shit happens

"THEHOURS"

Dearest,

Ifeelcertain,thatI'mgoingmadagain.

Ithinkwecan'tgothroughanotheroftheterribletimes

andIshan'trecoverthistime.

Ibegintohearvoices

andcan'tconcentrate.

SoI'mdoingwhatemsthebestthingtodo.

Youhavegivenmethegreatestpossiblehappiness.

Youhavebeenineverywayallthatanyonecouldbe.

IknowthatI'mspoilingyourlife

andwithoutmeyoucouldwork

andyouwill.

Iknow.

YoueIcan'tevenwritethisproperly.

WhatIwanttosayisthatIoweallthehappinessofmylifetoyou.

Youhavebeenentirelypatientwithme

andincrediblygood.

Everythingisgoneforme,

butthecertaintyofyourgoodness.

Ican'tgoonspoilingyourlifeanylonger.

Idon'tthinktwopeoplecouldhavebeenhappierthanwehavebeen.

Virginia.

"THEHOURS"

Morning,doctor!-.

Alittlewor,Ithink.-Ie.

Mythingistokeepherwheresheis.

Goodmorning,Leonard.

Goodmorning,Virginia.

Howwasyoursleep?

Uneventful.

Headaches?-No,noheadaches.

Doctoremedplead.

It'sallfromthismorning?-Yes.

Thisyoungmanhassubmittedhismanuscript.

IfoundthreeerrorsoffactandtwospellingmistakesandI'mnotyetonpage

four.

Hadbreakfast?

Yes.

Liar.

Virginia,it'snotmyinsistencebutthedoctor's.

I'dbetterndNellyupwithsomefruitintheparlour.

Right...lunchthen.

Properlunch,husbandandwifesittingdowntogether...

soup...puddingandall.

Byforceifnecessary.

Leonard,IbelieveImayhavethefirstntence.

Workthen.

Thenyoumusteat.

aysaid

shewouldbuytheflowersherlf.

aysaidthatshewouldbuytheflowersherlf.

Sally,IthinkI'llbuytheflowersmylf.

What?

Whatflowers?

Shit!

You'renevergonnabeabigboyifyoudon'teatyourbreakfast.

You'regonnabethebigbrother-it'saveryimportantjob.

Happybirthday.

Goodmorning,honey.

Oh,Dan!

Rosonyourownbirthday-toomuch,really...

Hopehe'lleatitnowyou'rehere.

Itisyourbirthday,youshouldn'tbeupbuyingmeflowers.

Well,youwerestillsleeping-So...

Wedecideditwouldbebetterifweletyoutosleepalittle,didn'twe?

Goodmorning,Bug.

Youneedtorest,'reonly4monthsaway.

Don't,I'mfine...justtired.

Iwastellinghimhe'sgottoeathisbreakfast!

That'strue.

So,it'sabeautifulday!

Whatareyoutwogoingtodo?

We'vegotourplans,don'twe?

Whatplans?

Well,itwouldn'tbemuchofaparty,

ifItoldyoueverydetailinadvance?

I'dbetterstopaskingquestions,ahah?!.

Look,thetime-I'dbettergetgoing.

Haveagoodday.

Youtoo!

Dan,happybirthday.

Thankyou.

Youneedtofinishyourbreakfast.

Well,I'mgonnamakeacake.

That'swhatI'mgonnado.

I'mgonnamakeacakefordaddy'sbirthday.

Mommy,canIhelp?

CanIhelpmakethecake?

Ofcouryoucan,sweetie.

I'mnotgonnadoanythingwithoutyou.

No,ofcour,youhavetocome.

Ofcour.

Well,Ialwayswantedyou...Andeverybodyinvolvedintheceremony.

Idon'sixty?

Well...itwill...it'llmeansomuch.

Thewholeoccasion.

It'stheleastIcando-haveanicedinnerandsaythankstoeverybody.

Youhavemadesomuchforhim.

Oh,takethatasa"yes".

He'llbethrilled!-Oh,mygod!

I'mthrilled,oh,good!-Whatifnobodycomes?

ThisisClarissaVaughan.

Yes,I'mjustconfirmingthatyouarendingacartopickupmefirst.

Hi,Clarissa!-Hi,hi,Brenda!

Andthengoingoverto679Hudsonat9:40.

Thenyouwilltakemeuptownandyouwillwaitforus...

It'llbeoverat7o'clock.

Oh,flowers!

Whatabeautifulmorning.

Hello,Clarissa.

Howareyou?

I'mhavingaparty.

MyfriendRichardhaswonthe"Corroders".

Wow,that'sjustterrific!

ifIknewwhatitwas...

Itisapoetryprize...

foralife'swork.

It'sthemostprestigious.

Forapoet,it'sthebestyoucando.

Oh,,whatdoyoulike?Theliliesareperfect.

No,toomorbid.

Hydrangeas,Ithink.

And...

oh,oh,let'sjusthavebucketsofros!

And...

IthinkI'mgonnatakethewithme.

Rodney.

Thankyou.

IactuallytriedtoreadRichard'snovel...

Youdid?

Oh,Iknow.

Itisnoteasy.

akehimtenyearstowrite.

Maybejusttakesanothertentoread.

It'syouisn'tit?

'titmeanttobeyou?

Oh,Ie!

Yeah,sortof.

Imean...inaway.

Richard'sawriterthat'swhatheis...

Heusthingswhichactuallyhappened.-Yeah...

AndyearsagoheandIwerestudents,that'strue.

But,youknow,thenhechangesthings.-Oh,sure!

Idon'tmeaninabadway.

It'smorelike...

hemakesthemhisown.

Awoman'swholelife...

inasingleday.

Justoneday.

Andinthatday...

herwholelife.

Thisiswhatweneed,shortening.

ay.

It'syou!-Yes.

It'sme!It'sme!

Comein.

Oh,Richard,isabeautifulmorning!

Weshouldletinalittlemorelight.

Isitstillmorning?

Yes,itis.

HaveIdied?

Goodmorning,mydear.

Anyvisitors?

Yes.

Aretheystillhere?

No,they'vegone.

Howdotheylook?-Today?

Sortoflikeblackfire.

Sortoflightanddarkatthesametime.

Therewasonethatwasasanelectrifiedjellyfish.

Itwassinging.

MayhavebeenGreek.

So,theceremonyisat5.

Doyouremember?

Andthen...

thepartyisrightafter.

Theydidbringyoubreakfast,didn'tthey?

Whataquestion...ofcour.

Richard,youdideatit?

Well,canyoueit?

Isithere?

Doyouebreakfastlyingaround?

No,Idon'teit.

Well,thenImusthaveeatenit,mustn'tI?

Isuppo.

Doesitmatter?

Ofcouritmatters.

Youknowwhatthedoctorssay.

Haveyoubeenskippingpills?

Ofcour,Ican'ttakethis.

Takewhat?

Tobeproudandbrave...

infrontofeverybody.

Honey,it'snotaperformance.

Ofcouritis!Igottheprizeformyperformance.

Thatisnonn.

IgottheprizeforhavingAIDSandgoingnuts...

andbeingbraveaboutit!

Iactuallygottheprizeforhavingcomethrough!-It'snottrue.

Forsurviving!-It'snottrue!

That'swhatIwonitfor!

DoyouthinktheywouldhavegivenittomeifIwerehealthy?!

Yes,asamatteroffactIdo!

Isitheresomewhere?

What?

Theprize?

I'dliketolookatit.

No,youhaven'tgottenityet.

Itistonight.

Areyousure?

Iremembertheceremonyperfectly.

Iemtohavefallenoutoftime.

Richard.

Richard.

Itisaparty.

It'sonlyaparty.

Populatedentirelywithpeoplewhorespectandadmireyou.

Ha,smallparty,isit?

Selectparty,isit?

Yourfriends.

IthoughtIlostallmyfriends.

IthoughtIdrovemyfriendscrazy.

Jesus.-Oh,ay...

...alwaysgivingparties...

tocoverthesilence.

Richard...

youwon'tneedtodoanything-allyouhavetodoisappear...

sitonthesofa.

AndIwillbethere.

Thisisagroupofpeople

whowannatellyouyourworkisgoingtolive.

Willitbethisway?

Ismyworkgoingtolive?

Ican'tgothroughallthis.

Whydoyousaythat?

Ican't!

Why?

BecauIwantedtobeawriter,that'sall.

And?

Iwantedtowriteaboutitall.

Everythingthathappensinamoment.

Thewaytheflowerslookwhenyoucarrytheminyourarms.

Thistowel-howitsmells,howitfeels...

it'sthread.

Allourfeelings-yoursandmine.

Thehistoryofit.

Whoweoncewere.

Everythingintheworld.

Everythingmixedup.

Likeit'sallmixedupnow.

AndIfailed.

Ifailed.

Nomatterwhatyoustartupwith,itendsupbeingsomuchless.

Sheerfuckingpride!

Andstupidity.

Wewanteverything,don'twe?

Isuppowedo.

Youkisdmeonabeach.

Yeah.

Doyouremember?

Howmanyyearsago.

OfcourIdo.

Whatdidyouwant

Comeclor.

I'mrighthere.

ouplea?

Takemyhand.

Wouldyoubeangry...

WouldIbeangryifyoudidn'tshowupattheparty?

WouldyoubeangryifIdied?

Ifyoudied?

Whoisthispartyfor?

Whatdoyoumeanwhoisitfor?

Whyareyouasking?Whatareyoutryingtosay?

Iamnottryingtosayanything.

I'msayingIthinkI'monlystayingalivetosatisfyyou.

Sothatisitwedo.

Thatiswhatpeopledo-theystayaliveforeachother.

Thedoctorstoldyou-youdon'tneedtodie.

livethisforyears.

Well,exactly!

Idon'tacceptthis.

Idon'tacceptwhatyousay.

Oh,anditisforyoutodecide,isit?

Howlonghaveyoubeendoingthat?

Howmanyyears...

cleaningfortheapartment...

Whataboutyourownlife?

WhataboutSally?

JustwaittillIdie,

andyou'llhavetothinkofyourlf.

Howareyougoingtolikethat?

Richard...

itwouldbegreatifyoudidcometotheparty,

ifyoufeltwellenoughtocome.

JusttoletyouknowthatIammakingthecrabthing

notthatIimagineitmakesanydifferencetoyou.

Ofcouritmakesadifference,Ilovethecrabthing.

Clarissa.

Yes...

I'llbebackat3:30

andwillhelpyougetdresd.

Wonderful!

Threethirty.

Wonderful.

It'sonthisday,

thisdayofalldays,

herfatebecomescleartoher.

Excume,.

aidIwastocomeandspeakwithyou.

Nearlyfinished,rmeinthekitchen.I'llbedoneverysoon.

Whathappensis

shesaysshewantssomethingthenitturnsoutshedoesn't!

Well,sheneverdoes,doesshe?

Sheneverwantsanything!

Butwhenshewantssomethinginparticular...

it'sasuresign.

IwishI'vebeenthere

IwishIhadtone!

Ifyougivethatlook!

Isaid"madam"

Yes,Nelly,Ihelp?

It'saboutlunch.

Ijusthadtogoaheadonmyown.

Iunderstand.

Youchoapie...

Ichoalambpie.

Thatemssuitable.

Youbeingsobusywithyourwriting...

I'dnoinstructions.

Youdorememberthatmysisteriscoming

atfourwiththechildren?

Yes,tforgotten.

Chinatea,Ithink.

Andginger.

Ginger,Madam...

I'dliketogivethechildrenatreat.

We'llhavetogotoLondonforginger,Madam.

Ihaven'tfinishedthis,andthere'stherestoflunchtogetready.

The12:30train,Nelly,willgetyouintoLondonjustafterone,

ifyoureturnonthe2.30,youshouldbebackinRichmondsoonafter3.

DoImiscalculate?

No!

Wellthen,issomethingdetainingyouNelly?

Ican'tthinkofanythingmoreexhilaratingthanatriptoLondon.

Goodmorning,.

Goodmorning.

Weshallpublishnomorenewauthors.

IhavetotellyouI'vediscoveredtenerrorsinthefirstproof.

Lessbadthantherearethemopposing.

"Pasandalewasacharn錶-hou...

fromwhichnominreturn"!

Doyouthinkit'spossiblethatbadwritingactuallyattractsahigherincidenceof

error?

Ifit'sallright,IthoughtImighttakeashortwalk.

Notfar?

No,justoverthere.

Gothen.

IfIcouldwalkmid-morning,I'dbeahappyman.

She'lldie.

She'sgoingtodie.

That'swhat'sgoingtohappen.

She'llkillherlf.

She'llkillherlfoversomethingwhichdoesn'temtomatter.

Letusthink.

Yougreadthepan,mommy.

IknowIgreadthepan,sweetheart,evenmommyknowsthat.

Thisiswhatwe'regonnado.

Flour.

Bowl.

Sifter.

CanIdoit,mommy?

CanIsifttheflour?

Yes,youcansifttheflower,

baby,ifthat'swhatmakesyouhappy.

Isn'titbeautiful?

Don'tyouthinkitlookslikesnow?

...

thenextthing...thenextthingI'mgonnashowyou

istomeasureupthecuts.

Mommy,itisn'tthatdifficult.

Iknow,Iknowitisn'tdifficult,it'sjustthatI...

justwannadothisfordaddy.

Becauit'shisbirthday?

That'sright.

Bakehimthecaketoshowhimthatwelovehim.

Otherwihewon'tknowwelovehim?

That'sright.

Igotallstuff!

I'mgoingrightoutagain.

MyGod,whatazoo!

Whydopeoplehavetotalkaboutdrycleaning?

Whatisittheretotalkabout?

Iboughtyousomeflowers.

Whereareyou?

Inhere.

Igotsomeoneatworktocoverme.I'llbewithyouallnight.

Areyouallright?

Sure.

IguessyousawRichard.

That'sright.

Well,ofcour...

Ibethesaid:"Oh,bytheway,honey,canIskiptheparty?"

Don'tworry,healwaysshowsup...

Oh,sure!

...intheend.

What?

Richardmissingachancetotalkabouthiswork?

Idon''llshowup.

Youdidtheating?

Idid.

Idon'tbelieveit-LouisWaters!IsLouiscoming?!

Richard'sLouis?

Heis.

Youputhimnexttome...

WhydoIalwayshavetositnexttotheex-es?

Isitsomekindofhint,sweetheart?

Shouldn'ttheex-eshavetableoftheirown,

wheretheycanall"ex"together

I'moff.

Trynottopassoutfromexcitement.

Clarissa,it'sgoingtobebeautiful.

Thankyou.

You'rewelcome.

Whyiverythingwrong?

Itdidn'twork!

Damnit!

Itdidn'twork...

Hi,Scott.

Hi,.

Mommy,mommy,there'ssomeoneatthedoor!

Hello?

Laura?

Hi,Laura,amIinterrupting?-Ofcournot,comein.

Areyouallright?

Why,sure!

Hi,Richie!

Sitdown,I'vegotcoffeeon.

Wouldyoulikesome?

Plea.

Oh,look,youmadeacake!

Iknow.

Didn'twork.

Ithoughtitwasgonnawork.

Ithoughtitwouldbebetterthanthat.

Oh,Laura,Idon'tunderstanditwhyyoufinditsodifficult!

Idon'tknoweither.

Everyonecanmakeacake-it'sridiculouslyeasy.

Ibetyoudidn'tgreathepan.

Igreadthepan.

Allright.

Youknow,youhaveothervirtues.

AndDanlovesyousomuchhewon'tevennotice.

Whateveryoudo,he'sgonnasayit'swonderful.

Well,it'strue!

DoesRayhaveabirthday?

Surehedoes!

Whenisit?

September.

Wegotothecountryclub.

Wealwaysgotothecountryclub.

Wedrinkmartinisandspendthedaywithfiftypeople.

Ray'sgotalotoffriends.

Oh,hedoes...

Youbothhavealotoffriends.

Youaregoodatit.

HowisRay?Ihaven'tenhiminawhile.

Ray'sfine.

Theguysaresomething,aren'tthey?

Oh,yes,youcansaythatagain.

Theycamehomefromthewar...Theydervedit,didn'tthey?

Afterallthey'vebeenthrough.-What...didtheyderve?

Idon'tknow...usIguess...allthis.

Oh,youarereadingabook.-Yeah.

What'sthisoneabout?

Well,it'aabout...Thiswomanisincredibly...Well,she'sahostess,andshe's

incrediblyconfident

andshe'bebecaushe'sconfident,everyone

thinksshe'sfine...

Butsheisn't.

So?

Kitty,whatisit?Istheresomethingwrong?

Ihavetogotothehospitalforacoupleofdays.

Kitty...

Ihavesomekindof...ghostinmyuterusand...

we'regonnagoinandtakealook.

When?

Thisafternoon.

Ineedyoutofeedthedog.

Ofcour.

Isthatwhatyoucameheretoask?

Whatdidthedoctorssayexactly?

That'sprobablywhatthetrouble'sbeen

withnotgettingpregnant.

Thethingis...

Imean,youknow...

I'vebeenveryhappywithRay.

Andnowitturnsoutthattherewasareason...areasonIcouldn'tconceive.

Youarelucky,Laura.

Idon'tthinkyoucancallyourlfawomanuntilyou'reamother.

Andthejokeis...

allmylifeIcoulddoeverything.

Imean,coulddoanything,really.

ExcepttheonethingIwanted.

Yes.-That'sall.

Oh,atleastnowyouwillbeabletodealwithit.

That'sright.

That'swhatthey'redoing.-That'sright...-I'mnotworried.

No,itisnotinyourhands.

That'sit...

It'sinthehandsofsomephysicianI'veneverevenmet!

SomesurgeonwhoprobablydrinksmoremartinisthanRayand...

Oh,Kitty!

God,IamsoworriedaboutRay.

Comehere.-I'mdoingfine,really.

Iknow,Iknowyouare.

I'mmoreworriedaboutRay,ifanythingisn'tthatgoodwiththisstuff.

ForgetaboutRay...justforgetaboutRay.

Youweresweet.

Youknowtheroutine,right?

Youhavethecanintheevening...andcheckthewaternowandthen...

Ray'llfeedhiminthemorning.

Kitty,youdidn'tmind?

What?

Ididn'tmindwhat?

Doyouwantmetodriveyou?

IthinkI'llbebetterifIdrivemylf.

Kitty,it'sgonnabeallright.

Ofcouritis.

Bye.

What?Whatdoyouwant?

,sarrived!

Notduetill4o'clock.

Ican'thelpthat...

sheishere!

Youareaperfectangel...

Don'tallowtheboysmakefunofyou.

Flyaway.

Virginia!

Leonardthinksit'stheendofcivilization.

peopleareinvitedat4...

...andarriveat2:30.

Oh,God!

Barbarians.

Well,wefinishedlunchsoonerthanweimagined.

IhadtondtoNellytoLondonforsugarginger.

Oh,Virginia.

Youaren'tsofrightenedofrvants,areyou?

Comeon!

Andhowareyou,sister?

Frantic,it'sbeenridiculousinLondon.

Ridiculous?How?

Busy.

Whyisbusyridiculous?

Iwould'veinvitedyoutoourparty,but...

Iknewyouwouldn'tcome.

Didyou?Howdidyouknowthat?

Ithoughtyounevercametotown.

That'sbecauyounolongeraskme.

Areyounotforbiddentocome?

Dothedoctorsnotforbidit?

Oh,thedoctors!

Doyounotpayheedtoyourdoctors?

NotwhentheyareabunchofcontemptibleVictorians!

So,whatdoyousay?Areyoufeelingbetter?

Hasthisfastnessmadeyoustronger?

I'msaying,Vanessa,thatevencrazypeopleliketobeasked.

Nessa,Nessa,Nessa...

Hellocherubs.

Whathaveyougot?

Whathaveyoufound?-Wefoundabird.

Didyou?Wheredidyoufindthat?

Ithinkhemusthavefallenfromatree.

OhmyGoodness!Justlookathim.

Wemightbeabletosavehim.

Savehim?

Ithinkyouhavetobecareful,Quentin.

There'satimetodie,anditmaybethebird'stime...

Let'spicksomegrasstomakeagrave.

Oh,Julian!

I'mjustsaying,heatleastneedsabedtodieon.

Comeon,Nessa,let'smakeagrave!

Nessa,comeon!

God,verywell,I'mcomingwaitformethere!

Angelica,we'llbeallright,staywhereyouare.

You'regoingtoofast,ooh!

Doyouthinkshe'dlikeros?

Isthisa"she"?

Yes,thefemalesarelarger

andlesscolourful.

Whathappenswhenwedie?

Whathappens?

Wereturntotheplacethatwecamefrom.

Idon'trememberwhereIcamefrom.

NordoI.

She'sverysmall.

Yes...yes,that'soneofthethingsthathappen...

Welooksmaller.

Butverypeaceful.

Isitdone?Haveyoufinished?

Isthebirdfuneralcomplete?

Yes.

Wellthen,arewegoingtobedeniedaltogetherforcomingsoearly?

No,ofcournot.

Comeon,comeon,boys,we'llhaveacupoftea.

Oh,stopit,Julian!

Julian,comeinside!

Hey,Bug,Igotthisidea.

We'regonnamakeanothercake.

We'regonnamakeabetterone.

Whathappenedtothefirstone?

AndafterthatIthinkweshouldgoout!

Yes?

Clarissa?It'sLouis.

LouisWaters.-Louis?

OhmyGod,you'reearly.

Doyoumind?Isitallright?

Oh,whyshouldImind?

I'mdelighted!-Well,now!

IfeellikeI'minterrupting.

No,why?

Iknowtheceremonyisn'tuntil5,

butIflewinthismorning.

Well,Richard'sgoingtobethrilled.

He'llbethrilledtoeyou!

Youthinkso?-Ofcour.

Whatarewedoing?Weshouldgoin...

Areyouallright?

'snothing.

It'sjusttheparty.-Oh,right.

Oh,wow,it'slookingbeautiful!-Thanks.

Areyoustillwith...?-Yes,Iam!

rs.

It'scrazy.-Whyisitcrazy?

Noreason...Wouldyoulikesomethingtodrink?

Somewater.-OK.

Areyoustillaneditor?

Oh,sure.-Forthesamepublisher?

'sSanFrancisco?

Oh,it'soneofthocitiespeopletellyoutolike.

Richardsaidhethoughtyouwerehappyupthere.

Oh,lnessmakeshimpsychic.

Youhavetoprepareyourlf,rychanged...

Ireadthebook.-OhGod.

Exactly!Ithoughtyouweremeanttodomorethanjustchangepeople'snames.

Well...-Isn'titmeanttobefiction?

Heevenhadyoulivingon10thstreet.

Itisn'tme.-Isn'tit?

YouknowhowRichardis...it'safantasy.

Awholechapteronshouldshebuysomenailpolish

andthenguesswhat-after50pagesshedoesn't.

Thewholethingemstogoonforeternity;nothinghappens

andthen,wham!Fornoreasonshekillsherlf.

Hismotherkillsherlf.

Yeah,sure,hismother,butstillfornoreason.

Well,I...-Outoftheblue!

Iknowthebookistough,.

Onlyonethinguptme-

What'sthat?Whatuptyou?

Well,thattherewasn'tmoreaboutyou.

That'skind.

IwentbacktoWellfleet.

Youdid?-'ttelltoyou?

No,but,then,Inevereyou.

Yourememberthehou...it'sstillthere.

Ithinkyou'recourageous.

Courageous?Why?

Todaregovisit...WhatImeanis,tofacethefact

thatwehavelostthofeelingsforever.

Shit!-Clarissa?

Idon'tknowwhat'shappening.I'msorry.

Iemtobeinsomestrangesortofmood.

I'msorry-it'sveryrudeofme.

Iemtobeunravelling.

Ishouldn'thavecome.-No,it'snotyou,it'snotyou!

It'smorelikehavingaprentiment,doyouknowwhatI'msaying?

Oh,God,it'sprobablyjustnervesabouttheparty.

Youknow...badhostess.

Clarissa,what'shappening?

Jesus!-Whatisit?

Doyouwantmetogo?-No,don'tgo!

Don'tgo...explaintomewhythisishappening.

Don't!Don'ttouchme.

Jesus,isbetterifyoudon't.

It'ingfromSanFrancisco...

andI'vebeennursingRichardforyears!

AndallthetimeIheldmylftogether

Noproblem.-Iknow.

OnemorninginWellfleet...youwerethere

wewereallthere...

IwassleepingwithhimandIwasoutontheporch.

Hecamebehindmeandputhisarmonmyshoulder.

Goodmorning,ay.

Fromthenon...I'vebeenstuck.

Stuck?

Withthename,Imean.

Andnowyouwalkin.

toeyouwalkin...'cauInevereyou...lookatyou!

Anyway,itdoesn'ouhestayedwith...

AndIhadthesummer.

ThedayIlefthim...

IgotonatrainandmademywayacrossEurope.

Ifeltfreeforthefirsttimeinyears.

So,tellmeaboutSanFrancisco.

What'stotell?

Theystillteachdramatoidiots.

Theycan'tallbeidiots.

InfactIshouldn'ttellyouthis...

I'vefalleninlove.

Really?-Yes.

Withastudent.-Withastudent?

...youthink

AmIstillupforthis?Allthisintensity,allthoarguments,

doorsbeingslammed.

But,youknow,whatit'slike.

Areyoufeelingbetter?

Alittle.

Thankyou.

DoyouthinkIamridiculous?

Ridiculous?

Fortunate,too.

I''s.

Ihavetodosomething.

Mommy,Idon'twannago.

Youhaveto,I'omethingtodobeforedaddygetshome.

Hello.

Hi,snotveryhappy.

Mommy,Idon'twannadothis.

Ihavetogo,honey.

Yourmommyhasthingsshehastodo.

Comein,Igotcookies!

So,baby...

Youhavetobebravenow.

Don''sgonnabefine.

Honey!

Comeon,comeon,darling!

Mommy!-Stopit!

No!Mommy!-Allright,youhavetostopit!

Mommy,mommy,mommy...

Mommy,mommy,no!

Breakfastisrvedbetween7and11intheregencyroom.

Androomrviceisavailable24hours.

Thankyou,madam.

Isthereanythingelyouneed?

Yes,hum...

No...nottobedisturbed.

"Diditmatterthen,sheaskedherlf,walkingtowardBondStreet."

"Diditmatterthatshemustinevitablyceacompletely?"

"Allthismustgoonwithouther..."

"Didsherentit...

ordiditnotbecomeconsoling

tobelievethatdeathendedabsolutely?"

"Itispossibletodie."

"Itispossibletodie."

TherewasalovelycoatforAngelicaatHarrods...

gelicaisfavored.

Virginia?

Virginia.

Virginia!

Whatareyouthinkingabout?

Areyoustillwithus?

Yourauntisverylucky,Angelica.

Shehastwolives...

shehasthelifeshe'sleading

andalsoofthebookshe'swriting.

Thismakesherveryfortunateindeed.

Whatwereyouthinkingabout?

Iwasgoingtokillmyheroine.

ButI'vechangedmymind.

Ican't.

AndthenI'llhavetokillsomeoneelinstead.

Afascinatingvisit.

Weenjoyeditthoroughly.

Youhavetogoalready?

Iwishyouwouldn'tgo.

Oh,Virginia,thelastthingyouwantisournoisyness!

Myhopeless,clumsyboys!

Saygoodbye,boys!-Bye!Bye!

YoureturntoWalt?-Tonight.

Tosomeinsufferabledinner!

Notevenyoucouldenvyit,Virginia.

ButIdo.

Saysomething,Nessa!Didn'tyouthinkIemedbetter?!

Yes,Virginia,youembetter.

Youthink...

youthinkImayonedayescape?

Oneday?!

Nessa...-Nessa!Comeon!

Come,Angelica,wemustgo.

Bye.

Goodbye,littlegirl.

Angelica,thetrain.

We'regonnamissthetrain.

Hurry,bigstep!

Comeon,comeon,comeon,Iwannagohome!

Westayedtoolong-we'llmissthetrain.

Stayclo.

I'msorry,Iknow!

Itriedtogetearlier,Itried,OK?Don'tstart!

Iknowit'sjustincrediblybusy

becauit'syourparty.

Julia...

howhaveyoubeendoing?

I'mfine.

Comehere.

Whathaveyoubeendoing?

Well,studying,mom.

So...

whatshouldIdo,chairs?

No,let'akeittothebedroom.

IbumpedintoLouisWaters.

Oh,youdid?Where?-Inthestreet.

They'reallhere,aren'tthey?Alltheghosts...

Alltheghostsareasmblingfortheparty!

Heis...soweird.

Oh,what?Youcan'tethat?

Youcan'tethatLouisWatersisweird?

Icanethathe'ssad.

Mum,allyourfriendsaresad.

You''shappening?

AllthedayIlookedaroundthisroomandthought

I'mgivingaparty...

allIwannadoisgiveaparty!

And?

Iknowwhyhedoesit,hedoesitdeliberately.

Oh,isthisRichard!-Ofcour.

Hediditthismorning...

hegivesmethatlook.

Whatlook?

Tosay...

yourlifeistrivial.

You...areso...trivial.

Justdailystuff,youknow,schedulesandparties,and...

details-that'swhathemeans.

Thatiswhathe'ssaying.

Mum,itonlymattersifyouthinkit'strue.

Well?Doyou?Tellme.

WhenIamwithhim,Ifeel

Yes,Iamliving...

andwhenIamnotwithhim,

yes,everythingdoesemsortof...

silly.

Idon'tmeanwithyou,right!God!

Neverwithyou.

Justalltherestofit.

Sally?

Therestofit.

Falcomfort.

Becau?

Ifyousaytomewhenwereyouhappiest.-Mum...

Tellmethemomentyouwerehappiest.

Iknow!Iknow,itwasyearsago.

Yeah.

Allyou'resayingis...

youwereonceyoung.

Irememberonemorning...

gettingupatdawn...

therewassuchanofpossibility!

Youknow?Thatfeeling?

And...andIrememberthinkingtomylf:

"Sothisisthebeginningofhappiness..."

"Thisiswhereitstarts!"

"And,ofcour,there'llalwaysbemore."

Neveroccurredtome

itwasn'tthebeginning,

Itwashappiness.

Itwasthemoment...

Ah,Nelly,nderingifyou'?

Ithoughtyouknew,asgoneout.

Iamstillofferedanunexpectedpleasure...

Perhapsyoucouldtellmeexactlywhatyouthinkyouaredoing?

WhatIwasdoing?-Iwenttolookforyouandyouweren'tthere.

Youwereworkinginthegarden,Ididn'twishtodisturbyou.

Youdisturbmewhenyoudisappear!

Ididn'tdisappear.

Iwentforawalk.-Awalk?

Isthatall?Justawalk...

Virginia,wemustgohomenow,Nellyiscookingdinner...

She''sjustourobligationtoeatNelly'sdinner.

There'snosuchobligation.

Nosuchobligationexists!

Virginia,youhaveanobligationtoyoursanity.-I'veenduredthiscustody!

Enduredthisimprisonment.-Oh,Virginia!

Iamattendedbydoctors.

EverywhereI'mattendedbydoctorswhoinformmeofmyowninterests!

Theyknowyourinterests.-Theydonot!

Theydonotspeakformyinterests.-Virginia,Ican...

Icanethatitmustbehardforawomanofyour...

Ofwhat?Ofmywhatexactly?-Ofyourtalent

toethatshemustnotbethebestjudgeofherowncondition!

Whothenisabetterjudge?

Youhaveahistory.

ghtyoutoRichmondbecauyou

mayhave

fits,moods,blackouts,hearingvoices...

Webroughtyouheretosaveyoufromtheinevitabledamageyouintended

uponyourlf!

Youtriedtokillyourlftwice.

Ilivedailywiththatthreat.

Wetup...wetuptheprintingpressnotjustfor...

itlf...notjustpurelyforitlf

Butsothatyoumighthaveareadysourceofabsorptionandaremedy!

Ineedtowork.

Itwasdoneforyou!

Itwasdoneforyourbetterment!

Itwasdoneoutoflove!

IfIdidn'tknowyoubetterIwouldcallthisingratitude!

AmIungrateful?

Youcallmeungrateful!

Mylifehasbeenstolenfromme.

ing...

alifeIhavenowishtolive.

Howdidthishappen?

ItistimeforustomovebacktoLondon.

ImissLondon.

ImissLondonlife.

Thisisnotyouspeaking,Virginia.

Thisisanaspectofyourillness...It'sme,itismyvoice!

Notyou...-It'smine,mineonly...

It'savoiceyouhear.-Itisnot!Itismine.

Iamdyinginthistown.

Ifyouwerethinkingclearly,'drecallitwasLondonthatbroughtyou

low.

IfIwerethinkingclearly?

IfIwerethinkingclearly...-WebroughtyoutoRichmondtogiveyoupeace.

IfIwerethinkingclearly,Leonard,Iwouldtellyou:

thatIwrestlealone...

inthedark,inthedeepdarkandthatonlyIcanknow...

onlyIcanunderstandmyowncondition.

Youlivewiththethreat,ewiththethreatofmyextinction.

Leonard,Ilivewithittoo.

Thisismyright.

Itistherightofeveryhumanbeing.

Ichoonotthesuffocatinganestheticofthesuburbs...

buttheviolentjustofthecapital,thatismychoice!

Themeanestpatient,justeventheverylowest,isallowedsomesay

inthematterofherownprescription.

Therebyshedefinesherhumanity.

Iwish,foryoursake,Leonard,thatIwerehappyinthisquietness

butifitischoicebetweenRichmondanddeath...

Ichoodeath.

Verywell,Londonthen.

WegobacktoLondon.

Areyouhungry?

I'malittlehungrymylf.

Comealong.

Youcannotfindpeacebyavoidinglife,Leonard.

TraintoLondoninplatform1.

.

Hey,heythere,Bug,what'swrong?

Hi,,sorryI'mlate.-He''sbeenfine.

He'sjusthappytoeyou.-Oh,couldn'thavebeenthatbad,couldit?

Soyougotacutthen?-Oh,yes,yes.

Itlooksgreat.-Theydidn'thavetodoverymuch.

Well,wehadafinetimetogether.

Thankyouverymuch.

Sothatwasn'ttoobad,wasit?

Iwon'tgonetoolong.

No,youweren'tlong.-That'sright.

Atonepoint...

Idon'tknow...

TherewasamomentIthoughtImightbelonger.

Ichangedmymind.

Whatisit,honey?

Mommy,Iloveyou.

Iloveyoutoo,baby.

What'swrong?

What?

Don'tworry,honey,everything'sfine.

We'regonnahaveawonderfulparty.

We'vemadeyourdaddysuchanicecake!

Iloveyou,sweetheart.

Youaremyguy.

.

Richard,it'sme!

I'mearly.

Whatthehellisgoingonhere?!

Richard!

Whatareyoudoinghere?

You'reearly!

Whatisgoingon...

...whatareyoudoing?-Ihadthiswonderfulidea...

Ineededsomelight!

Ineededtoletinsomelight!

Richard,whatareyoudoing?

Ihadthisfantasticnotion.

Icombinedmymadnessandmymagictosolvetheriddle...

untilfindingthecoincidences.

Richard...

Don'tcomenearme!

ItemedtomeIneededtoletinsomelight.

Whatdoyouthink?

Iclearedawayallthewindows.

Allright,Richard,domeonesimplefavor...

Come,comesit!

Idon'tthinkIcanmakeittothepartytonight.

Youdon'thavetogototheparty...

youdon'thavetodoanythingyoudon'twannado.

Youcandoasyoulike!

ButIstillhavetofacethehours,don'tI?

Imeanthehoursaftertheparty...

andthehoursafterthem.

Youdohavegooddaysstill,

youknowyoudo!

Notreally.

It'skindofyoutosayso,but...

it'snotreallytrue.

Aretheyhere?

Who?

Thevoices.

Oh,thevoicesarealwayshere.

Andit'sthevoicesyou'rehearingnow,isn'tit?

No,no,no,no...

ay,it'syou.

I'vestayedaliveforyou...

butnowyouhavetoletmego.

Richard...I...

No,wait,wait,wait.

Tellmeastory.

Whatabout?

Tellmeastoryfromyourday.

I...Igotup...

Yes?

And...Iwentout...

andwenttobuyflowers...

ayinthebook,youknow.

Yes.

Anditwasabeautifulmorning...

Wasit?

Yes,itwassobeautiful...

itwassofresh.

Oh,fresh,wasit?

Yes.

Likea...likeamorningonabeach?

Oh,yes.

Likethat?

Yes.

Likethatmorning...

whenyouwalkedoutofthatoldhouandyouwereeighteen...

andmaybeIwasnineteen.

Yes.

Iwasnineteenyearsold...

andI'dneverenanythingsobeautiful.

You,comingoutoftheglass-doorintheearlymorningstillsleepy.

Isn'titstrange?

Themostordinarymorninginanybody'slife.

I'mafraidIcan'tmakeittotheparty,Clarissa.

Theparty...

doesn'tmatter.

You'vebeensogoodtome,ay.

Iloveyou.

Idon'tthinktwopeoplecould'vebeenhappierthanwe'vebeen.

HappyBirthday!

HappyBirthday,honey.

Thisisperfect,thisisjustperfect.

Doyouthinkso?

Sure.

Youmust'vebeenworkingallday.

That'swhatweweredoing,right,Bug?Wewereworkingallday.

Thisisjustfantastic.

That'swhatI'vealwayswanted.

OnedayRitchie,I'lltellyou...

I'lltellyouhowitallhappened.

Don't.

Iwannatellhimthestory.

Whathappened?WhenIwasinthewar...

awarIfoundmylf

thinkingofthatgirlI'denandnevermether...

athighschool.

Thisstrange,fragilelookinggirl

namedLauraMcGrough.

Shewasshy...

andshewasinteresting.

And,yourmotherwon'tmindifItellyouthis,Ritchie...

butshewasthesortofgirl

thatyouwouldesittingmostlyonherown.

AndItellyou,sometimes

whenIwasintheSouthPacific

thefactisthatIudtothinkaboutthisgirl.

Dan...

Iudtothinkaboutbringinghertoahou

toalife...

prettymuchlikethis.

Anditwasthethoughtofthehappiness

thethoughtofthiswoman...

thethoughtofthislife...

that'swhatkeptmegoing.

Ihadanideaofourhappiness.

Whydoessomeonehavetodie?

Leonard...

Inyourbook,isitsomeonehavetodie?

Why?

Isthisastupidquestion?

No.

I'mmakingthatquestionstupid.

Notatall.-Well?

Someonehastodieinorderthattherestofusshouldvaluelifemore.

It'scontrast.

Andwhowilldie?

Tellme.

Thepoetwilldie.

Thevisionary.

Whatareyoudoing?

I'mbrushingmyteeth.

Areyoucomingtobed?

Yeah,inaminute.

Cometobed,LauraBrown.

IranintoRay,hesaid

Kittywillgotothehospital.

Iknow.

Nothingrious,hesaid,

justtocheckup.

Iamterrified.

Why?

OnlyIwishyoucoulddisappear...

Maybeyoucouldgoeherinthemorning,honey.

Iwasgoingto.

Iwasgonnastopby.

I'vehadawonderfulday...

andIhaveyoutothank.

Cometobed,honey.

I'mcoming.

Areyoucoming?

Yes.

What?

Iwasthinkingyouweregoingtobed...

Iam.

Iamgoingtobed.

Whatthen.

Allelisclear.

Onlyonething'sleftunclearinthestory...

ay'sdestinymustberesolved.

YouareLauraBrown.

Yes,IamRichard'smother.

Ofcour.

IamClarissaVaughan.

Plea,comein.

MyfriendSallyisinthekitchen...

withmydaughter.

Wewerehavingaparty.

Weweregoingtohaveaparty.

IwasluckyIgotthelastplanefromToronto.

themonster.

IhopeIdidtherightthing

Foundyournumberinthisphonebook.

Yes,hehadit.

Wedidn'tspeakoften.

It'saterriblething,thisphone...

wecouldhavebeenagreatfamily.

Richard'sfatherdied.

Yes,hediedofcancerquiteyoung.

AndRichard'ssisterisdead.

ObviouslyIfeelunworthy

curyourfeelingsofunworthiness.

Yousurvive...andtheydon't.

Haveyoureadthepoems?

Ohyes...oh...Ialsoreadthenovel.

Youe...

peoplesaythenovel'sdifficult.

Iknow.

Theysaythat.

Iknow.

Hehadmedieinthenovel.

Iknowwhyhedidthat.

Ithurt,ofcour,

Ican'tpretenditdidn'thurt.

ButIknowwhyhedidit.

YouleftRichard

whenhewasachild.

Ileftbothmychildren.

Iabandonedthem.

Theysayit'stheworstthingamothercando.

Youhaveadaughter.

Yes.

ButInevermetJulia'sfather.

Yousowantedachild.

It'sgreat.

Youarealuckywoman.

Therearetimesyoudon'tbelong

andyouthinkyou'regoingtokillyourlf.

OnceIwenttoahotel

LaterthatnightImadeaplan.

TheplanwasIwouldleavemyfamily

whenmycondchildwasborn.

That'swhatIdid.

Igotuponemorning,madebreakfast...

wenttothebusstop,gotonthebus.

I'dleftanote.

Igotajobinalibrary

inCanada.

Itwouldbewonderfultosay

youregretit.

Itwouldbeeasy...

Butwhatdoesitmean?

Whatdoesitmeantoregret

whenyouhavenochoice?

It'swhatyoucanbare.

Thereitis...nooneisgoingtoforgiveme.

Itwasdeath.

Icholife.

Whydon'tyoutakeyourcoatoff?

Ithoughtyoumightlikeacupoftea.

Ohmygoodness!Thankyou,dear.

IfelllikeI'mstealingyourroom.

Weputallthefoodaway,

soifyou'rehungry,

I'lljustmakeyousome.

Oh,thankyou.

Wherewillyousleep?

Onthesofa.

Oh,I'msorry.

Goodnight,sweetheart.

Goodnight.

DearLeonard...

tolooklifeintheface,

always...tolooklifeintheface...

andtoknowit...forwhatitis...

atlasttoknowit...

toloveit...forwhatitis...

andthen...

toputitaway.

Leonard...

alwaystheyearsbetweenus

alwaystheyears...

alwaysthelove...

alwaysthehours...

——THEEND——