2022年12月26日发(作者：potus)The Parent Trap script
#"L" is for the way #
# You look at me #
# "O" is for the only #
# One I e #
# "V" is very, very #
# Extraordinary #
# "E" is even more #
# Than anyone that you adore #
# And love is all that I can #
# Give to you #
# Love is more than #
# Just a game for two #
# Two in love can make it #
# Take my heart and plea don't break it #
# Love was made for me and you #
(Repeat) Love is all that I can #
# Give to you #
# Love is more than #
# Just a game for two #
# Two in love can make it #
# Take my heart and plea don't break it #
# Love was made for me and you #
# "L" is for the way #
# You look at me #
# "O" is for the only #
# One I e #
# "V" is very, very #
# Extraordinary #
# "E" is even more than #
# Anyone that you adore #
# And love is all that #
# I can give to you #
# Love is more than just a game for two #
- How 'bout a souvenir picture? - Two in love can make it #
- Turn towards each other. - Take my heart and plea don't break it #
# Love was made #
# For me and you #
# Love was made #
# For me and you ##
[ All Shouting, Chattering ]
My God! My phone just does not work out here.
Oh, my God! How are we ever gonna live?
Uh! Thanks.
[ Girl Gasps ] There's a counlor. Oh, excu me.
Um, can you tell me where the Navajo bunk is?
- It's right over there. - Thanks.
[ Grunts ]
Now, girls, let's find our duffles as quickly as we can.
We have a big first day ahead of us.
I'm going to turn the bullhorn over now to my daughter...
and right-hand man, Marva, Jr.
Marva, bunk assignments, if you plea.
[ Whistle Blowing ] All right, ladies, here we go. Listen up.
[ Continues, lndistinct ]
Wait a minute. I thought this was a boys' camp.
Okay, found my duffle.
Now the question is... how do I get it out?
Okay, I can do it. Okay... no, I can't.
- [ Girl ] You must be new. - How could you tell?
- [ Scoffs ] - You didn't know how to grab your duffle...
before the aides tosd it into the heap.
-I would say you need some rious help. -Thanks.
It's the big, yellow one.
Whoa! Now, that's my kinda woman.
- Y o, tie-dye girl! - Hmm?
Could you give me an hand with my duffle? It's the yellow one...
- buried way in there. - Sure.
Oh, that? No problem.
Hey, you're from California?
Do you, like, live in Hollywood? Do you, like, live next door to a movie star?
What are you two, Lucy and Ethel?
I've never even been to Hollywood.
I live in Napa. That's northern California. And I live next door to a vineyard.
- A what-yard? - A vineyard.
It's where you grow grapes to make wine.
That's what we do. Me and my dad, we own a vineyard.
- Parker, Hallie! - Right here.
- Arapaho. - [ Girls ] Same as me. That's where I am.
- Yes! Come on, y
Do we have any challengers?
[ Laughing, Chattering ]
Oh, come on. Ladies, let's not be damls in distress here.
I'll take a whack at it.
Okay. We've got ourlves a chal-len-ger. Suit up.
Cool. Ooh, thanks.
Here I go.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
- [ Girl ] Go, Annie. Whoa! - [ Applau ]
Fencers ready?
- Ready. - All t. - [ Giggling ]
[ Marva, Jr. ] En garde! Fence!
- [ Grunting ] Oops. - Ah!
[ Kids Screaming ]
[ Huffing ]
[ Yawning ]
Touche!
- Nice catch. - Thanks.
- Touche! - [ Screaming ]
- Sorry, let me help you. - No, let me help you!
- What'd ya do that for? - Me? You pushed me in.
- [ All Laughing ] - I did not.
Okay, that was quite a show.
All right. I think we've got ourlves a new camp champ from London, England...
- Miss Annie James. - [ Cheering, Clapping ]
All right, girls. Shake hands.
[ Counlor ] Come on, girls.
[ Gasps ]
- [ Gasping ] - [ Gasping ]
[ All Gasping, Muttering ]
[ Marva, Jr. ] Oh, my!
Why's everyone staring?
- Don't you e it? - See what?
- The remblance between us. - Remblance? Between you and me?
Let me e. Turn sideways.
Now the other way.
Well, your eyes are much clor together than mine.
Your ears, well, don't worry, you'll grow into them.
- [ Both Laughing ] - Your teeth are a little crooked.
Ah! And that no! Well, don't worry, dear, tho things can be fixed.
- Want me to deck her for ya? - Hold on. I'm not quite finished yet.
You wanna know the real difference between us?
Let me e. I know how to fence and you don't?
Or, I have class and you don't. Take your pick.
- Why, I oughta-- - Ladies, it's time to break up this little lovefest.
Annie, Hallie. I mean, Hallie, Annie.
I-l-I mean-- Whoa!
Sorry, ladies. Two pair. Read 'em and weep.
- [ Girl ] Aah! I'm out. - [ All Groaning ]
- So that's it? No more takers? - [ Girl ] I have nothing left.
I'll take a whack at it.
- ## [ "Bad To The Bone" ] - [ Change Jingling ]
[ Change Jingling ]
Take a at, Parker.
Deal me in.
# Now, on the day I was born #
# The nurs all gathered 'round #
# And they gazed in a wide wonder #
# At the joy they had found #
# The head nur spoke up #
# Said leave this one alone #
# She could tell right away that I was bad to the bone #
# Bad to the bone # #
Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll make you a little deal.
Lor jumps into the lake after the game.
- Excellent. - Butt naked.
Even more excellent. Start unzipping, Parker.
Straight. In diamonds.
You're good, James.
But, you're just not good enough.
In your honor, a royal flush.
[ Laughter ]
- [ Girl #1 ] Love the birthday suit. - [ Girl #2 ] Lookin' good.
- [ Girl #3 ] Oww, baby! - [ Wolf Whistle ]
[ All Laughing, Chattering ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Laughing Continues ]
[ Sc
reaming, Cheering ]
[ Girl ] Grab her clothes.
[ Gasping ]
Oh, right. Fine.
If that's the way you want it, then let the games begin.
I swear I heard your evil clone sneaking all the way up toward the mess hall this morning.
I am so tired. I'm going back into bed and sleeping till lunch.
- [ Chuckles ] - [ Exhausted Sigh ]
That does not em like a possibility, babe.
- Why not? - That's why not.
No... way.
- [ Owl Hooting ] - [ Crickets Chirping ]
- [ Girl Giggling ] - [ Girl ] Shh.
- [ Whispering ] Be quiet. - [ Whispering ] Oh, I hope they're sleeping.
The coast is clear. Okay, let's go in.
- Payback time. - Don't wake her.
- [ Laughing ] Careful. - Shh.
- Got milk? - [ Giggling ]
# # [ "Reveille," Out Of Tune ]
[ Soft Moaning ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Screaming ]
[ All Screaming ]
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Oh, my God. [ Screaming ]
[ All Screaming ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Sighs ] She didn't get me.
[ Screaming ]
Ah! That girl is without a doubt...
the lowest, most awful creature that ever walked the planet!
[ lmitating Elvis ] Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Morning, girls. - [ All ] Morning, Marvas.
[ All ] Marvas!
Surpri inspection.
Attention!
# Navajos # #
No, no, Marva. Do not go in there.
One of the girls got sick last night, and it is a big, big mess.
Save yourlf the aggravation. It's really disgusting.
Oh, well, if someone's sick, dear, then I must go in.
- Move aside, dear. - No, no, really. I insist.
I can't let you go in there. She's highly contagious.
Honest.
Actually, we're all quite fine in here...
unless Hallie Parker knows something we don't know.
Really. I insist. Open the door and come e for yourlf, ma'am.
- Stand aside, Hallie. - [ Gasps ]
[ Screaming ]
- [ All Screaming ] - Whoa!
[ Screaming ] Mommy!
- [ Squeaking ] - No! No!
- No! - [ Marva Crying ]
[ Marva Sputtering, Coughing ]
- I told you it was a mess in here. - She should know. She did it!
You! [ Sputters ] And you!
Pack your bags!
[ Blows Whistle ]
Okay, girls. The rest of you...
back to your activities.
[ All Screaming ]
You two... the isolation cabin.
[ Girls Screaming ]
[ Gasps ]
- [ Grunting ] - Oh!
Oh, gosh, it's stuck.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
Ah! Oh, man!
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
- Oh, here's your-- - [ Laughs ] Cuppy.
Any of your pictures ruined?
- Only the beautiful Leo DiCaprio. - Who?
You've never heard of Leonardo DiCaprio?
How far away is London anyway?
Well, from here it's 3,000 miles...
but sometimes it ems much further.
- How far away is your home? - Oh, California is way at the other end of the country.
-Actually, here's a picture of my hou. -[ Thunder Rumbling ]
- Wow! It's beautiful. - Yeah.
We built it when I was little. We've got this incredible porch...
that looks over the entire vineyard.
- And then-- - Who-- Who's that?
Oh, that's my dad. He didn't know I was taking the picture then...
or el he would have turned around.
He's kinda like my best friend. We do everything together.
[ Sighs ]
- What's the matter? - Oh, it's chilly in here, that's all.
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
- Want one? - Oh, sure, I love Oreos.
At home I eat them with-- I eat them with peanut butter.
You do? That is so weird. So do l.
You're kidding. Most people find that totally disgusting.
I know. I don't get it.
- Me either. - [ Laughing ]
What's your dad like?
I mean, is he the kind of father you can talk to...
or is he one of tho workaholic types who says, "I'll talk to ya later, honey..."
but, you know, never really does?
- I hate that. - I don't have a father, actually.
I mean, I had one once, I suppo.
But my parents divorced years ago.
My mother never even mentions him.
It's like he evaporated into thin air or something.
It's scary the way nobody stays together anymore.
- Tell me about it. - How old are you?
- I'll be 12 on October 11. - [ Coughing, Choking ]
- So will l. - Your birthday's on October 11?
- Y eah. - How weird is that?
Extremely.
Oh, hey. It stopped raining.
You wanna go get a Popsicle or something?
- What's the matter? - Hallie, what's your mother like?
I never met her. She and my dad split up when I was a baby, maybe even before.
I'm not sure. He doesn't like to talk about her.
But I know she was really, really beautiful.
How do you know that?
Well, becau my dad had this old picture of her hidden in his sock drawer...
and he caught me looking at it, like, all the time, so he gave it to me to keep.
Look, I'm-I'm really thirsty. Sure you don't want to go to the mess hall and get a lemonade?
Will you stop thinking about your stomach at a time like this?
- At a time like what? - Don't you realize what's happening?
I mean, think about it.
I only have a mother...
and you only have a father.
You've never en your mom...
and I've never en my dad.
You have one old picture of your mom...
and I have one old picture of my dad.
But at least yours is probably a whole picture.
Mine is a pathetic little thing...
all crinkled and ripped right down the middle and--
What are you rummaging in your trunk for?
This.
It's a picture of my mom...
and it's ripped too.
Right down the middle?
Right down the middle.
This is so... freaky.
Okay.
On the count of three, we'll show them to each other, okay?
Okay.
One.
Two.
- Three. - Three.
[ Gasps ]
[ Gasps ]
- That's my dad. - That's my mom.
[ Bell Ringing ]
[ Annie ] That's the lunch bell.
I'm not so hungry anymore.
So if-- if your mom...
[ Chuckling ] is my mom...
and my dad is your dad...
- [ Exhales ] - and we're both born on October 11...
then you and l are like--
Iike sisters.
[ Laugh ] Sisters?
Hallie, we're like twins.
[ Sighing ]
[ Exhales ]
[ Nervous Chuckle ] I just don't know what to say.
What's that you're holding?
My locket. I got it when I was born.
It has an "H" on it.
[ Chuckles ] I got mine when I was born, too...
except mine has an "A" on it.
[ Sighs ] Ooh, now I've got goo bumps.
My God, so I'm not an only child.
I'm a twin. I'm a twin-- there's two of me.
I mean, two of us.
- This is like-- - Mind boggling.
- Totally. - Completely.
- [ Giggling ] Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.
[ Hallie ] Tell me, what's Mom like?
[ Annie ] Well, she designs wedding gowns.
Really?
She's becoming quite famous, actually.
A princess in Greece just bought one of her gowns.
Wow.
Y-You know what's interesting?
Neither one of our parents ever got married again.
Has Dad ever been clo to getting remarried?
Never. He always says I'm the only girl in his life.
Y eah, Mom's never come clo either.
[ Owl Hooting ]
I have a brilliant, beyond brilliant idea.
I'm rious. I am a total genius.
You want to know what Dad is like, right?
Right.
And I'm dying to know Mom.
So what I'm thinking is-- Don't freak out, okay?
- I think we should switch places. - [ Gasps ]
When camp's over I'll go back to London as you...
and you go back to California as me.
- What? - Annie, we can pull it off. We're twins, aren't we?
Hallie, we're totally and completely 100% different.
So, what's the problem? I'll teach you to be me...
and you teach me to be you.
Look, I can do you already.
Yes, you want to know the difference between us?
I have class and you don't.
- [ Amud Sigh ] - Come on, Ann. I got to meet my ma.
The truth is, you know, if we switch...
sooner or later they'll have to unswitch us.
And when they do, they'll have to meet again...
- face to face. - After all the years.
- Thank you. I told you I'm brilliant. [ Laughing ] - [ Laughing ]
- ## [ "Do You Believe In Magic" ] - Okay. 'Tis grandfather.
- He's so cute. What do we call him? - Grandfather.
- ## [ Continues, lndistinct ] - Why didn't I think of that?
This is Martin, he's our butler.
- We have a butler? - Mm-hmm. [ Laughs ]
Okay. Living room's first. Then over here is the dining room.
But we never eat in there except for Thanksgiving...
and Christmas and, of cour, October 11.
# Believe in the magic that can t you free #
# Ahh-hh-hh #
# Talkin' 'bout the magic #
# Do you believe in magic #
# Do you believe, believe #
# Do you believe in magic ##
Okay. I-I'm ready. [ Resigned Sigh ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Scissors Snipping ]
[ Whimpers ]
- Don't shut your eyes! - Oh. Okay. Right.
Sorry. Just got a lit
?
- I'm home. - Is that my little girl?
That tall, gangly thing?
Y es, it's me.
Oh, welcome home. [ Chuckles ]
- Did you have a good time, sweet pea? - Uh-huh, great.
- [ Sniffing ] - What are you doing?
- Just smelling. - Smelling?
- I'm making a memory. - Oh.
Y ears from now, when I'm all grown up...
I'll always remember my grandfather...
and how he always smelt of...
peppermint and pipe tobacco.
[ Laughing ] Good to have you back.
[ Woman ] Annie?
Annie?
- Mother. - You're back.
- I can't believe it's you. - And I can't believe it's you.
And with short hair. Who cut it for you?
A girl I met at camp. Do you hate it?
No, I absolutely love it.
[ Gasps ] You got your ears pierced?
- [ Sighing ] - Well, are there any other surpris?
Belly button rings, tattoos?
Ah, darling, what is it?
I'm sorry. It's just--
I've misd you so much.
Oh.
I know.
- It ems like it's been forever. - You have no idea.
[ Long Exhale ]
- [ Bicycle Bell Ringing ] - [ Birds Chirping ]
[ Mom ] So, come on. Tell me, did you like everyone? Was it fun?
- Ah, Martin. - I found a stowaway in your suitca.
[ Whispering ] Oh, my God. Cuppy!
- Cuppy? - He-- He belongs to my friend...
the one I was, umm, telling you about.
I can't imagine how he got into my suitca.
Well, since he's not our Cuppy, shall we dispo of the little creature?
No! I mean, no. I'll-- I'll mail him to her.
She loves this thing a lot-- a lot, a lot.
And she's, like, slept with this thing her entire life...
And she could never be, like, say, in a foreign country without him.
- No, no. I'll take care of it. - [ Phone Ringing ]
That will be all, Martin. Thank you.
Hello.
Oh, hi. How's the photo shoot going?
# # [ "Here Comes The Sun" ]
Hmm. Well, can't you manage without me?
I mean, Annie just got home from camp.
Hmm. Y eah.
# Here comes the sun Do-dum-do-do #
# Here comes the sun #
# And I say it's all right #
- # Little darlinthat time change has made you a little loopy.
Come on. Let's e what all the fuss is about.
- ## [ Disco, Vocalist lndistinct ] - Okay. I'm here.
[ Man ] Ah, we're saved.
- Hi, Angela. - Hi. Sorry, we don't know what to do with the veil.
If she wears it, it covers the back of the dress, and if she doesn't...
- the dress looks-- - [ Mom ] lncomplete, you're right.
Can you try turning sideways with your chin up?
Yeah, I e the problem. Can I have the veil? Annie, darling...
pass me one of tho hats on display in the window.
- [ Whispering ] Me? - Y es.
# Somebody like you #
- Which one do you like? - The white one.
- Me too. - # Do you know I'll never let you #
- # Go # - Try this.
Now, throw the veil straight back.
That's it. Now spin around. I want to e the back of the dress.
That's beautiful. Did you get that? Just how it falls. Just down there.
Don't worry about the bouquet. You're married now. You've got to learn to juggle.
Don't forget you look happy. It is your wedding day.
My mom is too cool.
- # I'll never let you go # - # Never, never gonna let you go #
# I'll never let you go #
# I'll never let you go #
# Never let you go #
# I'll never let you go ##
[ Hallie ] So, doesn't designing all the wedding gowns ever make you think about...
getting married again, or at least make you think about the "F" word.
The "F" word?
- My father. - Oh! Oh, that "F" word.
Well, no, actually...
becau I didn't even wear a wedding gown when I married the "F" word.
- You didn't? Why not? - Why the sudden curiosity...
about your dad, huh?
Well, maybe becau he's never mentioned.
And you can't blame a kid for wondering.
Mother, you can't avoid the subject forever.
At least tell me what he was like.
Okay. He was quite lovely, to tell you the truth.
When we met he was... actually, entirely lovely.
- All right? - All right.
So, did you meet him here in London?
- We met on the Q.E. 2. - Q.E. what?
The Queen Elizabeth ll. It's an ocean liner that sails from London to New Y ork...
'cau I wasn't keen on flying then and neither was your father.
We met our first night on board ship. We were ated next to each other at dinner.
- He's an American, you know. - No kidding?
- So, was it love at first sight? - [ Sighs ]
I knew you were going to ask me all the questions one day. Taxi!
[ Hallie ] Dear ol' Dad.
I wonder what he's doing at this very moment.
Thanks.
- Got it? - Oh, gosh.
It's him.
Hey, Hal!
Welcome home, kiddo.
Get into the arms, you little punk.
Dad. Finally.
[ Dad, Soft Moaning ]
[ Kissing Sound ]
Oh, I hope you had a lousy time at that camp, becau you are not going back.
- [ Giggles ] - I misd you too much.
What happened to you, Hal?
Something's changed.
Are you getting taller?
So, what'
s up, Dad?
I mean, how's Chessy and everybody?
Great. Everybody's great. Can't wait to e you.
Eight weeks really is too long, Hal.
- A lot's been happening around here. - A lot's happened to me too, Dad.
I mean, I feel like I'm practically a new woman.
What's the matter? I cut mylf shaving?
No, it's just-- just eing you for the first time.
I mean, you know, in so long.
[ Laughing ] You look taller to me, too, Dad.
Come on, squirt. Let's get home.
[ Dad ] Oh, by the way, thanks for all tho newsy letters.
I'm really glad I bought you that personalized stationery...
you just had to have.
- Well, we meant to write, Dad, but we just got so-- - We?
Oh! Oh, me and my friend.
I-I met this girl at camp and we got really clo.
- Great. - Practically like sisters.
- She was a lovely girl. - Lovely girl?
All of sudden you're so proper?
-[ Chuckles ] -You're still biting tho nails, I e.
- Dad, you noticed. - What do you mean noticed?
You've been biting them since you could chew.
But I've decided to stop, Dad. It's a horrid habit.
Lovely girl, horrid habit.
What did I do, nd you to summer or finishing school?
And why do you keep saying "Dad" at the end of every ntence?
I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing it, Dad.
Sorry, Dad.
Do you want to know why I keep saying "dad"?
- The truth? - Becau you misd your old man so much, right?
Exactly. It's becau in my whole life...
I mean, you know, for the past eight weeks...
I was never able to say the word "dad." Never. Not once.
And if you ask me, I mean...
a dad is an irreplaceable person in a girl's life.
Think about it. There's a whole day devoted to celebrating fathers.
Just imagine someone's life without a father--
never buying a Father's Day card, never sitting on their father's lap...
never being able to say, "Hi, Dad" or "What's up, Dad" or "Catch you later, Dad."
I mean, a baby's first words are always "dada," aren't they?
Let me e if I get this-- You miss being able to call me dad?
Yeah. I really have, Dad.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Now you're starting to sound like your old lf.
[ Dog Barking ]
[ Barking ]
[ Screaming ] Hello, gorgeous!
Oh, look at you!
Oh, you grew.
Oh, we misd you so much.
Hey, don't you dare let your old man talk you out of going back to camp. Okay?
You're a growing girl. You need adventure.
- Okay. - Oh, you hungry?
I made corn bread and chili.
- Why are you so quiet? What's wrong? - Nothing, it's just--
I'm so happy to be home.
Hey, did I hear somethin' about corn bread and chili?
Y eah, it's on the stove. So...
something's changed about you, Hal.
Umm, I can't put my finger on it...
- but something about you is definitely changed. - Really?
Well, it's just the same old me. Honest.
[ Dog Barking ]
- [ Whining
] - Hi, Sammy.
[ Barking ]
What is wrong with you, you goofball? It's Hallie.
Oh, l-I probably just smell like camp, that's all.
What's the matter with you?
- It's like you didn't even recognize her. - [ Barking ]
[ Whispering ] Wow! It's even better than the pictures.
Okay, kiddo. What do ya wanna do first, huh?
You wanna eat and then unpack? Or, uh, we could unpack and then eat.
- Or we could eat while we unpack. - Do you mean I can eat in my room?
Yeah, I'd say it's a definite possibility. [ Chuckles ]
Hey, Hal, when you're done, come on down. There's someone I want you to meet.
- Okay, Dad. - Okay, Hal.
- Look at you. Always eating. [ Laughing ] - [ Laughing ]
- Did you tell her? - No.
Nicky.
- [ Nick ] I will. I will. - Tell me what?
Hal, it is none of my business how your father makes a fool out of himlf. Okay?
He's a big boy. He can do what he wants.
Okay. Okay. So, who is she?
[ Sighs ]
Her name's Meredith Blake.
She's a publicist from San Francisco.
Your father hired her at the beginning of the summer...
to do some publicity for the vineyard.
If you ask me, she's doin' a better job of llin' herlf than the grapes.
- What do you mean? - [ Laughter ]
Oy.
Look, you and I both know your father's...
not some kind of suave, debonaire bachelor-of-the-month type.
So, I gotta ask mylf, "What does a hot, young thing like that...
"e in a guy who walks around with his shirttail hangin' out...
and his cereal bowl full of chili?""
Then, I realized there's about a million reasons why that girl's gigglin'.
[ Both Giggling ]
And all of them are sitting at the Napa Valley Community Bank.
You mean, you don't think she even really likes him?
Eh, what do I know? But I'll tell you one thing.
This one's got your father eating out of the palm of her hand.
They do everything together. They ride together.
They swim together. They go out to eat dinner every night.
But, you know what? Meet her. See for yourlf. Don't let me influence you.
There's my girl. Honey, I want you to meet a friend of mine.
Hal, this is Meredith Blake.
Hi.
Hi, Meredith Blake.
Wow. I can't believe I'm finally meeting the famous Hallie.
I have looked forward to this all summer.
Really? Well, here I am.
Oh, Nicky, she's adorable!
You know, the way your father talked about you...
I expected to meet a little girl, but you are so grown up.
- I'll be 12 soon. How old are you? - [ Laughs ]
[ Laughs ] Twenty-six.
Only 15 years older than me. How old are you, again, Dad?
Wow! Suddenly, you're so interested in math.
Look, I'm gonna go inside. I'm gonna get some more chili...
maybe a bottle of champagne to celebrate.
- What are we celebrating? - Your homecoming, of cour.
- [ Cell Phone Beeping ] - Be right back.
Meredith Blake.
Hello, Reverend Mosby.
re! Dad doesn't fall in love.
I mean, at least not riously.
Trust me. He's rious about this one.
He's always holding her hand and kissing her neck...
and waiting on her hand and foot.
- He is? - It's disgusting.
Well, you'll just have to break 'em up. Sabotage her. Do whatever you have to.
I'm trying, but, I mean, I'm at a slight disadvantage.
I only met the man 12 hours ago.
Hal, you've got to get back here to help me.
Annie, I can't. I want more time with Mom.
- [ Paper Crackling ] - What's going on?
Ann, are you still there? I can barely hear you. Ann.
- I'm here. What do you-- - Operator. Operator.
- I think I lost you, Ann. - Hello?
- Thanks for all the help, Hal. - [ Receiver Clicks ]
- [ Martin ] Hm. - [ Gasps ]
Hi. I had a phone call from a friend at camp.
Y eah. I-It's an old camp tradition.
Talk to your friend from inside a clot. Kinda stupid, I know, but--
[ Sighs ] So, breakfast anyone?
Okay. Here we go. Most important meal of the day.
Eggs sunny-side up, bacon, side of toast...
and, in ca you're really hungry...
a stack of humongous chocolate chip pancakes, which smell incredible...
- if I do say so mylf. - Thanks, Chessy.
You're not hungry again?
You hardly touched your chili, your favorite food in the world.
And now you don't want breakfast? Are you sick, honey?
I'm fine. I promi.
Where's Dad?
Oh. He and Miss "I'll Just Have Half A Grapefruit, Thank You..."
Ieft about an hour ago.
You overslept, and he didn't want to wake you.
Of cour, I'd probably oversleep, too, if I were up until midnight...
making mysterious phone calls from my bathroom.
[ Chokes ] Um. Oh. Oh. That.
I was calling a friend from camp, Mildred.
She lives in New York.
Oh, I e. So, you wanted to wait and call Mildred...
at a time that was convenient for her becau of the time difference.
Exactly. Becau-- Becau of the time difference.
Uh-huh. So, you waited until it was 3:00 in the morning her time?
- That makes perfect n. - [ British Accent ] Actually--
It was 7:00 at night her time.
You e, she lives in New Y ork, but she was on vacation...
with her family in Bora Bora.
- Mm-hmm. - Very smooth.
Okay, look, smarty pants, your father wants you...
to meet him at his office as soon as you're done with breakfast.
He does? Thanks.
I'm done.
- [ Barking ] - [ Yells ]
That dog has gotten so weird.
Bye, Chessy. Thanks again for breakfast. It was great.
Push, Hal.
Sorry. I... forgot. [ Laughs ]
[ Door Slams ]
Honey, I'm really glad you're here...
'cau there's something really important I want to talk to you about.
That's funny, becau there's something really important that I want to talk to you about.
- Y eah? Well, you go first. - No, you.
Okay. I want to talk to you about Meredith.
And I want to
talk to you about my mother.
- What about Meredith? - Well, what about your mother?
Dad, I'm almost 12. How long do you expect me...
to buy that story that the stork dropped me on your doorstep?
Oh, come on, Hal. We've talked about your mother.
No, we haven't. Not really.
A girl needs more in life than a half a crumpled old photograph.
Dad, I'm almost a teenager.
Face it. I need a mother.
You know what? You're right.
You're absolutely right. You do need a mother. Which brings me to--
- Meredith. - Hi. Hello, Hal.
Hi.
Hallie, this is my assistant, Richard.
Richard, this is Nick's daughter, the one I've been telling you so much about.
- Oh, hello. How are you? - Hi there.
- Did you tell her? - Almost.
- [ Sighs ] - Hey, if you're free later...
why don't we all have lunch on the terrace?
Well, actually, I promid Hal we'd hang out together this afternoon.
Oh, no problem. I've got plenty to do.
I'm working on a new label design, Nicky, featuring Y-O-U.
You're gonna love it. See you for dinner, darling.
- Bye, Hal. - Bye.
The first change I make is to nd that two-faced little brat...
off to boarding school in Timbuktu.
Ooh. Ice Woman!
And proud of it, babe.
[ Laughs ] Come on, Dad.
[ Nick ] Okay. Okay. You win.
Pull up. Give that hor a rest.
Whoa, Sprout.
- [ Hor Whinnies ] - So, honey, are you excited about our camping trip?
- What camping trip? - What camping trip?
The one we take every summer...
before you go back to school.
Oh. Oh. That camping trip. Y eah. Sure. I can't wait.
So, uh, Hal. [ Clears Throat ]
What do you think of Meredith?
As what, Dad?
Your-- Your publicist, your friend, your--
No. Just what do you think of her as a person?
Oh. She's cute.
She has nice hair, good teeth.
She can spell the word "you."
Honestly, Dad, the woman is a complete stranger to me.
Why do you want my opinion, anyway?
Well, I'll tell you why, Hal.
- Becau, believe it or not-- - Race you back to the ranch, Dad.
- H-Hal. - [ Whinnies ]
Hal, I'm trying to tell you something.
Hey! Slow down.
[ Breathing Heavily ]
I'm in so over my head, here. I-I can't handle this.
I-I just can't. I'm only one kid.
- [ Gasps ] - You got something you want to share with the class, there, Hal?
Chessy, you-- you gave me a fright.
I gave you a fright?
You scared me. I didn't know you were like-- like in here.
Are you sure there isn't anything you want to talk to me about?
Like, why Sammy never comes near you anymore.
Or why your appetite's changed.
Or why, all of a sudden, you're neat as a pin...
and using expressions like, "You gave me a fright."
Chessy, l... changed a lot over the summer, that's all.
Okay.
Boy, if I didn't know any better, I'd say it's almost like you were--
Forget it. It's impossible.
Almos
t as if I were who, Chessy?
Nobody. Nobody. Forget I mentioned it.
Almost as if I were... Annie?
You know about Annie?
I am Annie.
- [ Gasps ] Oh. - [ Nick ] Hal.
Hal, why did you take off on me like that?
I told you I wanted to talk to you about something.
[ Smacks Lips ]
Chessy, why are you looking at her like that?
Like what?
[ Scoffs ] I'm not looking at her any special way.
I'm looking at her like I've looked at her for 11 years.
Since the day she came home from the hospital--
Six pounds, 11 ounces, 21 inches long--
This is how I look at her.
[ Sobs ] Can I hug her?
Oh, she's so beautiful... [ Laughs ]
and so big.
[ Sniffs ] I'm gonna make you something special to eat.
What would you like? Anything? You know what?
It doesn't matter. I'm just gonna go whip up everything we've got.
Okay? Okay.
Hal, come here. Now, we have to talk.
- Okay. Shoot. - Okay.
Honey...
I wanna know what you think about making Meredith...
part of the family.
- Part of our family? - Yeah.
-I think it's an awesome idea. Inspired. -Yeah? You do?
- Brilliant. Really. - Really? You do?
Totally. I mean, like it's a dream come true. I've always wanted a big sister.
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
Um. Honey, I think you're kinda missin' the point.
No, I'm not. You're going to adopt Meredith.
That is so sweet, Dad.
No, I'm not going to adopt her.
I'm... going to marry her.
Marry her! That's insane!
How can you marry a woman young enough to be my big sister?
- [ Speaking French ] - Hal. Hal. Hal, calm down.
Hal.
Are you speaking French?
I-I learned it at camp.
Okay. I'm-I'm sorry.
Let-Let's discuss this calmly-- calmly and rationally.
- Y eah, and in English, if you don't mind. All right? - Okay.
Sweetheart, what has gotten into you?
Nothing. Nothing. Just-- Just--
Dad, you can't get married.
It'll totally ruin completely everything.
- [ Groans ] - Hal. Hal.
Hallie.
Don't look at me. I don't know a thing.
- [ Groans ] - [ Horn Honks ]
# # [ Rap On Car Stereo, lndistinct ]
# # [ Stops ]
[ Whispering ] She thought I was going to adopt her?
- Hi, doll. - Hi.
Oh, you look stresd, baby.
- How about a martini? - How about a double?
Coming right up.
Chessy.
Don't you love it? It's just what we need. It's such a big hou.
Chessy!
You rang?
Two martinis, plea. And make Mr. Parker's a double.
Chess, plea. I'm getting a migraine.
[ Clears Throat ] Mm-hmm.
I told Hallie.
You did? And?
She went ballistic. She started yelling in French.
I didn't even know she spoke French.
I don't know what's gotten into her.
Oh, Nicky. This reaction is totally classic.
It's "Daddy's Getting Remarried 101."
I'd be worried if she didn't act this way.
Look. Why don't l go talk to her?
You know, woman to woman.
ng...
- but wonderful things about you. - Hello, pet.
You may call me Aunt Vicki.
- Other end, madam. - Oops!
- Yopes! - That was a great flight. Wasn't it?
- I mean, it was so quick. - I've never en you quite so thirsty before, madam.
Well, would you believe, Martin darling, I've never tasted vodka before this trip.
You could have fooled me, ma'am.
[ Elizabeth ] Come on. Let's rock and roll.
I am in such major trouble here.
If the hotel can do it, I think that room is perfect for the wedding.
Not too big. Not too cramped. And not that...
I don't like the idea of having the wedding at the hou...
- it's just that this could be amazing. - [ Annie ] Sammy!
So, I've already checked us in. Why don't we go upstairs...
- freshen up and then rendezvous for lunch? - Great!
- Meet you in the bar in ten. Okay? - Oh! Perf.
Sweetheart, now that we're here...
why don't we go check out the honeymoon suite?
I bet it is to die for.
Ooh. Oops! I forgot my bag.
[ Chessy ] Hey, hang on. Sammy!
- [ Barking ] - Sammy!
- Sammy. - Excu me. Did you find a beige-- Thank you.
- Sammy. - Excu me. Did you find a beige-- Thank you.
- Oop! - Mom!
Darling, you didn't have to wait for me. I could have found the room by mylf.
Besides, I need to get a little fresh air.
Go on, sweetie. I'll meet you up "thairs."
I like that jacket, by the way. Were you wearing that the whole time we were on the plane?
- Mom, watch out! - Sorry.
She's drunk. She's never had more than one glass of wine...
in her entire life, and she choos today to show up totally zonked.
She's drunk. She's never had more than one glass of wine...
in her entire life, and she choos today to show up totally zonked.
Yeah, well, just do what the woman says...
and meet her up "thairs."
Maybe that's why they make "do not disturb" signs.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
[ Giggling ] Alone at last.
Hallie Parker.
Oh. Don't do this to me. I'm already eing double.
It's me, Mom, Annie.
Oh, darling.
You look wonderful.
Oh, my girls.
I can't believe you're together.
- But how could you do this to me? - [ Clearing Throat ]
Excu me. I hate to interrupt but...
might I suggest that we continue...
this little powwow inside?
Hi. You probably don't remember me.
Chessy!
I knew I always liked her.
One of you, I'm not sure which one at the moment...
but one of you told me your father knew I was arriving here today.
And I'm here to tell you the man I just saw in the elevator...
had absolutely no idea he and l were on the same planet, let alone in the same hotel.
- You saw Dad already? - Y es, I did.
Oh! The man went completely ashen like I was...
the bloody ghost of Christmas past.
Can one of you get something cold for my head?
I mean, don't you think I pondered what it was going to be lik
- What was it? Uh, uh-- - It was... a hair dryer.
- Oh, right. [ Laughs ] Sorry. - [ Laughs ]
You know, I may never be alone with you again.
So, about that day that you packed-- Why'd you do it?
Oh, Nick. We were so young...
and we both had tempers.
We said stupid things and so I packed.
Got on my very first 747...
and... you didn't come after me.
I didn't know that you wanted me to.
Well, it doesn't really matter anymore.
So, let's just put a good face on...
for the girls and get the show on the road, huh?
Yeah, sure. Let's...
get the show on the road.
Your passport, Ms. James. Have a safe trip home.
- Thank you. - [ Telephone Ringing ]
- All t then. Where's Annie? - I just rang up. She's on her way down.
Right.
So, I'll nd Hallie back to you over Christmas.
- And Annie will spend Easter with you. - Mm-hmm.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
Honey, what are you doing in tho clothes? We've got a plane to catch.
Here's the deal, Mom. We thought it over, and we decided we're being totally gypped.
Dad promid we'd go on our camping trip. And we want to go... together.
What camping trip?
The one we go on every summer before school starts.
Annie, this is ridiculous. Go upstairs and put your clothes on.
- Are you sure I'm Annie? - Well, of cour, I'm sure.
But, it's kind of hard to be 100% positive, isn't it?
Girls, this is totally unfunny. You're gonna make your mother miss her airplane.
- Annie! - [ Both ] Yes!
This one's Hallie. I'm positive.
You know, I hope you're right, Dad.
Becau you wouldn't want to nd the wrong kid all the way back to England.
Would you?
Here's our proposition. [ Clears Throat ]
We go back to Dad's hou, pack our stuff...
and the four of us leave on the camping trip.
- The four of us? - And when you bring us back...
- we'll tell you who's Annie and who's Hallie. - Or you do as we say...
and I take one of you back with me to London whether you like it or not.
And what am I suppod to do for three days? Sit home and knit?
Honey, we have kind of a sticky situation.
- Sticky situation? What do you mean, "sticky situation"? What exactly-- - Hmm-hmm.
Excu me. What is she doing here?
You e, that's part of the deal. The four of us...
we... go together.
- What are you suddenly, the Brady Bunch? This is ridic-- - Hello.
- [ Clears Throat ] - Everything all right?
Well, no. Actually it isn't.
I didn't realize that you were going on this little outing.
- And to tell you the truth, I'm not so sure that I'm okay with it. - I agree.
[ Elizabeth ] I think the ex-wife in the next sleeping bag is a little weird.
- Thank you. - I absolutely insist that you come with us. Really.
[ Chuckles ] Liz--
No, honestly, Nick. I've mesd up your entire weekend.
It's the least I can do. Really, plea.
Dad, what's M
eredith doing here?
- Your mother invited her. - What?
Be nice.
- Okay. All t? Have fun, everyone. - What?
Liz, what are you doing?
Well, I really think that you and Meredith need some time alone before the big day.
Mom, come on! That's not the plan.
Ah, honestly, you'll have much more fun without me.
Wait, wait. If you're not going, I certainly don't have to go.
I mean, trust me, I'm not a big nature girl.
But this is your chance to really get to know the girls.
I mean, after all, starting next week, they're--
they're half yours.
Have fun, all of you!
Bye-bye!
Oh, I would pay big money to e that woman climb a mountain.
[ All Chattering, lndistinct ]
- [ Laughs, Squeals ] - Whoa!
- Come on, you guys. - Whoa! Oh!
[ Laughing ]
[ Grunting ]
Oh, I'm gonna kill my trainer.
He says I'm in such great shape. I can't believe people actually do this for fun.
Hold on. We're stopping.
Again? Dad, at this rate, it'll take us...
three days just to get to the lake.
Meredith isn't ud to the altitude. Just chill, okay?
[ Meredith ] Ooh.
Ah, I'm in rious pain.
Somebody hand me my Evian. I can't move.
Sure.
Brilliant.
- [ Snickers ] - Here you go, Mer.
[ Screaming ]
Honey, you okay? What happened?
This little guy was on her Evian bottle.
Oh, he won't hurt you, Meredith.
Oh, right, right, right. Right. I know.
You, uh, go ahead.
I'll be fine. [ Screams ]
Get that thing away from me. I hate things that crawl.
Aagh! How can you touch that? Just put it down.
Okay. Okay. I'll put it down.
- [ Nick ] Girls? - What? - What?
I'm going to take the lead. The two of you help Meredith. All right?
Sure, you'll help me.
Right over a cliff, you'll help me.
- Not a bad idea. - Y eah. See any cliffs?
- Aah, my backpack. - Need a hand, Mer?
Not from you, thank you. Don't think I can't e right past tho angelic faces.
One more trick from you two, and I promi...
I will make your lives mirable from the day I say "l do."
Got it?
Got it, Cruella.
What did you call me?
[ Hallie ] Nothing, nothing. Not a thing, Cruella.
Oh, by the way, Mer, I think there's something on your head. [ Laughing ]
[ Screams ]
- [ Coughing ] - Are you all right?
- Aah! [ Whining ] - What... happened?
[ Gasping ] Ask... them.
What did we do, Dad? We were right behind you.
[ Hallie, Annie Chattering, lndistinct ]
Here we go, girls. This will hold us for a while.
## [ Pop, lndistinct ]
Sure you don't want some trout, Mom?
Is that okay, by the way, if we start calling you mom?
I think your mother would prefer if you called me Meredith.
And no thank you. I do not eat... trout... for the thousandth time.
I will wait until breakfast.
- What are we having? - [ Together ] Trout.
- [ Sighs ] - Come on. It's part of the experienc
here are you going? - Good night, ladies.
[ Sighs ]
- Oh, wow! - This is where I keep my private stash.
Did you know I also collect wine?
- Really? - Mm-hmm. I'm a man of limited interest. Come here.
This... is a 1921 Burgundy.
- They say the rain that year made this the best Burgundy ever harvested. - Oh.
Now, you will appreciate this. Come here.
Look.
"VJ day, 1945."
- That's incredible. - I love that.
Now, this is the same wine that was rved at my parents' wedding.
- A Bordeaux-- '52. - Aww.
I think my sister was conceived on this baby.
What's this one? "Where dreams have no end--
- 1983."" - That one actually took me years to track down.
Why? Where's it from?
It's the wine that we drank at our wedding.
I now have every bottle ever made.
You do.
I do.
- Can we open one? - You're the only one I'd drink it with.
- You okay? - Oh, yeah. I just got a little dust in my eye.
Hmm? I can offer you a clean sleeve.
No, no. I'm fine really. All better.
You don't always have to be so brave, you know.
Oh, but I do actually.
[ Vehicle Approaching ]
[ Whispering ] That will be Chessy.
She has a key.
[ Door Opens, Clos ]
[ Chessy ] Hello. Anybody home?
We'll be right up.
# Oh #
# Every time #
# We say good-bye #
# I die a little #
- # Every time # - [ Sighs ]
# We say good-bye #
# I wonder why #
# A little #
# Why the gods #
# Above me #
# Who must be in the know #
# Think so little of me #
- Take care of yourlf. - Y eah, I will. You too.
# They allow you to go #
# And when you're near #
# There sits an air #
- I love you. - I love you too.
# Of spring about it #
# I can hear #
- # A lark somewhere # - [ Thunder Rumbling ]
# Begin to sing #
# About it #
# There's no love #
# So finer #
# But how strange the change #
# You made #
# Your mind up #
# Every time #
# We say good-bye # #
[ Sighs ]
Hello. We're home.
- Grandfather? - I'll check the study.
Hey, stranger.
Hey, Mom, did you know the Concord gets you here in half the time?
Yes, l-I've heard that.
Huh! What are you doing here?
It took us around 30 conds after you guys left...
for us to realize we didn't want to lo you two again.
We?
We.
[ Gasps ]
I made the mistake of not coming after you once, Lizzy.
I'm not going to do that again no matter how brave you are.
And I suppo you just expect me to go weak at the knees...
and fall into your arms and cry hysterically...
and say we'll just figure this whole thing out-- a bicontinental relationship...
with our daughters being raid here an-and there and...
and you and I just... picking up where we left off, and--
and growing old together and--
and-- [ Sighs ]
Come on, Nick. What do you expect?
- To live happily ever aft
