no problem

MoneyIsNoProblem

Roles:

Grandpa,actedbyHarvey

Waiter,actedby_Mike__

Yadar,actedby__Tiffany_

Waitress,actedby__Rolanda_

Host(ZhouTao),by_Karen_

Background:

Thisshortplayistinarestaurantnamed"ScottishFlavor"，Grandpa，

inhistunicsuit,entersin,carryingastringofgarliconhisbackanda

pheasantinhishand,followedbyhisgranddaughterYadar:.)

Lines:

Grandpa::Finallyhereweare,themostluxurioushotelin

Jingzhou..."ScottishFlirt."

Yadar:No,itwrong-It'sScottishflavor,notflirt.

Grandpa:Allright,anyway,we'regonnahaveourmealhere.

Yadar:Butfoodhereisveryexpensive.

Grandpa:Expensive?ffordthat,30,000yuanis

'sourwallet?

Yadar:(Lookforitbutdidn'tfindit)Oh,Iforgotitathome.

Grandpa:Oh,Jesus!eyinyourpocket?

Yadar:Letmee...(Fumbling)Only50yuan.

Grandpa:Here's120more.

Yadar:Stillnotenough.

Grandpa:Noproblem,:~~

(TheWaiter:comes.)

Waiter:Sorry,eldoesn'timportagriculturalproductsfrom

streethawkers.

Grandpa:No,no,we'renotsalesman,'regonna

haveanimportantdinnerhere,miss.

Waiter:What?Youcallmemiss?What'swrongwithyou?I'maman-a

Chunyerman.

Grandpa:Areyoujoking?Thenhowcanyoudresslikethat?

Waiter:Anythingwrong?Thisismen',it's

?Oh,damnit,Ihadbothmylegs

erIfeltuncomfortable

whilewalking.

Grandpa:Oh,Ie,it'stheso-calledScottishStyle,right?OK,forgetthat.

Hey,comeon,man,we'regonnatreatanimportantguesthereamoment

uldrvehimwell.

Waiter:Noproblem.

Grandpa:Howmuchdoesadecentmealcosthere?

Waiter:Adecentmeal?

Grandpa:Imeanifweordernothingbutthebestdisheshere...

Waiter:Oh,thatwillcostyouabout8,000to10,000yuan.

Grandpa:Canweeattodayandpaythebilltomorrow?

Waiter:What?Youmeanyou'llgivemeanIOU?

Grandpa:No,',take

this?

Waiter:What'sit?

Grandpa:Atipforyou.

Waiter:Oh,mylord!Youaresoconsiderate,sir,youarereallyhandsome!

Grandpa:It'sonlyapieceofcaketome!Butsinceyoutookthetip,you

shouldcooperatewithme.

Waiter:ButhowcanIcooperatewithyou?

Grandpa:Whenmyguestcomes,Iwillorderexpensivedishes,butyou

understand?WhenIaskforsomethingexpensive...

Waiter:I'llsay"sorry,it'sunavailablerightnow."

Grandpa:Yes,youknowthebusinesswell.

Comeon,here'sanother20yuan.

Waiter:Oh,mylord,youaresocool~~~

Grandpa:Nobigdeal,makesuretodoyourpartwell.

(Zhoutao,hostofTalentShow,entersin.)

Waiter:Oh,mygod!IhaveenyouonTV,youare,youare,Yang

Lan?Ohno,youare,youareWangXiaoya?Ohyes,youareZhouTao,you

areMsZhouofthefamousshow,I'msoexcitedtomeetyouhere.

Grandpa:Hey,man,whatthehellareyoudoing?

youbesorudetohim?

Waiter:Oh,don'tyouknow?She'sMsZhou,myidol...canItakeaphoto

withyou,MsZhou?

Grandpa:(toWaiter:)Wait,wait.(ToHost)Welcomehere,MsZhou.

Host:Nicetomeetyou.

Grandpa:I'vebeenwaitingforyouforalongtime.

Host:Oh,veyournameplea?

Grandpa:Whodidyouexpecttomeet?

Host:I'mlookingforZhaoTiezhu,chiefofthelocalculturalcenter.

Grandpa:'shisdaddyandI'm...

Yadar:ZhaoTiezhuismydaddy.

Grandpa:AndI'mTiezhu''tyoulookingforadaddy...Oh,I

ou'vemettherightperson...

Host:Hi,daddy...Ohno,buddy,where'syourson?

Grandpa:He'sintheoffice,waitingforyou,andheaskedmetotreatyou

thebestrestaurantinourcity.

Host:Thankyou,butI'vehadlaunchontheplane.

Grandpa:Nevermind,youmustbehungryaftertheflight,justhavesome

enjoyyourtrip?

Host:Yeah,anicetrip.

Grandpa:Sowhereareyoufrom?

Host:IcomefromBeijing.

Grandpa:Oh,whicharea?

Host:Chaoyangdistrict.

Grandpa:Oh,wearerelatives.

Host:Really?

Grandpa:Yeah,herauntudtolivethere,ildwasbroughtup

byher,unluckily,shepasdawaylastyear...(ToYadar)Look,sheismuch

aliketoyouraunt,isn'tshe?

Yadar:Yeah,yeah,a,Imissmy

aunt,Imissher.

Grandpa:MsZhou,youe,she'sapoorchild,shealwaysmissheraunt.

Nowitemsonlyyoucanhelpherout.

Host:Oh,tcanIdoforher?

Grandpa:Hey,comehere,sayhellotoyournewaunt.

Yadar:(Bowing)Oh,myaunt,Iloveyou.

Host:Oh,pleadon'tbelikethat.I,Iamah...

Waiter:MsZhou,canyoutakeaphotowithmenow?

Grandpa:(toWaiter)Wehaven'sdamn

thingoutofyourmind.

Waiter:Justonepicture,plea.

Grandpa:Serveourmealfirstandyouwillhavechancetodothatafterit.

Waiter:Whatifsherunsawayafterthemeal?

Grandpa:No,shewon''skeepitlowprofileanddon'tmakeitpublic.

(ToHost)MsZhou,mayyounowpleaorderthedishes?

Host:I'mnotquitefamiliarwithfoodhere,soyoucanmaketheorder.

Grandpa:Ok,MsZhou,nowwearerelatives,sojustmakeyourlfat

,givemethemenu.

Waiter:Hereyouare.

Grandpa:FourkilogramsofAfricanbeef.

Waiter:Sorry,they'reoutofstock.

Grandpa:Fishof3kilogramach.

Waiter:Sorry,wedon'thavesuchbigfish.

Grandpa:Thenwhatkindoffishdoyouhave?

Waiter:Onlyhalfakiloeach.

Grandpa:Um...halfakiloeach~~Isitavailable?

Waiter:Yesorno?

Grandpa:Comeon,boy,'tyouknowwhatare

availablehere?Wehaveenoughmoney,enough~

Waiter:Oh,sorrysir,wedon'thavefishhere.

Host:Hey,buddy,don'torderdishestooexpensive,wecanjusthavea

utsomevegetables?

Grandpa:OK,somevegetables.

Host:Sorrysir,wedon'thavevegetables.

Grandpa:Hey,havevegetables.

Waiter:Sorry,sir,wereallydon'thave~

Grandpa:Oh,shit,isitahotelhere?Whydon'tyourveany

dishes?Whereisyourmanager?

Waiter:Sorry,wedon'thave~

Grandpa:What?Nomanager?

Waiter:Oh,heisnotinrightnow.

Grandpa:Whatshallwehavetoeat,then?

Host:Justsomethinglocal,anydishisOK.

Grandpa:Allright,localdishes?Luckily,wehavebroughtsomegoods

,man,e'vegot

re,dumbdonkey.

Waiter:Youcallmedonkey?

Grandpa:No,Imean,dumbeggs,areeggsavailablehere?

Waiter:Don'thave~!

Grandpa:Allright...meeggsoupwiththeonions.

Host:Oh,buddy,that'youbringeverygoods

yourlftoarestaurant?

Grandpa:You'veenitjustnow,nothingisavailablehere,sowehave

topreparethethingsallbyourlves.

Waiter:That'snottrue,rwehavethedishesornotisupto

you,isn'tit?

Grandpa:What?Uptome?AmIyourmanager?Howridiculous!

Waiter:Idon'oucareaboutmoneytoo

ghIamyoung,Ihaveunderstoodanimportantfact:Our

livesareveryshort,it'youreyesat

nightandopeneyesthenextmorning,youeonedayisover,

youcloyoureyesbutneveropenthemagain-thenyourlifeis

over,haowl.

Host:Youaregreat,rdsarefullofwit!

Grandpa:Notfullofwit,butafoolWaiter.

Waiter:Ididn'tmeantooffendyou,sir.

Grandpa:Thenwhatdidyoumean?

Waiter:now

whatisthemostmirablethinginlife?

Host:what'sthat?

Waiter:Youhaven'tspentallyourmoneybeforeyoudie.

Grandpa:Youknowsomethingevenmoremirablethanthat?

Waiter:What?

Grandpa:,boy.

Moneyisnoproblem,ifyourveuswell,Iwillgiveyoumoremoney.

Waiter:Oh,shit,myluckreallysuckstoday.

(Waiter:exitsagain.)

Grandpa:(toHost)Hey,MsZhou,sinceitwilltakesometimetoPrepare

thedishes,let''sYadar,Shestarted

showingonTVprogramswhenshewasveryyoung.

Host:Oh,that'sgood.

Grandpa:ImeansinceyouarethehostoftheTalentShow,canyouoffer

herachancetoattendyourshow?

Host:Uh...okay...Butwhatisshegoodat？

Grandpa:girlfulloftalents

Host:itemetodinnersothatIcanofferyour

granddaughterachancetoattendourshow.

Grandpa:Yeah,,wearerelativesandwhat's

more,youremblesheraunt.

Host:Ok,whatexactlyisshegoodat?Canshesingasong?

Grandpa:Yadar,showMsZhouyourtalents.

Yadar:IwouldliketosingasongRollinginthedeep.(startingtosing)

There'safirestartinginmyheart,