wholesome

Thiswasagoodidea.

It'sbeenalongtimesincewe'vehadgirls'night.

Yeah,it'ssonicetohavearelaxingevening

athomedoingnothing.

Yeah,reallybreaksuptheother30days

I'vespentonbedrestdoingnothing.

Well,tonightwe'regonnamakeyouforgetallthat.

You'regonnamakemeforgetI'vebeenstuckinbed

whileababyusmybladderasakickball?

Hey,youhadunprotectedxwithHoward.

Youdervetobemirable.

Hey,Ineedsomefashionadvice.

Really?Fromme?Iwouldloveto...

Actually,LeonardtoldmePennywasoverhere?

Hey,what'sgoingon?Yougotadate?

I,uh,dohaveadate...withscience.

Oh,what'ssciencewearing?

TheGriffithObrvatoryislookingforanastrophysicist

toconsult,andIhaveaninterviewtomorrow.

Oh,Ilovetheobrvatory.

Theytellyouyourweightonallthedifferentplanets.

'salwaysbikiniasononVenus.

'salwaysbikiniasononVenus.

Ithinkyou'dbegreatatthat.

Don'tyouagree,Bernadette?

Huh?I'mlistening.I'mlistening.

I'mnotwatchingTheCrown.

Ijustwanttomakeagoodfirstimpression,

andthoughtmaybeyoucouldhelpmepickoutanoutfit?

'sewhatyougot.

Yeah,youjustneedtopicksomething

that-thatyoufeelconfidentin.

I'ymagicclothesathome.

I'msurethetwooptionswillbef...

Soyou-youhaveotherclothesathome?

Uh,itdoesn'tmatter.

They'retalkingtoabunchofpeople.

Iprobablywon'tgetitanyway.

-Well,don'tsaythat.-Yeah,youhavetobelieveinyourlf.

Youknow,beforeIcametoAmerica,

Iwasfilledwithconfidence.

Whathappenedtome?

Hey,isthatRajthereatgirls'night?

Well,,Howard.

Justremember,ifyoufallasleepfirst,

they'regonnafreezeyourbra.

they'regonnafreezeyourbra.

YouandAmyhavingfunplanningyourwedding?

We'reemployingamathematicalapproach

calleddecisiontheory,so,heck,yeah.

Heck,yeah?

Lookslikesomeoneneedtoputadollarinthealmost-swearjar.

We'veassignedallweddingdecisionsrandomly,

andeachofusmakeshalfofthem.

Youknow,fromvenuetoofficiant

tonumberingsystemforthetables:RomanorDeweyDecimal.

tonumberingsystemforthetables:RomanorDeweyDecimal.

Whynothexadecimal?

Whynothexadecimal?

'Cauthisisourwedding,notajoke.

-Hey,guys.-Hello.

Oh,ere

totellustoday'sspecials.

yinterviewthisafternoon.

esn'tworkout,

you'rereadytogoonyourMormonmission.

you'rereadytogoonyourMormonmission.

I-Idon'tunderstandwhat'sgoingonhere.

Oh,what'sgoingonhereis

I'mupforajobattheplanetarium,

andHowardismakingfunofme.

Oh,that''rebothdoingwhatyoulove.

Well,I'mexcitedforyou.

Oh,thanks,yeah.I'dbeinchargeofdeveloping

andnarratingalltheplanetariumshows.

AndIreallywantthis,

soitwouldn'tkillyoutobemoresupportive.

Butifitdid,youcouldburymeatthefuneralhomeyoudirect.

miisthatheisdresddifferently?

Yeah.

That'tdresdthesame.

Hey,Dad.

Hello,Rajesh.

Howwastheinterview?

Uh,notsogreat.

Theyaskedmewhatmybiggestweaknesswas,

and45minuteslater,theythankedmeforcoming.

Son,don'ttakethisthewrongway,butwhat'syourproblem?

Iwouldtellyou,butapparentlyittakes45minutes.

Youknowwhat?

Ibetit'sthofriendsyousurroundyourlfwith.

LikethatHoward,alwaysmakingfunofyou.

Howarddoesn'tmeananythingbyit.

I-Ithinkit'scultural.

Hispeoplecomefromaverysarcasticvillage

calledBrooklyn.

Don'tmakeexcus.

Whatkindoffriendactsthatway?

Well,I-Iguess...

Itwasarhetoricalquestion.

Abadfriend!

Comeon,Dad!That'sjustourrelationship,okay?

HemakesIndianjokes,andIlaugh,

but,youknow,withangryeyessoheknowsit'snotokay.

I,too,wasinarelationship

withsomeonewhomademefeelbadaboutmylf.

Ifyou'retalkingaboutMom,Idon'twanttohearit.

I'mjustsaying,ifyoureplaceHoward

withanice22-year-oldgradstudent,

yourlf-confidencewillsoar.

Allright,Amy,you'reup.

Nextdecision.

Comeon,firstdance!

Comeon,firstdance!

Invitations!

That'sagoodone.

Justasuggestion--

hologramprojectedoutofR2-D2.

Thanksforyourinput,butthisismydecision,

andI'mgonnagowith...

oldEnglishcalligraphyonEgyptianpapyrus.

Oh,whatafunmashup.

It'slikethechickenandwafflesoforthography.

Yourturn.

Ringbearer!

Boy,I'msogladthatR2-D2isstillavailable.

Youknow,thisisreallyfun.

Ican'tbelievethatpeoplesaythatplanningawedding

isoneofthemoststressfulthingsinlife.

ygoesbythatIdon'tmarvel

howmuchbetterwearethanotherpeople.

I'msosorrytheinterviewdidn'tgowell.

Yeah,youwould'vebeenperfectforit.

Oh,Ijustgetsonervous,

andthenIstartapologizingforbeingnervous,and...

Youguysdon'twanttohearaboutthis.I'msorry.

Stopapologizing!

Oh,myGod!

Yousoundjustlikethewomanattheinterview!

Haveyoueverthoughtabouttalking

tosomekindoftherapistaboutallthis?

.

Hey,Leonard,doyouthinkyourmomwouldbeavailable?

Yeah,youdon'twanttodothat.

Talkingtomymomtogetmoreconfidence

isliketalkingtoaliontogetmorealive.

Well,mydadthinks

it'sbecauHoward'salwaysmakingfunofme.

Well,thatmakesn.

Well,whatdoyoumean,thatmakesn?

Well,Howarddoesmakefunofhimalot.

Well,that'snotallHoward'sfault.

Imean,ifRajdoesn'twanttobemadefunof,thenI...

'tknowanicewaytofinishthisntence.

Well,soyou'reonhisside?

I'mjustsaying,

that'w,theybustoneachother.

Itdoesn'tmeananything.

Well,I'mnotsurpridyouthinkso.

Whyisthat?

Well,youcanbekindofmeantome.

Well,that'sbecauyou're...

'tknowhowtofinishthatntence,either.

Youknowwhat?Ithinkwe'rebothdonebeingdisrespected.

Igotafewroundsleftinme.

Attaboy,champ.

Okay,let'sewhatwe'vegotsofar.

IarriveinaLittleHouonthePrairiestylehor-drawnbuggy.

Whereyouaremetwithanhonorguardofstormtroopers.

Doyouthinkthatmightbejarring,

goingfromwholesomepioneerstospaceNazis?

Iewhatyou'resaying.

You'rethinkingthatyoushouldarrive

inareplicaofLukeSkywalker'slandspeeder.

It'snotwhatI'mthinking,

andtosaveyouthetroubleforthefuture,

itwillneverbewhatI'mthinking.

Well...iftheushersaresoimportanttoyou,

whatifIpropoatrade?

Youmaypickthat,andIwilldecide,say,firstdance.

eusherswillbe...

mycousinsdresdinfrontierfrockcoats.

Andthefirstdancewillbethatwewon'thaveone.

r...

conddancewillbethefirstdance.

Unlesswehavenodanceatall.

Ha-ha.

Well,ifwe'rechangingthings,

theninsteadofthrowingconfetti,

we'llreleabutterflies.

Airborneworms?!Haveyoulostyourmind?!

Well,ifyou'regoingtodothat,

thenIamchangingtheofficianttothat

huskySpider-ManthathangsoutattheChineTheater.

gtoastsinLatin.

Klingon.

ThenI'mchangingtheflowergirltoadog.

Andguesswhathe'llbescatteringinsteadofpetals!

Wanttograbsomelunch?

Youknowwhat?Idon'tthinkso.

Well,'renoteating

becauthemeangirlscircledyourchubbybitsinmarker?

'sthereason.

You'realwaysmakingfunofme.

Oh,thoarejustjokes.

It'smywayofsayingthatwe'refriends,

anditwouldn'thurtyoutodropafew!

See?NowonderIdon'thaveanyconfidence.

'tblamethatonme.

Whynot?15yearsofconstantridicule.

I-Ithinkourrelationshiphasbecometoxic.

Uh,whatareyousaying?

IthinkyouandIneedtospendsometimeawayfromeachother.

Look,I...Icaneyou'reupt,but...

I',

whilewe'reapart,canIeotherneedyIndianmen?

Getout!

WhatdoyouthinkwillmaketheweddingworforAmy:

acakemadewithsaltinsteadofsugar...

...oracakeicedwithcongealedgravy?

Thatisatrickquestion.

Theansweris:youasthegroom.

Neitherofthemwillbetheactualcake.

I'mjustusingitasabargainingchip

togetAmytoagreetothewholeweddingpartygettingrings

andusgettingoneringtorulethemall.

andusgettingoneringtorulethemall.

Iforget,whichmentalhospitalareyouguysregisteredat?

Hello.

-Hello.-Hello.

Really?

You'renotgonnasithere?

I'llsitthereassoonasyouleave.

You'restillonthis?Isaidsorry.

Well,"sorry"doesn'tmakeupforyearsofemotionalabu.

Well,what'sitgonnatake?

Youwanthalfmysandwich?

Whatisgoingon?

Rajistryingtoblamemeforhispatheticlife.

Hislifeisn'tpathetic.

He'sgotthatwholetabletohimlf.

OneofusshouldgositwithRajsohe'snotalone.

ButI'mnotdonetellingyouaboutmyweddingrevengeplans.

You'.

Okay,well,first,I'mgoingtotry

togetAmytotradewithmeforhorsd'oeuvres...

Oh,good,you'rehere.

I'vedecidedonourcenterpieces.

Ijusthopeyourfamilyisn'tallergictoasbestos.

Sheldon,pleastop.

Ifwekeepdoingthis,we'regonnaendupwithawedding

thatneitheroneofuswillenjoy.

Areyousayingyoudon'twanttogetmarried?

No,ofcourIdo.

Butthatemstobetheonethingwecanagreeon.

MaybeweshouldjustgetmarriedatCityHall

andforgetabouteverythingel.

CityHall,hmm.

Idolikemetaldetectors

andthesoundofpermitsbeingdenied.

Right.

Andifwe'renotenjoyingplanningthiswedding,

thenwhat'sthepoint?

Well,historically,aweddingwastolet

otherpotentialsuitorsknowthatwe'reunavailable.

ButIthinkmatchingT-shirtsthatsay

"handsoffthemerchandi"accomplishthesamething.

Solet'spickadayandjustgodoit.

How'bouttomorrow?

R-Really?

Thatsoon?

Whywait?

Imean,it'snotthatIthinkwe'relivinginsin,

butIdoliketheideathatournextactofintimacy

willbealegalrequirement.

Tomorrowwe'llgodowntownandgetmarried.

OrwecouldgotoBeverlyHillsCityHall

ifyouwantadestinationwedding.

kgoodtoday.

Whathappened?What'swrong?

keit.

adaboutbeingmeantoyou,

soI'mbeingnice.

Oh,'treadyforit.

Tryagain.

Youlookhandsome.

Nope,stillfreakingmeout.

Hello,friends!

Hey,what'sgoingonwithyourhair?

Uh,ecidedtostopstraighteningit.

Wait,soyouweremakingyourhairlooklikethatonpurpo?

WhenIfirstmovedtoAmerica,Iwantedtofitin.

AndHoward'shairwasstraight,

andhewasthecoolestpersonIknew.

Thenyouneversawanyotherpeople?

Youknowwhat,I-Idon'twanttotalkaboutHoward.

Icameheretocelebrate!

acktotheplanetariumandtoldthem

theyweremakingahugemistake,thatI'dbeperfectforthejob.

Iwas...Iwascharming,Iwasconfident.

Andtheygaveittome.

That'samazing!

Yeah,plus,itturnsouttheguytheyhired

gotbustedatasketchymassageparlor.

Oh,sohappyendingforyou!

Oh,andforhim.

Yeah,IwasonmywaytotellHoward,

andthenIrememberedIwasn'tspeakingtohim,

soIcameoverhere.

-Mm,don'tyouthinkit'stimeyoutwomadeup?No.-

No,'tneedhisnegativeenergyinmyliferightnow.

Standinguptohimwas-washard,

butitmademerealizethatIcandoanything.

And,yeah,it'salittlesad,but,youknow,

lifeisallabout...

Uh,sorry.

Ithoughtyouwerewrappingthingsup.

-Hey,.-

Whereiverybody?

Icouldaskyouthesamequestion.

Wow,thisconversationgotmeanfast.

Sorry.I'mjustinabadmood.

Yeah?What'sgoingon?

IhadafallingoutwithRaj.

HesaidImakefunofhimtoomuch

andit'swreckedhisconfidence.

Plea,confidenceislikeredbloodcells--

it'sniceifyougotsome,butyoudon'tneed'em.

,yourlife'samess.

Idon'teyoublamingotherpeopleforit.

That'pinaloving,supportivehouhold.

Thisisallonme.

MaybeI'lljusthangouthereforawhile.

canmakefunofmeallyouwant.

No,that'sokay.

No,no,keit.

Myfeelings,likemyextremities,

arebasicallynumb.

Here'syourlicen.

Now,ifyouwaitoverthere,

we'llcallyouwhentheofficiant'sready.

Doweneedabloodtest?

No.

Well,then,howwillyouknowwhetherornotwehavesyphilis?

I'mgonnagooutonalimbandsayyoudon'thavethat.

Okay,Sheldon,youofficiallyexceededthenumberoftimes

Ihopedtoheartheword"Syphilis"onmyweddingday.

Ican'tbelievewe'redoingthis.

Iknow.I'mgettingmarried.

ThenewStarWarsmovie'scomingout.

Wearereallyfinishingthisyearstrong.

Okay,butofthetwooftho...

Youknow,I'mnotevengonnaask.I'mnotgonnaask.

Areyousadwe'renothavingabigparty?

I'mreallynot.

I''sperfect.

Cooper-Fowler?

You'reup.

Canyoubelieveit?

We'reabouttowalkinthatdoor,,

andwalkoutasamarriedcouple,

.

Wait.

Iwanttohaveafirstdancewithyou.

Righthere?

Atourwedding.

Th-Thisisourwedding.

No.

Iwantarealwedding.

Well...

Sheldon,itwasjustmakingusfight.

,Amy,

IneverthoughtI'dwanttomarryanyone.

SothefactthatIfoundyouisastonishing.

It's-it'slikefindingdarkmatter,

exceptthey'relookingfordarkmatter.

Iwasn'tevenlookingforyou.

S-Soyou'reevenbetterthandarkmatter.

Sheldon.

Plus,plus,youinteractwithlight,soIcaneyou.

And,also,youdon'taccountforthemissingmassintheuniver.

-Oh,and...-Okay,Ithinkyou'regettingcaughtup

onthewaysI'mnotlikedarkmatter.

.

Butwhenyoumakeadiscoverylikethis,

youdon'tjusttakeitdowntoCityHall--

youtellthewholeworld.

AndsoI'llsayitinLatinorKlingon

or-orsmokesignals,

if-ifthat'snotculturalappropriation.

Itis.

Okay,sonotsmokesignals.

ButIwanttodothisright.

Me,too.

Let'sgoplanawedding.

Youknow,wedidgetdresdup

andcomeallthewaytoCityHall.

Whatareyouthinking?

Ihavealwayswantedapermittodispoofhazardouswaste.

Let'sdoit.

Doweknowifthere'slifeinthemethaneplumesofEnceladus

orundertheicysurfaceofEuropa?

ComebackonTuesdayformynextshowtofindout.

Spoileralert:wedon't.

I'Koothrappali,

andthankyoufortakingawalkwithmethroughthestars.

knewsciencecouldbesointeresting.

Hey,Italktoyouaboutscienceallthetime.

Oh,yousuredo,sweetie.

Shouldwegocongratulatehim?

I'lldobetterthanthat--I'llgivehimconstructivecriticism.

Here'ssomeconstructivecriticism:don't.

-I'llcatchupwithyouguys.-Okay.

-Raj,youwereterrific!-Oh,nervous,

myarmpitsarelikeaswamp.

Oh,yourhugjustgotdowngradedtoahighfive.

Yourpalmsaresweaty,too.

Whatareyoudoingallthewayintheback?

Hidingout.

Iwasn'tsureifIwaswelcome.

sarebestfriends.

Ofcourhewantsyouhere.

Yousure?Heemstobedoingprettywellwithoutme.

Look,hewasjuststresdout.

Hislifeisnotbetterwithoutyou.

yhi.

Okay.

appali,Ijustwantedtotellyouthatwasamazing.

-Uh,counterpoint...Tothecar.-

CanIaskyouaquestion?

Ofcouryoucan.

Ooh,thatwentwell.

Askmeanother.

IthinkI'mjustgonnago.

Ifthereislifebeneaththesurfaceoftheplanets,

howwouldweevendetectit?

Uh,that'sacomplicatedquestion.

Letmestartwithasimplerone.

CanIbuyyouacoffee?

A-Alsoacomplicatedquestion.

BecauIwanttosayyes,butifIdrinkcoffeethislate,

thenI'llbeupallnight.

Decaf,genius.

Iwouldloveto.