sorrythatilovedyou

AnythingthatDoesn'tKillYouOnlyMakesYouStronger

eautifulblondnamedJenniferataparty.I

dJen;wetalkedforabouttenminutesonthephone

tmostofthenighttogetheratmyhoutalking,gettingtoknow

ndofthatfirstnightwedancedforalittlewhileandweexperienced

ourfirstkiss...littledidIknowthatkisswouldforeverchangemylife.

OnethingthatIfoundoutaboutherthatnightisthatstartinginthefallshewouldbeattendingthe

gthisinmindIwasuptherestnightthinking“Iwouldbestupidtoletsomeonelike

thisgetaway."Ihonestlydon'tknowwhatgotintomebuttheverynextdaysoasnottowasteanotherminute

tlyhadneverdoneanythingasirrationalasthisbeforesoIdidn'tknow

,bysomemiracleshesaidyes!

oknoweachotherinwaysthatpeoplewho

haveknowneachotherforyearsstillhaven'erycloandmylovegrewverystrong

nallycameforhertoleavetocollegeandwediscusdtheoptionsofbreakingupor

able

tomakeaschedulewherewewouldeeachotheratleastforoneweekendeverytwoorthreeweeks,and

thetrialbegan.

imeIwouldeherIwouldfallinloveall

monthaftersheleft,sheinvitedmetospendtheweekendattimeshareshehadinCaptiva.

d

wakeuptoeeverysunriandgotosleepverylateafterwatchingthestarsandthewilddolphinsswimming

cametimetoleaveeachotherthatweekendwewerealmostintearstohavetoleave

hatweekendIcame

homemoreinlovethanever.

Thereisasayingthatgoes“Somethingsaretoogoodtobetrue".Icanreallyrelatetothatsaying.

monthandahalfafterCaptivaIwasableto

boutthethirdtimewehadeneachothersinceCaptiva,thiswasdefinitelya

routside

her

2

whatwaswrongandtheonlywordsthatcameoutofhermouthwere"Ican'tdothis,it'sover."Shegotinher

anations,nowarnings,tweeknever-ending

emedhopelessandcompletelyempty.

Itactuallyonlylastedaweekforshecamebackdowntheweekafterandshowedupatmydoor.I

definitelydidn'texpectitbutIwassohappytoeher,dshecametome

basicallytooffermetheexplanationshecouldn'ars

comingoutofhereyes,sheexplainedtomethatafewdaysbeforeshebrokeupwithmeshehadgonetoa

etoher"drunkenstate"ad

enoughthathadhappenedbuttoputtheicingonthecakeithadhappened2nightsinarowwiththesameguy.

PersonallynoonehadevercheatedonmesoIwasveryconfudandveryhurt.

dme"No,itwasallabigmistakeandshe

wishesshecouldtakeitback".Ithenwentontoaskherifshebrokeupwithmebecaushedidn'twanttobe

icallytoldmeitwasbecaushefeltsoguilty

aboutwhathadhappenedthatshecouldn'rosdmyfingersandaskedher"Do

youloveme?"Shewasfinallyabletolookmeintheeyesandsaid,"Yes,Iloveyou."Myheartskippedabeat

erthatifshewaswillingtotrywewould

ssuddenlyfilledwithtearsasshegavemea

hugehugandsaidyes,shedidwanttobewithme.

Thenexttwomonthswerelikethefirsttwomonths,vewasfound

thrilledbytheopportunityofacondchancethatImadeitaprioritytoehermore

lievefe

calledmeonedayandaskedifIwouldmeetherinTampaonJanuary24forGasperella(likeaMartigrafor

Tampa.)Shewasgoingthereandstayingatafriend'shouforGasperellaandwantedtoknowifIwantedto

littlehardbutIfinallywasabletomakeplansandboughtroundtripairline

ldpickmeupattheairportandtakemetoherfriend'shouandwewouldspendagreat

weekendtogether.

TampaonFridayafternoonandImetherinthe

toherfriend'shouandwettledinandwentouttoplayminiaturegolf,(notmucheltodo

inTampa)tmorningwewokeupandwentto

theGasperellaparade.

ldn'ttellmewhatitwas,instead

decirmetupwithherand

owhere

3

shelookedatmeandsaidthemostdreadedlineanypersonhatestohear,"Ithinkweshouldjustbefriends."

Iwasabsolutelylostonceagain;Iaskedherforanexplanationandshesaidthatshe

couldn'tgivemeitatthemoment,togiveheralittlebitoftimetofigureouthowshewouldexplainitbutthatshe

wouldgivemeone.

Ispenttherestoftheweekendwithherandherfriend,whichwasliketorturebecauofwhatshehad

guredthatshehad

atershewas

kslatershewasstillnowheretobefoundandeverythingwaskickinginharder

allyfreakingoutandIcouldn'texplaintomylfwhybecauIstillhadnoexplanationon

whyshehadbrokenupwithmeexceptthatshewantedtobefriends.

Valentine'sdaywestartedtalkingaroundtwointhemorningandIstartedthefirstfightweeverhad.I

toldherIdervedanexplanationandIdidn'

toldmeshecouldn'erforgetfindingthewordstoexplainitandtellme

dme"Youwanttoknowthetruth?I'lovedyou;I

esuppodtobeatwomonthflingwhichturnedout

tobean8monthflingandIdon'tneeditanymore".Thonextfewlinesdestroyedanythingandeverything

donthephoneabsolutelyquietbecauIdidn'

endedupsaying"Iamsorrybutthat'showIfeelandnowthatIfinallyletitoutIguessIcouldfinallysay

goodbyenow."IwassomuchinshockthatIstillcouldn'trespondsoshehunguponme.

UntiltodayIhavewreckedwhatcouldhavebeenbeautifulrelationshipsbecauofafearofttling

,verthought

verythingsoundsmyoutlookis

tershedidwhatshedid,Iacceptthatevenifitwasaonewaydeal,shewas

lthedifferentemotionsrunningwildthroughme,Icouldstilllookher

oplewouldsaytheywishedit

ouldnevertakebackonemomentofthetimethatwespenttogetherorapartforthat

matter.

Incayouwerewondering,thesamedayasmyValentine'sDayMassacre,sheacceptedaproposal

tobesomeone'stopfeelingsorry

sitthereandnotunderstandwhathappened,go

throughtherestofmylifemirableandwishingIcouldstillbewithsomeonewhocouldactuallydothattypeof

ndoptionwouldbetotakethehardemotionalhitasitcame,

4

optionwouldenablemetofinallymoveonwithmylifeandactuallybegintoenjoymylfandlookforwardto

beinghappyagain.

AlthoughfeelingsorryformylfanddoingnothingsoundedliketheeasiestthingtodoIhavealways

ything

andeverythingpossibletohavefunandforgetherandthonegativeemotionssheinducedinmyheart.I

lippedupwhenIsawthings,heardthings,orsmelled

rIhavenotgivenuponthefactthatIcould

realwaysconquencesyoulivewithinthedecisionsyou

hisdecisiontogivemyhearttosomeoneandItooktheriskofitgetting

oingconquencesthatIlivewith

andamyettoovercomeareopeninguponceagaintosomeoneandlettingthemholdaspecialplaceinmy

heart.

Icouldhavedealtwiththisheartbreakinthewaymanypeoplerespondtoitandgoweeks,monthsand

evensyearswithoutda

havethoughtthatwomenweretherootofevilVsincetheendresultofalltheydidendeduphurtingmeinstead

hologythereisatermknownaspunishment,whichwouldexplainthiscommonview.

Punishmentoccurswhenaneventfollowingaresponweakensthetendencyto

lly,poninthesituationwas

eofthefactthateverycommitmentsofarinmylifehasleadtoheartbreak,I

risveryfamousfor

hisstudiesandexperimentsinpunishmentandavoidancelearning.

Avoidancelultof

punishment,dancelearningisanorganismacquiresaresponthatprevents

ldhavedealtwiththesituationthroughpunishmentand

nessandfearofcommitment

wouldberulingmylife.

Idecidedinstea

tudyingpunishmentandavoidancelearning,

vereinforcementoccurswhenaresponis

strengthenedbecauitisfollowedbytheremovalofan"averrsive"(unpleasant)I

havedecidedtolookbpy

memoriesthatresultedfromtherelationshipIwouldn'itivereinforcement

occursinmytakingallthohappymemoriesandrealizingthatinmycatheyoutweighallthofeelingsof

lonelinisthought

processtorealizethattherearealotmorehappymomentsouttherethatIhaven'

5

understandthatinordertoexperiencethehappymomentsIalsohaveacceptalotmoreheartbreaksbutin

myeyesit't'notbayourlifeonwhatifand

ndwhenyoulookbackatlifeitwillallbereflectedonexperiencesyouhavehadandthings

youhavelearnedfromthem.

Bibliography

Balsinde,.26,2002.

Merconchini,.30,2002.

Pujol,.1,2002.;

Weiten,logy:ThemesandVariations.3rdEdition.

Wentzel,Brian(Ph.D.,Psychology)..1,2002.