personal statement 范文

personalstatement个人陈述详解(3)

berkeley

StructuringYourPersonalStatement

Atypicaltwo-pagepersonalstatementwillconsistofthefollowing:

Anintroductoryparagraphthatprovidesyouressay'scontrolling

theme

2-4bodyparagraphsthatdevelopyourthemethroughexamples

albody

paragraphwillcontainyourmostpoignantinformation

Aconclusionthatwidensthelensandwrapsupyouressaywithout

summarizingorrepeatingwhathasalreadybeenwritten

StructuringYourPersonalStatement:TheIntroductory

Paragraph

Yourintroductioniswhereyouestablishthetoneofyourpersonal

statementandtthescene,defineitstheme,andgenerallyhookyour

'simportantthat

,too,that

yourlanguageisclearandspecific--avoidfillerwordsandcliché

importantly,besurethattheintroductoryparagraphcapturesthemain

ideaofyouressay.

Sometimestheintroductionisthelastportionoftheessaytobe

completed,andthat'roductionshouldprovideasnapshot

ofwhattherestoftheessaywilldevelopandexpandupon,soifyou

don'tknowwheretherestoftheessayisheaded,theintroductionis

ore,itisimportanttooutlineyouressayso

thatyouknowhoweachofyourexampleswillbuildupononeanother

andcanbetterdraftyourintroductiontoreflectthis.

'rethe

judge--whichoneisstrongest?

ember16,1990Iexperiencedtheworstfeelingofmylife

feelingofindescribabledisbelief.

Mymother,myonlyparent,hen

thatIknewthatIhadtobecomeadoctortohelppeoplewhowere

ndingyourcollege,Iwillbeabletofulfill

hereifyoulectedthisopener.

time,I

wasgoingthroughwhatmymothercalledmy"difficultstage"becau

myworldrevolvedaroundschool,friendsandboys,and"family"was

preparedfortheresultingfamily

crisis;myfather,themanwhonurturedmypassionforart,literatureand

myloveoflanguages,ime,I

alizethatmyfather'srejection,

whileextremelypainful,gavemearesiliencyandstrengthofcharacter

ereifyoulectedthis

opener.

ncesaidthat"Wehavenothingtofearbutfearitlf,"and

thatisamottothatIhavelivedbyforallofmyventeenyearsonthis

calledintotheHouOnePrincipal'd

verbeencalledintothat

officebefore,becauthatprincipalonlyhandledthemathandscience

edthattheprincipalevenknew

nteredtheofficeIwasgreetedbyagroupoffamiliarfaces

ncipaltoldustohaveaat

sonthatwewerecalledinwasthattherewasgoingto

beaScienceCompetitionhappeningthatSaturdayandtheschoolreally

ncipalsaidthatsheknewitwasshort

notice,butbadonourperformancesinallourscienceclassshe

tedthatweweresomeoftheonly

highschooljuniorsandniorswhohadcompletedandgonebeyond

therequiredsciencecours.(Ipersonallyhadalreadytakenamester

ofbothPhysicsandPhysiologythatyear,andtwooftheothergirlsthat

wereintherewithmehadalreadycompletedAPBiology.)Clickhereif

youlectedthisopener.

Readthesampleessaytovisualizeastrongopenerinthecontextof

anessay.

StructuringYourPersonalStatement:BodyParagraphs

Bodyparagraphsarethemeatofyouressay,andassucharethe

odyparagraphs,you

willexpanduponandprovidesupportforthethemeyouintroducedin

thefirstparagraphandwillprovidethedetailsthatmovethattheme

geessaywilltypicallycontain2-4bodyparagraphs.

Eachparagraphcontains:

Atopicntencethatexpandsyourthemeandmakesa

transitionfromthepreviousparagraph

Developmentofideasthatsupportyouressay'stheme

Anendingntencethatwrapsuptheparagraphandhelpsto

transitionintothenextparagraph

Thefirstbodyparagraphistheplacetostartbuildingyoursupport

uwillbeginwiththesmallestcomponentsof

yourthemeand,insubquentparagraphs,worktowardthemost

hmethodsand

ewhichoneismostpersuasiveforyourparticulartheme.

TIP:Asyoudrafteachparagraph,uthefollowingSignpost

Questionsinasyoudevelopyouressaytohelpensurethatyouhave

developedyourparagraphsfully.

Introductionand/orFirstBodyParagraph

Whataremyvaluesandphilosophiesaboutmytheme?Whatis

thebasisofthevalues?

BodyParagraphs2-4

WhataccomplishmentamImostproudof,andwhy?

Whatincident/eventprovidevidenceofmyresponsibility,and

how?

WhatdifficultiesordisadvantageshaveIfacedandhowdidI

overcomethem?(Thisispeciallyimportantifyouareapplyingfor

theEducationalOpportunityProgram(EOP).

WhatisoneareainwhichIamweak,andhowhaveIovercome

it?

TIP:topic

ntences(generallythefirstntenceineachparagraph)allbeginwith

somesortofnumericaltransition(first,cond,third,finally),oryoufind

yourlfrelyingtoheavilyon"also"tomoveyourparagraphsforward,

lookformoreinterestingandsophisticatedtransitionwordsandphras

tomovetheessayalong.

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Hereisasampleessaytohelpyouvisualizethisstructureand

development.

StructuringYourPersonalStatement:Conclusions

Yourconclusionisyourchancetoextendyouressay'sparameters

andtodemonstratethesignificanceofyourexperienceinalarger

contextAconclusionisnotarepeatorsummaryofideasprented

d,itshouldre-affirmthe

validityofyouressay'ansthatyourconclusionshould

widenthelensratherthannarrowthefocus.

Here'sanexampleofapoorconclusion:

Ihopethatthishashelpedyouememoreasanindividual.

als

arealittlefarfrommyreach,hatifIdon'treachmy

destination,everquiteandneverthink

sanddreamsmaybesimilartoothers,buthowIgo

fferencebetweenusallis

whatdeterminesourindividuality.

Thistypeofconclusionreliesonpredictablelanguageaboutgoals

fact,thisconclusioncouldbetackedontotheendofjustaboutany

collegeessay,whichmeansitisnotparticularlysignificanttotheessayto

whichitbelongs.