cheater

1

Astronaut:whichoneofyouspunme?Whowasit?

Walter:him.

Astronaut:don‘tbesoquicktolloutyourbrother,‘ikeyougotapretty

riousZorgonproblem.

Walter:yeah,whatdowedo?

Astronaut:hide.

Danny:hide?They‘lljustexplodethewholehou.

Astronaut:we‘fallthelightsandelectricalappliances.

Danny:me?

Astronaut:yes,,eon,killthatflameonthestove.

Walter:okay.

Astronaut:‘thepilotlight

onthefurnace.

Walter:what‘sapilotlight?

Astronaut:is.

Danny:walter,theastronautguyiswreckingdad‘.

Walter:that‘sdad‘snapcouch.

Astronaut:youwannahelpmegetthisoutofhere?.

Danny:what‘shappening?

Astronaut:‘‘rebig,gnarly

all

aroundthegalaxy.…lookingforanythingtheycouldfindtoburnup.

Walter:whydon‘ttheyjustburnuptheirownplanet?

Astronaut:oh,‘lproblemistheirravenousappetite.

Theyneverstopeating.

Walter:whatdotheyeat?

Astronaut:meat.

Danny:that‘sgood.

Astronaut:dude,you‘remeat.

Danny:areyoudoingthistokeepzorgonsaway?

Astronaut:nope.I‘mdoingthisbecauI‘vebeeneatingpasteoutofatubefor15years.

Walter:thistotallysucks.

Danny:why?

Walter:he‘atingallourfood.

Danny:so?Lupejustwentshopping.

Walter:howlongdoyouthinkwe‘regonnabeouthere?at?

Danny:Idon‘tknow.

Walter:whataboutair?Howlongisitgonnalastbeforehebreathesitallup?

Danny:Iguess.

Walter:I‘mgonnasaysomething.

Danny:no,.

Walter:dude,that‘sourfood.

Astronaut:‘rerunninglowonsupplies.

Walter:yeah,‘reeatingitall.

Astronaut:well,asIrecall,thecardsaid,―rescuestrandedastronaut.‖LookstomelikeI‘mtheonlyone

that‘sdoinganyrescuing…soIdon‘tthinkacoupleDagwoodsandwichesistoomuchtoaskfor.

Walter:Dog,you‘reeatingitall.

2

Astronaut:lizehowdifficultthatis?

Walter:what‘satimesphincter?

Astronaut:awormhole,aboutyaybig:yousqueezethroughthere…andtellmeyou‘renothungryenoughto

eatacarpetshark.

Walter:soundslikeyougotalongtripaheadofyou.

Astronaut:oh,youtellingmetoleave?

Walter:well,ugetfinisheating,yeah.

Astronaut:oh,Ihatetobreakittoyou,butthat‘me,soit‘suptohim.

Walter:well,I‘mfleetadmiral,andI‘mtellingyoutohittheroad.

Astronaut:Iapologize,‘t—Ididn‘,I…I‘mafleetadmiral

‘sjustacard,,hewantsyoutoleavetoo.

Astronaut:thatture,danny?Youwantmetosplit?

Walter:ofcourhedoes.

Astronaut:Hey,mouthpiece…lethimanswer,allright?Ineedtohearitfromthebigguy.

Danny:well…

Walter:danny,tellhimyouwanthimtoleave.

Danny:well,hedidhelpoutalittle.

Walter:help?Heburnedourcouchandnowhe‘lthathelping?

Astronaut:youknowwhat?I‘,youguysaresucha

tight,‘tellyou,‘lljustgetout

ofyourhair…andletyouguyswhompsomemorezorgonbuttwithoutme.

Danny:wait.

Walter:whobrotherareyou,hisormine?

Danny:youcanstay.

Astronaut:,admiral,yourturn.

Danny:I‘msorry.

Walter:shutup.

Danny:Ithinkhecanhelp.

Astronaut:en‘tyouguysstartedyet?

Danny:we‘rewaitingforyou.

Astronaut:okay,well,I‘mhere,soturnthatclockwi—

Walter:yeah,Iknowhowtoplaythegame.

Astronaut:okay.

Walter:ing‘swrong.

Astronaut:what?

Walter:Iwasaheadofyou.

Danny:somebodymusthavekickedtheboard?

Walter:no,ated.

Danny:no,Ididn‘t.

Walter:ouweregonnacheat.

Astronaut:―cheater‖isastrongword.

Danny:Ididn‘‘tcheat.

Astronaut:guys,,didyoumovethepiece?

Danny:maybeImovedthepiecebyanaccident.

Astronaut:naccident.

Walter:howcanyoumoveapiecebyaccident?It‘‘ated.

Astronaut:no,no,no,let‘,stopsaying‖cheated‖.

3

Walter:youcheated!Cheater!

Danny:Ididn‘tcheat!

Astronaut:?Now,wheredidyoumovefrom?

Danny:Iwasrighthere.

Walter:no,youweren‘ebackthere.

Astronaut:,careful.

Walter:god.

Astronaut:okay,it‘sfixed.

Walter:you‘resuchababy.

Danny:I‘mnotababy.

Astronaut:wn.

Danny:I‘mnotababy.

Walter:you‘reababy.

Astronaut:nobodyisababyhere.

Danny:Iamnotababy!

Walter:you‘realittlebaby.

Danny:I‘mnotababy!

Astronaut:jeez,itwon‘tstop!,let‘splaythegame.

Walter:‘tstopspinning.

Danny:what‘swrongwithit?

Walter:youbrokeit.

Astronaut:oh,look,there‘?Itfixeditlf.

Walter:‖ticejection‖?doesitmeanme?

Danny:well,youdidmovethepiece.

Walter:he‘stheonewhocheated.

Danny:walter!Hangon,walter!I‘llsaveyou.

Walter:help!

Danny:waitaminute!Igotanidea!I‘mgonnaswingthislampuptoyou…‘llpullyou

down.

Walter:Ican‘thangonanylonger!

Danny:don‘tworry,I‘llgetanotherlamp.

Astronaut:standback.

Danny:walter?,y?Areyouokay?

Walter:getawayfromme.

Danny:sorry.

Walter:don‘ttalktometillwegethome.

Astronaut:thatlookcoolfromdownhere?Becauupthereitwas—t‘s

sfun.

Walter:canyoujustplaysoIcangettheheckoutofhereandgetawayfromyou?

Danny:ItoldhimIwassorry.

Walter:Whatever.

Astronaut:okay,youknowwhatweneedtodo?Weneedtogetourheadsright,okay?

‘reup,u,‘sitsay?

Walter:hecan‘tread.―twospaces.‖

Lisa:I‘egrees?Thosavages.

Walter:yes,nine.

Danny:goodroll.

4

Walter:Goodroll?Nine‘sagreatroll.

Danny:‘sgold.

Walter:‖shootingstar,makeawishasitpass.‖That‘sgottabethebestcardinthewholegame.I‘malmost

totheend,reandIwin.

Danny:‘tcarewhowins.

Walter:becauyouneverwinatanything.

Astronaut:Hey.

Walter:what,that‘swhyhecheats,hecanneverwin.

Danny:no,Idon‘t.

Walter:yeah,almostgotmekilled.

Danny:itwasn‘tmyfault.

Walter:it‘snotyourfault?Howisitnotyourfault?hing‘‘syour

faultmomanddadgotdivorced.

Astronaut:Hey.

Danny:Yousuck.

Astronaut:danny.

Walter:Igetmywishnow,don‘ti?

Astronaut:‘tdoit.

Walter:don‘tdowhat?

Astronaut:don‘twishwhatyou‘rethinking.

Walter:youdon‘tknowwhatI‘mthinking.

Astronaut:yeah,well,Icantellitain‘erhowgoodanideaemslikewhenyou‘re

angry…tatrustmeonthisone,‘dyouwishfor?

Walter:Ican‘ttellyou.

Astronaut:tellme.

Walter:dyou,itwon‘t—

Astronaut:tellmewhatyouwishedfor.

Walter:getoffme.

Astronaut:.

Walter:thecardworked.

Astronaut:ed,‘restuckinspacenowforever.

Danny:leavehimalone.

Astronaut:whatdidyouwishfor?

Walter:this.

Astronaut:Youwishedforafootball?

Walter:signedbyBrettFavre.

Danny:why‘dyouwishforafootball?ldhavewishedus

outofhere.

Walter:ellingatme.

Danny:whywereyouyellingathim?

Astronaut:okay,‘sthething.I‘?Iplayeditwithmyownbrother

15yearsago.

Walter:you‘reaplayer?

Astronaut:nthegamestarted,itgot

imewespun,mIlandedonthestar

,Iwassomadathim,thatwhenthestarpasd…I

mademywish.

5

Walter:what‘dyouwishfor?

Astronaut:Iwishedthatmybrotherhadneverbeenborn.

Danny:oh,mygod.

Astronaut:ht,youknow,ifIcouldspinagain…maybeI–Icouldland

onanotherstarspaceand—gamewouldn‘tletme…becauitwasn‘tmyturn.

Waltertherearesomegames…youcan‘tplayalone.

Walter:so,whatdowedonow?

Astronaut:

guyshavetodoisspinafewmoretimes.I‘?

Walter:deal.(一言为定)

Danny:deal.

Astronaut:isitgettinghotinhere?Youblewoutthepilotlightonthefurnace,right?s.

Danny:Mygerbil(沙鼠)wasinthere.

Astronaut:verybad.

Walter:why?Wedidn‘tgeteaten.

Astronaut:wheredidyouleavethegame?

Danny:inthelivingroom.

Walter:e‘souronlywayhome,andnowthezorgonsareburningit.

Astronaut:gforaninvitation?rbackintoit.

Danny:wedoingthis?

Lisa:walter?Youguysactuallytthehouonfire!

Walter:lisa‘sback.

Danny:Lisa‘sunfrozen.

Walter:you‘‘reokay,lisa.

Lisa:getoffme!Getoffme!Tryandfindthefireextinguisher!

Walter:no,lisa,,lisa,wait.

Danny:no,lisa,no.

Walter:stop!Lisa,don‘t.

Danny:thezorgonsareattactedtofire.

Walter:lisa,,lisa,don‘tdoit!

Danny:no,lisa,don‘akeepthefire.

thezorgonsareattactedtofire!

Walter:lisa,,lisa,don‘tdoit.

Danny:no,lisa.

Walter:great.

Danny:nowwe‘llnevergetthegameback.

Astronaut:‘‘reback.

Lisa:whothehellareyou?

Astronaut:yeah,Theastronaut,fromthegamewe‘punme.

Lisa:whatisthat?Whatisthat?What‘sgoingon?Wherearewe?Somebodypleatalktomerightnow!

Astronaut:allright,they‘‘regonnaboardus.

Lisa:what‘sgonnaboardus.

Astronaut:ive.

Lisa:what‘sgonnaboardus?

Walter:thezorgons.

Lisa:what‘sazorgons?

Dannya:they‘‘remeat!

6

Lisa:comeon,let‘shidedownstairs!

Astronaut:Okey,listen,whentheydock..I‘it?

Walter:hangon.

Astronaut:what?

Walter:didshesaydownstairs?

Danny:oh,no.

Astronaut:hey,aywithus,andeverythingwillbeokay.

Lisa:I‘llneverleaveyou.

Astronaut:move,move,,,it‘ouguystohidein

here.I‘llkeepintouchwiththe.

Walter:theywon‘‘recompletelydestroyed.

Astronaut:testing.

Walter:itworks.

Astronaut:listen,ethatifyouneedme.

Danny:wa—wait,whereareyougoing?

Astronaut:I‘mgonnagofindthegame.

Lisa:?…Ijustfeelsosafe

aroundhim.

Astronaut:,‘,I

,,I‘m—I‘mgonnagetclor.

Danny:didhegetthegame?

Walter:hello?

Danny:What‘sgoingon?

Walter:areyouthere?hello?

Danny:what‘shappening?

Walter:Hello?

Lisa:ishedead?

Astronaut:n‘‘stoomany

‘realloverthebament.

Walter:arethereanyupstairs?

Astronaut:oonasthey‘redonedownthere…

Lisa:it‘eveinyou.

Walter:Willyouplea?

Astronaut:okay.

Danny:thedumbwaiter.

Astronaut:What?

Danny:thedumbwaiter(送菜升降机)‘ldsneakright

init…we‘llloweryoudown…youcouldgrabthegame…andwe‘

walter?

Walter:yeah,buthe‘stoobig.

Astronaut:yeah.

Danny:itwasagoodplan,though.

Astronaut:itwasagreatplan.

Lisa:yeah,itwas.

Walter:itwas.

Danny:toobadhewouldn‘tfit.

Walter:Iwouldn‘tevenfit.

7

Astronaut:Isurewishweknewsomeonethatwassmallenough.

Danny:dowereallyneedthegame?

Walter:howyoudoinginthere?

Danny:okay.

Walter:‘sgonnaberealeasy,okay?Justgonnaloweryoudownthere,grabthegame,and

we‘llpullyouup.

Danny:yeah.

Walter:nothing‘sgonnahappentoyou,okay?

Danny:yeah.

Walter:BecauI‘t‘‘llneverletanything

?

Danny:yeah.

Walter:?

Danny:heywalter.

Walter:yeah?

Danny:I‘msorryIcheated.

Walter:Iknow.

Astronaut:youreadytodothis?

Danny:I‘mready.

Lisa:he‘srightthere.

Danny:guys,whydidyoustop?Guys,comeon.I‘mnotatthebottomyet.

Astronaut:helpme,‘,,.

Lisa:they‘‘recomingupthestairs.

Astronaut:,go,go.

Danny:‘inkIcangetit.

Astronaut:danny,‘istentome.

leybroke—figureout—wegotrope—.

danny,areyouthere?Danny,anhearme,‘renotpullingyouup

ght.l

Danny:it‘‘‘sjusta–it‘‘‘‘snotagoat.

it‘‘‘snotagoat...guys,!

quick!.Ihavethegame!Walter.

Walter:ItoldyouIwouldn‘.

Robot:stroy.

Walter:hestillwantstokillme.

Danny:uthecard.

Walter:reprogram.

Robot:stroy.

Walter:guessthat‘swhatthereprogramcard‘sfor.

Danny:Ilikethatcard.

Walter:it‘sagoodcard.

Danny:Where‘slisa?

Lisa:lisa..isupstairs

Astronaut:whatfell?Littleexcessive,,spinit,

.―flunkspaceacademy,gobackIspace.‖

Danny:I‘mnotevengonnacommentonthat.

Walter:myturn.‖hittimewarp,goback3spacesrepeatlastturn.‖

8

―shootingstar,makeawishasitpass.‖he

astronauthadhisbrotherback.

Danny:youwishedfortwoofme.

Walter:Iwishedtheastronautguyhadhisbrotherback.

Astronaut:Danny.

Danny‗1:Whoareyou?

Astronaut:it‘‘swalter.I‘myourbrother.

Walter:what?

Danny:wha--?

Danny‘1:no,you‘.

Astronaut:yes.I‘molder,butI‘ackforyou.

Walter:what‘sgoingonhere?

Danny:thatwasawesome.

Astronaut:thankyou.

Walter:I.…Ididn‘t—

Astronaut:betterthanIdid.

Walter:thanks.

Astronaut:now,makesurehegetshomesafe,okay?

Walter:e.

Danny:Yeah.

Lisa:oh,ntedto—

Walter:10…

Danny:.

Walter:―ead9space.‖Danny,youwon.

Danny:Iwon?

Lisa:hewon?

Walter:youwon,ohome.

Danny:Ireachedzathura!

Walter:―ouforplaying‖?

Lisa:that‘sit?

Danny:nowwhat?

Walter:Ithinkwe‘rehome.

Danny:it‘sablackhole!Zathuraisablackhole!

Walter:danny!

Danny:no!

Tv:kiddingme?A‘sup5-4,keithfoulkeleadsthebigsinhomeruns…givenupbya

down,‘treallysavinga

s―bigpapi‖Ortiz…nOrtizwalk,ninth

inning….

Danny:walter?

Walter:don‘tpushthatbutton.

Tv:Let‘‘snowayit‘sgonnahappenagain,isit?Noway,no,itdoesn‘t

popsouttoleftfield.

Danny:Richard‘sback!Ididit.

Walter:youwonthegame.

Danny:hezathura.

Walter:we‘rehome.

9

Danny:‘rehome.

Father:Idistinctlyrememberaskingyouguysnottokilleachother.

Walter:dad,asthisgame…

Danny:anditntustoouterspace.

Walter:sthadtostayforever.

Danny:Istolethegamefromthezorgons.

Walter:andIsawmylfolder.

Father:‘salmost3:‘lgamesand

,getreadytogo.

Walter:hisone.

Danny:caughtit.

Walter:ht,ready?‘‘sagreatpass.

Touchdown.

Danny:touchdown.

Walter:Justacond,mom.

Danny:ppenedtothefootballsignedbyBrettFavre?

Walter:it‘sgone.

Danny:whathappenedtoit?

Walter:itneverhappened.

Danny:allright.

Lisa:weneverspeakofthis,okay?

Walter:neverhappened.

Danny:neverhappened.

Walter:stillthinkIhavegorgeouyes?

Lisa:walter.

Walter:what?