英语小品

搞笑小学英语小品剧本《新守株待兔》

人物：农夫，兔子A，兔子B，大树。

农夫：I’mafarmer.（稍停顿）[走两步

]Acoolfarmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，继续保

持冷酷]

Eh...WhenIwasyong,IstudiedinXu~~~~,I’m

richnow！

[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]

Look！Thisismymodernmobile——NokiaWC250！Thisismywatch!This

ismyMP3!Thearemyshoes——(夸张低沉地)ADIDAS!Thisis…[不经意地

掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry.[扔掉苹果]It’sthis![从怀里掏出痒痒挠]Doyouknow

what’sthis？痒痒挠？Nonono~~Youareout!!It’smymodern——锄头~！！[看

下表]Itistimetodosomefarming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作]

树：I’matree!Icandomanythings!Icansing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，

哼哼哈西！！！]Icandance![跳四小天鹅]Oh?Therecomesarabbit![引导观众

看兔子A)。树站回后台]

兔子A：OK,I’’mjustwalkingaroundhere.

[农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]

农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]Iwillcatchit！[偷偷摸摸地跟到兔

子后面走]

[农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两

人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手

机。两人继续走，兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。]

兔子A：Wahhhh~!（吓一跳）Whatdoyouwant?

农夫：Huh…！IwillkillUforlunch!

兔子A：Wah~~~~~~[兔子跑，躲到树后面，农夫追到树前]

农夫：Where~togo?Haha!

[农夫开了一枪“砰”(配音)。兔子在树后惊慌躲闪，没被打到。树做出受伤中

弹状。农夫又开枪，同上。农夫开始加快频率，火力密集地开枪。兔子开始时

惊慌躲闪，躲着躲着跳起舞来。树继续痛苦中弹状。]

兔子A[自我陶醉中，边跳舞边说]Youcan'thurtme!Youcan'thurtme！

树：[痛苦万分地]But…you…Hurtme….[痛苦地慢慢挪动到兔子背后]

[兔子继续兴奋地跳舞。农夫停止开枪，走到兔子面前，看着它。兔子猛然

抬头发现]

农夫：Ahha~!Byebye![举枪对准兔子，开枪，没声音，看看枪，示意没

子弹了。兔子见状，非常兴奋地大笑起来]

兔子A：Hahahaha!Youcan’tkillmenow！[兴奋大笑，笑到抽筋，笑到

后仰。突然头撞倒了后面的树]Wa！[倒地]

农夫：OH![很兴奋地过去两个手指提起兔子]Mylunch,Icaughtyou!!![把

兔子绑到树上。打呵欠]tired!I’lleatyouaftersleeping.[倒地睡觉]（打鼾的声音）

兔子A：[兔子很快醒了，看看四周，发现自己被绑了，很惊讶]WhereamI?

Whathappened?

树：[指着农夫]Hehascaughtyouandwantstoeatyou.

兔子A：What?!Imustleavehere!ButhowcanIescape？[东张西望，看

到农夫的手机]Amobile![解开绳子去看手机]It’sNokiaWC250!Wow,how

fashion![放回原处。又自觉地把自己绑在树上。突然想起来]Amobile！MaybeI

cancallsomeonetohelpme！[又不知不觉地把自己放出来，那起手机][做出

打电话的样子](配音：拨电话)Hello？

兔子B：Hello!It’sJenny.

兔子A：HeyJenny！

兔子B：Oh,heyMary!

兔子A：Howareyou?

兔子B：Fine,?

兔子A：I’mfinetoo!Howareyourparents?

兔子B：Theyarefine,?

兔子A：Theyarefine,too!Howisyouruncle?

兔子B：He’sfine,thankyou!AndU?

兔子A：He’sfine,too!How…

兔子B：Eh..eh..eh~doyoucallme?Ifyouwantborrowsome

moneyfromme…NOWAY!!!

兔子A：Nonono!I’mindangernow!Comeandhelpme!!!

兔子B：Butwhereareyou?

兔子A：I’munderatree!

兔子B：[边打电话边在附近走，经过兔子A面前，两个人还没发现]Whatcan

youearoundyou?

兔子A：Iearabbit…thatlookxactlylikeyou!

兔子B：Arabbit…likeme…OK!I’econd!Waitforme!I

willhelpyou![匆匆离开]

[兔子A打完电话，小心翼翼地把手机放回农夫处，然后又很自觉地要把自

己绑回了树上]

兔子A：Haha!Myfriendwillcomeandsaveme~!yeah![兴奋过度，后仰，

头又撞倒树上,倒地](虚弱地)Oh!Hurt!Call110~Or119?112?...Oh,forgetit!I’m

dying![作喉咙卡住声音，死去]

[兔子B上。]兔子B：I’malsoarabbit！I’msmart!I’mlovely!AndI’m(作风

情万种)beautiful!（自我陶醉）[转头看自己右手边，却发现兔子A倒在地

上]Oh,my!MaryI’msosorry,Mary!I’mtoo

late!5555555~~~~~~Mary![痛苦而夸张地转身敲打树]

树：Oh!Oh,don’thitme.!Don’thitme!I’m~~brea~ken![朝地上倒，压倒兔子

B]

兔子B：What?NO..NO!~~...I…can’t….breath……(作死了的声音)

[农夫一觉醒来。看见两只兔子]En..?Tworubbits!IrememerIhavecaught

justone?!Oh,thanksgod!HowluckyIam![兴奋地一手提一只兔子，哼着小曲下

场]

搞笑英文话剧剧本

ThreeTimes’BeatingMonster

人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空E：猪八戒J：沙僧

B：白骨精B1：B变成的村姑B2：B变成的太婆

B3：B变化成的老头N：哪吒

T:Emitofo,doyouknowwherewearenow?

S:Bajie,map!

E:(摸出，递给S)

S:Look,master(凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）

T:Bajie!HowManytimesIhavetoldyou,nottobringthepicturesof

beautifulgirlswithyou!

E:Oh,master!Forgiveme(伸手拿回)

T:(缩手)I’llkeepitforyouuntilwereachthewest

E:But……

T:Emitofo,nothingislust,lustisnothing!Map?

E:(递)……wehavearrivedinWhiteTigerMountain!

AhIcan’twalkonanymore!(坐)Mystomachdoesn’tallowSo.

S:FatPig!

E:Monkey,ifyoudaretosaythetwowordsonceagain,Iwill,

Iwill……….

S:Youwillwhat(凶相)?

E:(软禁)Iwillhelpyoucatchfleas(跳蚤).

S:Hm!

T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,IamabithungryCouldyougotogetme

somefood?

E:Youe,masterishungry,too!

T:Baijie!Don’tforgetwhoatemylastmeal!

J:Butmaster,ifamonstercomeswhilebrothermonkegisaway…..

T:Em…….,doyouhaveanyidea?

S:Noproblem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

E:Thisis…..?

S:Electricnet!Ihavelearnttheenergyofelectricityfrommaster’s

tercanapproachyouifyoustayinit!

T:Em……Wukong,youarebecomingmoreandmorescientific!

Emitofo,knowledgeispower!

S:Bye!(走)

T:Let’splaycards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

B:Hm!Hm!Electricnet?Youaretoochildish.(变成B1)

B1:(接近三人，望着)CanIjoinyou?

T:I’msorry,layingFightingAgainstLandlordandthree

peopleareenough.

B1:(在一旁观看)Oh,Chance!Bomb!

T:Bomb?(打出)

B1:DoubleKing!

T:Oh….Iwin!Em……,Lady,andteachme!(准备开

电网门)

S:(回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

B1:（倒)Ah……

T:(气愤)Wukong!Lookwhathavedone!Sheismyteacher!

S:Sheisamonster!

T:Nonn!(深呼吸)

S:Oh,pleadon’t……

T:It’stoolate!(唱)Oncemore……youopenthedoor…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)

S:Plea,Plea,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)

T:(呛住，咳)Wukong,I’mdisappointedwithyou!

B:(真身出现)Hm!SunWukong,I’llteachyoualesson!(变成太婆)

B2:Hello,haveyouenmydaughter?

T:Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)

S:（咬牙切齿）Youmonster,I’llbeatyouintohell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S

打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)

E&J:AreyouOk,master?(扶T)

J:Look,(伸食指)howmany?

T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)SunWukong,gameover!(变成B3)

B3:(看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,mydaughter,mywife!Whodidit?!!(哭喊)

S:I’llkillyou,monster!(打)

T:（想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住)Youhavekilled

threelives!

S:No,theyarenothumanbeings!Theyarecreatedbymonster!

T:Monster?Youarearealmonster!Neverletmeeyou,go!!

S:(悲，离去)（音乐，营造“假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》

E:Master,brotherMonkeyis.......

T:Scratch!Don'tmentionthatguyanymore!

B:(出现)Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

T:（惊）Youare......

B:Howfoolishyouare,MrTang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)

B:(抓住T)I'llenjoyyourmeatandblood,ha,ha......

S:(悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)Athousandyearslater.

T:Wukong?

E:Oh,BrotherMonkey!

J:Ourheroisback!

T:I,Ican'tunderstand......Whathappened?

S:Master,yourIQneedsincreasing!Thismonsterchangeditsappearance

intothreeshapesinordertocheatyou!

T:How,howdidyoufindout?

S:(沉默).......Monkey'sintuition(直觉)

N:Excume,whereisthecniminal?

S;Ah......youaretoolate,Nezha!(对T)I'vecalledthepolice.

N:(摇醒B)Youareunderarrest.(出示证件)Youhavetherightto

remainsilentIfyougiveuptheright,anythingyouwillsaycanandwill

beagainstyouinacourtoflaw!(带走B)

T:Wukong(S不理T)Iadmitmymistakethistime(S仍不理)I'msorry(小声)

S:What?

T:I'msorry.

S:Em?Louder,plea?

T:I......am......sorry.....(S捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）

T:Let'sgoguys!(歌)

S:Youarecarryingtheluggage,Iamleadingthehor.

E:Saygoodbyetothesun,Welcomeeveningglow.

J:Sleepingontheground,againwetouttout,againwetout.

T.S.E.J:Ah......Ah......Sleepingonthegroundagainwetout.

T:Oneaftertheothertheasonsgoby,andoheaftertheother,theyear

disunderyourfeet.

T.S.E.J:Youuonderwheretheroadis,theroadisunderyourfeet......