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TheSwing

ByMaryGavell

Asshegrewold,notdreamedmuchinher

middleyears;or,ifshehad,thebusynessofherdays,convergingonherthemoment

sheawoke,hadpushedherdreamsrightoutofherhead,andanyfragmentsthat

onlytheoneson,James,

butshehadalsomotheredheryoungersisteraftertheirparentsdied,andshehaddone

alloftheofficeworkduringtheyearswhenherhusband’ssmallengineeringfirmwas

ius’shealthhadnotbeentoogood,eventhen;itwasshe

whohadmowedthelawnandhadhelpedJamietolearntoridehisbicycleand

pitchedballstohiminthebackyarduntilhelearnedtohitthem.

Butshewasdreamingagainnow,,notthe

lovelyfoolishdreamsoffindingonelfaloneinacandystore,orthehorribledreams

ofb

herdaysgrewinquietnessandsolitude–forJameswasgrownandgone,andJulius

wasdrawinginuponhimlf,becomingeverydaymoresmallandchillanddim–

colorandlifeanddramawerereturningtoherdreams.

Butonthatfirstnightwhensheheardthecreakoftheswing,shedidnotthink

beenlyinginbedquiteawake,shethought,in

thelittleroomthatudtobeJamie’s–fornowadaysherreadinginbed,and

afterwardhertossingandturning,ngwasnotanordinary

hadputitup,inoneofthefewflashesofpoetryinallhisworrisome,

hardworkinglife,whenJamiewasonlyababyandnowherenearoldenoughtoswing

derJuliushadwasnottallenough,andhehadtobuyanewone,forthe

treewastremendousandthebranchonwhichhepropodtohangtheswingarcheda

fullfortyfeetfromtheground,andmuchthoughtandconsiderationandcarewere

giventothechain,andthehooks,ngwassuspendedfromso

high,anditsarcwassowide,thatridinginitwaslikesailingthroughtheairwiththe

medtotravelfromonehorizontothe

proudJuliushadbeenofitwhenJamiewasoldenoughtoswinginit,

andtheneighborhoodchildrenhadstoodaroundtoadmireandbegivenaturn,for

therewasnootherswinglikeit.

Theswingwashardlyeverudnow;itwasonlyatreat,onceinawhile,fora

visitingchild,andoccasionallywhenshewasoutsideworkinginherflowerborder

shewouldsitandrestinitforamomentortwo,idling,pushingherlfalittlewitha

rhythmiccreakofthechainswassofamiliarthatshecouldnotmistakeit,

hewindbestrongenoughtomoveit,ifitcamefromtheright

angle?Shefinallygaveupthinkingaboutitandwenttosleep.

Nordidshethinkofitthenextday,fortheyweredueforSundaydinnerat

James’dinasuburbontheoppositesideofthecity–justtheright

distanceaway,sheoftenthought,farenoughsothatagingparentscouldnotmeddle

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andembarrassandinterfere,butnearenoughsothatshecouldehimfairlyoften.

Shelovedhimwithallherheart,herdear,enormouslyproudof

him,too;hewasahighlypaidmathematicianinarearchfoundation,andexpertina

retlyshetook

somecredit,foritwasshe–whohadkepttheengineeringfirm’sbooksbalancedand

donetheincometax–whohadplayedlittlemathematicalgameswithhimbeforehe

hadevergonetoschoolandhadsatcross-leggedwithhimonthefloortossingcoins

,theyhadhadfuntogetherinallsortsofways;they

haddonecrosswordpuzzlestogether,andstudiedthestarstogether,andreadbooks

adturnedout

well;hewasascholar,andasuccess,andaworthycitizen,andhehadaprettywife,a

charminghome,

wasthelightandthewarmthofherlife,andherheartbeatfastonthewaytohis

hou.

alwaynjoyeddriving,andnowadaysJulius,whoudto

insistondoingithimlf,oveinsilencemostly,

butherheartwasaslightasthewindthatblewonherface,andshehummedunder

herbreath,saidquerulously,“Icouldhave

toldyouyou’dgetintoalotoftrafficthiswayandyou’ddobettertogobytheriver

road,butIknewyouwouldn’tlisten,”butshewassohappythatsheforboreto

mentionthatwhenevershetooktheriverroadheremarkedhowmuchlongeritwas,

andonlyanswered,“Iexpectyou’requiteright,’llcomebackthatway.”

Theydidgohomebytheriverroad,anditemedverylong;shewasalittle

depresd,assheoftenwaswhenshereturnedfromJames’shou.“Ilovehimwith

allmyheart”–thewordswalkedunbiddenintohermind–“butIwishthatwhenI

askhimhowheishewouldn’ttellmethatthereiverylikelihoodthattheBasic

RearchDivisionwillbemergedwiththeStatisticsDivision.”Hehadkisdheron

thecheek,andAnne,hiswife,hadkisdheronthecheek,andthetwochildrenhad

kisdheronthecheek,andhehadslippedafootstoolunderherfeetandhadated

hisfatherawayfromdrafts,andtheyhadhadafireinthemagnificentstonefireplace

thearchitecthaddreamedupandthebuilderaddedtothecost,andAnnehadrved

themanexcellentdinner,andthechildrenhad,onrequest,toldherofsuitableA’sin

daskedherhowshehadbeen,andshe

toldthem,inaburstofconfidence,thatshehadhadtheancientpianotunedandhad

okedpuzzled.“Whatareyouplanningtodo

withit,Mother?”Anneasked.“Oh,wellnothing,really,”shesaid,

saidlateronthatshehadbeenreadingbooksonChinaforshewassoterriblyignorant

aboutit,andtheyaskedpolitelyhowhereyeswereholdingup,andwhenshesaidthat

shewassickofphloxandwasgoingtodigitallupandtryiris,Jamessaidmildly,

“Youreallyshouldn’tdoallthatheavygardeninganymore,Mother.”Theywere

loving,theyweredevoted,anditwasthemostpleasantofordinaryfamilySunday

oldherthathehadanothersalaryincrea,andthatthepaperhe

haddeliveredbeforetheMathematicalRearchInstitutehadbeen,hefelthecould

saywithoutexaggeration,mostwellreceived,andthattheyweregettinganewstation

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t,shewondered,didhefeel,whatdidheloveandhate,andwhat

upthimormadehimhappy,andwhatdidhelookforwardto?Nonn,she

thought,Ican’can’t,oncethey’re

grown,terriblefearroinherthatthewerehiscret

thoughts,andthatwasalltherewas.

Thatnightsheheardtheswingagain,thegentle,regularcreakofthechains.

Whatcanbemakingthatnoi,shewondered,foritwasastillnight,withsurelynot

edJuliusthenextdayifheeverhearda

creakingsoundatnight,peeredoutfrom

hisafghanandsaiddeafly,“Hah?”andsheansweredirritably,“Oh,nevermind.”The

lwayschillynowadays,andshehadknittedtheafghan

forhimforChristmas,workingonitinsnatcheswhenhewasoutfromunderfootfor

abit,withavisionofitswarminghiskneesastheysattogetherintheevenings,

companionablywatchingtelevision,orreading,atlessandless

withherintheevenings;hewenttobedveryearlynowadays,andhehadtakento

sorry

immediatelyforherirritation,andshetriedtobeverythoughtfulofhimtherestofthe

idn’temtonotice;henoticedsolittlenow.

idedthatsheshouldgetoutmoreand,

heartlesslyabandoningJulius,shemadealuncheondatewithJessieCarling,whohad

spenttheentirelunch

discussingherdigestionandtheproblemofmakingtheplaidsmatchacrossthefront

eofdayslater,shepaidacallon

JoyceSimmons,whohadtroublewithherbackanddidn’tgetoutmuch,andJoyce

toldherinminutedetailaboutherson,dwelling,infullcircumstantialdetail,onthe

virtuesofhim,hiswife,dhertongue,

trouble,shethoughtwryly,isthatIthinkmysonissoreallysuperiorthatakindof

noblesobligeforcesmenottomentionit.

upinbedand,half

aloud,said,“I’mnotdreaming,anditcertainlyistheswing!”Shethrewonherrobe

andherslippersandwentdownstairs,feelingherwayinthedarkcarefully,forthough

soundsemednottoreachJulius,sheunlockedtheback

doorand,steppingoutintothemoonlight,pickedherwaythroughthewetgrassand

insightofthebigoak,shesawitswoopingpowerfullythroughtheairinitswidearc,

asachild

intheswing,tbea

sleepwalkingchildfromsomewhereintheneighborhood?Andwoulditbedangerous

tocallouttothechild,orwoulditbebettertogoupandputoutahandtocatchthe

swinggentlyandstopit?Shewalkednearersoftly,afraidtostartlethechild,herheart

edtobealittleboyand,shenoticed,hewas

dresdinordinaryclothes,notpajamas,shecame,

stillundecidedwhatsheshoulddo,shakingwithfearandstrangeness.

ShesawthenthatitwasJames.“Jamie?’shecriedoutquestioningly,and

immediatelyshrankback,feelingthatshemustbemakingsomekindofterrible

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ookedandsawher,and,brightinthemoonlight,hisfacelitup,asit

hadudtodowhenhesawher,andheansweredgaily,“Mommy!”

Sherantohimandstoppedtheswing–hehadsloweddownwhenhesawher–

andkneltonthemossygroundandputherarmsaroundhimandheputhisarms

aroundherandsqueezedtight.“I’msogladtoeyou!”shecried.“It’sbeensucha

longtimesinceI’veenyou!”

“I’mgladtoeyoutoo,”hecried,grinning,andkisdherteasinglybehindthe

ear,forheknewitgavehergoobumps.“Youknow,”hesaid,“Ilikethisairplane,

andsometimesIgor-r-r-r-andthat’stheengine.”

“Well,”shesaid,“airplane,ormaybelikeabird.

Doyouremember,Jamie,whenyouutowanttobeabirdandwouldwaveyour

armsandtrytofly?”

“ThatwaswhenIwasareallittlekid,”hesaidscornfully.

Shesuddenlyrealizedthatshedidn’thwasoutin

front;couldthathavebeenwhenhewassix?Orven?Surelynotfive?Oneforgot

ldn’tverywellaskhim;hewouldthinkthatveryodd,foramother,

ofallpeople,iced,then,hisredcheckedjackethangingonthe

nailonthetree;Juliushadgivenhimthatjacketforhissixthbirthday,she

rememberednow;hehadloveditandhadinsistedoncarryingitwithhimallthetime,

evenwhenitwastoowarmtowearit,andJuliushaddrivenalittlenailintheoaktree

forhimtohangitonwhileheswung;thenailwastillthere,oldandrusty.

“Mommy,howhighdoesanairplanefly?”heasked.

“Oh,Idon’tknow,”shesaid,“twothousandfeet,maybe.”

“Howmuchisafoot?”

“Oh,aboutaslongasDaddy’sfoot–Iguessthat’swhytheycallitthat.”

“Havepeoplealwaysbeenthesamesize?”

“Well,ypeoplearegettingalittlebigger,andthatmost

peoplearealittlebiggerthantheirgreat-granddaddieswere.”

“Well[shesawthetraptoolate],theniffeetudnottobeasbig,whydidthey

callitafoot?”

“Idon’hatisn’ldlookitupin

thedictionary.”

“Doesdictionarytellyoueverything?”

“outwordsandwhattheymeanandhowtheystartedto

meanthat.”

“Butifthere’sawordforeverything,andifadictionarytellsyouaboutevery

word,thenhowcanithelpbuttellyouabouteverything?”

“Well,”shesaid,“you’vegotagoodpointthere.I’llhavetothinkthatoneover.”

Anothertimehewouldask,“Whyisit,iftheworldisturningroundallthetime,

wedon’tfalloff?”

“thisjustlikeabigmagnet.”

“Butwhereisthegravity?Ifyoupickupahandfulofdirt,itdoesn’thaveany

gravity.”

“Well,Idon’teroftheearth,,Idon’treallyknow,”

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shesaid.

Shefeltasifthewheelsofhermind,rustyfromdisu,werebeginningtoturn

again,asifshehadnotengagedinarealconversation,orthoughtaboutanythingreal,

insolongthatshewaslikeaswimmeroutofpractice.

Theytalkedforanhour,andthenhesaidhehadtogo,withtheconscientious

keepingtrackoftimehehadudtoshowwhenitwastimetogotoschool.

“Seeyoulater,alligator,”hesaid,andtheanswersprangeasilytoherlips:“After

awhile,crocodile.”

Hecameeverynightortwoafterthat,andshelayinbedinhappyanticipation,

notgooutinherrobeagain;shehastily

dresdherlfproperly,andputonhershoes,forshehadalwaysfeltthatamother

ytheswingtheysat,andtheytalkedaboutthe

starsandwheretheBigDipperwas,andaboutwhatyoudoaboutaboywhoissortof

meantoyouatschoolallthetime,notjustnowandthen,thewaymostchildrenareto

eachother,onlytheydon’tespeciallymeanit,andaboutwhatyoushouldsayin

Sundayschoolwhentheysaytheworldwasmadeinsixdaysbutyourmotherhas

explaineditdifferently,andaboutwhythedaysgetshorterinwinterandlongerin

summer.

Shebloomed;shesangaroundthehouuntilevenJuliusnoticedit,andsaid,

disapprovingly,“Youemtobeawfullyfriskylately.”AndwhenAnnephoned

apologeticallytosaythattheywouldhavetocalloffSundaydinnerbecauJames

hadtoattendacommitteemeeting,shewasnotonlyperfectlyunderstanding–asshe

alwaystriedtobeinsuchinstances–butsheputdownthephonewithanutterlylight

heart,andtookuphersongwhereshehadleftitoff.

Thenonenight,aftertheyhadtalkedforanhour,Jamiesaid,“Ihavetogonow,

andIdon’tthinkIcancomeagain,Mommy.”

“Okay,”shesaid,andwhateverrervehadsuppliedthecheerful

matter-of-factnesswithwhichshehadoncetakenhimtothehospitaltohavehis

appendixout,whenhewasfour,cametoheraidandsawtoitthattherewasnota

dhim,andthenshesatandwatched

ashewalkeddownthelittlebacklanethathadtakenhimtoschool,andofftocollege,

andofftoajob,andfinallyofftobemarried–andheturned,atthebendintheroad,

andwavedtoher,ashealwaysudtodo.

Whenhewasoutofsight,shesatonthesoftmossygroundandrestedherarms

gshehadsatthere,she

didnotknow,ulius,standingthere,frailand

stooped,inthemoonlight,inhisnightshirtwiththeeverlastingafghanhungaround

tilytriedtorearrangeherattitude,tosomehowmakeit

lookasifshewasdoingsomethingquitereasonable,sittingthereonthegroundwith

hadalwaysfeltshe

wasalittlefoolishandneededagooddealofadmonishing,andnowhewouldthink

shewasquiteoutofhermindandtalkverysharplytoher.

Buthiscrackedoldvoicespokemildly.“Hewentoffandlefthisjacket,”hesaid.

Shelooked,andtherewasthelittleredjackethangingonthenail.

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