Ineedaboyfriendwho'snotsuchacompletebonehead.

Thankyou,boys.

Ladiesandgentlemen...

IprentthegraduatesofHarvardLawSchool...

Classof2004.

Iampersonallyveryhonoredtointroduce...

thisyear'sclass-electedspeaker.

Aftergettingofftoaquiteinterestingstart...

hereatHarvard...

shegraduatestodaywithaninvitationtojoin...

oneofBoston'smostprestigiouslawfirms.

I'msurewearegoingtoegreatthingsfromher.

Ladiesandgentlemen,ElleWoods.

OnourveryfirstdayatHarvard...

29

averywiprofessorquotedAristotle.

"Thelawisreasonfreefrompassion."

Well,nooffentoAristotle...

butinmythreeyearsatHarvard...

Ihavecometofindthatpassionisakeyingredient...

tothestudyandpracticeoflawandoflife.

Itiswithpassion,courageofconviction...

andstrongnoflf...

thatwetakeournextstepsintotheworld...

rememberingthatfirstimpressions...

arenotalwayscorrect...

youmustalwayshavefaithinpeople...

andmostimportantly...

youmustalwayshavefaithinyourlf.

Congratulations,Classof2004.

Wedidit!