fresh off the boat

2009

牛津大学出版社

2009/7/24

ThreeMeninaBoat

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

2

ThreeMeninaBoat

Chapter1

Wedecidetogoonholiday

herewerefourofus–George,andWilliamSamuelHarris,andmylf,and

sittinginmyroom,andweweresmokingandtalkingabout

howbadwewere–ill,Imean,ofcour.

Wewereallfeelinginpoorhealth,said

thathefeltreallybadsometimes,nGeorgesaid

thathefeltbad,too,itwasmyheart.

IknewitwasmyheartbecauIhadsomethinginamagazineaboutthesymptomsofabadheart.

Ihadallofthem.

Itisamostextraordinarything,buteverytimeIreadaboutanillness,IrealizethatIhaveit

too–andthatmysymptomsareverybad!Infact,myhealthhasalwaysbeenaworry,I

remember...

OnedayIhadalittlehealthproblem,andIwenttotheBritishMuumLibrarytoread

hebookoffthelibraryshelf,andIbegintoreadaboutanotherillness.I

don’trememberthenameoftheillness,

thatdiatoo.

Isatthereforatime,,

toreadaboutitand,asI

expected,edwiththeletter

‘a’andIreadfrom‘a’to‘z’.IfoundthattherewasonlyonediawhichIdidnothave.

n’tIhavethatdiatoo?

WhenIwalkedintothatreading–room,Iwasahappy,

leftIwasaverysickman,clotodeath…

ButIwastalkingaboutmyheart–is

hatitwasmyheart

nsymptomwasthatIdidnotwant

,swerenot

stthoughtthatIwaslazy!

‘Why,youlazyboy,you,’theyudtosay.‘Getupanddosomeworkforonceinyour

life!’TheydidnotunderstandthatIwasill.

Andtheydidnotgivememedicineforthisillness–theyhitmeonthesideofthehead.

Itisverystrange,butthoblowsonmyheadoftenmadetheillnessgoawayforatime.

Sometimesjustoneblowthesicknessdisappearandmademewanttostartwork

immediately…

Anyway,thatevening,GeorgeandWilliamHarrisandIsatthereforhalfanhour,anddescribed

inedtoWilliamHarrishowIfeltwhenIgotupinthemorning.

orgestoodinfrontofthefire,

and,withgreatfeeling,heshowedushoehefeltinthenight.

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Georgealwaysthinksheisill,butreally,thereisneveranythingthematterwithhim,you

know.

s,myhoukeeper,tedtoknowif

wewerereadytohavesupper.

Wesmiledsadlyateachother,andthenwesaidthatperhapsweshouldtrytoeatsomething.

satdownatthetable,andforhalfanhourwemanagedtoplaywithsomesteakandchips–and

shadmade.

edourglass,

notquitesurewhatwasthematterwithus.

However,wewereallquitecertainofonething–wehadbeendoingtoomuchwork.

‘Weneedarest,’Harrissaid.

‘Arestandachange,’Georgeadded.

IagreedwithGeorge,dfinda

nice,dgosomewherepeaceful,far

awayfromotherpeople.

dthathehadbeentoaplacelikethat

newenttobedateighto’clock,andhehadtowalkforanhourtobuycigarettesand

anewspaper.

‘No,’Harrissaid.‘Ifyouwantarestandachange,thentheaisbest.’

ipisfineifyouaregoingforamonthortwo–but

hatitislike…

e

kupanddownontheship,likeCaptainCook,Sir

Wednesday,rdayyouareable

intosmilealittleatthekindpeoplewhoaskyouhowyouare.

OnSundayyoustarttowalkagain,ondaymorning,asyou

standandwaittogetofftheship-youbegintoenjoyyourlf.

IrememberthatafriendofmineoncetookashortatripfromLondontoLiverpool

htareturnticket,but,whenhegottoLiverpool,hesolditandhe

camebackbytrain…

Butwewerethreetoone,sowedecidedtogoanyway.

Chapter2

Westarttomakeplans

epulledoutthemapsandwediscusdplans.

andIwouldgodown

toKingstoninthemorningandtakeuntiltheafternoon.（Georgegoestosleepat

abankfromteno’clockuntilfouro’rdaytheywakehimup

andputhimoutontothestreetattwoo’clock.）SoGeorgewasgoingtomeetusatChertsy.

W

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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Thenextquestionwaswheretosleepatnight.

edtosleepoutside.‘How

beautiful,’wesaid,‘inthecountry,bytheriver,withthebirds,theflowersandthetreesallaround

us!’

Icanimagineiteasily…

Attheendoftheday,tleboat

eputupourtent,andwe

fillourpipesandwesitandtalkquietly.

Sometimeswestopforamomentortwoandwelistentothewaterasitplaysgently

vermoonshinesdownonusandourheadsarefullofbeautiful

laughquietly,put

awayourpipes,say‘Goodnight’cefulsoundofthewateragainst

theboatworldisyoungagain…

‘Andwhataboutwhenitrains?’Harrissaid.

rains,youdonotenjoylivingintents.

Ithoughtaboutitagain…

salotofwaterintheboatandeverythinginitiswet,

daplacegetoutoftheboat,pulloutthetent,andtwoofyoutrytoputitup.

Becauitiswet,nitfallsontopofyou,youcannotgetitoffyour

head,fficulttoputupatentin

yoursideofthetentupand

enhepullsthetentfromhisside,andhe

destroysallyourhardwork.

‘Here!Whatdoyouthinkyou’redoing?’youcallout.

‘Whatareyoudoing,youmean,’heanswersangrily.

‘Don’tpullit!You’vegotitallwrong,youstupidman!’youcry.‘No,Ihaven’t!’he

shouts.‘Letyousidego!’

‘Itellyou,you’rewrong!’youscream,andyouwishyoucouldgettohimtohithim.

Youpullyoursideofthetenthard-andpullouttheropesonhisside.

‘Ah!Thestupidfool!’n,suddenlyhegivesa

violentpull-andyoursidecomesout,,youstarttogoroundtohissidetotell

ametime,hebeginstocometheotherway,totellyou

followeachotherroundandround,andyoushoutateach

reyouare!Youstandandlookateachotheracross

ametime,youbothcallour,‘Thereyouare!WhatdidItellyou?’

Meanwhile,er

hasrunuphisarms,ly,hewantstoknowwhatyouare

doing,andwhythetentisnotupyet.

When,atlast,thetentisup,ismosltly

rainwater–rainwaterbread,y,youhavesomethingstrongtodrink.

Thisbringsbackyourinterestinlifeuntilitistimetogotobed.

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

5

eup

t,youthinkthatthe

stbethieves,or

murderers,comes,andallyouknowisthatthousandsofpeoplearekicking

you,andyoucannotbreathe.

Somebodyelisintrouble,ecomingfromunder

yourbed.

Youdecidedtofight,andyouhitout,leftandright,

u,youea

justgoingtostartfightinghim

whenyouethatisJim.

Atthesamemoment,heesthatitisyou.

‘Oh,it’syou,isit?’hesays.

‘Yes,’youanswer.‘What’shappened?’

‘Thetenthasblowndown,Ithink,‘hesays.‘Where’sBill?’

undunderneathyoumoves,andavoicesays,

‘Getoffmyhead!’

Thenextdayyouhavenovoicesbecauyouhaveallcaughtcolds,andalldayyou

arguewitheachotherinangrywhispers…

Wethereforedecidedthatwewouldsleepoutintentsonfinenights,andinhotelwhenit

rained.

ersnoi.

Buthelookssogood,dladiesandgentlemenlookathim,tearscome

intotheireyes.

Whenhefirstcametolivewithme,Ithought,‘o

goodforthisworld.’But,bytheendoftheyear,hehadkilledtwelvechickens,whichIhadtopay

for…Ihadpulledhimoutofahundredandfourteenstreetfights…Awomanhadbroughtmea

hangedmyideasaboutMontmorency.

Wehaddecidedwheretosleep,nto

argueaboutthis,soweagreedthatwehaddoneenoughforonenight.

Chapter3

Wedecidewhattotake

hefollowingevening,said,

‘Nowgetmeapieceofpaper,J.,,yougeta

pencil,andI’llmakethelist.’

That’sHarris–hetellverybodywhattodo,berthatmy

UnclePodgerwaslikeHarris…

eyboughta

pictureonce,AuntPodgerasked,‘Now,whereshallweputthis?’

‘Oh,I’’tworryaboutit.I’lldoitallmylf,’nhetookoffhis

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ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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oneofthegirlsouttobuysomenails,andthenhentoneofthe

boystotellherhowbigthenailsoughttobe.‘Now,Bill,yougoandgetmyhammer,’he

shouted.‘Andbringmearuler,,Ineedaladderandakitchenchair,too.

Maria,youstayheretoholdthelight–andTom,comehere!Youcangivemethepicture.’

Thenheliftedthepictureup…dtocatchtheglass…andhe

edforsomethingtoputroundhisfinger,andhecouldnotfindanything.

Sohedancedroundthehou,andheshoutedateverybody.

Halfanhourlater,thefingerhadbeentiedup,theyhadboughtnewglass,and

reall

pleheldthechair,athirdhelpedhimtogetonit,afourthgavehim

anail,thenail…andhedroppedit!

‘There,’hesaidsadly.‘Nowthenail’sgone.’

wefoundthenail,butthen

helostthehammer.

‘Where’sthehammer?WhatdidIdowiththehammer?Therearevenofyouhere,

andyoudon’tknowwherethehammeris!’

Wefoundthehammerforhim,butthenhelosttheplaceonthewallwherehewas

honeofusthoughtthatitwasa

mehefelloffthechaironto

icwasbeautiful,

butUnclePodger’swordswerenot!dthatshedidnot

edcalmly,‘Thenexttimethat

youaregoingtoputapictureonthewall,anarrangetogoand

spendaweekwithmymother.’

UnclePodgergotupandtriedagain,

wasnotverystraight,odgerlookedat

thepictureproudlyandsaid,‘Youe,itwasonlyalittlejob!’…

dhimthatGeorgewouldwritedownthelist,andIwoulddothe

dgetthepencilandthepaper.

artedagain.

‘Now,’Georgesaid,‘wedon’twanttotakeatent.‘Wecanputacoverovertheboatatnight.

Itwillbelikealittlehou,’smucheasierthanatent.’

toldusthatheknewallaboutthis

kindofthing–overedlaterthatthiswasnottrue.

Nextwetalkedaboutthefood.

‘First,breakfast,’Georgebegan.‘Weneedeggs,coldmeat,tea,bread,andbutter,ofcour.

Andfordinnerwecantakecoldchickenlegs,tomatoes,coldmeat,fruit,cakes,chocolate…We

candrinkwater.’Thenheadded,‘Andwecantakeabottleofwhisky,too–forwhenwearesick,

youknow.’

er,weweregladwehadtakenthewhisky.

Sowemadeoutlist,anditwasalongone.

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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Chapter4

Wepack

henextday,whichwasFriday,vening

wemettopack.

eretwolargebasketswithlids,for

weputeverythinginthemiddleofthefloor.

Afterwehaddonethat,wesatthereandwelookedatit.

IsaidthatIwouldpack.

dthe

sratherstrange.

puthisfeetonthetableandlitacigarette.

Thiswasnot,ofcour,aidthatIwouldorganizeit,Imeant

ouldsitandwatchthemdoit.

However,Isaidnothing,muchlongerthanIhad

expected,andHarris

watchedmewithgreatinterest.

‘Aren’tyougoingtoputthebootsin?’Harrisasked.

Ilookedround,HarriswaituntilIhadclodthesuitca?

Georgelaughedquietly.

Iopenedthesuitca,oteasy!AndjustasIwasgoingtoclo

thesuitcaagain,ckedmytoothbrush?

Ofcour,Ihadtolookforit,and,ofcour,takeeverythingout

George’Harris’stoothbrush,

end,Ifounditinsideaboot.

Ipackedeverythingagain.

WhenIhadfinished,didnotcareabout

downthelidofthesuitca,oundmycigarettes

wereinsideit.

Ifinishedthesuitcaatfivepastten,andthefoodwasstillnotpacked!

Harrissaid,‘sGeorgeandIhadbetterdo

therestofthepacking.’

Iagreed,andIsatdown.

datalltheplatesandcups,

andbottles,andtomatoes,andcakes,hatitwassoongoingtogetexciting.

sjusttoshowyouwhattheycoulddoandget

rrispackedapanontopofatomatoand…well,theyhadtopickoutthe

tomatowithateaspoon.

AndthenitwasGeorge’sturn,tsayanything,butIgot

noyedthemmorethananything,andit

eppedonthings,

ckedsoftthingsatthebottomofthe

basket,andthenputheavythingsontopofthem.

T

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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eorgegotthenbutteroffhisshoe,theytriedtoputitintheteapot.

,whentheydidgetitin,theydecidedthattheteapotwasthe

r,intheendtheydidmanagedto

satonit,andwhenhestoodup,thebutterstuckto

nd,Georgegotbehind

Harris,andhesawit.

‘Thereitis!’hecried.

‘Where?’Harrisasked,andheturnedroundquickly.

‘Standstill!’Georgeshouted.

WhentheygotthebutteroffHarris,theypackeditintheteapotagain.

Montmorencywasinallthis,ownonthingsjustwhenGeorgeandHarris

weregoingtopackthem;heputhislegintothesugar;

pretendedthattheorangeswererats,andhegotintothefoodbasketandkilledthreeofthem.

Thepackingwascompletedattentooneinthemorning,said,

‘WhattimeshallIwakeyoutwo?’

Harrissaid,‘Seven.’

Isaid‘Six.’

Intheendwesaid,‘Wakeusathalfpastsix,George.’

Chapter5

Westartoutholiday

swhowokemethenextmorning.

Shesaid,‘Doyouknowthatit’snearlynineo’clock,sir?’

‘What!’Icried,arrisandtoldhim.

Hesaid,‘Ithoughtyoutoldustogetpatsix?’

‘Idid,’Ianswered.

‘Well,whydidn’tyouwakemethen?’heasked.‘Nowwewon’tbeonthewateruntilafter

twelveo’clock.’

,itmakesmevery

cross

theroom,hithimwithashoe,andIshoutedinhis

up.

‘Wh…aaa…t,’hebegan.

‘Getup,youfat,lazything!’Harrisshouted.‘It’saquartertoten!’

Thenwebegantogetready,

hadtogodownstairstogetthemoutofthesuitca.

Finally,wewerereadyandHarrissaid,‘Weneedagoodbreakfastinsideustoday.’Whilewe

wereeating,Georgegotthenewspaperandreadusinterestingpiecesfromit–piecesaboutpeople

whohadbeenkilledontheriver,therreportfor

thatdaysaid,‘Rain,cold,wettofine,somethunder,andaneastwind’.Butweatherreportsmake

waystellyouwhattheweatherwaslikeyesterday,

isnevertoday’berthatoneautumnIwentonholiday…

I

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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Onthatholiday,ay

itsaid,‘Heavyrain,withthunder’.peoplepasdour

reallgoingout,wasshiningandtherewereno

cloudsinthesky.

‘Ah,’wesaid,aswewatchedthem,‘they’llbeverywetwhentheycomeback,though.’

satdownbythefireandreadourbooks.

Attwelveo’clocktheroomwastoohot,andthesunwasstillshining.

‘Well,itwillrainthisafternoon,then,’wetoldourlves.

Therainnevercame.

Thenextmorning,esd

inlightclothes,hourlater,itbegantorainhard,andaverycold

homewithcolds,andwewenttobed…

Butonthemorningofourholidayitwasbrightandsunny,andGeorgecouldnotmakeusunhappy.

Sohewenttowork.

carriedalloutluggageintotheroad.

,thereareusuallytoo

r,ofinterested

asabig

suitca,asmallbag,twobaskets,venblankets,somefruitinabrownpaperbag,somepans,

verylongtime,ataxiarrivedand

edourthingsintoit,kickedtwoofMontmorency’sfriendsoutofthetaxi,

wdofpeoplewavedgoodbyetous.

Chapter6

Ontheriver

andIputalloutthingsintoit,and

rencywasatthefrontoftheboat.

swhentheboathitthe

riverbank,cametoHamptonCourtPalace,

meastoryaboutit…

Hewentintothemazeonce,tudiedamapofthemaze,

saidtohisfriend,‘We’lljust

goinandwalkaroundfortenminutes,andthenwe’’s

easy,tkeeptakingthefirstturningtotheright.’

Soonaftertheyhadgonein,eoplesaidthattheyhad

said,

‘Followme!I’mgoingoutmylfinabouttenminutes.’

ThepeopleallsaidthatHarriswasverykind,andtheybegantofollowhim.

Astheyweregoingalong,

end,ereabouttwentyofthem.

A

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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Someofthemhadthoughtthattheynevergoingtoetheirfriendsandtheirfamilies

dontoHarris’sarmbecaushedidnot

wanttolohim.

Harriscontinuedtoturntotheright,,Harris’s

friendsaidtohim,‘Thismustbeaverybigmaze.’

‘OneofthebiggestinEurope,’Harrisanswered.

‘Yes,itmustbe,’hisfriendcontinued,‘becauwe’vewalkedaboutthreekilometers

already.’

Harrisbegantothinkthatitwasratherstrange,ometime,they

’sfriendsaidthattheyhadpasdthepiece

replied,‘No!Impossible!’

Thewomanwiththebabysaid,‘No,Itookitfromthebaby,andIthrewittheremylf.

,IwishIneverhadmetyou,’sheadded.

Harrisgotangrythen,edittothepeople,butone

mansaid,‘Amap’snogoodwhenyoudon’tknowwhereyouare.’

SothenHarrissaidthatthebestthingwastogobacktotheentranceandstartagain.

Everybodyagreed,andtheyallturnedandfollowedHarristheotherway.

wasgoing

topretendthathewantedtobeinthecentre,is

decidedtosaythatitwasanaccident.

Anyway,nowtheyknewwherewereonthemap,all

startedoffagainforthethirdtime.

Andthreeminuteslater,theywerebackinthecentreagain.

Afterthat,everytimetheytriedagain,tookout

hismapagain,ldhimwhattodowiththismap.

Harrisfeltthatthecrowdwasnotverygratefultohim.

Thentheyallstartedtoshout,bedupaladder,

andhecalledtothem,‘Wait,there!I’llcomeandgetyou.’

Buthewasayoungkeeper,andhewasnewtothejob,sowhenhegotintothemaze,

metotime,theysawhimasheranpast,ontheothersideofthehedge.

Heshouted,‘Waitthere!I’mcoming!’

Then,fiveminuteslater,dthemwhy

theyhadmoved.

Theyhadtowaitforoneoftheoldkeeperstocomebackfromlunchandletthem

out…

Harrissaidthatitwasfinemaze,andweagreedthatwewouldtrytogetGeorgeintoitontheway

back.

Chapter7

Harrisgetsangry

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

11

t

ays,when

theweatherisfine,odycomesdowntotheriver.

Theywearbrightlycoloredclothes,andtheriverisfullofcolour–yellow,andblue,andorange,

andgreen,andwhite,andredandpink.

AtHamptonHarriswantedtogetoutandhavealookatthechurchthere,butIrefudto

everlikedvisitingchurches,,‘I’velookedforwardto

visitingHamptonChurcheversincewedecidedtomakethistrip.’Headded,‘Ionlycameonthe

tripbecauIthoughtweweregoingthere!’

,‘we’vegottogettheboatuptoSheppertonbyfive

o’clocktomeethim.’

ThenHarrisgotangrywithGeorge.‘WhydoesGeorgehavetoplayaroundallday?Whyhas

heleftuswiththisbig,heavyboattotowupanddowntheriver?Whydidn’thetakeaday’s

holidayandcomedownwithus?Thebank!Ha!Whatgoodisheatthebank?’Hestopedfora

momentandthenhecontinued,‘behindabitof

glassallday,’sthegoodofamanbehindabitofglass?I

’tGeorgework?Whatdoeshedoatthebank?Whatgoodarebanks,

anyway?Theytakeallyourmoney,andthen,whenyouwriteoutacheque,theynditback!

Theysayyou’vespentallyourmoney!What’sthegoodofthat?IfGeorgewashere,wecouldgo

,Idon’tbelievehe’’splayingaboutsomewhere,that’s

whathe’’vegottodoallthework!...I’mgoingtogetoutandhaveadrink!’

Itoldhimthattherewerenopubsnearby,andthenhestartedshoutingabouttheriver.‘What

goodistheriver?We’llalldieofthirst!Nopubs!’(It’sbettertoletHarrisgoonshoutingwhenhe

getstired,andheisquietafterwards.)

drinkslikethatmadepeopleill.

However,bedontotheatandhebentdown

togetthebottom,andhehadtobenddown,ametime,hewastryingto

steertheboat,tturnedsharplyandbumpedintothebankof

theriver,dthereonhishead,andheheldontothesideof

ostaythereuntil

tmadehimmoreangry.

WestoppedunderthetreesbyKemptonPark,ryprettythere,onthe

grassbytheriver,nexcellentmeal,andHarriscalmeddownandbegan

toenjoyhimlfagain.

Byhalfpastthree,wentuptoWalton,whichisquite

lizabethI,shewasthere

everywhere.

sanoldchurchatShepperton,andIwas

mlookingtowardsitaswecamenear,but

Imovedtheboatquietly,andHarris’ogetitback,ofcour.

Luckily,hewasveryangrywithme,andsoheforgotabouthischurch.

AswecameuptothelockatWeybrridge,wesawsomethingbrightlycolouredononeofthe

lookedclor,rencystartedtobarkmadly.

H

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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Ishouted,

edannoyed

whenhesawthatnoonehadfallenin.

Chapter8

Georgestartswork

edecidedthatnowGeorgewasthere,ot

wanttowork,ofcour.‘I’vehadabaddayatthebank,’heexplained.

Harris,whoissometimesalittlecruel,said,‘Ah!Andnowyou’regoingto

!Getoutoftheboat

andtow!’

Georgecouldnotrefu,really,buthedidsay,‘PerhapsitwouldbebetterifIstayedinthe

cantowtheboat.’Thenheadded,‘It’sverydifficultto

prepareamealandyoubothlooktired.’’

artedwalking,andhepulledtheboatbehind

him.

Sometimespeopleforgetthattheyaretowingaboat,andlater,Georgetoldusastoryabout

this…

Georgehadonceenamanandayoungladywhowerewalkingbythesideoftheriver.

dnot

,theyprobablyhadaboat

young

dnotemtocarethat

,justthen,hehad

holdoftherope,andhisthreefat,

heavyfriendssatinthebackoftheirboat,tyoungmanand

hentheyreachedthe

said,‘I’veneverenanyonelook

assadasthoyoungpeoplethen!’

,hewasprobablygoingtosaysomething

tthen,theyoungwomancriedwildly,‘Oh,Henry,

thenwhere’sAuntMarry?’…

‘Didtheyevergettheoldladyback?’repliedthathedidnotknow.

ellyouaboutit…

Firstofall,hem

holdtherope,andtheotheronerunshereandthereandlaughsallthetime.

titroundtheirlegs,

,ey

finallygetitright,

W

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

13

fewminutes,theyaretired,lsitdownonthegrass,and

ile,yourboatgoesoutintothemiddleoftheriver,anditstarts

eystandupandaresurprid.

‘Oh,look!’theysay.‘Theboat’sgoneintothemiddleoftheriver!’

Afterthis,eofthemdecidestostop

jumpup,uttothem,‘Don’tstop!’

‘Yes,what’sthematter?’theyshoutback.

‘Don’tstop!’youcryloudly.

‘Don’twhat?’

‘Don’tstop…goon…goon!’

‘Goback,Emily,andethattheywant,’oneofthemsays.

AndEmilycomesbackandasks,‘Whatisit?Isanythingwrong?’

‘No!’youshout.‘It’sallright!Butgoon!Don’tstop!’

‘Whynot?’

Becauwecan’tsteertheboatifyoustop.’

‘Whynot?’

‘Youmustkeeptheboatmoving!’

‘Oh,allright.I’oingeverythingelallright?’

‘Oh,yes,verynicely–butdon’tstop!’

‘,givememyhat,’soverthere.’

Youfindtheirhat,nksshe

willhaveherhat,ntheytakeMary’esnotwantit,sothey

outtwentyminutesbeforetheystartagain.

Then,atthenextcorner,etostop,andleavetheboat,tocha

thecowaway…

Anyway,ediscusdthe

orewe

couldstaythere,nd,wedecidedtocontinueto

Runnymede.

LaterweallwishedwehadstoppedatPentonHook.

Chapter9

Ourfirstnightontheboat

ftersometime,HarrisandIbegantothinkthatBellWeirlockhaddisappeared.

‘Perhapssomeonehastakenitaway,’hadtowedtheboatasfaras

Staines,

,finally,athalfpast

ven,

uiteaprettyplaceandwetiedoutboatto

abigtree.

A

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

14

Wewerelookingforwardtohavingsomethingtoeatthen,butGeorgesaid,‘No!It’sbetterto

putthecoverontheboatfirst,’llbe

abletositdownandenjoyourmeal.’

erefivepiecesof

cesofmetalwerehalf

circles,andwhenyouhadputthemintothehole,youjusthadtopullthecoveroverthem.

Wethoughtitwouldprobablytakeabouttenminutes.

Wewerewrong.

Wetookthepiecesofmetal,ldnot

expectthistobedangerouswork,butitwas.

Firstofall,ojumponthem,and

nwegotonein,wefoundthatitwasthewrongpieceofmetalforthoholes.

Sowehadtotakeitoutagain.

tookoneend,and

stoodinthemiddleoftheboattotakethecover

datthebackoftheboattotaketheendofthecoverfromHarris.

Georgedidhisjoballright,butitwasnewworktoHarrisandhedideverythingwrong

Idonotknowhowhedidit,enminutesof

reallywork,htthecoverhard–and

orgegotangryandhebegantofight,couldnotgetout

ofthecovereither.

Atthetime,tunderstandwhatwashappening

morencyandIstood

r,we

othingbecautheyhadtoldustowait.

rencyandIdecided

thatthiswasbecauthejobwasverydifficult.

Wewaitedforsometime,yGeorge’shead

,‘Wecan’tbreatheunderthehere!Whydon’tyouhelp

us,yougreatstupidthing!’

’sfacewasnearlyblack,soIwasjustintime.

nwestartedtopreparesupper.

Weneededsomehotwatertomaketea,soweputthewateronthestoveatthefrontoftheboat,

ed

ntogettheotherthingout

aterknowsthatyouarewaitingfor

it,uwillsoon

hearitmakingalotofnoi,becauitwantstobemadeintotea.

tsaythatyoudonotwantany

tea,thatyoudonotneedanytea,verynearthe

waterandyoushout,‘Idon’,George?’

AndGeorgeshoutsback,‘Oh,’’llhavemilk.’

Thismakesthewaterveryangry,anditgetshotveryfast.

Wedidthis,and,wheneverythingelwasready,theteawasready,satdown

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

15

thirty-fiveminutesnobodyontheboatspoke.

Aftersupper,edatMontmorency,d

ack,welitourpipes,andwebegantotalk.

Georgetoldusaboutsomethingveryfunnythathappenedtohisfatheronce…

Whenhewasyoung,George’httheystopped

veryhappy

ate,and,bythattime,they(George’sfatherand

George’sfather’sfriends),theyweregoing

tosleepinthesameroom,eygotintotheroom,they

droppedtheirlight,hadtoundressandgetintobedinthedark.

r,becautheycouldnote,

hemgotinwithhisheadatthetopofthebed.

ithhisfeetbythefirstone’s

head.

orge’sfathersaid,‘Joe!’

‘What’sthematter,Tom?’Joereplied,fromtheotherendofthebed.

‘Why,there’samaninmybed,’George’sfathersaid.‘Hisfeetarehere,nexttome.’

‘Well,that’sverystrange,Tom,’Joeanswered,‘butthere’samaninmybed,too.’

‘Whatareyougoingtodo?’George’sfatherasked.

‘Well,I’mgoingtothrowhimout,’Joereplied.

‘SoamI,’George’sfathersaid,bravely.

Therewasashortfight,

momentortwo,arathersadvoicesaid,‘Isay,Tom!’

‘Yes?’

‘Howhaveyougoton?’

‘Well,totellthetruth,myman’sthrownmeout.’

‘Myman’sthrownmeout,too…Isay,thisisn’taverygoodhotel,isit?’…

AttheendofGeorge’sstory,Harrisasked,‘Whatwasthenameofthehotel?’

‘TheRiverside,’Georgereplied.‘Why?’

‘Ah,itisn’tthesamehotel,then,’Harrisanswered.

‘Whatdoyoumean?’Georgeasked.

‘Well,it’sstrange,’Harrissaid,‘butthesamethinghappenedtomyfatheronce.I’veoften

heardhimtellthestory.’

Afterthat,wewenttobed,butIsleptverybadly.

Chapter10

Ourfirstmorning

wokeupatsixo’clockthenextmorning,andIfoundthatGeorgewasawake,

bothtriedtogotosleepagain,sbecauwedidnotneedto

othdieifwetriedI

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

16

tosleepforanotherfiveminutes.

mea

storyaboutit…

wenttobed,hetookoffhiswatch,andhedidnotlookatit.

Thishappenedinthewinter,soitwasdarkinthemornings,orge

wokeup,quarterpasteight.

‘Goodheavens!’Georgecried.‘Ihavetobeatthebankbynineo’clock!’Andhe

tartedtogoagain,anditwastwenty

tonine.

ning-roomwasdarkandsilent.

Therewasnofire,dedtotellher

thislater,caughtholdofhiscoat,hishatandhisumbrella,andran

ocked!

unlockedthedoorandranoutintothestreet.

,suddenly,henoticedthat

r,itemedverystrangethattheyhadclodthe

ogotowork,sowhyshouldotherpeoplestayinbed?

hemwasapoliceman,onewasaman

whowastakingvegetablestothemarket,andonewasataxi-driver.

ment,hestoodtherewithout

hiswrist,andbentdownandfelthislegs.

Then,withhiswatchinhishand,hewentuptothepoliceman.

‘What’stimeisit,plea?’heaskedthepoliceman.

‘What’sthetime?’thepolicemanrepeated.‘Well,listen.’

JustthenGeorgeheardaclock…one…two…three.‘Butthat’sonlythreetime!’George

said,whenithadfinished.

‘Well,howmanytimesdoyouwant?’thepolicemanreplied.

‘Why,nine,ofcour,’Georgesaid,andheheldouthiswatchtothepoliceman.

‘Doyouknowwhereyoulive?’thepolicemanasked.

Georgethoughtforaminute,andthenhetoldthepolicemantheaddress.

‘Well,Ithinkyoushouldgobacktherequietly,’thepolicemancontinued.‘Andtakeyou

watchwithyou!’

SoGeorgewentback.

Atfirst,r,hedidnotliketheideaof

cidedtogotosleepinthearmchair.

dtoread,y,he

putonhiscoatagain,andhewentoutforawalk.

olicemanwholookedathimstrangely.

startedtohideindarkcornerswheneverhesawapoliceman.

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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Ofcour,said,

‘Nothing.I’mjustgoingforawalk.’nd,twopolicemen

eystoodontheoppositesideoftheroad,andthey

watchedthehou.

Whenhegotin,hethought,‘I’lllightthefire,andthenI’llmakesomebreakfast.’But

hemadealotofnoi,ld

wouldopenthewindowandshout,

‘Help!Police!’ThetwopolicemenwouldcomeandarrestGeorge,

e

downathalfpastven.

Georgesaidthat,sincethen,hehadnevergotuptooearlyagain…

WhenGeorgehadfinishedhisstory,

rencyhad

beenasleeponHarris’schest,andhewentflyingacrosstheboat.

Afterthat,ed

htbefore,dthrowoffthecover

andwewouldjumpintothewater,wouldenjoyalongswim.

Butnowthatmorninghadcome,erlooked

dfeltcold,too.

‘Well,who’sgoingtogoinforaswimfirst?’Harrissaidfinally.

rency

saiditwouldbedifficulttoclimbbackintotheboatagain

wentbackintotheboattolookforhistrours.

edtogodowntotheedgeoftheriver,

toutontotheriverbank,andIbegantomove

carefullyalongthebranchofatreewhichwasoverthewater.

Itwasverycold,andIthoughtIwouldnotsplashwaterovermylf,go

d–tminute,I

wasinthemiddleoftheriver,withhalfalitreoftheThamesinsideme.

‘Goodheavens!OldJ.’sgonein!’Harrissaid.

‘Isitallright?’Georgecalledout.

‘Lovely,’Ireplied.‘Whydon’tyoucomein?’

Buttheydidnotwantto.

WhenIgotbacktotheboat,dtoputonmyshirtasquicklyas

dent,demeveryangry,butGeorgestartedto

laugh.‘Ican’teanythingtolaughat,’wentonlaughing！Infact,Inever

nd,imwhatIthought

n,justasIwasgettingtheshirtbackoutofthewater,

antolaugh,datGeorge,whowaslaughing

ookedatthewetshirt–eIwaslaughingso

much,Idroppedtheshirtinthewateragain.

‘Aren’tyougoingtogetitout?’Georgecried,betweenhisshoutsoflaughter.

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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AtfirstIcouldnotanswerhim,nd,Imanagedtosay,

‘Itisn’’syours!’

Ihaveneverenaman’tomakehimethatitwasvery

funny,buthedidnotagreewithme.

Afterthat,itwastimeforbreakfast,saidhewouldcook

whohadeatenhiggsneverwanted

anyotherfoodafterwards.‘Iftheycan’tgetmyeggs,theywon’teat,’hesaid,‘andtheydie.’

Sowegavehimthepan,andalltheeggswhichhadnotbroken.‘Goon,then,’wesaid.

‘Begin!’

roublestoppingthemfrom

admoretroubletryingtostopthemfromgoinguphisarms.

Finally,satdownandstartedtocook

them.

erhewentnearthepan,

hedroppedeverything,anddancedabout,andwavedhishands,,everytime

GeorgeandIlookedathim,twethoughtitwasnecessarytodothisto

cooktheeggs.

OnceMontmorencywentandlookedintothepan,started

dancingandshouting,llveryexciting,andGeorgeandIwerequitesorrywhenit

finished.

Chapter11

Hotelsandtinnedfruit

fterbreakfastIwassittingbytheriver,andthinkingwhenGeorgesaid,‘Perhaps,

whenyou’verestedenough,youcouldhelptowashtheplatesandthings.’SoI

cleanedthepanwithsomewoodandgrass–andGeorge’swetshirt.

Thenwestartedtomoveuptheriveragain,pastOldWindsor,hat,

andIweretowingtheboatthen.

AswewerepassingDatchet,

tripwereachedDatchatteno’antedtodowastoeatandgotobed.

Ireplied,‘Yes,Idorememberedit.’,itwillbesometimebeforeI

forgetit…

asGeorge,andHarris,tired

gottoDatchet,wetookoutoftheboatthebasketoffood,thetwo

bags,ed

averyprettylittlehotel,knowwhy.

Anyway,Isaid,‘Oh,wedon’’slookforalittlehotelwithrosround

thedoo.’

saveryniceone,anditdid

said

thathedidnotlooklikeaniceman,

walkedforsometime,metamanandwe

A

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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decidedtoaskhim.

‘Excume,doyouknowanynicelittlehotelsnearhere?’wesaid.

‘Well,’hesaid,‘you’,andyou’llcometotheBlack

Hor.’

Wesaid,‘Oh,we’vebeenthere,andwedidn’erenorosroundthe

door.’

‘Well,then,’hesaid,‘there’stheTraveler’utriedthat?’

otlikethemanwhowas

otlikehisbootither.

‘Well,Idon’tknowwhatyou’regoingtodo,then,’themananswered,‘becauthey

aretheonlytwohotelshere.’

‘Nootherhotels!’Harriscried.

‘None,’themanreplied.

‘Whatarewegoingtodonow?’Harrisasked.

,‘Youtwocanasksomeonetobuildyouahotel.I’mgoing

backtotheBlackHor!’

SowewentbacktotheBlackHor.

‘Goodevening,’themanatthedesksaid.

‘Oh,goodevening,’Georgeanswered.‘Wewantthreebeds,plea.’

‘I’msorry,sir,’themanreplied,‘butwehaven’tgotthreebeds.’

‘Oh,well,itdoesn’tmatter–twobeds,scansleepinonebed,can’twe?’

edatHarrissaid,‘Oh,yes.’HethoughtthatGeorgeandIcould

sleepinonebedveryeasily.

‘I’mverysorry,sir,’themanrepeated.‘Wehaven’’vealreadygot

threemeninonebed.’

Wepickedupourthings,andwewentovertotheTraveler’prettylittle

saiditwouldbeallright.

Wewouldnotlookatthemanwithredhairanduglyboots.

ThepeopleattheTraveler’yatthe

dtherewasalittle

houalongtheroad…

edupthebasket,thebagsandthecoats,andweranalong

theroad.

ereonlythreebedsinthehou,andthere

werevenmentherealready.

Someonesaid,‘Whydon’tyoutrythelittleshopnexttotheBlackhor?’

Sowewentbackalongtheroad,r,

addedthatshewouldtakeusthere.

Theoldwomanwalkedveryslowly,andittookustwentyminutestogettoherfriend’s

thewalk,got

there,therewerealreadysomepeopleinherfriend’erewewentto

ntustonumber32,andnumber32wasfull.

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

20

dthatitemedtobeniceandquietthere,and

hesaidthathewouldliketodiethere.

Justthen,alittleboycamepast.‘Doyouknowanyoldpeoplethatwecanfrighten,so

thattheywillgiveustheirbeds?’weaskedhim.

‘No,Idon’t,’theboyanswered,butheaddedthathismotherwouldgiveusaroom.

Andthatwaswherewespentthenight–intwoveryshortbeds.

Afterthat,wewereneverquitesodifficultabouthotels…

Onourprenttrip,though,inuedslowlyonourway,andwe

stoppedforlunchnearMonkeyIsland.

,afterthat,Georgebroughtoutatinoffruit.

Welovetinnedfruit,ghtaboutthefruit.

edateachother,looked

everythingoutofthebags.

verythingout

onthegrassbytheriver,asnotin-opener!

ThenHarristriedtoopenthetinwithalittleknife,tried

ssorsflewup,tomakeaholein

ult,Ifellinthewater,andthetinflew

awayandbrokeacup.

thattin,went

intoafieldandgotabig,ong,heldthetin,and

hepieceofwood,andheldithigh

roughtitdownashardasIcould.

IwasGeorge’terevening,

whenmenaretellingstoriesaboutthedangerstheyhaveknown,

fellsthestoryagain–andheaddsmoredetailstoiteachtime.

Harriswasnothurttoobadly.

Afterthat,rristook

it.

twiththewood

untilitwasveryshapethereis–orgetried,andhe

knockeditintoashapewhichwasstrange,andterrible,htenedhim,andhethrew

ethreeofussatroundthattinonthegrass,andwelookedatit.

edranatit,

wit,ashardashecould,ntdowninto

thewater,gotintotheboat,andweleftthatplace,anddid

notstopuntilwereachedMaidenhead.

WewentthroughMaidenheadquickly,but,afterthat,

imewegotthroughthelockitwas

evening.

Itwasabitwindy,

tafternoonthewindactuallyhelpedusonourway,andtheboat

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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movedquitefast.

Therewerenootherpeopleontheriver,resittinginaboat,

tnearer,wecouldethattheywerewatchingtheirfishing-lines

wasgoingdown,ery

beautiful,andwefeltthatweweresailingintosomestrangeland.

straightintothatboatwiththethreeoldmen

t,n,fromthewordswhichroonthe

eveningair,understoodthatthopeoplewere

nockedthothreeoldmenfromtheirats,andtheywerealllyingonthe

theyworked,theyshoutedunkindthingsaboutus–notjusttheusualthings,butspecialthings

aboutus,andaboutourfamilies.

Harriscalledout,‘Yououghttobepleadthatsomethingsoexcitinghashappenedtoyou!’

Headdedthathewasveryunhappytohearmenoftheirageuthobadwords.

ButthethreeoldmendidnotemtoagreewithHarris.

AtMarlowwelefttheboatnearthebridge,andwewenttospendthenightinahotel.

Chapter12

Montmorencyandthecat

nMondaymorning,wegotupquiteearlyandwewenttoswimbeforebreakfast.

Onthewayback,Montmorencybehavedverystupidly.

ats.

Montmorencydoesnot.

WhenImeetacat,enddownandIstrokeitgently,behindtheears

itstailupanditpushesitlfagainstmy

ntmorencymeetsacat,everybodyknowsaboutit,and

alotofbadwordsareud.

IdonotreallyblameMontmorency(usuallyIjusthithim,orthrowstonesathim),becau

tmorning,,Montmorencywishedthathehadnotargued

withacat.

Aswewerecomingbackfromtheriver,acatranoutfromoneofthehous,anditbeganto

rencysawthecat,gaveashoutofrealhappiness,andranafterit.

Itwasabig,osthalfitstailandoneofits

ears,butitlookedcalmandhappy.

Montmorencyranatthatcatasfastashecould,otemto

edatMontmorencyinaquietway,andit

emedtosay,

‘Yes?Youwantme?’

Montmorencyisquitebravedog,

pedsuddenly,dnotspeak,ofcour,but

itwaasytoimaginetheirconversation.

TheCat:CanIdoanythingforyou?

O

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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Montmorency:No…no,thanks.

TheCAT:Dopleatellmeifyouthereissomethingyouwant,won’tyou?

Montmorency(whomovesbackwardsdowntheroad):Oh,ll…certainly…I…I’mafraid

I’htIknewyou…I’msorry.

TheCat:quitesurethatyoudon’twantanythingnow?

Montmorency(whomovesbackwardsdowntheroad):Notatall…thanks…notatall…verykindof

you…Goodmorning.

TheCat:Goodmorning.

rency,withhistailbetweenhis

legs,dthatnobodywouldnoticehim.

Now,ifyousay‘Cats!’toMontmorency,helooksupatyou,andhiyesbegyou,‘No,

plea!’

Afterthiswedidourshopping,wentbacktotheboat,andmovedoffalongtheriveragain.

However,atHambledonlock,nttoaskthelockkeeper

,‘Oh,plea,couldyougiveusalittlewater?’

‘Ofcour,’theoldmanreplied.‘Justtakewhatyouwantandleavetherest.’

‘Thankyouverymuch,’Georgesaid,andhelookedround,‘Butwhereisit?’

‘It’swhereitalwaysis,myboy,’thelockkeeperanswered.‘It’sbehindyou.’

Georgelookedroundagain.‘Ican’teit,’hesaid.

‘Why?Whereareyoureyes?’themansaid,andheturnedGeorgetowardstheriver.

‘Oh!’Georgecried.‘Butwecan’tdrinktheriver,youknow.’

‘No,butyoucandrinksomeofit,’theoldmanreplied.‘That’swhatI’vedrunkforfifteen

years.’

Wegotsomewaterfromanotherhou.

Afterwehadgotourwater,wewentontowardsWagrave,butbeforewegotthere,we

stoppedforlunch.

Weweresittinginafieldneartheriver,was

preparingthefood,andGeorgeandIwerewaitingwithourplates.

‘Haveyougotaspoon?’Harrisasked.‘Ineedaspoon.’

Thebasketwasbehindus,aboutfive

lookedbackagain,nopenfield,and

otfallenintheriver,becauwewere

betweenhimandthewater.

hadgone–disappeared!

Sadly,n,toourhorror,

wesawHarris’shead–andonlyhishead–ewasveryredandveryangry.

Georgewasthefirsttospeak.

‘Saysomething!’hecried.‘Areyoualiveordead?Whereistherestofyou?’

‘Oh,don’tbestupid!’Harris’sheadsaid.‘It’itto

annoyme!Here,takethefood!’

Andfromthemiddleofthegrassthefoodappeared,andthenHarriscameout,dirtyandwet.

sshadhiddenit.

Then,suddenly,hehadnotknownwhatwashappeningto

ght,atfirst,thatitwastheendoftheworld.

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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HarrisstillbelievethatGeorgeandIplannedit.

Chapter13

Harrisandtheswans

fterlunch,wemovedontoWargraveandShiplake,

outoftheboatthere,oolatethen

togoonpastReading,

wouldspendthenightthere.

Whenwehadtiedtheboatupbytheislands,saiditwouldbeagood

wecoulduallkindsofthings,andallthebitsof

dmakeitreallyinteresting,andwecouldputeverythingintoonebig

saidhewouldshowushowtodoit.

Welikedthisidea,andIstartedtoprepare

r,bythetimewehad

finishedourfirstpotato,

cameandlookedatit.

‘Oh,that’’vedoneitwrong!Doitlikethis!’hesaid.

ndofthattimewehaddonefour

dtocontinue.

Georgesaiditwasstupidtohaveonlyfourpotatoes,

putinsomecarrotsandother

rgelookedatit,wegotoutboththe

outallthebitsofthingsthatwereleft,andweputthemin,,we

berthatMontmorencywatchedatallthis,andhelooked

backafewminuteslaterwithadeadratinhis

otknowifhereallywantedtoputitinthe

pan,saidhethoughtitwouldbe

r,Georgedidnotwanttotryanythingnew.

atoeswereabithard,but

wehadgoodteeth,soitdidnotreallymatter.

AftersupperHarriswasratherdisagreeable–

andIdecidedtogoforawalkinHenley,butweleftHarrisin

hewasgoingtohaveaglassofwhisky,smokehispipe,andthengettheboat

onanisland,sowhenwecamebackwewouldshoutfromtheriver

left,wesaidtohim,‘Don’tgoto

sleep!’

Henleywasverybusy,epasd

startedoffonourlongwalkback,itwaleveno’clock.

uitecold,ed

throughthedark,silentfields,eredifweweregoing

ghtofournice,warm,ghtofHarris,and

Montmorency,andthewhisky–andwewishedthatwewerethere.

A

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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Weimaginedthatwewereinsideourwarmlittleboat,tiredandalittlehungry,withthedark,

deourlves–weweresittingdowntosupperthere;wewere

dhearthehappysoundsofour

iedtomakeitreal.

Aftersometime,wefoundtheriver,thatweweregoing

edShiplakeataquartertotwelve,andthenGeorgesaid,quiteslowly.‘You

don’trememberwhichislanditwas,doyou?’

‘No,Idon’t,’Ireplied,andIbegantothinkcarefully.‘Howmanyarethere?’

‘Onlyfour,’Georgeanswered.‘It’llbeallright,ifHarrisisawake.’

‘Andifheisn’tawake?’Iasked.

Butwedecidednottothinkaboutthat.

Whenwearrivedoppositethefirstisland,weshouted,nt

ontothecondisland,ultwasthesame.

‘Oh,Iremembernow,’Georgesaid.‘Itwasthethirdone.’

And,fullofhope,werantothethirdone,asnoanswer.

elswereallfull,andwecould

notgoroundallthehousandknockondoorsatmidnight!Georgesaidthatperhapswecouldgo

backtoHenley,darrestusandtakeustoapolicestation,

nwethought,‘Perhapshewon’tarrestus.

Perhapshe’lljusthitus,too!’Wecouldnotfightpolicemenallnight.

Wetriedthefourthisland,aininghardnow,anditwasnot

verycold,andwet,ntowonderiftherewereonly

fourislands,hinglookedstrangeanddifferentin

thedarkness.

Justthenwehadlostallhope,verbythetrees,onthe

edasloudlyasIcould.

WewaitedInsilenceforamoment,andthen(Oh,howhappywewere!)weheard

Montmorencybark.

Wecontinuedtoshoutforaboutfiveminutes,

dHarris’skingwherewewere.

ghttheboattooursideofthe

ped,ataplacewherewecouldnotgetintotheboat,andthenimmediatelyhefell

asleep.

wedidwakehimup,andwegotinto

theboat.

,d

himifanythinghadhappened,andhesaid,‘Swans!’

Wehadlefttheboatnearaswan’snest,and,soonafterGeorgeandIhadleft,

cameback,r,Harrismanagedtochaheraway,andshe

hadfoughtbravelyand,intheend,hedefeatedthem.

Halfanhourlatertheycontinued–asanotherterrible

saidtheswanshadtriedtopullhimandMontmorencyfromtheboatanddrown

,onceagain,Harrisfoughtbravely,forfourhours,ey

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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hadallswumawaytodie.

‘Howmanyswansdidyousaytherewere?’Georgeasked.

‘Thirty-two,’Harrisreplied,sleepily.

‘Yousaideighteenbefore,’Georgesaid.

‘No,Ididn’t,’Harrisanswered.‘hinkIcan’tcount?’

dHarrisaboutitthenextmorning,

buthesaid,‘Whatswans?’AndheemedtothinkthatGeorgeandIhadbeendreaming.

Oh,howwonderfulitwastobeintheboatagain!Weateaverygoodsupper,andthenwe

dHarriswhathehaddone

withit,ressiononMontmorency’sfacetoldusthathe

knewsomething,buthesaidnothing.

Isleptwellthatnight,ookingfor

edtobeworryingabouthisclothesallnight.

TwicehemadeGeorgeandmegetup,becauhewantedtoeifwewerelyingonhis

gotquiteangrythecondtime.

‘Whateverdoyouwantyourtroursfor?It’sthemiddleofthenight!’hecried.‘Whydon’t

youliedownandgotosleep?’

nrememberthat

oncehepushedmioverontomyside.‘Whatevercanthatumbrellabe?’hewassaying/

Chapter14

Work,washing,andfishing

ewokeuplatethenextmorning,anditwasaboutteno’clockwhenwemoved

lreadydecidedthatwewantedtomakethisagoodday’sjourney.

Weagreedthatwewouldrow,andnottow,saidthat

GeorgeandIshouldrow,hatheand

Georgeshouldrow,htthatIwasdoingtoomuchoftheworkon

ginningtofeelstronglyaboutit.

eit.

notgivemetoomuchwork.I

yisfullofit.

AndIamverycarefulwithmywork,,someoftheworkinmystudyhasbeenthere

foryears,becauItakecareofit.

However,althoughIlovework,Idonotwanttotakeotherpeople’

getitwithoutaskingforit,andthisworriesme.

,hethinksthatperhapsIshouldhave

r,Iexpectheonlysaysthattomakemefeelbetter.

Inaboat,’sidea

saidthatHarrisneverdidanything

,George,thathehadnevermetsuchlazy

peopleasHarrisandme.

ThatamudHarris.

W

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

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‘George!Work!’helaughed.‘IfGeorgeworkedforhalfanhour,u

everenGeorgework?’headded,andheturnedtome.

IagreedwithHarristhatIhadneverenGeorgework.

‘Well,howcanyouknow?’GeorgeansweredHarris.‘You’uever

enHarriswork,exceptatmealtime?’Georgeaskedme.

haddoneverylittleworkintheboat.

‘Oh,comeon!I’vedonemorethanoldJ.,anyway,’Harrisreplied.

‘Well,itwouldbedifficulttodoless,’Georgeadded.

‘Oh,him,hethinkshe’sapasngeranddoesn’tneedtowork!’Harrissaid.

Andthatwashowgratefultheyweretome,afterIhadbroughtthemandtheiroldboatallthe

wayupfromKingston;afterIhadorganizedeverythingforthem;andafterIhadtakencareof

them!

Finally,wedecidedthatHarrisandGeorgewouldrowuntilwegotpastReading,andthenI

wouldrowtheboatfromthere.

WereachedReadingatabouteleveno’otstaylong,though,becautheriver

r,,ontheleft,andStreatley,on

theright,r,wehaddecidedtogoontoWallingfordthatday,but

ourboatatthebridge,

hadlunchatalittlepub,andMontmorencyenjoyedthat.

WestayedatStreatleyfortwodays,riedto

washthemourlves,intheriver,snotasuccess!

Beforewewashedthem,theywerevery,verydirty,ehad

washedthem,r,theriverbetweenReadingandHenleywas

cleanerbecauwehadtakenallthedirtfromit,

womanwhowashedthematStreatleymadeuspaythreetimestheusualprice.

Wepaidher,anddidnotsayawordaboutthecost.

sitandfishthereallday.

vercatchanyfish,catcha

deadortwo,ugoforawalkbytheriver,thefishcome

andstandhalfoutofthewater,ougoswimming,they

cannotcatchthem.

Onthecondevening,GeorgeandIandMontmorency(IdonotknowwhereHarriswas)

aybacktotheboat,westoppedatalittlepub,bythe

river.

mokingapipe,andwebegan

totalktohim.

Hetoldusthatithadbeenafinedaytoday,andwetoldhimthatithadbeenafineday

alltoldeachotherwethoughtitwouldbeafinedaytomorrow.

Wetoldhimthatwewereonholidayontheriver,andthatweweregoingtoleavethenext

stoppedtalkingforafewminutes,

saverybigfish.

Theoldmansawthatwewerelookingatthisfish.

‘Ah,’hesaid,‘that’sabigfish,isn’tit?’

‘Yes,itis,’Ireplied.

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

27

‘Yes,’theoldmancontinued,‘thimjustbythebridge.’

‘Didyou,really?’Georgeasked.

‘Yes,’themananswered.‘’dcatchhim,andIdid.

Youdon’,goodnight,then.’Andhewentout.

Afterthat,still

glassofbeerinhishand,andhealsolookedat

thefish.

‘That’safine,bigfish,isn’tit?’Georgesaidtohim.

‘Ah,yes,’ksomeofhisbeer,andthenheadded,‘Perhapsyou

weren’therewhenitwascaught?’

‘No,’wesaid,thatwewereonlythere

onholiday.

‘Ah,well,’themanwenton,‘itwasnearlyfiveyearsagothatIcaughtfish.’

‘Oh,didyoucatchitthen?’Iasked.

‘Yes,’hereplied.‘Icaughthimbythelock…Well,goodnighttoyou.’

Fiveminuteslaterathirdmancameinanddescribedhowhehadcaughtthefish,earlyone

,andanothermancameinandsatdownbythewindow.

orgeturnedtothemanandsaid,‘Excume,Ihope

youdon’tmind,butmyfriendandI,whoareonlyonholidayhere,wouldliketoaskyoua

outellushowyoucaughtthatfish?’

‘WhotoldyouthatIcaughtfish?’heasked.

feltthathewasthemanwhohadcaughtit.

‘Well,that’sverystrange,’heanswered,withalittlelaugh.‘You’tchit.’And

hewentontotellushowhehaddoneit,andthathadtakenhimhalfanhourtolandit.

Whenheleft,himthedifferentstorieswehad

nhetoldusthereal

storyofthefish.

Hesaidthathehadcaughtithimlf,yearsago,lovely,sunny

afternoon,andinsteadofgoingtoschool,swhenhecaughtthefish.

steacherthoughthehaddonewellanddidnot

punishhim.

Hehadtogooutoftheroomjustthen,

becameveryexcitedaboutit,andheclimbedupontoachairtoeitbetter.

AndthenGeorgefell,down,

withGeorgeandthechairontopofit.

‘Isthefishallright?’Icried.

‘Ihopeso,’fishwaslyingon

thefloor–inathousandpieces!

Itwasnotarealfish.

Chapter15

OntoOxford

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

28

goingtoCulham,andwe

nStreatleyandWallingfordtheriveris

omCleevethereisquitealongpieceoftheriver

oplearepleadaboutthisbecauitmakeverythingmucheasier,

butIquitelikelocks,berthatGeorgeandIhadanaccidentinalockonce…

Itwasalovelyday,ewastakinga

photographofusall,andthephotographerwashopingtollthepicturetothepeoplein

tethephotographeratfirst,butsuddenlyGeorgestartedtobrushhis

trours,satdownwithakind,butsad,

expressiononhisface,andhetriedtohidehisfeet.

Myfirstideawasthathehadenagirlthatheknew,andIlookedroundtoewho

odyinthelockhadstoppedmovingandtheyallhadfixedexpressionson

girlsweresmilingprettily,andallthemenweretryingtolookbraveand

handsome.

redifIwouldbein

twasthefirstoneinthelock,soImustlooknicefortheman’sphotograph.

gedmyhaircarefully,and

Itriedtomakemylflookstrongandinteresting.

Westoodandwaitedfortheimportantmomentwhenthemanwouldactuallytakethe

en,someonebehindmecalledout.

‘Hi!Lookatyourno!’

Icouldnotturnroundtoewhoitwas,butIhadaquicklookatGeorge’

tolookatmyownno,andthatemedtobeallright,too.

‘Lookatyourno,youstupidfool!’thevoicecriedagain,moreloudlythistime.

Andthenanothervoicecalled,‘Pushyournoout!Youtwo,withthedog!’

itustheywerecallingto?Whatwasthematterwithournos?Whydidtheywantusto

pushthemout?

Butnoweverybodyinthelockstartedshouting,andaveryloud,deepvoicefromthe

backcalled,‘Lookatyourboat!You,intheredandblackcaps!Ifyoudon’tdosomething

quickly,there’llbetwodeadbodiesinthatphotograph!’

Welookedthen,andwesawthatthenoofourboatwascaughtinthewoodengate

erwasrising,andourboatwasbeginningtoturnover.

Quickly,wepushedhardagainstthesideofthelock,tdidmove,

andGeorgeandfelloveronourbacks.

Wedidnotcomeoutwellinthatphotographbecauthemantookitjustaswefell

xpressionsof‘WhereamI?’and‘What’shappened?’onourfaces,andwe

,ld

notemuchel.

idtheydidnotwantphotographofourfeet.

Thephotographerwasnotveryplead…

WepasdWallingfordandDorcher,andwespentthenightatCliftonHampden,whichisavery

W

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

29

prettylittlevillage.

Thenextmorningwewereupearly,

pasttwelvewe

wentthroughIffleylock.

herivercarriesyoutothe

right,thentotheleft;

gotinthewayofalotofotherboatsgotinourway–andalotofbadwordswereud.

However,realotofdogsinthetown.

dehimvery

happy.

Ifyouarethinkingoftakingatripontheriver,andyouaregoingtostartfromOxford,take

yourownboat(unlessyoucantakesomeoneel’swithoutbeingdiscovered).Theboatthatyou

canhireontheThamesaboveMarlowareallright:theydonotlettoomuchwaterin,andthey

sonwhohiresoneoftheboatsisthekindtostayunderthetrees.

Helikestotravelearlyinthemorningorlateatnight,whentherearenotmanypeopleaboutto

essomeoneheknows,hegetsoutoftheboatandhidesbehindatree.I

rememberthatsomefriendsandIhiredoneoftheboatsonesummer…

Wehadwrittentoaskforaboat,and,whenwearrivedattheboathou,wegaveour

said,‘Oh,yes.’Andthenhecalledouttoanotherman,‘Jim,fetch“The

QueenoftheThames”.’

Fiveminuteslater,learlyjust

dugitup,hehaddamageditverybadly.

WeaskedJimwhatitwas.

‘It’s“TheQueenoftheThames”,’heanswered.

Welaughedatthis,andthenoneofussaid,‘ndfetchtherealboat.’

Theysaidthatthiswastherealboat…

Chapter16

Thejourneyhome

eleftOxfordonthethirdday,therchanged,and,when

weleftOxford,inuedtorain,notheavily,butallthetime.

Whenthesunisshining,

whenitrains,theriverisbrownandmirable.

Itrainedallday,and,atfirst,thatitwasanice

andIsangasong

abouthowgooditwastobefreeandtobeabletoenjoythesunandtherain.

Georgethoughtitwasmuchmorerious,andheputuptheumbrella.

Beforelunch,heputthecoverontheboat,lefta

littlehole,pedforthenight,justbeforeDay’slock,andIcannot

saythatwespentahappyevening.

wasnota

W

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

30

alltiredofcoldmeat,pasd

thecoldmeattoMontmorency,andsatattheotherendoftheboat,

alone.

edforaboutanhourandahalf,andGeorgewonten

dedtostopthen,becauthegamewasgetting

tooexciting.

Afterthatwehadsomewhisky,toldusaboutamanhehad

nhadsleptontheriver,inawetboat,likeours,s

later,thepoormandied,saidhewasquiteayoungman,soitwasverysad.

wokeupthenextmorning,hewasingreatpain,andhewasneverabletowalkagain.

Sothen,ofcour,saiditwouldbeveryrious

ifoneofusbecameillbecauwewerealongwayfromadoctor.

Afterthiswereallyneededsomethingtomakeusfeelabithappier,soGeorgesangtous.

Thatreallymadeuscry.

Afterthatwecouldthinkofnothingeltodo,…weundresdand

o’clockweallwokeupagain,sowegotupandhadbreakfast.

nourraincoatsunderthe

cover,ytosingagain,butitwasnotasuccess.

However,ometoenjoyourlvesfor

afortnightontheriver,lledus–well,thatwouldbea

sadthingforourfriendsandfamilies,butwewouldnotgiveintotheweather.

‘It’sonlytwomoredays,’Harrissaid,‘swe’llbeall

right.’

Ataboutfouro’alittlepast

Goringthen,andwedecidedtogoontoPangbourneandspendthenightthere.

‘Anotherhappyevening,’Georgesaid.

dbeinPangbournebyfiveo’dfinish

hatwecouldwalkaboutthevillateintherain,orwecouldsitin

adarklittlepub.

‘ItwouldbemoreinterestingtogototheAlhambraTheatreinLondon,’Harrissaid,andhe

lookedoutatthesky.

‘WithsupperafterwardsatthatlittleFrenchrestaurant,’Iadded.

‘Yes,I’malmostsorrywe’vedecidedtostayontheboat,’weresilent

foratime.

‘Iknowwe’vedecidedtostayanddieonthisboat,’Georgesaid,‘butthereisatrainwhich

leavesPangbournesoonafterfiveo’dbeinLondonintimetogetsomethingtoeat,

andafterwardswecouldgoontothetheatre.’

edateachother,otspeak,

eduptheriver,asnobodythere.

Twentyminuteslater,threefiguresandanashameddogquietlyleftthenearestboathou,

andwenttowardsthestation.

skedhimtotakecareoftheboatforusuntilnine

ThreeMeninaBoat2009

31

o’r,if(only‘if’)

somethinghappenedtostopusfromcomingback,thenwewouldwritetohim.

WereachedPaddingtonstationatveno’clock,

ereason

everybodystaredatus,sitwasbecauifourinteresting

clothes,orbecauwelookedsohealthy.

Afterwardswewentbacktotherestaurant,wheresupperwaswaitingforus.

dayswehadlivedoncoldmeatandbread,andnot

nddrankwithoutspeaking,good,and

thoughtful,andkind.

ThenHarris,whowassittingnexttothewindow,pulledbackthecurtainandlookedoutinto

tillraining,

rainwasrunningfromtheirumbrellas,andthewomenwereholdinguptheirlongskirts.

Harrispickeduphisglass.

‘Well,’hesaid,‘we’vehadagoodtrip,andI’

’stoThreeMenwelloutofaBoat!’

AndMontmorencystoodonhisbacklegsinfrontofthewindow,lookedoutintothenight,

andgaveashortbarktoshowthatheagreed.